I am having a hard time of it at the moment. The retirement conundrum is there and the general life, the universe and all that too. Suddenly there's no purpose, no easy way out of a trap I suppose, or that's what it feels like.
The stuff that defined me has gone and I wasn't expecting this void and this confusion. It's not the same as the dark days of last year but it is a constant challenge and it comes and goes and fights logic, what I know, what I care about and so on. There's a fight between wanting to be busy and doing things (not easy in this mini heat wave) and just doing nothing.
I am working my way through it but it isn't easy. The heat does not help - I have the fans but they aren't doing much other than blowing the air around of course. It would be nice to have air con but where to put it is an issue.
I need to work my way through this phase as it is making me very uneasy and going to see my mum last week was both nice - good to see her - but also upsetting as she is getting old and frail which is upsetting.
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