Monday, January 08, 2007
Motivation
Or lack of it more like it. I've made a couple of phone calls and sorted my e-mail, started a couple of documents and I just don't feel like doing anything right now. I've stuck on the radio and really cannot get myself motivated to do anything at all right now. If I could get up the enthusiasm I'd try to achieve a good level of apathy but I just can't manage even that today!
Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory
I have no doubt that there will be some repercussions in the coming weeks and months at work but I can imagine the dilemma facing everyone when you actually need sales and yet it is that part of the organisation that is not performing.
With one exception I've always felt that they looked at me as if I was from Mars when I spoke to them and it is one of those things as you get older. You have years of experience (that is what you are employed to bring to the job) and half the time people thing you are a raving loony or don't know what you are talking about. Which in fact brings to mind one of my favourite sayings which I have used in anger many, many times:
"Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?" It normally stops them in their tracks. I suppose it is politically incorrect these days to bring someone's defects into sharp focus like that. I'd better watch my step in case they fire me.
With one exception I've always felt that they looked at me as if I was from Mars when I spoke to them and it is one of those things as you get older. You have years of experience (that is what you are employed to bring to the job) and half the time people thing you are a raving loony or don't know what you are talking about. Which in fact brings to mind one of my favourite sayings which I have used in anger many, many times:
"Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?" It normally stops them in their tracks. I suppose it is politically incorrect these days to bring someone's defects into sharp focus like that. I'd better watch my step in case they fire me.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
A New Beginning
Sounds like Star Wars doesn't it?
I was thinking that this potential redundancy may actually be a bit of a Godsend really. Don't get me wrong I actually love my job and I'm going to be pretty upset to go but I have to accept that - this is the way it is. There are the rest of the employees to consider after all said and done too.
Anyway, I was thinking, this gives me the opportunity to do something different - NO not working at B&Q - I reckon Joe Public and I would be having too many rows :-) Perhaps being able to do some part time work. Someone mentioned that I should perhaps lecture on Project Management at the local college? That sounds interesting. Or perhaps I could put my hand to something else.
Going back to contracting again isn't so bad as I'd be able to work flexibly again.
I was thinking that this potential redundancy may actually be a bit of a Godsend really. Don't get me wrong I actually love my job and I'm going to be pretty upset to go but I have to accept that - this is the way it is. There are the rest of the employees to consider after all said and done too.
Anyway, I was thinking, this gives me the opportunity to do something different - NO not working at B&Q - I reckon Joe Public and I would be having too many rows :-) Perhaps being able to do some part time work. Someone mentioned that I should perhaps lecture on Project Management at the local college? That sounds interesting. Or perhaps I could put my hand to something else.
Going back to contracting again isn't so bad as I'd be able to work flexibly again.
It WAS an interesting night
It was good to meet up and there were some very concerned people and I got a great reception. Even the "I'm not dead yet" Tee shirt went down well. Some missed the point until later.
All in all it was quite a good evening and there were a number of war stories that kind of cheered me up. My friend had a serious Thyroid problem many years ago and he was there right as ninepence and a number of my friend's parents had gone through and survived more serious things. Whilst I'm trying not to play down how serious the cancer I have actually is, I still don't look ill, I don't feel ill and apart from the weight gain and minor discomfort, I really am a lot better than ever I thought I'd be or that anyone expects me to be.
All in all it was quite a good evening and there were a number of war stories that kind of cheered me up. My friend had a serious Thyroid problem many years ago and he was there right as ninepence and a number of my friend's parents had gone through and survived more serious things. Whilst I'm trying not to play down how serious the cancer I have actually is, I still don't look ill, I don't feel ill and apart from the weight gain and minor discomfort, I really am a lot better than ever I thought I'd be or that anyone expects me to be.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Could be an interesting night
A lot of people I haven't seen for a long time - no doubt I'll get the usual batch of questions so as good old Cub Scout I'd better be prepared. At least I'm giving its first outing to the "I'm not dead yet" Tee Shirt - cool - surprised the wife allowed me to wear it really :-)
It is easy to feel the victim
I've been putting together my thoughts on the job I have been doing for my company and the good and bad bits of the job. It has been interesting as I went back and looked at what I was asked to do and despite all the recent problems with my health nearly everything I set out to do in June (1 month before diagnosis) has actually been achieved. I was pleased to see that and I am going to present that to the bosses when I go up and see them.
By reviewing this, reading through all the past stuff, contract of employment and so on, I was able to pick up on some of the original stuff and also to realise that it isn't me not performing that is the issue it is the sales people not delivering their part of the bargain - like some work for my team to deliver!
I don't feel bad about it but I can see why so many people feel that they are victims and get upset - it is just another fact of life and I think I am taking it quite well because once you've been diagnosed with Cancer then frankly there isn't a lot people can do to you to upset you really.
You can probably yell out "Come on - really. Is that ALL you've got?!" Hey, maybe I'll do that next week :-)
By reviewing this, reading through all the past stuff, contract of employment and so on, I was able to pick up on some of the original stuff and also to realise that it isn't me not performing that is the issue it is the sales people not delivering their part of the bargain - like some work for my team to deliver!
I don't feel bad about it but I can see why so many people feel that they are victims and get upset - it is just another fact of life and I think I am taking it quite well because once you've been diagnosed with Cancer then frankly there isn't a lot people can do to you to upset you really.
You can probably yell out "Come on - really. Is that ALL you've got?!" Hey, maybe I'll do that next week :-)
Late One
I finally managed to snooze off at about 3:30 this morning after listening to some music. That meant I didn't get up until about 11:30 this morning and even then only because someone rang me.
I can't even say that I was particularly worried about anything - OK, I have a lot to think about with the Redundancy and awaiting the results of the treatment of course. Nagging at the back of my mind is whether an employer will take someone on with Cancer and whether I have to disclose that - I suppose wait until you get the pre joining questionnaire on that one. If I run my own business again then I'll have to make sure I cover that off myself.
Perhaps they are nagging in the background. I don't feel worried about it at the moment. Annoyed but it was inevitable I think given the poor performance of the sales team in the last quarter.
I can't even say that I was particularly worried about anything - OK, I have a lot to think about with the Redundancy and awaiting the results of the treatment of course. Nagging at the back of my mind is whether an employer will take someone on with Cancer and whether I have to disclose that - I suppose wait until you get the pre joining questionnaire on that one. If I run my own business again then I'll have to make sure I cover that off myself.
Perhaps they are nagging in the background. I don't feel worried about it at the moment. Annoyed but it was inevitable I think given the poor performance of the sales team in the last quarter.
NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH
In case you were wondering what a TURBT operation looks like here are links to the AOL Health Web Site and two versions of the operation in High and Low Resolution.
You have been warned......
Web Site
High Resolutions Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Low Resolution Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Strangely I can actually look at these - anything else and I'd probably pass out - I have no idea why - I suppose because this was done to me so it is alright? Weird..
You have been warned......
Web Site
High Resolutions Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Low Resolution Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Strangely I can actually look at these - anything else and I'd probably pass out - I have no idea why - I suppose because this was done to me so it is alright? Weird..
Funny Possibly
Well I thought this was quite funny - it is a video clip about some men in the bathroom - multitasking!
Enjoy click HERE
Enjoy click HERE
Where is the on/off switch?
Again, up in the early hours. It is nothing major I'm thinking about. A couple of flash forwards to March when I have the next Op. Some thoughts about what I'm going to say to my bosses when I see them next week and get my marching orders and that is about it. When I do sleep, I sleep for ages and as soundly as you like. But it is getting to sleep that is the worry. I'm not having coffee or anything late into the night although I used to be able to and still sleep. No alcohol and no other stimulant I can thing of.
I suppose it is a phase and with a bit of luck I'll get through this and end up with some other problem! However, a design with an on/off switch would be appreciated.
I suppose it is a phase and with a bit of luck I'll get through this and end up with some other problem! However, a design with an on/off switch would be appreciated.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Productivity or distinct lack of it
Well - what did you expect telling me that I was "at risk" and being considered for redundancy.
I can't say that I've done anything constructive for work today apart from talk to some of my staff about their jobs which are thankfully safe. Me? I can work anywhere but I was so emotionally involved in the company's product and the people. Oh well, as I have learnt recently there is far more to life than this and it is just one of those things.
So I'm looking out for the high salaried, playboy job - you know looking after someone's yacht and going to every Grand Prix of the season etc. Somewhere there must be a job like that. If not I'd be rubbish at modeling tee shirts!
I can't say that I've done anything constructive for work today apart from talk to some of my staff about their jobs which are thankfully safe. Me? I can work anywhere but I was so emotionally involved in the company's product and the people. Oh well, as I have learnt recently there is far more to life than this and it is just one of those things.
So I'm looking out for the high salaried, playboy job - you know looking after someone's yacht and going to every Grand Prix of the season etc. Somewhere there must be a job like that. If not I'd be rubbish at modeling tee shirts!
Another Day - another opportunity
Finally got to sleep about 3 and up at 9 so not too bad, had a walk feeling clear headed and have drafted my new CV and sent that out. I'll change around all my profile information on all my web sites and then set up the alerts so that those who know will know and I can start looking for jobs again.
I can't say that I was surprised really I wondered where the money was going to come from as early as November last year. Quantity over quality and a poor sales performance were bound to affect us further down the food chain. They'll have all found out now who is affected by the changes, I doubt it has gone down well they are a small family company in the middle of nowhere and I doubt it is easy to find work if they are let go from the business.
Anyway, it is an opportunity rather than a threat and it allows me to go back to running my own business again. At least that way I'm in charge. I've not sacked myself once in my tenure as MD :-) Perhaps I ought to - go on, I can take it :-)
I can't say that I was surprised really I wondered where the money was going to come from as early as November last year. Quantity over quality and a poor sales performance were bound to affect us further down the food chain. They'll have all found out now who is affected by the changes, I doubt it has gone down well they are a small family company in the middle of nowhere and I doubt it is easy to find work if they are let go from the business.
Anyway, it is an opportunity rather than a threat and it allows me to go back to running my own business again. At least that way I'm in charge. I've not sacked myself once in my tenure as MD :-) Perhaps I ought to - go on, I can take it :-)
Here we are again
Not that at this time of night I can actually do much about the situation or indeed worry about it too much. I have an interesting list of phone calls and things to do later today and I should get to bed so as to be fresh to do them in the morning but I can't be bothered at the moment. I'm old enough and experienced enough not to be too upset by all this sort of stuff, nor to overreact but it just goes to show, despite having expected this may happen given the loss of business just before Christmas it still comes as a blow.
I wonder what my team will make of it - they'll all find out tomorrow - it should make for an interesting afternoon.
I wonder what my team will make of it - they'll all find out tomorrow - it should make for an interesting afternoon.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Sod It
Here we go again - sort out the CV, re-launch the company and the web site and get ready for the interviews, and the type of work (contract or permanent). Bugger, just as I was getting stuck into this job too. Mind you, if they can't get the work then it's no use hanging around. Then sort out the pensions (I have only just spent the last 4 months consolidating those!)
Oh well, I suppose it still isn't as bad as 2006 yet :-) I suggest you do not ask me to select your lottery numbers this year!
Oh well, I suppose it still isn't as bad as 2006 yet :-) I suggest you do not ask me to select your lottery numbers this year!
Happy 2007 You Are Redundant
Nice! Welcome to 2007 and I'm back on the heap. At least I haven't got Cancer! Oh bugger....
Actually - not unexpected as there was no way they could continue to hemorrhage money and lose work the way they were going and despite the fact I bring some stability to the role, I'd have had to come to the same conclusion sooner or later. Bloody shame - great company though.
Actually - not unexpected as there was no way they could continue to hemorrhage money and lose work the way they were going and despite the fact I bring some stability to the role, I'd have had to come to the same conclusion sooner or later. Bloody shame - great company though.
Tee Shirt arrived
My "I'm not dead yet" Tee Shirt has arrived this morning - brilliant. No one would buy it for me for Christmas so I bought it myself. It was pretty impressive as I bought it online yesterday and it arrived this morning.
For anyone who isn't sure - the "I'm not dead yet" bit comes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where people are being encouraged to "Bring out your dead" and someone gets thrown on the cart who isn't yet dead.
I feel like adapting the Tee Shirt to my own ends and for it to be worn at appropriate times and occasions!
For anyone who isn't sure - the "I'm not dead yet" bit comes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where people are being encouraged to "Bring out your dead" and someone gets thrown on the cart who isn't yet dead.
I feel like adapting the Tee Shirt to my own ends and for it to be worn at appropriate times and occasions!
Yesterday - a Screwy Day
You get days like that, it wasn't much different to any other day albeit that I learnt a friend had Lung Cancer and was under treatment for that. my brain just went into overdrive and as I was sat at the PC it was as easy to write it down no matter whether it made sense or not.
I hope today is going to be a lot less active than yesterday.
I hope today is going to be a lot less active than yesterday.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Yuk
I hate the way my brain works sometimes. It can bang on being "holier than though" it can be full of remorse, it can "not give a hoot" and it can tear you apart.
Bloody thing, I wish it would leave me alone sometimes, I could get on and watch EastEnders or Holly oaks then and understand them :-) Nah! What am I saying - I'd need 99% of my grey cells destroyed to understand those!
Watch out for your brain, it gives you no peace. It creeps up on you and tells you things are wrong when they aren't, it frightens you, it misinforms you and it scares you. Last night it was telling me that I probably had Bowel Cancer - today it told me it may have got that wrong. Trouble is I lost a lot of sleep worrying about something I know I don't have, nor do I have the symptoms of. Just what is the brain there to do? It doesn't comfort you or help you out much it sticks objects in your way and gives you complicated statistics to figure out or runs you through horrible life and death scenarios. Is it really meant to be doing that? Is it my brain or did someone implant it when I was in Hospital to constantly upset me, piss me off, challenge my feelings and paint the worst picture available?
I feel I'm fighting my brain more than I'm fighting the disease.
Bloody thing, I wish it would leave me alone sometimes, I could get on and watch EastEnders or Holly oaks then and understand them :-) Nah! What am I saying - I'd need 99% of my grey cells destroyed to understand those!
Watch out for your brain, it gives you no peace. It creeps up on you and tells you things are wrong when they aren't, it frightens you, it misinforms you and it scares you. Last night it was telling me that I probably had Bowel Cancer - today it told me it may have got that wrong. Trouble is I lost a lot of sleep worrying about something I know I don't have, nor do I have the symptoms of. Just what is the brain there to do? It doesn't comfort you or help you out much it sticks objects in your way and gives you complicated statistics to figure out or runs you through horrible life and death scenarios. Is it really meant to be doing that? Is it my brain or did someone implant it when I was in Hospital to constantly upset me, piss me off, challenge my feelings and paint the worst picture available?
I feel I'm fighting my brain more than I'm fighting the disease.
A Good Night Out
An early 2007 night out for some traditional Jazz. It isn't 'great' music but it is honest and down to earth stuff, good beer at reasonable prices, people who laugh at my jokes and asides (priceless) and just a good night out, no telly, no "reality sh1t" just some good musicians bashing out some songs and good company. It always seems a shame to me that people practice long and hard to be musicians and play wonderfully to unappreciative audiences.
Sometimes it is the very simple straightforward pleasures that are the best as well as those "spur of the moment" things and decisions. Long may spontenaiety continue.
It was good to be invited and to be reminded it was on; also so nice to meet some friends there both old and new.
Sometimes it is the very simple straightforward pleasures that are the best as well as those "spur of the moment" things and decisions. Long may spontenaiety continue.
It was good to be invited and to be reminded it was on; also so nice to meet some friends there both old and new.
Friends - An Amusing Christmas Present
A lot of people probably find it difficult to laugh at or with Cancer and also not everyone is exactly certain what to say to you. However your close friends know and so I was really delighted and had a good laugh when I opened a pressie on Christmas day it was a book:
"Taking The Piss - A Potted History of Pee" By Adam Hart-Davis and Emily Troscianko. I am just reading through the various chapters and it has some really interesting bits all about pee.
Well, you have to laugh - no really you do :-)
"Taking The Piss - A Potted History of Pee" By Adam Hart-Davis and Emily Troscianko. I am just reading through the various chapters and it has some really interesting bits all about pee.
Well, you have to laugh - no really you do :-)
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