Koyaanisqatsi and Field of Dreams and that I was a bit of a mess in the last one. It always "gets me" does Field of Dreams. It's a bit like the Shawshank Redemption in many ways and somehow it's like sticking peeled onions under my eyes :-)
It's a year ago since Dad's funeral and I guess that hasn't helped either but both films took on their other meanings tonight which is of hope and so I'm sort of OK that I watched them.
Later today I'm meeting up with my cousin from the US who is over here for a short while. I haven't seen him for about 22 years or so I guess. It will be nice to catch up. My daughter L is running in memory of her granddad in Race For Life at Hyde Park tomorrow.
I thought, as it's the anniversary of Dad's funeral - I'd just replay the words I said that day:
"Good morning and thank you for coming to support us today. We hope that you will also be able to join us afterwards at the Crown Hotel
Before I talk about Dad, both Mum and I wish to take this opportunity to thank T and S for their invaluable support. They've been available at a moments notice around the clock when dad has needed attention at home. They have provided mum with transport to and from the Hospital, which is a long way from the house, over many weeks, and on more times than we would have liked. They've shared some of the most traumatic moments of this past year and have been by mum’s side supporting her during each and every one of them.
T and S - Thank you for being there for mum and for dad. We hope that you can now take a well earned break and not be on edge all the time waiting and wondering what the next phone call will bring.
I know that It goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, that mum, throughout dad’s illness, has been with him every step of this roller coaster journey and she has been at his side throughout and I know that dad appreciated that you were there being a loving and familiar face in scary, unfamiliar and sometimes unpleasant or bewildering surroundings. Thank you for caring for dad the way you have and for being there for him. I know that you would have had it no other way but we thank you nonetheless for that.
So what can we say about Dad? You can't sum a life up in 5 minutes and I don’t intend to do so but perhaps I can just give you a flavour of what he was like and just a few reflections on what life could be like in the "F" household.
Dad was a very private and in some ways enigmatic man, I doubt many of us TRULY knew him fully. He worked hard, he had an encyclopaedic mind and was quick witted. He was a very practical man a shrewd and intelligent business man. He travelled extensively throughout the Middle East and the rest of the world and was lucky to escape from the Lebanon when the crisis kicked off there back in the late 70s and early 80s.
Dad loved gardening as T and I can testify having been “encouraged” to help turn over and then double dig the clay sodden ground of the appropriately named Claywood Close, in Orpington when we moved there from London in 1967. It was there that T and I hit, with a resounding and echoing thud, what we thought - with our over active young minds - must and could only have been a second world war bomb buried in the mud and it was dad who carefully checked and found it to be the submerged trunk of a large tree ploughed into the ground by the builders.
We also spent many days creosoting the enormous fence around the garden for pocket money something that would have Health and Safety people going bonkers today. There was no minimum wage in 1967 but knowing mum and dad we probably got paid over the odds and it supplemented our pocket money very nicely indeed.
Once finished, Claywood Close was an amazing riot of colour and had a huge vegetable plot and mum and dad produced one of many amazing gardens there and in fact all their subsequent houses. It was one of dad’s great joys and the floral arrangement on his coffin reflects his great love of flowers and of their wonderful colours. He knew all the Latin names of the flowers, shrubs and trees and where they’d thrive best and his vegetables were amazing, it was like having your own Geoff Hamilton or Alan Titchmarsh in the house.
T and I probably didn’t get the health benefits of all those home grown vegetables. Back then T and I thought a packet of Rowntrees fruit pastilles would deliver your 5 a day and we probably still think that today.
Dad was a great lover of music and we have tried to reflect some of that today but with such varied artists as Queen (one of his favourites), the Rolling Stones, Status Quo, Country and Western and Traditional Jazz in dad’s collection to choose from it proved difficult. We hope you enjoy the choices and that he would to. I was going to explain, but you can ask us later, why we had the Acker Bilk songs.
The house was a happy musical place, although I’m not sure that all of T’s and my music choices were always fully appreciated. If the music got too loud and we didn’t turn it down when asked, dad would pull the fuse out and all the power would go off to our bedrooms rendering our record players useless.
Together with my Trumpet, dad’s and my electric guitars, T’s drum kit and dad’s keyboard we must have been great neighbours to live next door to when we got together to make music (well we called it music).
It’s not a widely known fact but my dad was the greatest cricketer in the world, he was also the best footballer, the fastest runner and the best table tennis player or at least he was in our back garden. To us he was Freddie Truman, Brian Close, Bobby Moore, Bobby Charlton and Gordon Banks all rolled into one and as every child knows, their dad is a superhero, indestructible and totally brilliant at absolutely everything.
We learnt how to trap and strike a football, how to bowl an off break, why you polished the cricket ball on one side, how to play a forward defensive stroke, bowl a googly or thrash a loose ball to the boundary. He was a demon at Table Tennis too and had a table tennis trophy to prove it. He even built us a table tennis table which saw plenty of action.
He played a mean game of cards and a shrewd hand of dominos too and like his dad, my granddad, he wasn’t averse to dropping a biffer in every now and then, you have to watch out for those "F's" I can tell you!
Not only in the field of sports was he proficient he also taught us woodwork, how to saw straight “let the tool do the work” he would say, how to hang wallpaper, paint, lay bricks, plaster, and he taught us electrics and plumbing too.
Dad loved doing crosswords; he enjoyed Science Fiction books and got great pleasure from modern technology and what science could now do. Often he would reflect on how things he had read about as a young man had come true especially Rockets and landing men on the moon, computers, mobile phones, medical advances and the like. Dad was always well read and could talk to you on almost any subject you wanted to bring up.
Dad had a keen and shall we say “well developed” sense of humour. We call it the "F" sense of humour, it can be pretty dark, it can be downright stupid and it can be witheringly funny too. Even just a few weeks ago, when a nurse asked if she could take his blood pressure he said, as long as you bring it back again afterwards! His sense of humour and stoicism and dare I say bravery saw him through these past difficult months. He battled on and whilst there were some pretty bad days he kept courteous and polite and he tried to bring his humour to bear throughout.
Always the joker, on one occasion he kept other patients amused by holding up two urinal bottles to either side of his head looking like an over sized Shrek character. His final admission to hospital was due to a fall and even that became known as Dad’s “Del boy moment” as he crashed through the door of the bathroom. He managed a wry smile when we told him that one.
Dad adored the humour and sometimes silliness of films and shows like Airplane, Only Fools and Horses and Dad’s Army as well as comedians like Tommy Cooper, Eric Sykes, the Two Ronnies, and of course Morecambe and Wise. We’d be watching these with him rolling around with laughter and it was even funnier if mum didn’t get the joke or see the funny side as that would make us laugh even harder. It’s fair to say that we had lots of fun growing up with mum and dad.
It could only be him who on one occasion sent his sons off to the playing fields looking for Sheep’s feathers. It kept us happy for hours and hours until we finally twigged what was going on.
As I said earlier, Dad enjoyed Cross words and puzzles of all kinds – he could normally complete the Telegraph crossword in around 10 minutes – it would take me that long to get just one answer – in fact it still does. He was brilliant at doing things on Countdown and programmes like University Challenge.
He used to ‘wind up’ some of our fellow commuters on the train. Sometimes, when the crossword was particularly difficult, he would make a large gesture of folding his newspaper early on in the journey and looking at the city gents struggling to fill in theirs, he would sit back and say “that was an easy one this morning” and smile.
He was a bit of a rascal too as he would get us to arrive early at the station and he would sit in someone’s regular seat. They’d spend the journey up to London rattling their newspapers at him or mumbling things like “I say Gerald, isn't that chap in your seat?” T and I had difficulty keeping a straight face on these occasions and would set each other off trying not to laugh.
On other occasions he would throw his voice and make cat meowing noises whilst people would be looking around searching for the poor non existent creature.
Dad used to drive mum to distraction sometimes with his japes getting an “Ern, get away with you!” or something like that. Life was never dull in the "F" household. He’d drive the car on the white line of the road when there were no other cars around to get mum to tell him to “Ern, get off the cats eyes”. He’d carry on doing it to see just how far he’d get before getting a bash on his arm. T and I would be scorned not to encourage him but that was part of the fun of going out on an expedition in the car and dad was always up for a laugh.
Dad was a man of promptness and celerity he would hate to be late and by now he’d be looking at his watch, shuffling his feet, lifting his eyebrows and rolling his eyes at me for making a long speech and he’d be horrified that I was saying nice things about him so I’ll end with this.
We remember Ernie, our dad, with a great deal of affection and with enormous pride. We are very fortunate that he and mum were together for 56 years and we are grateful for their love and the solid family home and foundation they built for us. He was a great dad, a fabulous granddad, a funny and a generous man and above all he was a really nice bloke and we will miss him dearly.
“So Long Dad”
Be good
Oh yes - And if you can’t be good, be careful."
Nuff said
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