It's the Anniversary of my getting the symptoms of Bladder Cancer. I recall it well as it was England on playing in the World Cup - that year they probably did slightly better than this :-)
After a 4 1/2 hour drive I checked in to my Hotel, went to the toilet to be greeted by a stream of claret coloured urine. It didn't stop doing that until the 24th July when I had my operation....
It still sends a shudder through me thinking about it. Gee though I get cranky around this time of year. But in many ways I should celebrate as it was around this time of year last year that it all started to become clear to me what needed to be done and finally I'm out of the rut I was in and I'm in a great place at the moment. I can see my future (well not really) but I'm positive about my future is probably a better way to say it. I'm really happy and positive about things. P and I are getting along wonderfully and that's great - I'm so pleased about that. I'm not sure quite what to do about introducing her to the girls - it's very difficult I suppose.
I am seeing Mrs. F. tomorrow evening to discuss the way forward. I'm in no rush to push her into anything - it's not my way and it appears that L now has a local job (that did surprise me - I thought she would have stayed in Cambridge). That will mean she will stay at the house I guess. That means that they will need the place for the moment and I suppose I will have to wait a little longer for the settlement to materialise. I think I can handle that but of course it is burning a hole in both our monies with me living in rented accommodation.
SO here I am - 8 years on from the huge trauma of Bladder Cancer. I'm still here - HURRAH! I'm healthy - YIPPEE! I'm happy, I'm free, I'm excited, I'm empty of all that angst and baggage, I'm crazy about P, I have a new business to launch and everything is looking good.
I look back and see how much my life has changed and in a few ways I'm sad about the outcome of my marriage but I knew that was rocky even then. I can't fault Mrs. F. standing by me though, she was a rock bless her but it's time to move on for me and I really hope that she finds someone for herself that means as much to her as P does to me.
Talking of P that's 12 weeks this Thursday - time has flown and it feels a long and a short time all at once! I wonder what will happen in 1 or even 8 years from now? This certainly isn't quite what I felt it would be but there you go - it's just the way it is people come into and out of your life for a reason I guess.
Wednesday, July 02, 2014
Friday, June 27, 2014
Where did the time go?
Yikes, where has the last few weeks gone? OK we had the housewarming party, I've been to Northampton and back and suddenly what - it's almost the end of June.
I can't tell you where time has gone but I'm seriously blown off track at the moment but feel that things are coming back on an even keel at last. It's one of those amazing times we get in our lives where events take us way off of our "planned" course and your life changes forever. It was actually a year ago that my life really started to change and it's just bizarre that here I am blinking and wondering what on earth just happened :-) Crazy!
I need to speak to Mrs. F. soon to see what we can do to move things forward. The biggest issue I suppose is what to do about the house and stuff. It's all a little strange as I will have to work out lots of other things - like where to live and so on. It's just the way my crazy world is these days.
I can't tell you where time has gone but I'm seriously blown off track at the moment but feel that things are coming back on an even keel at last. It's one of those amazing times we get in our lives where events take us way off of our "planned" course and your life changes forever. It was actually a year ago that my life really started to change and it's just bizarre that here I am blinking and wondering what on earth just happened :-) Crazy!
I need to speak to Mrs. F. soon to see what we can do to move things forward. The biggest issue I suppose is what to do about the house and stuff. It's all a little strange as I will have to work out lots of other things - like where to live and so on. It's just the way my crazy world is these days.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Interesting Times
"How fortunate we are to live in such interesting times" was one of our sayings when we were at work. It holds true today. Life IS very interesting at the moment, very interesting indeed and I'm having quite a bit of difficulty adapting to it. Things are very different indeed from any past experiences I have had and so a lot of it is new to me. I hate being an INTJ sometimes because I just can't stop analysing and also stuff that isn't "Logical" really confuses the hell out of me and of course, there's a lot of that in relationships - stuff that isn't logical that is. It completely throws me out of equilibrium.
So I'm having to learn a lot of this stuff as we go on and that is proving interesting but not quite as much fun. Anyway, it will just have to be what it will be - I'm getting there gradually.
I like the fact that I hardly think about Bladder Cancer anymore or anything else around my health either.
Interesting times? You bet!
So I'm having to learn a lot of this stuff as we go on and that is proving interesting but not quite as much fun. Anyway, it will just have to be what it will be - I'm getting there gradually.
I like the fact that I hardly think about Bladder Cancer anymore or anything else around my health either.
Interesting times? You bet!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
It's Serious Then?
Given how I'm feeling at the moment with P away at the Isle of Wight Festival, I've got to say that things are pretty serious! I wasn't expecting to feel quite like this at all but hey, the new me is saying go with it, run with it and see where it takes you.
I still find it quite hard to believe that it's only 7 weeks and 3 days (roughly). There's something quite strange and surreal about this past week. It is very strange indeed. I feel great and yesterday the number of people who came up to me and said that I was looking great these days was more than a dozen. It's nice to hear as I looked back at my Passport photo and of course I wasn't well when that was done - about 18 months after diagnosis, I look grey and drawn and with huge circles under my eyes. What a difference. I am pretty glad about that.
I saw my friend who had hi Bladder removed yesterday and I hadn't seen him since he had the surgery so it was good to catch up and hear his story. Apparently it was a missed appointment and they may have been able to sort him out if it hadn't got aggressive and gone into the muscle. He seems fine about it, has lost some weight (a bonus he says) and he has moved down to the coast which is nice I think.
I've been working on how things progress from here going forward. I really hadn't planned to be quite so involved as I am. I thought that we might be friends going to gigs together but we are light years beyond that. I think it is funny as we keep looking at each other and smiling and wondering "how did we get here?" It doesn't really matter at all, I'm happy and so is P and that's great.
I still find it quite hard to believe that it's only 7 weeks and 3 days (roughly). There's something quite strange and surreal about this past week. It is very strange indeed. I feel great and yesterday the number of people who came up to me and said that I was looking great these days was more than a dozen. It's nice to hear as I looked back at my Passport photo and of course I wasn't well when that was done - about 18 months after diagnosis, I look grey and drawn and with huge circles under my eyes. What a difference. I am pretty glad about that.
I saw my friend who had hi Bladder removed yesterday and I hadn't seen him since he had the surgery so it was good to catch up and hear his story. Apparently it was a missed appointment and they may have been able to sort him out if it hadn't got aggressive and gone into the muscle. He seems fine about it, has lost some weight (a bonus he says) and he has moved down to the coast which is nice I think.
I've been working on how things progress from here going forward. I really hadn't planned to be quite so involved as I am. I thought that we might be friends going to gigs together but we are light years beyond that. I think it is funny as we keep looking at each other and smiling and wondering "how did we get here?" It doesn't really matter at all, I'm happy and so is P and that's great.
Friday, June 13, 2014
The Business Of Getting On With Business
It is a business getting on with business. I need to launch and yet it's the usual decision - when is the right time as so many things are going on in my life at the moment. We have the house warming party in a week and I'm out for a few days. I need to talk to P to make sure she is now independent enough to do without me for a short while. We have discussed that she might help me drive some business in which would be great.
We are talking about taking a little time off and just going away for a few days and getting to know each other dropping the business and personal problems to one side and just having a break. I hope we can do that.
At the moment everything is ready to go so I just need to start driving the message home and getting people interested in what I do and then for them to spend some money with me.
I want to start to get into some sort of regular business hours as well as getting some order back into my life :-) Food, exercise and work all need to come together in one homogenous way. Well that's my plan and as we've seen the last 7 weeks have been absolutely full on what with P and my Mum and now the web site is up and running I'm just waiting to "flip the switch" and that just needs a chat with P and for the two of us to be happy about that.
We are talking about taking a little time off and just going away for a few days and getting to know each other dropping the business and personal problems to one side and just having a break. I hope we can do that.
At the moment everything is ready to go so I just need to start driving the message home and getting people interested in what I do and then for them to spend some money with me.
I want to start to get into some sort of regular business hours as well as getting some order back into my life :-) Food, exercise and work all need to come together in one homogenous way. Well that's my plan and as we've seen the last 7 weeks have been absolutely full on what with P and my Mum and now the web site is up and running I'm just waiting to "flip the switch" and that just needs a chat with P and for the two of us to be happy about that.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Getting On With Things
Has it really been 7 weeks today since I met P? Yes it has it feels like no time and a long time all at once. That's love for you I guess?
All is wonderful and things are fine. P has decided to go to the Isle Of Wight Festival after all which is great it is going to be a beautiful weekend and she needs a break and to get away and come back refreshed. I'm a little jealous actually as I'd love to have gone but I have two meetings one tomorrow in London, a Black Tie do and then a Lodge meeting on Saturday. It will be a shame that P won't be here on the Saturday night but I'll see her soon enough on the Sunday. It's beginning now to get hard to be apart which brings its own pressures of course.
The main thing is to get some things sorted next week. We are having a sort of house warming party on the 21st June which will be nice - so many people have asked to see the house. After that I want to knuckle down and get the business rolling. It's sat here long enough now.
All is wonderful and things are fine. P has decided to go to the Isle Of Wight Festival after all which is great it is going to be a beautiful weekend and she needs a break and to get away and come back refreshed. I'm a little jealous actually as I'd love to have gone but I have two meetings one tomorrow in London, a Black Tie do and then a Lodge meeting on Saturday. It will be a shame that P won't be here on the Saturday night but I'll see her soon enough on the Sunday. It's beginning now to get hard to be apart which brings its own pressures of course.
The main thing is to get some things sorted next week. We are having a sort of house warming party on the 21st June which will be nice - so many people have asked to see the house. After that I want to knuckle down and get the business rolling. It's sat here long enough now.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Living with Depression
Once you've been there you can emphasise with those who are depressed or stuck in a rut. Part of the rut I had (I know this isn't everyone's experience) was that I knew, knew for years, what I had to do. I knew the answer to get me out of my malaise. It was and is now blindingly obvious. Nevertheless we don't take the Occam's Razor we procrastinate and try and work around what is the obvious (and possibly only) answer. That's how we dig ourselves into a rut or paint ourselves into a corner.
I like the phrase that we "stare so hard at the closed door that we miss the open one behind us" I'm helping a good friend and it's exactly that. To me it is "obvious" what to do but I'm on the outside looking in and I also know that it isn't my decision, they have to come to the answer on their own, all I can do is provide balanced (if possible) facts to work on.
I recollect how difficult it was the incredible stress, the chest pains the throat constriction - I could hardly even talk when I finally had to deliver the news. Within moments, it was over, it was SO painful I can't tell you. I'd hurt the person I'd lived with for 32 or more years and had known for 40 years. That was awful BUT - BUT after that I came alive and the pain was gone and the weights that dragged me down were gone, my head emptied and suddenly I was at peace with myself. It was unfortunate that all my pain then descended onto Mrs. F. I felt awful for doing that but then again, I could no longer live the way I was living I had all but come to a standstill and couldn't concentrate. I couldn't go on like that and despite the fact that I had my eyes opened and was by then heavily into A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and I'd met someone who changed my outlook on life and suddenly made me aware of myself, the now and what could be. Even that ending was positive.
So today I can really empathise with the struggle that is going on in my friend's head and despite the fact that I know that once that decision is taken (for I strongly believe that the decision was reached - like me - many years ago) the pain will fall away. I can see now that it is easy for me to say what to do (like many people told me what to do). The bottom line is that only the person whom the problem affects has the right to make that decision and take it for themselves, they have, after all, to be happy they did the right thing.
In the interim it is a series of circular discussions, going over the same ground, the same facts, the same consequences and the same potential outcomes but who knows what the future truly holds? The decision is the the thing that is needed and then executing on that. I am pleased that rather than getting "involved" that I can just act as a sounding board for them.
I hope that they come to a decision quickly for their own health and to free them up.
I like the phrase that we "stare so hard at the closed door that we miss the open one behind us" I'm helping a good friend and it's exactly that. To me it is "obvious" what to do but I'm on the outside looking in and I also know that it isn't my decision, they have to come to the answer on their own, all I can do is provide balanced (if possible) facts to work on.
I recollect how difficult it was the incredible stress, the chest pains the throat constriction - I could hardly even talk when I finally had to deliver the news. Within moments, it was over, it was SO painful I can't tell you. I'd hurt the person I'd lived with for 32 or more years and had known for 40 years. That was awful BUT - BUT after that I came alive and the pain was gone and the weights that dragged me down were gone, my head emptied and suddenly I was at peace with myself. It was unfortunate that all my pain then descended onto Mrs. F. I felt awful for doing that but then again, I could no longer live the way I was living I had all but come to a standstill and couldn't concentrate. I couldn't go on like that and despite the fact that I had my eyes opened and was by then heavily into A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and I'd met someone who changed my outlook on life and suddenly made me aware of myself, the now and what could be. Even that ending was positive.
So today I can really empathise with the struggle that is going on in my friend's head and despite the fact that I know that once that decision is taken (for I strongly believe that the decision was reached - like me - many years ago) the pain will fall away. I can see now that it is easy for me to say what to do (like many people told me what to do). The bottom line is that only the person whom the problem affects has the right to make that decision and take it for themselves, they have, after all, to be happy they did the right thing.
In the interim it is a series of circular discussions, going over the same ground, the same facts, the same consequences and the same potential outcomes but who knows what the future truly holds? The decision is the the thing that is needed and then executing on that. I am pleased that rather than getting "involved" that I can just act as a sounding board for them.
I hope that they come to a decision quickly for their own health and to free them up.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
A Year is a LONG Time
I looked back at my blog from a year ago. It was all in code as I'd met this quite wonderful lady - well I'd actually known her a very long time really and we met up and suddenly everything seemed to click and become clear to me.
I got my self esteem back, I got my self confidence back, I believed I could move on and get out of the rut I was in. It was an awful place and suddenly there was this lovely lady who changed it all for me. I suppose it depends on whether you believe in Karma but she arrived in my life at just the right time and soon afterwards disappeared again. It was a little upsetting of course that it didn't continue but everything happens for a reason. What I saw was a glimpse of how it could be. I saw how things were when I was younger and when everything was exciting and how the journey started out, with high expectations and high ideals and then how it foundered along the way and the crash into depression (Ooops I used the "D" word there - sorry) and self doubt, victim mode and lost - well - me really.
Somehow, unless you've been there and bumped along the bottom for a while you probably don't get what a lonely and miserable place it is. Analysing every little mistake you ever made and trying to comprehend how you got to where you are rather than looking at it to see what you can do from where you are now. Nothing can be undone, unsaid and you can really only operate in the here and the now. The future hasn't happened yet.
I knew that my life would change last June - I had no idea that I'd be separated from my wife, in a house share, and now involved with someone else and just looking forward to a life and some excitement. By that I mean travelling, getting out and actually doing things. P is a dynamo for getting out and doing things. It looks exciting and challenging. It will be what it will be of course and who knows what I'll be writing about next June?
I just know that I'm in such a much better place at the moment. The only thing is that I'm not quite giving it my all - something is nagging me to hold back. It's the 90% thing again - I did this last June (18th/27th) and I can feel myself doing that again now - is it a commitment problem or something deeper - I'm not certain - I'll see how this pans out.
I got my self esteem back, I got my self confidence back, I believed I could move on and get out of the rut I was in. It was an awful place and suddenly there was this lovely lady who changed it all for me. I suppose it depends on whether you believe in Karma but she arrived in my life at just the right time and soon afterwards disappeared again. It was a little upsetting of course that it didn't continue but everything happens for a reason. What I saw was a glimpse of how it could be. I saw how things were when I was younger and when everything was exciting and how the journey started out, with high expectations and high ideals and then how it foundered along the way and the crash into depression (Ooops I used the "D" word there - sorry) and self doubt, victim mode and lost - well - me really.
Somehow, unless you've been there and bumped along the bottom for a while you probably don't get what a lonely and miserable place it is. Analysing every little mistake you ever made and trying to comprehend how you got to where you are rather than looking at it to see what you can do from where you are now. Nothing can be undone, unsaid and you can really only operate in the here and the now. The future hasn't happened yet.
I knew that my life would change last June - I had no idea that I'd be separated from my wife, in a house share, and now involved with someone else and just looking forward to a life and some excitement. By that I mean travelling, getting out and actually doing things. P is a dynamo for getting out and doing things. It looks exciting and challenging. It will be what it will be of course and who knows what I'll be writing about next June?
I just know that I'm in such a much better place at the moment. The only thing is that I'm not quite giving it my all - something is nagging me to hold back. It's the 90% thing again - I did this last June (18th/27th) and I can feel myself doing that again now - is it a commitment problem or something deeper - I'm not certain - I'll see how this pans out.
My Life = Utter Chaos
My life is in total chaos at the moment. The good thing is that I've hardly thought about Bladder Cancer at all in the past 6 weeks. It is amazing I've lost total track of time and it's June already and I ought to have launched the business. I can't believe that my life has blown me quite so far off course. I don't actually mind that too much as the distraction has been quite welcome really although totally unexpected.
I'm surprised how this has happened but then perhaps I shouldn't be. The "new" me is so much nicer than the old me. I'm far more emotional than I used to be as I've said many time in this blog. I don't get all het up these days, I get a little angry still with people but can control that - I'm sure a rising testosterone level may also have something to do with that as well - I have to be on guard as I've noticed that as a change in me. Above all though I'm calm and resigned these days and also keep trying to explain that things that happened in the past remain in the past and have no bearing whatsoever on the present. The future isn't here yet and you can't live in the future either. You have to live in the now - what else can you possibly do.
I like being the new me although I can see the old me trying its hardest to reassert itself. It is one of those things I'm now aware of. It is very difficult to maintain the new me persona but I know one thing, I feel great and I am so much happier with myself these days. I no longer hate myself or beat myself up about things. The past no longer has any bearing on my present like it used to. My dreaming and planning are now very loose and not specific and therefore not likely to result in the huge disappointments I used to suffer when they never came true or fell short of expectations.
I like utter chaos although I'm not sure I'd like to live like that all the time :-)
I'm surprised how this has happened but then perhaps I shouldn't be. The "new" me is so much nicer than the old me. I'm far more emotional than I used to be as I've said many time in this blog. I don't get all het up these days, I get a little angry still with people but can control that - I'm sure a rising testosterone level may also have something to do with that as well - I have to be on guard as I've noticed that as a change in me. Above all though I'm calm and resigned these days and also keep trying to explain that things that happened in the past remain in the past and have no bearing whatsoever on the present. The future isn't here yet and you can't live in the future either. You have to live in the now - what else can you possibly do.
I like being the new me although I can see the old me trying its hardest to reassert itself. It is one of those things I'm now aware of. It is very difficult to maintain the new me persona but I know one thing, I feel great and I am so much happier with myself these days. I no longer hate myself or beat myself up about things. The past no longer has any bearing on my present like it used to. My dreaming and planning are now very loose and not specific and therefore not likely to result in the huge disappointments I used to suffer when they never came true or fell short of expectations.
I like utter chaos although I'm not sure I'd like to live like that all the time :-)
Eastbourne
Not been there for years and years and so when P said let's go (on a Sunday) I was a bit hesitant. The traffic was heavy but not too bad - and we got to East Dean OK in time for lunch - this is the Tiger's Head pub - I'd been there a number of times before - very nice too. Then we headed off to the cliffs.
It was a nice day although I should have worn cotton trousers not black jeans! We decided to flake out on top of the cliffs and enjoy the views and just watch the world go by.
Part of the walk we did is shown below it is a lot steeper than it looks.
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| Tigers Head - East Dean |
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| A Selfie Gone Wrong? P and I on the cliffs at Eastbourne |
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| Cliffs at Eastbourne
It's nice to have got out of the flat for a while and to have walked out and enjoyed the weather which had been predicted to be poor but was delightful although a bit humid.
So glad that I did the walk though and that P and I were able to enjoy each others company.
I'm feeling great at the moment and healthy and about to change my routine. I hope that I can stick to it and fit everything in.
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Thursday, June 05, 2014
Up and Down Day
It was a good day and P met up with us at Shipbourne Farmer's Market. We bought some nice produce and some cheese and olives and baklava. So I managed to cook for P and mum and we had a nice meal out at an old favourite pub of mine from the old days.
P and I were OK today and had a lovely time but she has had to go home tonight. I'm dropping my mum off tomorrow so that my daughter L can take her home which is nice of her - my mum has all sorts of traumas about this and L driving in the dark and goodness knows what else! She's making up disaster after disaster for not going. For me it can't come soon enough - I love my mum but a week and a day of this has been over and above the call of duty - honestly - I nearly lost the plot twice today - it's the insane advice and how to do things I get all the time. I become flabbergasted with it as I'm trying to drive "watch out for that lorry!" "What, that huge great big white thing behind me?" FFS I can see it and I'm not likely to reverse off my drive at high speed into it! I've actually been distracted a couple of times and ended up missing turns and going back around roundabouts and told her to stop it as I don't need the distraction.
I will at least be able to go to P's place and relax a little tomorrow night and spend the weekend with her - that will be nice.
P and I were OK today and had a lovely time but she has had to go home tonight. I'm dropping my mum off tomorrow so that my daughter L can take her home which is nice of her - my mum has all sorts of traumas about this and L driving in the dark and goodness knows what else! She's making up disaster after disaster for not going. For me it can't come soon enough - I love my mum but a week and a day of this has been over and above the call of duty - honestly - I nearly lost the plot twice today - it's the insane advice and how to do things I get all the time. I become flabbergasted with it as I'm trying to drive "watch out for that lorry!" "What, that huge great big white thing behind me?" FFS I can see it and I'm not likely to reverse off my drive at high speed into it! I've actually been distracted a couple of times and ended up missing turns and going back around roundabouts and told her to stop it as I don't need the distraction.
I will at least be able to go to P's place and relax a little tomorrow night and spend the weekend with her - that will be nice.
Wednesday, June 04, 2014
How Strange
Indeed things are strange - communication being one of the strange things at the moment. It's been a bit difficult with my mum here that's for sure. I love her dearly but it's been a week now and it wears a bit thin I'm afraid and I can't always keep myself happy and cheery in the face of a constant bombardment of advice and ideas. It's OK to keep saying OK and Yes but it wears you out entirely and that's the problem - I kind of live my own life and I don't particularly like the "views" my mother has on things. We explored a few today like the number of Rats at anyone time near human beings. There's loads of these stories "ten times more rats than humans!" "You are never more than 4 foot from a rat" were two I pulled out at random from the list of "scare stories" put about by the press.
There are 60 Million people on our small island and the rats would number 600 million if there were ten rats to every human. You'd have thought you'd see one or two of the blighters at least eh? If you aren't more than 4 foot away from one at any one time then come on, you need to be pretty myopic to miss them. Where's the data, where's this stuff come from. So many headlines are utter tosh if you begin to scratch the surface of the arguments. Mum goes off about the number of Peadophiles and Offenders and all that but, in reality, how many are there really? Is there one on every street corner or is it more like there is one in every town. I don't know but it can't be as bad as they picture it in the papers - it just doesn't stack up at all.
My mum has advice of every sort and if I took notice of half of it I'd be down several hundred pounds and have a box full of stuff that I'd never use and don't really need or want.
Added to that Mrs. F. turning up yesterday and it was pretty obvious to P that I wasn't in a great place at all. We've had a few wobbly days because of it - I hope that passes over pretty soon, we did have a long chat about it earlier.
There are 60 Million people on our small island and the rats would number 600 million if there were ten rats to every human. You'd have thought you'd see one or two of the blighters at least eh? If you aren't more than 4 foot away from one at any one time then come on, you need to be pretty myopic to miss them. Where's the data, where's this stuff come from. So many headlines are utter tosh if you begin to scratch the surface of the arguments. Mum goes off about the number of Peadophiles and Offenders and all that but, in reality, how many are there really? Is there one on every street corner or is it more like there is one in every town. I don't know but it can't be as bad as they picture it in the papers - it just doesn't stack up at all.
My mum has advice of every sort and if I took notice of half of it I'd be down several hundred pounds and have a box full of stuff that I'd never use and don't really need or want.
Added to that Mrs. F. turning up yesterday and it was pretty obvious to P that I wasn't in a great place at all. We've had a few wobbly days because of it - I hope that passes over pretty soon, we did have a long chat about it earlier.
Getting Around "that" time of year again
Last year I wondered why I was up and down and sad and confused but, of course, there was also the - shall we call it - affair all happening at the same time. Jeez it all started this time last year and I can't complain really, it changed my life.
Of course the other thing is that it will have been 8 years since symptoms and diagnosis and operation and the beginning of the journey. Eight years!
My friend N and I were both operated on around the same time and so we regularly find ourselves in a strange place in late June and early July. Of course on top of that my father died the day after my mum's and two days before my birthday in early July.
This year is different and also I'm in another strange place with myself and P. It's been 8 weeks (well tomorrow it will have been) and things are going well and progressing nicely. I hope that we will be able to get away for a long weekend just to spend some time on each other not on resolving problems which we've done a fair amount of this past 4 weeks.
I feel better that my mum and Mrs. F. and A all got on well yesterday - I am pleased that Mrs. F. is now talking a lot more and that it was all amicable and that is doubly great.
Of course the other thing is that it will have been 8 years since symptoms and diagnosis and operation and the beginning of the journey. Eight years!
My friend N and I were both operated on around the same time and so we regularly find ourselves in a strange place in late June and early July. Of course on top of that my father died the day after my mum's and two days before my birthday in early July.
This year is different and also I'm in another strange place with myself and P. It's been 8 weeks (well tomorrow it will have been) and things are going well and progressing nicely. I hope that we will be able to get away for a long weekend just to spend some time on each other not on resolving problems which we've done a fair amount of this past 4 weeks.
I feel better that my mum and Mrs. F. and A all got on well yesterday - I am pleased that Mrs. F. is now talking a lot more and that it was all amicable and that is doubly great.
Tuesday, June 03, 2014
Wobbly Day
A really wobbly day today - felt quite sick and not at all me. Realised it was probably because Mrs. F. and A were coming over to take mum out for some tea and cakes. I decided to go shopping to get out of the way so I hoped that would make me feel a little better.
It kind of worked I suppose but it was still a funny old day. I'd had such a fun day with P the day before and suddenly I was all glum and gloomy. Unlike me but I suppose as Mrs. F. was turning up at the house it made me feel that I really didn't want to see her. At least it was nice that my mum got to see A and Mrs. F.
I need to sort out my wobbly days - I haven't had one for a while but seem to get the odd wobble and I really don't need it.
It kind of worked I suppose but it was still a funny old day. I'd had such a fun day with P the day before and suddenly I was all glum and gloomy. Unlike me but I suppose as Mrs. F. was turning up at the house it made me feel that I really didn't want to see her. At least it was nice that my mum got to see A and Mrs. F.
I need to sort out my wobbly days - I haven't had one for a while but seem to get the odd wobble and I really don't need it.
Sunday, June 01, 2014
Mum's Are Funny Aren't They?
My mum has a bit of advice for every situation, she makes me roll up and yesterday was so funny. We were talking about candles and I have some in my room - rather nice ones. "you'll burn the house down!" she said - I told her that they were a romantic addition and they were safe the way I had them set up and that if she'd experienced the house burning down - well she was using them wrong! That got her into fits of laughter in the shop!
The carrying a citronella candle around was a classic. "What? All the time?" How was I to know that I'd happen to go to a venue out of town on that particular day when I got bitten? I was actually going to the centre of town.
So I just laugh and go with it these days and make fun of her when the ideas are so bizarre they need batting into touch!
Nice having mum over to see me and looking forward to a day out with the girls and my mum, nice. S & P I hope will enjoy themselves.
The carrying a citronella candle around was a classic. "What? All the time?" How was I to know that I'd happen to go to a venue out of town on that particular day when I got bitten? I was actually going to the centre of town.
So I just laugh and go with it these days and make fun of her when the ideas are so bizarre they need batting into touch!
Nice having mum over to see me and looking forward to a day out with the girls and my mum, nice. S & P I hope will enjoy themselves.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Headaches and Insect Bites
I guess they are related - the cluster of insect bites on my neck are pretty awesome - now a huge lump on my neck! Mum says I should buy a Citronella Candle but I'm going to look pretty stupid carrying it around on the off chance!
A bit upset as could have gone with P tonight to a festival but as it happens there just wasn't time and not sure mum would truly have been up for it. P sounded happy and chilled which is great. She really needs to get out and enjoy herself.
As for me? I want to kill something :-) lol - no really - I could go and sort out certain people and shake them until they realise the damage they do to other people! I shouldn't, but am, getting annoyed with these sad excuses for humans being just downright nasty. Surely there has to be another way/
It's the Spa Hotel luncheon tomorrow and I'm looking forward to that - taking my mum and S & P along too. I'll have to remain sober as I'm driving but will have beer back here when I return :-)
Can't believe quite how much I miss P. How funny :-)
A bit upset as could have gone with P tonight to a festival but as it happens there just wasn't time and not sure mum would truly have been up for it. P sounded happy and chilled which is great. She really needs to get out and enjoy herself.
As for me? I want to kill something :-) lol - no really - I could go and sort out certain people and shake them until they realise the damage they do to other people! I shouldn't, but am, getting annoyed with these sad excuses for humans being just downright nasty. Surely there has to be another way/
It's the Spa Hotel luncheon tomorrow and I'm looking forward to that - taking my mum and S & P along too. I'll have to remain sober as I'm driving but will have beer back here when I return :-)
Can't believe quite how much I miss P. How funny :-)
Some Critter - Bit Me
I hope it got indigestion. Right at the back of my neck - could even be the cause of the headaches I reckon - really nasty inflamed neck and I've now got some cream on them - they've turned into one large lump on the back of my neck. Not sure if that caused the headache or P's woes did?
P came over tonight and met my mum. I can't stop talking about her and missed her a lot yet it's only been two days for goodness sake. However, we really are close and it's all quite serious. I'll see what mum makes of it tomorrow morning. She likes the house and that's great and she gets on fine with my friends as she is quite funny. Hope she likes P? Strange I need approval. At last P is able to drive her car and it is nice that she can come on over here in her own transport too. I'm so looking forward to spending time with her and getting out and doing things. SO looking forward to getting the nonsense of her situation out of the way and moving on. She was so much like her old self tonight - I was pleased she got on and made some progress.
P came over tonight and met my mum. I can't stop talking about her and missed her a lot yet it's only been two days for goodness sake. However, we really are close and it's all quite serious. I'll see what mum makes of it tomorrow morning. She likes the house and that's great and she gets on fine with my friends as she is quite funny. Hope she likes P? Strange I need approval. At last P is able to drive her car and it is nice that she can come on over here in her own transport too. I'm so looking forward to spending time with her and getting out and doing things. SO looking forward to getting the nonsense of her situation out of the way and moving on. She was so much like her old self tonight - I was pleased she got on and made some progress.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Headache from hell
Two days running now a real thumper of a headache. It's to do with sorting things out with P and her ongoing troubles. It's draining for both of us and I've now taken her back to her flat. I dislike leaving her there it is a pokey place and I just had to drop her off and leave her there after a couple of weeks with me. It's been hectic - a roller coaster ride - but my head is just thumping away trying to get my head around what is going on and trying like mad to be on top of it all and be thinking on my feet all the time.
I'm off very early in the morning to take my daughter to the airport then go on to my mum's stay over there and then bring her back on Friday.
Hopefully we will have a good weekend and week ahead. Hopefully P will also be feeling a bit better.
I'm off very early in the morning to take my daughter to the airport then go on to my mum's stay over there and then bring her back on Friday.
Hopefully we will have a good weekend and week ahead. Hopefully P will also be feeling a bit better.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Saturday - A Day Of Rest. Maybe.
P has been with me here for two weeks - it doesn't seem that long. It's been a very difficult week for both of us. She is having to deal with some pretty unsavoury stuff in her life and I'm helping but it does mean that days can be fraught and upsetting and for the both of us just starting to get to know each other it's a difficult time indeed. If we can get through this and I think we broke the back of it over the week, we can get through anything.
I'm in a really good place at the moment excepting that I've just dropped into my uncomfortable bank balance level where alarm bells are going off. It isn't as bad as I make out - I still have enough money to live on but I now need to boot the business into life and my target date of 1st June is going to be more like the middle of June.
I've got my mum coming down later in the week and that will be great - she will stay for a week and we have the lunch at the Spa Hotel in Tunbridge Wells to look forward to. Nice.
How fast things turn around and how amazing life can be....... It's only been 4 weeks and 2 days as I remind her. How frightening and wonderful all at the same time.
I'm in a really good place at the moment excepting that I've just dropped into my uncomfortable bank balance level where alarm bells are going off. It isn't as bad as I make out - I still have enough money to live on but I now need to boot the business into life and my target date of 1st June is going to be more like the middle of June.
I've got my mum coming down later in the week and that will be great - she will stay for a week and we have the lunch at the Spa Hotel in Tunbridge Wells to look forward to. Nice.
How fast things turn around and how amazing life can be....... It's only been 4 weeks and 2 days as I remind her. How frightening and wonderful all at the same time.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Where did that week go????
It's unbelievable isn't it? My last blog post was a week ago. I got my glasses a week ago and I haven't written since. Astonishing for me to not write anything - I've been low profile here, on Facebook and fallen off the map altogether. It's been a hell of a ride - a nice one but at some point in time I need to focus on getting my business going :-) Actually my mum i down next week for a week so I reckon that it will be just after that if I'm honest.
P and I are going through some of her stuff and doing a sort out. It's been a very hard week for both of us as it's been more business than pleasure. Hopefully that will change shortly and we can move on and have more pleasure than business.
Best not say too much at the moment but I am being pleasantly distracted shall we say :-) I haven't even thought about Bladder Cancer at all this past week.
P and I are going through some of her stuff and doing a sort out. It's been a very hard week for both of us as it's been more business than pleasure. Hopefully that will change shortly and we can move on and have more pleasure than business.
Best not say too much at the moment but I am being pleasantly distracted shall we say :-) I haven't even thought about Bladder Cancer at all this past week.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Three Weeks Today
Blimey - just three weeks - it feels longer and so much has happened in such a short space of time. I like the idea that neither of us were actually looking for too much to happen other than getting to know each other a bit more. Well we have certainly done that! I'm now having to work out what will happen in the next few weeks.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Not Even Three Weeks Yet
It seems to me that I've entered some sort of time warp as it isn't three weeks yet since I picked up P from the Hospital and now we are as they say "an item". It's all very strange indeed :-) It is all quite a shock as we keep saying to each other "How did we get here?" It feels a lot longer than 20 days and I have to say that it's neither one thing or the other at the moment it's as if we are in a "no man's land." We are really compatible but my INTJ nature is making me ever so cautious. P understands (thank goodness).
We are making a lot of progress on her issues and it's a step at a time existence moving a milestone at a time and getting over some pretty sticky situations.
My main concern is that I am having to dynamically move things around to suit her schedule especially as she isn't allowed to drive for quite a while (another 3 weeks roughly). So I'm doing a lot of driving and also making sure she is eating properly. I think that's OK and I feel I've managed to sort most of the basics out especially eating and drinking and medication is being taken etc.
I'm cautiously optimistic that we will become very good friends indeed after all the grief of her operation and personal circumstances are resolved satisfactorily.
We are making a lot of progress on her issues and it's a step at a time existence moving a milestone at a time and getting over some pretty sticky situations.
My main concern is that I am having to dynamically move things around to suit her schedule especially as she isn't allowed to drive for quite a while (another 3 weeks roughly). So I'm doing a lot of driving and also making sure she is eating properly. I think that's OK and I feel I've managed to sort most of the basics out especially eating and drinking and medication is being taken etc.
I'm cautiously optimistic that we will become very good friends indeed after all the grief of her operation and personal circumstances are resolved satisfactorily.
Thursday, May 08, 2014
That's Why Life IS Great
Two weeks ago, I wouldn't have known even then what was about to happen. From absolutely nowhere (even though we slightly knew each other beforehand) two people's life paths touched and for a while have run parallel to each other. It's all very close and it is all very strange and not at all what I was expecting or quite like it was last year - thank goodness :-) I don't think I'll say much more than last year I could hardly breathe and was wound up like a top. This time around I think I'm being cautious - I got hurt quite badly and crashed and burnt last year. I don't intend for that to happen again (although it easily could).
I spoke to P last night and she received my card in the post thanking her for a lovely weekend and I think she really appreciated it and that's exactly what I did it for. I firmly believe we were destined to meet like this although I'd have preferred it if she hadn't needed eye surgery - poor thing :-( But things like she's going through the same rubbish I went through and doing that almost on her own are key things. I can fully empathise with her on the ups and downs of dealing with things that look insurmountable.
I met lots of people yesterday they were telling me that I looked great and that I was on top form and so I was even though two incidents that actually made me angry - that's so rare! But one bloke was really rude to me so I gave him two barrels and sent him on his way with a flea in his ear. The other was just some guy being "Thick" and holding up proceedings - he wasn't best pleased when I gave him the hurry up. I had to collect things from around 100 people and he was holding proceedings up so he also got a very rough tongue lashing. Some people really don't get it.
I spoke to P last night and she received my card in the post thanking her for a lovely weekend and I think she really appreciated it and that's exactly what I did it for. I firmly believe we were destined to meet like this although I'd have preferred it if she hadn't needed eye surgery - poor thing :-( But things like she's going through the same rubbish I went through and doing that almost on her own are key things. I can fully empathise with her on the ups and downs of dealing with things that look insurmountable.
I met lots of people yesterday they were telling me that I looked great and that I was on top form and so I was even though two incidents that actually made me angry - that's so rare! But one bloke was really rude to me so I gave him two barrels and sent him on his way with a flea in his ear. The other was just some guy being "Thick" and holding up proceedings - he wasn't best pleased when I gave him the hurry up. I had to collect things from around 100 people and he was holding proceedings up so he also got a very rough tongue lashing. Some people really don't get it.
I have NO idea what is going on
It is a funny old thing when you are dancing around and getting to know each other. I'm not heart eruptively entering into this as I "allegedly" did last year. I am so much more stand offish - perhaps to my detriment.
All I can say is that I'm having a great time at the moment albeit there are some communication issues for us both - we are quite (but not exactly) similar and are both organised and a little headstrong so it is making for interesting dynamics. :-)
Anyway - I'm delighted that P is going to come with me to the church service at Rochester Cathedral on Sunday - it will be so nice to finally get to go to this event without all the whinging and hullabaloo that went before it.
P is off to Hospital in the morning - 2 weeks after her Retina Detachment corrective surgery. Let's hope for good news. It marks 14 days since I picked her up at the Hospital and dare I say it this rather extraordinary journey.
All I can say is that I'm having a great time at the moment albeit there are some communication issues for us both - we are quite (but not exactly) similar and are both organised and a little headstrong so it is making for interesting dynamics. :-)
Anyway - I'm delighted that P is going to come with me to the church service at Rochester Cathedral on Sunday - it will be so nice to finally get to go to this event without all the whinging and hullabaloo that went before it.
P is off to Hospital in the morning - 2 weeks after her Retina Detachment corrective surgery. Let's hope for good news. It marks 14 days since I picked her up at the Hospital and dare I say it this rather extraordinary journey.
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
Geeeeeez - Karma? Serendipity?
Well hello there. I've just surfaced after what feels like a month but had probably been less. P has stayed with me over the weekend and I've just taken her home to her pokey old flat. We've been getting on fine but are both still shell shocked that we are going out or whatever you may call it. It's a big surprise to both of us :-)
I'm getting complaints over lacks of blogs and FaceBook activity. I haven't had time and this week is bad too. I feel absolutely knackered having driven P around for a couple of weeks, cooked, washed and all sorts of other things for her as her eye (we hope) starts to mend. It's a tiny bit better but she can't drive for at least another 4 weeks. She can just begin to see shapes and her fingers in blurred outline held to the sky or a light.
I wonder about these "chance" meetings. Neither of us would have met unless the string of events that had happened to each of us had happened that way and that her friends were unable to collect her from the Hospital and the subsequent appointment - I can't actually do this Thursday but a friend of hers is.
Let's see how it goes....
I'm getting complaints over lacks of blogs and FaceBook activity. I haven't had time and this week is bad too. I feel absolutely knackered having driven P around for a couple of weeks, cooked, washed and all sorts of other things for her as her eye (we hope) starts to mend. It's a tiny bit better but she can't drive for at least another 4 weeks. She can just begin to see shapes and her fingers in blurred outline held to the sky or a light.
I wonder about these "chance" meetings. Neither of us would have met unless the string of events that had happened to each of us had happened that way and that her friends were unable to collect her from the Hospital and the subsequent appointment - I can't actually do this Thursday but a friend of hers is.
Let's see how it goes....
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Later and Later
Well that was a significantly better day than yesterday and each day is an improvement. P looked great when I turned up but was slightly back in the doldrums. However we knuckled down and sorted out her finances or most of them and her friend came around and helped her wash her hair and she was in great spirit. S is a tiny tornado of a lass and was a great tonic for P. Once her hair was done it just looked great - I have a thing about long blonde hair and it was so nice to see her happy and almost back to her old self.
I made dinner and seem to be making some great meals with just a load of bits from the fridge.
It's not been a week since I picked her up from the Hospital and we are "pretty close" I did say to her that I was only meant to pick her up from the Hospital not "pick her up".
I see in her situation how I was this time last year unable to tackle the day to day things that life was throwing at me and unable to really get a handle on things, tackle tasks and so on. Here's a thought for you and for me. Maybe I was destined to meet her and destined to help her through this rough patch in her life? I have no idea if I am just meant to touch her life or be part of it. That is part of the journey too. What is good is that I understand what she is going through and how she is procrastinating at the hard decisions that have to be made.
Some questions for generally throwing out there for discussion:
I made dinner and seem to be making some great meals with just a load of bits from the fridge.
It's not been a week since I picked her up from the Hospital and we are "pretty close" I did say to her that I was only meant to pick her up from the Hospital not "pick her up".
I see in her situation how I was this time last year unable to tackle the day to day things that life was throwing at me and unable to really get a handle on things, tackle tasks and so on. Here's a thought for you and for me. Maybe I was destined to meet her and destined to help her through this rough patch in her life? I have no idea if I am just meant to touch her life or be part of it. That is part of the journey too. What is good is that I understand what she is going through and how she is procrastinating at the hard decisions that have to be made.
Some questions for generally throwing out there for discussion:
- She has lots of friends but none could pick her up that day or stay with her overnight as required
- The same for the next day and the return to the Hospital (although that was a last minute curve ball)
- I just happen to have had similar experiences as P and can help her through it
- We actually get on great with each other
It's all slightly surreal but I like the fact that she sees me at my calm best and also where I don't worry about things anymore. She couldn't understand how I'd happily walk away from the "money" in my house. When I told her that I just wanted to be happy and enjoy my life no matter what that may be she started to "get it".
Sheesh - it's 5 days and it feels like 5 weeks. I am though very mentally drained as it takes a lot of will power, persuasion and so on to keep overcoming objections, helping get past panic attacks and trying to keep the calm middle of the road logic and non emotional attachments to her particular problems.
I don't know where this is going but as long as she comes out of this with a successful operation and her eyes as good as they can be and that she can overcome her problems and her attachment to the past I think I will be very pleased.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Just Home
Left a much better person when I left than when I arrived. Lovely lady, beating herself up about some of her past (nothing she could do about it) and the added problem of having to not drive for 6 weeks after her operation is also giving her some issues.
I've left her with a promise that I can return tomorrow if needed and probably do some shopping but I've virtually lived around there for the past 4 days! She's not normally like this she told me and many of her friends agree on that too. It's been a recent trauma that's done this and she's ended up in a tiny flat that really is small and very claustrophobic which also doesn't help her I think. I've offered for her to come and use the guest room here for a few days, at least I can keep my eye on her, make sure she gets fed and watered properly etc. She doesn't want to do that - fair enough.
It's been a lovely evening though and I've cooked for her again and given her some good hearty food. We just sat and watched a bit of TV listened to some great sounds and lightly chatted but mainly I just encouraged her to think of nothing about the past. Some deep breathing exercises and a lot of concentrating on her. So it seems we may be there for tonight at least.
There's a load more rubbish to come I can see that and maybe I can help and maybe I can't. It will be what it will be.
I've left her with a promise that I can return tomorrow if needed and probably do some shopping but I've virtually lived around there for the past 4 days! She's not normally like this she told me and many of her friends agree on that too. It's been a recent trauma that's done this and she's ended up in a tiny flat that really is small and very claustrophobic which also doesn't help her I think. I've offered for her to come and use the guest room here for a few days, at least I can keep my eye on her, make sure she gets fed and watered properly etc. She doesn't want to do that - fair enough.
It's been a lovely evening though and I've cooked for her again and given her some good hearty food. We just sat and watched a bit of TV listened to some great sounds and lightly chatted but mainly I just encouraged her to think of nothing about the past. Some deep breathing exercises and a lot of concentrating on her. So it seems we may be there for tonight at least.
There's a load more rubbish to come I can see that and maybe I can help and maybe I can't. It will be what it will be.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
And Again
I've just received a nice call. It's interesting - I sent off a phrase I like to use a lot. It is by Anais Nin.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
I've been trying to help P out of her current predicament, it is so like myself just a year ago. So I sent this to start her day and she loves it. So the call? She'd like me to come over later this afternoon. That will be nice - I like meeting her, she's funny when she wants to be, I just need to get her being funny again and to stop beating herself up for her past actions - it was circumstance, not bad planning or decisions that put her where she is.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
I've been trying to help P out of her current predicament, it is so like myself just a year ago. So I sent this to start her day and she loves it. So the call? She'd like me to come over later this afternoon. That will be nice - I like meeting her, she's funny when she wants to be, I just need to get her being funny again and to stop beating herself up for her past actions - it was circumstance, not bad planning or decisions that put her where she is.
Bam - Take That - What a difference a week makes
So - I don't know if I should be telling you this... :-)
But I will. Last weekend I went out with S & P and asked P out for Lunch which went OK after the puncture and stuff! We met up that night at my place with S & P and spoke about all things and P was having trouble with her eye that turned out to be a tear and a rip on her retina (A detached Retina). Not good at all. She went into Hospital on Tuesday and Wednesday she had to rest up and Thursday have the operation. I was in touch with her but found she didn't have a lift home on the Thursday afternoon. SO Now pay attention.
I got a call from her saying that she was waiting to go in for the operation but was having tests and it would be great if I could pick her up from the Hospital and she'd call me as she got out of the operation so I could make my way to Maidstone to pick her up. She then told me that she'd just been informed that someone should have been with her all day and also someone needed to be with her overnight. I know what you are thinking but stop that for a moment.
So I suggested that I could do that, I was available over the next few days for a friend.
It's Saturday evening and I've just had the strangest few days!
I was called in the late afternoon to go to collect her and duly went - it was tortuous as it was rush hour but I got some fuel, some flowers, a get well card and our two roses from St. George's Day and an overnight bag. I duly arrived and found the ward. She was on her own lying on her side and had to remain like that for 2 hours. On the way home I asked if she had any food in? No she hadn't had time to think let alone do so I puled into Sainsburys and got salad, fruit, cream, antipasto and a selection of cheeses. This worked great as I was able to pull together a nice salad for the two of us.
I ended up sleeping on the couch - a more uncomfortable thing I couldn't imagine - it was pretty bad. In the morning the poor girl was visibly upset and just not with it at all and we finally managed to get organised to go back to the Hospital in Maidstone. I needed to be back in Tonbridge for my Optician's appointment but more than that I had an appointment in Rochester at 5:30. I got her to her appointment and she really wasn't feeling at all well by this time (not my driving I hasten to add). The Nurse took note and I left to drive back to where I'd come from. I arrived with 5 minutes to spare.
The optician delivered the message I expected - I need glasses for near, intermediate and long vision. I knew that I needed something. So I've also got a big bill coming for a second set of glasses. They also did a hearing test which also came out that I'm pretty bad in my hearing. I'd better get that sorted out too in the near future.
So After that I called P and she was going for one more test and check. I came back to the Hospital and parked up and after 5 minutes she emerged, got her next appointment and I took her towards home. SHe was hungry so we stopped off at a nice pub in the country called The Chaser. Returning home we realised that time had run away with us and P needed to see her friend and time was short so I drove here to her friends around teh corner from us. I then drove her back to her home and after making sure she was alright headed home.
I missed my appointment in Rochester altogether but so did half the others due to a major traffic accident.
This morning I got a text saying all was great, how much she liked the flowers and everything else which was nice. I then rang her and all hell had broken loose and some appointment she had had been missed and she was quite distraught about it so I grabbed some food and headed over to her. I've spent a lovely day in the country with her trying to cheer her up and get her out of a little rut she is in. I managed to cook a BLT for her to start and then a nice steak with a pudding following that.
So what's the score? I'm not sure - I think it's all very nice at the moment. She has a number of issues she needs to overcome and we've worked through them a lot in the past few days and she has ups and downs but that's good as before it was all downs. She really started to come out of her shell later on in the day and after the meal I'd realised I'd done my job and I made sure she was OK and took my leave of her.
I really like her, she's intelligent and very funny. It's not going to be obvious where it is all going we are both a little hesitant at the moment I think but what the hell do I know about these things. I did try and explain the INTJ predicament to her. She laughed. She has my Eckhart Tolle book by her bedside, if she had both eyes it might be OK to read it but the operation has slower her down a bit.
But I will. Last weekend I went out with S & P and asked P out for Lunch which went OK after the puncture and stuff! We met up that night at my place with S & P and spoke about all things and P was having trouble with her eye that turned out to be a tear and a rip on her retina (A detached Retina). Not good at all. She went into Hospital on Tuesday and Wednesday she had to rest up and Thursday have the operation. I was in touch with her but found she didn't have a lift home on the Thursday afternoon. SO Now pay attention.
I got a call from her saying that she was waiting to go in for the operation but was having tests and it would be great if I could pick her up from the Hospital and she'd call me as she got out of the operation so I could make my way to Maidstone to pick her up. She then told me that she'd just been informed that someone should have been with her all day and also someone needed to be with her overnight. I know what you are thinking but stop that for a moment.
So I suggested that I could do that, I was available over the next few days for a friend.
It's Saturday evening and I've just had the strangest few days!
I was called in the late afternoon to go to collect her and duly went - it was tortuous as it was rush hour but I got some fuel, some flowers, a get well card and our two roses from St. George's Day and an overnight bag. I duly arrived and found the ward. She was on her own lying on her side and had to remain like that for 2 hours. On the way home I asked if she had any food in? No she hadn't had time to think let alone do so I puled into Sainsburys and got salad, fruit, cream, antipasto and a selection of cheeses. This worked great as I was able to pull together a nice salad for the two of us.
I ended up sleeping on the couch - a more uncomfortable thing I couldn't imagine - it was pretty bad. In the morning the poor girl was visibly upset and just not with it at all and we finally managed to get organised to go back to the Hospital in Maidstone. I needed to be back in Tonbridge for my Optician's appointment but more than that I had an appointment in Rochester at 5:30. I got her to her appointment and she really wasn't feeling at all well by this time (not my driving I hasten to add). The Nurse took note and I left to drive back to where I'd come from. I arrived with 5 minutes to spare.
The optician delivered the message I expected - I need glasses for near, intermediate and long vision. I knew that I needed something. So I've also got a big bill coming for a second set of glasses. They also did a hearing test which also came out that I'm pretty bad in my hearing. I'd better get that sorted out too in the near future.
So After that I called P and she was going for one more test and check. I came back to the Hospital and parked up and after 5 minutes she emerged, got her next appointment and I took her towards home. SHe was hungry so we stopped off at a nice pub in the country called The Chaser. Returning home we realised that time had run away with us and P needed to see her friend and time was short so I drove here to her friends around teh corner from us. I then drove her back to her home and after making sure she was alright headed home.
I missed my appointment in Rochester altogether but so did half the others due to a major traffic accident.
This morning I got a text saying all was great, how much she liked the flowers and everything else which was nice. I then rang her and all hell had broken loose and some appointment she had had been missed and she was quite distraught about it so I grabbed some food and headed over to her. I've spent a lovely day in the country with her trying to cheer her up and get her out of a little rut she is in. I managed to cook a BLT for her to start and then a nice steak with a pudding following that.
So what's the score? I'm not sure - I think it's all very nice at the moment. She has a number of issues she needs to overcome and we've worked through them a lot in the past few days and she has ups and downs but that's good as before it was all downs. She really started to come out of her shell later on in the day and after the meal I'd realised I'd done my job and I made sure she was OK and took my leave of her.
I really like her, she's intelligent and very funny. It's not going to be obvious where it is all going we are both a little hesitant at the moment I think but what the hell do I know about these things. I did try and explain the INTJ predicament to her. She laughed. She has my Eckhart Tolle book by her bedside, if she had both eyes it might be OK to read it but the operation has slower her down a bit.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
St. George's Day
It was a difficult start to the morning as we arrived at our station to change to trains to find nothing going on, trains delayed etc. Someone had been hit or taken their life at a station up the way and so we were delayed. The great British public can be insensitive at these sorts of times one chap complaining about the lack of correlation between what the driver was saying and what was on the notice boards. Somewhere some family were just finding out that someone was dead.
So we were a bit late but that didn't stop us enjoying our day out at The George, Southwark and Langan's Brasserie.
We were home by 9 p.m. we are probably getting too old for the 2 a.m. return from these sorts of things.
I spoke to P yesterday to see how she was. She is in today to have her detached retina fixed so I imagine she won't be allowed to drive or do many other things for a while. I've offered her my services if she needs them. I do feel sorry for her, she hardly needs another problem in her life.
As for me - I'm OK, almost there now, almost have the website built too so I'm happy about that. Hopefully I can set to work in the next few days.
So we were a bit late but that didn't stop us enjoying our day out at The George, Southwark and Langan's Brasserie.
We were home by 9 p.m. we are probably getting too old for the 2 a.m. return from these sorts of things.
I spoke to P yesterday to see how she was. She is in today to have her detached retina fixed so I imagine she won't be allowed to drive or do many other things for a while. I've offered her my services if she needs them. I do feel sorry for her, she hardly needs another problem in her life.
As for me - I'm OK, almost there now, almost have the website built too so I'm happy about that. Hopefully I can set to work in the next few days.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Oh Dear - Poor P!
I'm cr@p at knowing what goes on in male female encounters by that I mean small talk and flirting. Not that I can't flirt but I can't actually pick up anything aimed at me. I have no idea what the lady may be saying to me as I can't interpret it. It is an age old problem which I'm fully aware of which makes it worse (in some ways) and easier in others. It means I probably don't react properly or remain quite neutral. There are many explanations about this but read any classical portfolio of an INTJ personality type and they'll back up what I'm saying. I just don't get girls.
So here is an interesting conundrum for you. If I've met one girl 5 times in 4 days and another twice in 3 days then does that make any sums add up? However yesterday it was a beautiful day for a walk but I didn't get a text back from P who I thought would like a long walk (that's what she said on Sunday). I'm going down near to her house on Friday to get my eyes checked out. So I kind of hinted we could meet then. I've just got a text back saying the poor girl (who was having eye difficulties) is in hospital with a suspected detached retina. Poor thing.
Hopefully they can fix her up - I don't know much about these things. I've offered my assistance if needed. So I saw P twice over the weekend and S turned up again yesterday when my friend was over to see me and the house. I think he got quite a shock, she is a tour de force is S. She reminds me of Queenie (Elizabeth I) in Black Adder or perhaps Patsie in Absolutely Fabulous. She always looks a million dollars - even if she threw a sack on it would look great - she's always absolutely full of beans and energy too. I really like her she's great company. So if I've met her that many times over a single bank holiday weekend - what goes on? :-)
I haven't a bloody clue - it's so very funny I think as I just flounder around trying to work out the dynamics. I imagine that I read too much in to some things and not enough into others - how very strange but at least I know I have that problem.
So here is an interesting conundrum for you. If I've met one girl 5 times in 4 days and another twice in 3 days then does that make any sums add up? However yesterday it was a beautiful day for a walk but I didn't get a text back from P who I thought would like a long walk (that's what she said on Sunday). I'm going down near to her house on Friday to get my eyes checked out. So I kind of hinted we could meet then. I've just got a text back saying the poor girl (who was having eye difficulties) is in hospital with a suspected detached retina. Poor thing.
Hopefully they can fix her up - I don't know much about these things. I've offered my assistance if needed. So I saw P twice over the weekend and S turned up again yesterday when my friend was over to see me and the house. I think he got quite a shock, she is a tour de force is S. She reminds me of Queenie (Elizabeth I) in Black Adder or perhaps Patsie in Absolutely Fabulous. She always looks a million dollars - even if she threw a sack on it would look great - she's always absolutely full of beans and energy too. I really like her she's great company. So if I've met her that many times over a single bank holiday weekend - what goes on? :-)
I haven't a bloody clue - it's so very funny I think as I just flounder around trying to work out the dynamics. I imagine that I read too much in to some things and not enough into others - how very strange but at least I know I have that problem.
Monday, April 21, 2014
A shaky start but then OK after that
Well, it poured with rain and I grabbed my umbrella and headed off to the pub/restaurant and waited.... and waited and eventually wondered what had happened and I didn't have her phone number so was ringing around for it when... I got a call that I missed but eventually we spoke. Poor P had a puncture on the way to me. So she was waiting to get that fixed, didn't have my number and so on.... she was mortified but it was just one of those things. So I by now had three pints and a fourth had not long been ordered when she arrived.
It was lashing down, it was around 2 pm but I had spoken to the waiter and got a very nice romantic spot in the corner near the Wishing Chair. So we both had a wish :-) we had a nice meal and a long chat, at last. We then had a walk as it cheered up and then came back to the house and met up with S who didn't fancy and evening in the pub... So we had a long chat, some coffees some Lemon Drizzle Cake (Mmmmmm) and a few drinks.
I lent P my Eckhart Tolle book so she might be able to focus on some issues she was having. It was like one long therapy session :-) Quite funny really. I think she left around midnight or thereabouts. So there we go. Let's see what happens from here on in.
It was lashing down, it was around 2 pm but I had spoken to the waiter and got a very nice romantic spot in the corner near the Wishing Chair. So we both had a wish :-) we had a nice meal and a long chat, at last. We then had a walk as it cheered up and then came back to the house and met up with S who didn't fancy and evening in the pub... So we had a long chat, some coffees some Lemon Drizzle Cake (Mmmmmm) and a few drinks.
I lent P my Eckhart Tolle book so she might be able to focus on some issues she was having. It was like one long therapy session :-) Quite funny really. I think she left around midnight or thereabouts. So there we go. Let's see what happens from here on in.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Just Ask ...
I'm terribly bad at asking a straightforward question. Last night, I finally asked P, as she was in the village visiting her friend in the morning, if she would like it if I bought her lunch. And she said that would be great and so in a few minutes time I'll head off there and meet her. I wasn't expecting her to be there last night at all but her friend S who I happened to arrange to meet at the Beer Festival texted her and she was nearby and called in. Hopefully I read THAT right but I'll find out later in less than 25 minutes in fact :-)
It will be the first time I will get to actually talk to P without shouting at her or her shouting at me across band amplified noise. I need to get my best listening ears on too. I always seem to be apologising to her for not hearing her.
Most people who know me would be surprised that I'm actually pretty quiet normally - unless I know you - then you can't shut me up :-) I'm happy to be getting out and meeting someone new even though it's chucking it down with rain today. I shall though enjoy my walk to the village and I hope a nice lunch with P to find out more about her.
It will be the first time I will get to actually talk to P without shouting at her or her shouting at me across band amplified noise. I need to get my best listening ears on too. I always seem to be apologising to her for not hearing her.
Most people who know me would be surprised that I'm actually pretty quiet normally - unless I know you - then you can't shut me up :-) I'm happy to be getting out and meeting someone new even though it's chucking it down with rain today. I shall though enjoy my walk to the village and I hope a nice lunch with P to find out more about her.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Thursday - Feels Like Friday
It's one of our Lodge meetings this evening and I'm Treasurer and have prepared my report for that. All is in order, audited and I realised that I've been doing the job for about 10 years now! So I'm going to suggest that I get someone to take over from me so I can do something else. I'd like to give up all my Treasurer jobs but I'm not sure that is going to happen any time soon.
My website proof just came through and I'm excited by the front page already. It sure is nice. It is simple and easy to understand and it works nicely on tablets and smartphones too. Excellent, delighted but I knew I would be with J doing the work.
I have my business partner coming over tomorrow and also an ex business partner too for lunch so I am looking forward to that and taking them to the Beer Festival in the village. I've also had one of those surreal conversations with a friend who's wife wants me to meet some of her friends. Now interestingly you may recall they started introducing me to people last August or September. I've met both of the ladies in question and they are very nice - it is amusing to me that they are like this but I know what it is. She knows I'm very similar to her now husband (No. 2) and she's impressed at how nice we are, our impeccable manners (someone noticed) and she thinks her friends ought to meet me. I do so with some trepidation :-)
Other than that, health remains good, blood pressure normal, still alive living on my own, organised and happy. Yes above all I'm happy and that's really great :-)
My website proof just came through and I'm excited by the front page already. It sure is nice. It is simple and easy to understand and it works nicely on tablets and smartphones too. Excellent, delighted but I knew I would be with J doing the work.
I have my business partner coming over tomorrow and also an ex business partner too for lunch so I am looking forward to that and taking them to the Beer Festival in the village. I've also had one of those surreal conversations with a friend who's wife wants me to meet some of her friends. Now interestingly you may recall they started introducing me to people last August or September. I've met both of the ladies in question and they are very nice - it is amusing to me that they are like this but I know what it is. She knows I'm very similar to her now husband (No. 2) and she's impressed at how nice we are, our impeccable manners (someone noticed) and she thinks her friends ought to meet me. I do so with some trepidation :-)
Other than that, health remains good, blood pressure normal, still alive living on my own, organised and happy. Yes above all I'm happy and that's really great :-)
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
How annoying
Better find it now than later I suppose. I have been transferring video from DV 8mm tape onto my PC and found a program that does this for me. It worked fine until I used the Digital Films which are great as they stamp date and time on but they also load up as separate video clips at each cut in the tape. Again, no problem as it helps to find places for chapters etc. What it does though is truncates the audio file on the first clip which means the first clip on the film has video only and no sound. I wouldn't mind but I'm some 20 hours in advance loading films to producing them and to have found out this glitch is a real pain in the arse.
I am now trying to capture directly into the production software to see if this will work. It means an even more convoluted routine otherwise to capture video and then edit it! It's a real nuisance as it means I am limited to the way I work to produce DVDs.
I suppose it is lucky that I found it out now. I've just finished sorting out my mum's negatives they came to over 2,500!
I've been a busy boy today, shopping early, three loads of washing and now re-doing the videos.
I've ordered plenty of meat from my supplier for next week and will get that and freeze it all ready for summer - I've got a number of half price steaks and loads of cheap chicken breasts, cheaper to buy in bulk of 5kg a time and I have bought 40 steaks of between 6 and 7 oz each, 2.5 kg of bacon etc. It makes sense to buy in bulk and freeze so I can just pull it out when I need it.
I'm still having the odd wobbly time doing these DVDs because they are of the kids when they were younger and the nostalgia trip they invoke. Of course most of the videos are going to be of good times, on a canal boat, on a cruise, by the seaside and so on. I have to say that the sadness really is about how it could possibly have got from those happy days to where it ended up.
I'm not unhappy at the moment at all, in fact I'm pretty happy but I do miss being in the same house with Mrs. F. and the girls. Here isn't the same and I'm on my own a fair bit. So perhaps I miss the company although, I know people locally and I can get out of here whenever I want to, if I want to.
Mrs. F. wondered what "I" might want to do next and I really hadn't thought that through. I said I'd think and get back to her after Easter. It would be about 3 months then and so perhaps we could agree something to move forward? I hadn't really given it any thought as I'm too busy being single!
I am now trying to capture directly into the production software to see if this will work. It means an even more convoluted routine otherwise to capture video and then edit it! It's a real nuisance as it means I am limited to the way I work to produce DVDs.
I suppose it is lucky that I found it out now. I've just finished sorting out my mum's negatives they came to over 2,500!
I've been a busy boy today, shopping early, three loads of washing and now re-doing the videos.
I've ordered plenty of meat from my supplier for next week and will get that and freeze it all ready for summer - I've got a number of half price steaks and loads of cheap chicken breasts, cheaper to buy in bulk of 5kg a time and I have bought 40 steaks of between 6 and 7 oz each, 2.5 kg of bacon etc. It makes sense to buy in bulk and freeze so I can just pull it out when I need it.
I'm still having the odd wobbly time doing these DVDs because they are of the kids when they were younger and the nostalgia trip they invoke. Of course most of the videos are going to be of good times, on a canal boat, on a cruise, by the seaside and so on. I have to say that the sadness really is about how it could possibly have got from those happy days to where it ended up.
I'm not unhappy at the moment at all, in fact I'm pretty happy but I do miss being in the same house with Mrs. F. and the girls. Here isn't the same and I'm on my own a fair bit. So perhaps I miss the company although, I know people locally and I can get out of here whenever I want to, if I want to.
Mrs. F. wondered what "I" might want to do next and I really hadn't thought that through. I said I'd think and get back to her after Easter. It would be about 3 months then and so perhaps we could agree something to move forward? I hadn't really given it any thought as I'm too busy being single!
New Film Coming Soon about US Obesity
My only reservation about this film is that the Producer is Laurie David who produced An Inconvenient Truth which is utter bollocks and based on fear mongering and no real substantiated science - even though they said it was. So in some ways I bet this gets the same treatment but let's see. At least it is saying something that can be clinically and scientifically proven and that an Occam's Razor test would substantiate. I find the other bullshit that is based on computer projections and cherry picked data to be an offensive PR exercise that has wasted billions and wants to subject us all to go back to the dark ages without actually having any thought through joined up argument. But then that's me.
Sugar, man made foods that don't exist in nature and processed foods. I actually had a small chocolate egg the other day as a treat - it near on flipped me out the sheer amount of sugar in it. As I don't touch the stuff and eat very little carbohydrates the shock that tiny chocolate gave my body is enough to tell me how dangerous this stuff really is.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Back to the old house
I had to pick up some stuff for the Easter Egg hunt on Saturday and so had to contact Mrs. F. to go around and collect some bits plus my nice patent leather shoes (for my black tie outfit). We were civilised and spoke business like about things. She asked me whether I'd made up my mind what I'd decided to do? I haven't really but said I'd contact her after Easter and perhaps we could chat it over then.
I still feel quite stirred up about meeting her. It's terrible really we did have some good times but it is such a shame that we are where we are. It is disappointing really but there isn't much I can do about it . Whenever I feel bad I just have to cast my mind back and ask myself what it was like the past 10 years or so and then know that I've made the right decision. Of course there's always a seed of doubt. I cannot see that changing for a while because deep down inside I'd love for it to all be fixed and back to normal but it isn't going to happen. I hate the idea that she's hurting as much as I am but I think we are both in the acceptance stage at the moment.
Anyway - it's certainly shaken my day around a bit.
I still feel quite stirred up about meeting her. It's terrible really we did have some good times but it is such a shame that we are where we are. It is disappointing really but there isn't much I can do about it . Whenever I feel bad I just have to cast my mind back and ask myself what it was like the past 10 years or so and then know that I've made the right decision. Of course there's always a seed of doubt. I cannot see that changing for a while because deep down inside I'd love for it to all be fixed and back to normal but it isn't going to happen. I hate the idea that she's hurting as much as I am but I think we are both in the acceptance stage at the moment.
Anyway - it's certainly shaken my day around a bit.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Blood Pressure Back Down To Reasonable
So I thought I'd at least check it out after my little walk to the Post Office and I'm rather pleased that it is back to reasonable at 114 over 89 which is pretty good for me. Last week it was off the scale for a couple of days and it was a bit of a worry but this is more like it. I really want it to be around 110 over 80 which would be great. I'm working at it.
I've lost some weight around my middle despite my trip to the pub on Friday night and Sunday. But all work and no play makes Jack a very boring chap. Both my new pair of trousers and now loose on me and my belt - only three weeks old needs another notch in it! Doh! :-)
Anyway that isn't a problem is it? Another inch off my waist in a couple of weeks. I actually feel a little lighter. I just need to keep this going and see if I can lose some more as we head towards summer. Flocky's just booked himself a holiday and I suppose I ought to try and work out some time off - I need to get up and see my mum at some time to get some paperwork sorted so maybe I can do that and then see what I can do.
The business is now really becoming real and the web site is being built and I'm hanging out for that before I get trading properly. I think once that is there I actually have something for people to see. That's my plan anyway.
I've lost some weight around my middle despite my trip to the pub on Friday night and Sunday. But all work and no play makes Jack a very boring chap. Both my new pair of trousers and now loose on me and my belt - only three weeks old needs another notch in it! Doh! :-)
Anyway that isn't a problem is it? Another inch off my waist in a couple of weeks. I actually feel a little lighter. I just need to keep this going and see if I can lose some more as we head towards summer. Flocky's just booked himself a holiday and I suppose I ought to try and work out some time off - I need to get up and see my mum at some time to get some paperwork sorted so maybe I can do that and then see what I can do.
The business is now really becoming real and the web site is being built and I'm hanging out for that before I get trading properly. I think once that is there I actually have something for people to see. That's my plan anyway.
A few more shots of the area
This is on the walk to the Post Office and Shops. What a lovely sight and what lovely smells along the paths and hedgerows. This looked particularly nice walking down the street. The houses are lovely too, 1920 and 1930 style. It's near the station hence the yellow no parking strips but they are only for one hour a day on either side - it's just to stop the commuters parking there.
That WAS fun
S is a very funny lady, very pretty a real head turner and very funny indeed. She was on good form and cracks jokes and really enjoys herself whooping and yelling at her band :-) P is a little more reserved but even so the girls enjoy a bit of a party.
It was funny because S was dressed to kill and as we parked up and walked up to the pub to see the band we ran in to a friend of mine. His expression was absolutely priceless when he saw the two of us. He knows my situation and then later on I came out of the pub with S & P together and ran into him again. I expect that the floor of his car has a large dent where his jaw impacted it :-)
The whole evening was great and I just love the way people were trying to work out how I could possibly be with two lovely ladies for the evening :-)
On Sunday the sun shone brightly and I took myself down to the village to have a few beers. the blossom is out, the birds were singing and it was just a lovely day out. The pub wasn't busy and the beer was very nice. They are preparing for the Beer Festival over the Easter weekend - Nice :-)
It was funny because S was dressed to kill and as we parked up and walked up to the pub to see the band we ran in to a friend of mine. His expression was absolutely priceless when he saw the two of us. He knows my situation and then later on I came out of the pub with S & P together and ran into him again. I expect that the floor of his car has a large dent where his jaw impacted it :-)
The whole evening was great and I just love the way people were trying to work out how I could possibly be with two lovely ladies for the evening :-)
On Sunday the sun shone brightly and I took myself down to the village to have a few beers. the blossom is out, the birds were singing and it was just a lovely day out. The pub wasn't busy and the beer was very nice. They are preparing for the Beer Festival over the Easter weekend - Nice :-)
This is the lane away from the Station towards the Village
A Look back up the lane from where I'd come - the Blossom has gone over on these bushes
Heading towards the Cemetery
The Cemetery
The Cemetery
The Cemetery
The Pub Fireplace Circa 1560 which puts this around the time of the Tudors - if these walls could talk?
The Tiny Bar Area - Mind your head "Duck or Grouse!"
Daisy the Pub Dog - A Zen Master - She Owns the Pub - or thinks she does
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Exciting Evening Ahead
Well I hope it is an exciting evening. I am picking up S from around the corner, she is the lady who manages bands and one of them, that we saw a few weeks ago, is performing at a pub in Sevenoaks (a nearby town). Also P will be there and I really like them, they are really nice people. So I suggested that I will drive tonight as S drove last time.
The band were very good and I imagine it will be quite an evening. I may take my chances and not wear a jacket - I don't like to take a jacket and then leave it on a chair unattended especially the nice suede one my dad bought for me. I imagine it will also be quite warm in the pub - it's another 16th century pub with beams and low ceilings so could be quite interesting in terms of acoustics etc.
I hope that the girls might also come up with some more activities over the Easter period. The Beer Festival is on down in the Village and that sounds positively great with some rather nice local fire water type Ciders and Beers available.
Let's see how it goes.
The band were very good and I imagine it will be quite an evening. I may take my chances and not wear a jacket - I don't like to take a jacket and then leave it on a chair unattended especially the nice suede one my dad bought for me. I imagine it will also be quite warm in the pub - it's another 16th century pub with beams and low ceilings so could be quite interesting in terms of acoustics etc.
I hope that the girls might also come up with some more activities over the Easter period. The Beer Festival is on down in the Village and that sounds positively great with some rather nice local fire water type Ciders and Beers available.
Let's see how it goes.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Website ordered at last and nostalgia
I finally got around to ordering the website and it was funny that a number of people are surprised that I didn't do it myself having built plenty of websites myself. Well I need the time. An expert will take two or three weeks to get it to work and so I'd expect to take double that time and I want the thing in and working so that I can really commence business. At the moment I need to concentrate on the sales and marketing of the business.
I am now doing some of the more difficult things with capturing video, cleaning it up and burning to DVD. It seems to be working OK as I am capturing video, scanning and burning DVDs simultaneously. It seems to be working OK. I am also onto the difficult negatives that have been folded up for years and have a nasty bow in them. It is taking some time to get them processed but I am trying a few different settings to see if I can get them done quicker.
I still find myself choking up a bit looking at the family videos. I suppose it was way back in happier days when the children were young. The one on at the moment was where I set up my own business and was able to take the children to Lapland for Christmas - it was truly magical and when I see how they reacted it was great. Thinking back I remember Mrs. F. wasn't impressed but then again, as I often say, it isn't about you all the time, for me it was about the kids having a magical time. It's a bit like whatever you think about Disneyland and I am no fan of it, the wonder and excitement seeing it through a child's eyes is magical indeed.
It is amazing to come across photographs (from my parent's collection) that I've never seen before. Hopefully we will all get some enjoyment out of these once I've finished. I've actually completed all the ordinary negatives today and I'm now onto the rolls and rolls of film in another bag having to carefully unwrap and cut it to fit into the scanner.
Healthwise - I feel good, I seem to be losing weight gradually, certainly an inch or two off my waist but of course a beer or two soon starts to put it back on again :-) My blood pressure is a little high but at least I know that and can monitor it. It was fine a few weeks ago and now seems to be above normal. Other than that all seems to be well still and I'm still happy and enjoying myself and whilst it has taken me a little longer to get into my business than I'd have liked it does at least give me the opportunity to really understand my business and my competition.
It seems a long and short time we've been in the house. It's 10 weeks already! Now that Spring is here and slightly lighter evenings it really is quite a pleasant place to be - I love the village itself and it feels "just right" as Goldilocks would say :-) Finally I'm happy but I wish these sad feelings would move on - it's just the videos of the children when they were younger and seeing how it used to be - happy, with all our friends and family around us. I don't think that anyone had a bad time - we all look happy and contended. I think it is a regret in my head that it isn't like that now.
I am now doing some of the more difficult things with capturing video, cleaning it up and burning to DVD. It seems to be working OK as I am capturing video, scanning and burning DVDs simultaneously. It seems to be working OK. I am also onto the difficult negatives that have been folded up for years and have a nasty bow in them. It is taking some time to get them processed but I am trying a few different settings to see if I can get them done quicker.
I still find myself choking up a bit looking at the family videos. I suppose it was way back in happier days when the children were young. The one on at the moment was where I set up my own business and was able to take the children to Lapland for Christmas - it was truly magical and when I see how they reacted it was great. Thinking back I remember Mrs. F. wasn't impressed but then again, as I often say, it isn't about you all the time, for me it was about the kids having a magical time. It's a bit like whatever you think about Disneyland and I am no fan of it, the wonder and excitement seeing it through a child's eyes is magical indeed.
It is amazing to come across photographs (from my parent's collection) that I've never seen before. Hopefully we will all get some enjoyment out of these once I've finished. I've actually completed all the ordinary negatives today and I'm now onto the rolls and rolls of film in another bag having to carefully unwrap and cut it to fit into the scanner.
Healthwise - I feel good, I seem to be losing weight gradually, certainly an inch or two off my waist but of course a beer or two soon starts to put it back on again :-) My blood pressure is a little high but at least I know that and can monitor it. It was fine a few weeks ago and now seems to be above normal. Other than that all seems to be well still and I'm still happy and enjoying myself and whilst it has taken me a little longer to get into my business than I'd have liked it does at least give me the opportunity to really understand my business and my competition.
It seems a long and short time we've been in the house. It's 10 weeks already! Now that Spring is here and slightly lighter evenings it really is quite a pleasant place to be - I love the village itself and it feels "just right" as Goldilocks would say :-) Finally I'm happy but I wish these sad feelings would move on - it's just the videos of the children when they were younger and seeing how it used to be - happy, with all our friends and family around us. I don't think that anyone had a bad time - we all look happy and contended. I think it is a regret in my head that it isn't like that now.
Wednesday, April 09, 2014
That Was A Little Unexpected
Or was it? I am practising capturing videos and have started on the archive which starts in 1990 when daughter A was born. I hadn't expected to be quite as emotional as I suddenly feel. I feel quite choked up about it. We were happy back then and in many ways up to quite recently.
That's the one thing that I hadn't banked on when transferring the tapes across. How very strange it is - I guess it is regret and just upset that it isn't like it was then anymore. Of course you can't turn the clock back and hey, I'd be some sort of magician if I could tell where it all started to go wrong, but I know it was a long time before I was ill that I started to realise it wasn't great.
There are some great shots of my mum and dad and my brother and his family too. Yes, we were happy and life was a little simpler then. I was about to change my job in a year or so and that changed my life in other ways.
I hate seeing and hearing myself on camera I've decided.... :-) I also hope that I'll get past this strange feeling of sadness - for what I am looking at isn't sad at all, it's happy days. The mind is a strange thing sometimes. I realise that all I am looking back on has happened, it's part of my history and it's there to remind me of happier not sadder days.
The trick is to live in the moment. You can't regret the past - it has happened and nothing you can do will change it. The "Now" is the only reality. Amazing, I've pulled myself out of the sadness where I started writing. This happens a lot, I just need to work out what my mind is trying to do and then I can tackle it.
That's the one thing that I hadn't banked on when transferring the tapes across. How very strange it is - I guess it is regret and just upset that it isn't like it was then anymore. Of course you can't turn the clock back and hey, I'd be some sort of magician if I could tell where it all started to go wrong, but I know it was a long time before I was ill that I started to realise it wasn't great.
There are some great shots of my mum and dad and my brother and his family too. Yes, we were happy and life was a little simpler then. I was about to change my job in a year or so and that changed my life in other ways.
I hate seeing and hearing myself on camera I've decided.... :-) I also hope that I'll get past this strange feeling of sadness - for what I am looking at isn't sad at all, it's happy days. The mind is a strange thing sometimes. I realise that all I am looking back on has happened, it's part of my history and it's there to remind me of happier not sadder days.
The trick is to live in the moment. You can't regret the past - it has happened and nothing you can do will change it. The "Now" is the only reality. Amazing, I've pulled myself out of the sadness where I started writing. This happens a lot, I just need to work out what my mind is trying to do and then I can tackle it.
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