What are the side effects sypmtoms etc

I still feel a little sore around my stomach area and I am adding to that by doing more exercises and stretching and getting back in to shape. It isn't painful, just there in the background. I don't appear to be going to the toilet anymore than usual at night now nor do I have the sudden need to rush to the loo like I did when I had the BCG treatment - all that has settled back to normal. The anxiety of going to the loo has passed and yet I always look and check for blood even now.

I feel better than I have felt for a number of years. The trouble, if there is any, at the moment is a sort of hypochondria. By that I mean there is an anxiety about anything that may be wrong with me. So an ache or a slight cough or anything like that becomes high anxiety stuff. I can give myself sleepless nights thinking about surviving one and getting "done" by another form of cancer. Morbid, probably unrealistic but you tend to think like that.

Other mental stuff is I am more extrovert than I have ever been and I have got past worrying too much about what people think about me although I can sometimes regret being so "overpowering" in a conversation. I am trying to stop that and I am trying to stop being "me, me, me" although that is difficult because it is all about me after all and if you have had cancer you'll probably understand that and if you haven't you have to forgive that sort of behaviour. It is not bragging rights it is more that you go through some "interesting" stuff which is quite challenging and I think you need to share the load or get it off your chest or something.

Right - anything else? If you change your lifestyle then you'll notice other changes which are dramatic to start with and then routine afterwards. Increasing my fruit and fibre intake has had an interesting effect but settled down now and I'm feeling better for that as well.

The black moods and massive mood swings are far less these days and I feel that the outlook is good. I still occasionally get very choked up when I see certain things on the TV, things that wouldn't normally make me cry or get a lump in my throat tend to now. I guess it is some sort of empathy with their suffering that I am feeling. I certainly wouldn't wish what I have had on anyone else no matter who they were as it is a combination of mental anguish and physical hurt. On reflection it may be character building and interspersed with some humourous moments but that is far from the truth in reality. The treatments are not optional, you can't chose not to have one of them etc.

I'm in between treatment and the next visit to Hospital in March - nothing is really happening that I can feel or see and the body is fighting its own battle in my bladder to see off the Cancer that remains in there. I can't tell or feel what is going on but that doesn't mean nothing is happening I guess. So I feel and look as healthy as I have done and the only thing now is to wait and that is its own problem as you just don't know how well you've done until a couple of weeks after the operation although (I believe) the Surgeon can give you some idea as there is a change in colour/texture that is sort of an indication.

So all is OK at the moment - almost a normal life now and interestingly enough I am getting more active than I have been for a good few years. My attitude to life (the universe and all that) has also changed I think for the better but I still don't suffer fools gladly.