Lock Stock

And Two Smoking Barrells makes me laugh every time and when Vinnie Jones says at the end of it all "It's been emotional" I can really get that.  This week has been a complete drain.  These past two weeks have possibly altered my life for ever or at least set a course of events in place that will alter my life for ever.

It's probably not too late to go and cry off but - nah - I'm not going to do that now.  I've resolved to tackle this stuff head on from now on and just see where the roller coaster finally takes me.

Way back in 2006 I suggested that I had no idea where I'd end up on this Bladder Cancer Journey and that I probably didn't have much control over it either.  Well that is true and here I am 7 years later and I'm nowhere near where I thought things would be.

It's the first anniversary of my father's death today.  In many ways it doesn't upset me as much as you might imagine it should.  He lived a long life and he looked after mum and my brother and me.  We all die, that's the truth of it and he died and we celebrated his life and mourned his death but he would have hated for us to be sad about it - we all die right?  He didn't want a memorial for people to go visit or talk to - he just wasn't that sort of man.  He was more like me or I was more like him than either of us ever let on :-)  That's our profile.  Of course I miss him and have fond memories but I don't feel the need to build a shrine, display his photo, put flowers down somewhere.  He would never have approved and I like to think it is his wishes I'm following.

For myself - I've had an early Birthday lunch and some cake and some beers and wine (I declared cheat day) and so I'm happy and mellow at the moment.

So glad I'm not where I was yesterday  - how bad was that ? Haven't been that down for years and years.