I hate these visitations they are "all in your head" or so they say and that's true and I know it to be so and I can normally deal with it and it goes away and yet, you forget that. Forget that you've been through all of this before, realise that it can be worked away from and yet right now, it feels hopeless and it's as if there is no way out of this malaise.
Don't feed the dog ought to be a note on my desk. I've sunk down to that area where I don't want to go out or do anything but by not doing anythings, there's the empty space for the Dog to get in, settle down and stir up thoughts that I'd rather not have. I can feel the mental and physical anxiety spreading, I'm not sleeping properly and drinking has become a habit that I need to tackle as well.
Shortly, after a few meetings I can go see my mum and that will cheer us both up. I need a break but I'm too lazy (not the correct word) to do anything about it. It's been three years since the last holiday and I really didn't enjoy that if I think about it. Or maybe that's just me being in my dark space.
I've turned into my father who was prone to these dark moods. I am swinging in and out of being really sad and morbid and just being accepting of it but not anywhere near my normal self.
I've got my note book to hand and so I need to get this darkness out of my current mindset, get rid of the dog and move on - it is so much easier to say than to do.
No comments:
Post a Comment