It's been a bad week all in all. I'm better than I was this time last week and the disturbed nights are lessening as the temperature cools down now. It's been very warm and so sleeping is difficult to say the least.
Up again early this morning and whilst I still have the thoughts on and off, I recognise what they are and control them. It is destructive though and takes work to understand what is happening and then do something about it.
I spoke to my financial guy and all is well really - I can't complain and if I did, no one would listen LOL. But we did speak about coming to terms with retirement and that is indeed difficult, at least for me. When your purpose has been about doing things for other people most of your life taking time for yourself becomes difficult and so a new way of living needs to be examined and it doesn't happen overnight - I just hadn't planned it and of course, for someone who has always planned it came as a shock. I didn't realise that I'd be retired (even though drawing a pension etc) until a month or two back when I took the decision to shut down the business. In many ways, it wasn't a slow process to do. No sales = no business = shut it down. There's no bills to pay (ish) and you just wrap it up, job done. In the next few weeks the paperwork will go in and that's kind of that. I'll then just grab the files stick them in a box and write a do not destroy until (7 years later) and move on.
It was the sudden shift from doing what I've always done to doing nothing that was the jolt. At least I know what it is and can move on from there.
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