Now That's Interesting

 I've been working with AI on this Advertisement campaign.  It's been very interesting and I'm massively impressed with this "teamwork" as within 4 days trying various iterative keywords we have nailed it to getting really decent hits and downloads.  Because the sales data is disconnected by two days I cannot see if we have actually sold anything yet but the download rate is now excellent and interestingly yesterday alone I had more downloads in a day than I have had in three months!

What I like about this working with AI is that I can ask stupid questions and interact with it in such a ways as to have built what looks to be a successful campaign in just a few days adjusting and refining as we have gone along I am very impressed with the results so far.  If it converts to people buying then I will be happy but also I will be in a quandary as to what to do next.  I really didn't think that it would be this successful an exercise and so maybe, just maybe, it will bear some fruit 9 years after planting the seed!  Nice.

Will The Veil Fall From The Eyes Of The Masses?

 The unbelievable erosion of our way of life continues and the writing is on the wall for those who can lift their eyes from their doom scrolling mobiles long enough to read it and moreover understand it.

This morning's ONS stats showed a 0.3 or 0.1 % growth in GDP and was once again hailed as things aren't so bad it's all going to be OK.  Of course, look a little deeper and one part is showing a recovery from the JLR hack and so that is a correction but what disturbed me was the loss of construction contribution of 1.3%!  That's huge news.  We always used to say that you could work out how economically good or bad things were by the number of cranes over London.  Coming in on the train you could see it and working in that industry you knew things were tough or booming.  

It was also telling that you can feel something boiling under now.  More elections have been delayed, things are getting progressively bad in terms of free speech yet again.  The "be nice brigade" are being anything but nice and in many ways there are things going on that should not be happening in the UK.  Banning people coming into the country because they hold a differing opinion to the Government.  Our local water company has seen massive infrastructure issues lack or no water, treatment systems gone wrong, tens of thousands affected and questions asked whether they can provide new provision for the thousands of new homes proposed. 

It's all gone to hell in a handcart and it's no wonder that the people are beginning to stir.  These people have one job and they fail utterly to do it.  Keep the people safe and deliver services to protect and grow the nation.  They keep failing miserably, trying to fix stuff that isn't broken and then when they screw that up double down and screw it up further.  Utter shambles the lot of them.  They are so out of the depth on just about everything and incompetent doesn't even go part of the way in describing what it is like.  No plans, no clue, no vision, no ideas, no leadership just nothing an abyss of low IQ mediocrity.

But I still hear people coming out with their BBC headlines completely missing the point.  Follow the money, scratch the surface, chip away the thin already cracked veneer and gasp in horror at what these people have done and where they want to lead us. Dinosaurs led by Donkeys.  It's getting worse by the day and somewhere it has to be halted when the Emperor's New Clothes are exposed for what they are.  I feel a number of us are there before the remaining citizens.  We just need to drop our gaze from our TVs, mobile phones and devices to actually see what these people are doing destroying our once great country. 

More Evidence, If Any Were Required

 In a few areas.  Initially the Digital ID about turn from the Government and this wishy washy Prime Minister who wanted to turn us in to a "Ihre Papiere, bitte!"  state.  I think someone said it was the 11th about turn and he just doesn't appear to get it does he - or his amateur school ground MPs either.  Rather than fix the problems the country has, you've bought a bloody great digger and are trying to get to the bottom as fast as you can.  Total destruction and not one thing you can look to that matches their mantra of growth!

Secondly, my App isn't performing well either and so a decision will need to be made on that.  Perhaps a few more tweaks today and see how we go?  It's all data points for whether we go forward or shut down the business (I say we in the business sense in reality it is only me).

Edit - it is 13 U turns now and perhaps some more coming in.  His back benchers can see the writing on the wall and they must be getting furious correspondence from their constituents!  

Tuesday A Blues Day?

No, not this Tuesday it isn't although it is a quiet sort of morning.  The advert I set up yesterday doesn't appear to have done much at all really so it has been tweaked to see if any traction can be had from that.  It's important as it is an experiment on the App and whether it can be seen, downloaded and more overly bought by some of the people who download it.

It's the acid test really to see if it is going to be viable.  I need to have given it every chance to succeed before pursuing it or closing it down.  There aren't that many options left open to the business if no one sees it or buys it.

It's one of those things isn't it? It is out of my hands at the moment until the results arrive and frankly the overnight results were - well - nothing at all! So a few tweaks to see if the system needed a few more dollars spent to get it to activate.

I feel that I have given it enough in the past 9 years and so it only really remains to give it the final acid test and if people buy it, great and if they don't well I tried.  

Blue Monday Apparently

 follow the money!:

"Blue Monday, typically the third Monday in January, is popularly dubbed the "most depressing day of the year," a concept created for a travel company's PR stunt, not based in science, but it serves as a timely reminder to check on mental well-being during a gloomy winter period of post-holiday blues and bad weather."

My Monday is going to be a bit different I think.  I have some accounts to complete and then I am going to do some business analysis and do a short exercise in sales and advertising / marketing.  Having got a very few downloads I am going to try an experiment with paid product placement and see where that goes.  When the period of experimentation is up or I run out of £s to run it, I can review the success or failure rate and then it gives me the information I need to either go forward or rethink the whole venture.

I would imagine that either way will be interesting as an intellectual exercise but in the back of my mind I am coming around to the idea that if I close it down then I at least get my life back and can properly retire something that this has prevented.  But who knows?

Interesting Week Coming Up

 Today I am off for my Lodge meeting and I have a fair bit of work to do, tomorrow will be banking and doing my Treasurer bit and then on Monday I will do either the first or last thing with the business.  What do I mean by that?  Well it is a make or break exercise to determine if there really is a market for the App.  It will be an interesting exercise in an area that I am unfamiliar with and we will see if people like and more importantly will buy the App.  It is a freemium offering which means you can download and try for free and if you like it you can do in-App purchases but it isn't a subscription model.

Based on that exercise, I can determine if it is worth running the business or just pulling the plug on it.  Either way, it sets the direction for 2026.  In some ways it is a key moment as in my heart of hearts I've had enough of it and I really don't feel like going through all of hassle I've suffered this past 18 months or so.  

It may be that it is freedom calling and freeing me from any further obligation to people who 2 to 3 months ago didn't want me to run the company on their behalf.  I probably should have let them win then and sit back as it all fell apart as they have / had no idea what was setup and how to operate it.  It would have crashed and burned.  It will be what it will be of course and that will be that.

Over Compensation

 On Tuesday I was late to get to the Garage because of roadworks and I guess it was about 20 - 25  minutes delay.  I did get to the Dentist in time as I had planned extra time.  Not wishing to be caught out I left 1 hour for my journey to the Dentists today.  That would allow me say 30 to 45 minutes of delay and still get there in time.

You know what's coming next, of course.  I left with an hour to spare and I was through the traffic lights and the roadworks, parked and parking paid in 14 minutes. I was in the dentist reception as it was throwing it down with rain and windy just 50 minutes early!  I didn't stop for coffee or food like I might normally do as I am sure my Hygienist would not have appreciated it.

I would rather be early than late.  Anyway all was good and so a visit in 9 months to scale & polish so that's OK then.

More crazy stuff from our politicians.  If you are distrusted and despised, keep lying etc.  What would you do?  I think I'd be on some sort of charm offensive to win back support but no, not our lot, they continue to double and triple down on policies that are there just to spite us.  There's no reason to do them, they show complete disdain for us and it appears that they'd rather be the MP for Gaza or somewhere in Pakistan than actually roll their sleeves up, dirty their hands and look after their own constituents.  

They truly are a disgusting bunch of low life scum with little or no understanding where their loyalties lie.  They need to fix stuff here, most of which they've broken in the first place.  As I wrote to our recent Council consultation "If it ain't broke, don't fix it or try to make it better" because, they never do.  Pathetic meddling and interfering with our lives and freedoms and liberties will come to a head and then we will see which way up is.  My old boss used to put his stupid oar in where it wasn't needed.  My jobs were successful despite him not because of him.  I was forever repairing relationships with customers and firefighting where he had stuck his nose in where it wasn't wanted.  Best of all is where we lost a multi million pound contract and I got the potential customer to write to our Chairman about it and why through my boss's interference and stupidity they could not award the contract to us.  We were the preferred contractor until he gate crashed a meeting and then made an arse of himself in front of the customer.  How I didn't deck him as we left the meeting I don't know but the bollocking I gave him in the middle of the street was excellent.  

The top man called me into his office to tell me off for yelling and swearing at my boss.  So I explained my position and the huge loss of revenue and the circumstances and said a letter would be forthcoming about it.  I looked around for a new job and got it a few weeks later and left them to it.

Is That Any Way To Run A ####### Ballroom?

 The phrase "Is That Any Way To Run A ####### Ballroom?'" refers to the phrase that was part of a recurring comedic line, often delivered by one character to the other, usually involving the criticism: "Is that any way to run a ####### ballroom?" It was, of course, a phrase used by the alter egos of British comedy duo Peter Cook and Dudley Moore (also known simply as "Pete and Dud"). 

Indeed the phrase comes to mind every time I hear or see a Labour politician these days.   Have they no idea how pathetic they sound, how disjointed their arguments are and how awful they appear to ordinary people?  They ignore evidence right under their noses, they argue that black is white and vice versa.  It's like listening to a child arguing and having no logical clear thinking.  It is as if none of them has ever actually tackled anything bigger than ordering a sausage roll from Greggs - even then, I'm not convinced they'd not burn their mouths when attempting to eat it.

The more they argue or try to communicate the more they dig a hole for themselves.  Nothing gets better and their continued appearance pissing on me and telling me it's raining, is wearing mighty thin and not only is patience running out with them but they are now so regularly awful that it is beginning to become apparent what a shambles these politicians are to the wider public (and it is about time people started to see through it).

The slow motion car crash has taken just 18 months (or thereabouts) to demonstrate that they have no ideas, no plan, no vision, dreadful communication and things are accelerating to a financial and social disaster.  They've already run out of other people's money.

My daughter is leaving the country for "a year or two" and I wonder if she will return?  That's a difficult thing, given my age and medical history.  She's not the only one who is leaving.  Those young enough and mobile enough are "Getting the hell out of Dodge!" It is difficult enough for them to get on the housing ladder and any hard work is rewarded by vicious theft via taxes and as usual ideology trumps hard work.  They never ever get it do they?  If you punish enterprise and ambition you get nowt, zilch, nada, nothing.  Socialism has never worked but those who voted that way are now learning that they really are scumbags.  They have no idea how the vast majority of us live, not a clue, the politics of envy they call it and this is right in your face, no shame, no pity and let's hope these evil gits are drummed out of office and shunned by all reasonable law abiding people. 

What Interesting Times We Inhabit

 I find it quite hilarious in some ways when we look at the current state of politics and generally any utility business and some of the people in local Government too.

You have (or had) one job!  But rather than spend our money wisely on the services we require, they go off on some crazy vanity project or squander money on stuff that isn't actually important.  I saw one council spending money on a mural, another on suggesting that flags some 15 metres in the air made it difficult for car drivers to see!  Really! Then there are the other pseudo science things - some 150 councils have signed up to Net Zero and are haemorrhaging our money on that.  Some are putting parking restrictions and parking fees and fines up so that anytime you park it costs you.  At the same time they wine on about no one visiting the town centres and blame it on online shopping.  I suppose that is true as I can get the same things with no parking fees, no hassle, no carrying for miles to get to my car and generally 10% or more cheaper.

All the while they stuff up business rates and make the place unattractive to visit, they continue to support minority groups with grants of our money and yet ask them to deliver the services we want and they look at you as if you are mad!  The do the basics well ethos has gone, no one is sacked for cocking stuff up and more often they are rewarded.  I see one councillor screwed up so often and conducted themselves in a less than professional way but got a New Year's Honours gong anyway.

The Water company boss who presided over a complete failure of the one job he has - to supply water to people gets away with a light slap on the wrist.  In all the years of privatization it appears that they forgot what their primary role was, there is no planning, no sort of contingency plans and everyone suffers as they just do not deliver what they said they should, what they are paid for!

It's a real nightmare watching the PM and the Government just digging themselves into holes and making things worse and then telling us that they are the adults in the room!  They have no idea and don't seem to realize that we can all see how awful they are. they command no respect whatsoever and just appear to be the best incompetence duffers of a bad bunch.  It's pathetic to watch them squabbling and weasel wording and still doing nothing.  They complain about stuff not realising that they, themselves, have the absolute power to change things.  Not a bloody clue.  The most hated politicians ever I'd suggest.  Yet they think they are the complete opposite!  

It's all falling down and crumbling before our eyes but they cannot see it, do not appear to even sense it.  I kind of hope that it does come as a complete surprise to them and they fall as only those who occupy high position and are totally clueless can into the fiery pit of public anger and outrage.  How these low IQ people ever got to power if beyond me.  These sorts at my old school were separated from those who could into classes that had low expectations of any achievements at all.  

Dentist & Car Brakes Mission Completed

 That sort of worked out OK, dropped the car off at the garage but delayed due to having to take OH to the station and then running into roadworks but a quick call and five minutes late seemed to be OK.  Then the Dentists who were running late anyway, a quick inspection but need to go back to check on a spot on the gums in a month and I'm back there on Friday for the Hygienist as well hopefully the traffic will be a little less but I know now so can plan for the delay.

Back home via the Butcher and Supermarket and so that's another chore done.  Boy was it cold and I had to divert to have a breakfast and then a coffee on my way back to the garage.  It is -6 or so and it felt every bit of that.  When I got in it started to snow but that appears to have passed through now.  

At least that's the big expense on my car out of the way.  The mice have returned by  the looks of things too, I thought I saw mouse poo and put the traps out and one presented for me to dispose of on arrival to the Kitchen and so I need to check it out regularly.  I was surprised we hadn't got any this year so far but I did have the holes in house filled last year because we had so many Mice.  Way over 40.  The Sheep have disappeared from the field again.  They have been doing the Hokey Cokey this past month or so.  

Anyway the New Year is busy to start which is probably a good thing.  

Gosh It's Cold Today

 A good few degrees minus I'd say and the small amount of snow we had on Friday remains where it is in the shade.  Another day of slow but steady progress today and alleluia the accounts balanced - I hate doing accounts and I'd almost got them to balance but the chap who audits them for me is really good at finding these little errors. I'd found one of the big ones (accruals are a pain in the nether regions).  A few odd typos and we were there.  Anyway, with those done I can get onto catching up with another set of accounts and seeing how they do.  Hopefully it should be easier now.

My other accounts are done and so I just need to tidy those up and hopefully I can do that later this week.

I really do feel cold though, my hands particularly as I am typing away and the whole house feels bitterly cold.  I need to make sure I wrap up warm tomorrow as I need to take my car in to get its brakes fixed and whilst that is happening I can go to the dentist about 15 minute walk away but I imagine it will be pretty chilly walking through the industrial estate and the High Street. 

Next week is make or break with the business.  Whilst I'd set myself a target of March - sales are non-existent and actual downloads are in single figures - double if you include last years.  At least I will be able to make a decision based on some hard business facts and then will have to face the reality of it all.  

That's The Ticket

 A bit at a time and small steps works.  I have just done a few hours work on the business and in just over a week I go for a trial to see if I can drum up any interest at all as sales are sluggish to say the least but the competition is quite fierce but my model is different.  That needs my full attention and so it is a week and a bit away as there are cars to be fixed, dentist and hygienist to see as well as some other pressing jobs.

It is kind of make or break in a way to see if I can get the sales moving and it requires a little investment (speculate to accumulate) and so a short term experiment is required.  It will determine whether or not to pursue the business.  At least it will give me some ideas of where it is headed and whether to close it or not.

It's perishing cold outside and bringing in the bins was a chilly affair.  My hands still aren't warm and I've been in for half an hour!

Anyway, quite pleased that I have at least got some constructive work done and will be able to do some more this afternoon. 

I Cannot Get Going Again Today

 It's one of those things I suppose.  I want to get tucked into some work and getting things done and I just cannot get motivated at all.  I don't get it.  I have a list of stuff to do and yet three hours in I have only achieved one thing and that's it.  I go to start, get distracted, nothing gets done. Crazy. Actually two things. 

Mind you it is cold today and my fingers are freezing, overnight snow but mostly melted now and just not a lot to get me motivated.  Having said that I have actually done a few things on my listing but mainly the easiest things there is other stuff to tackle.  

Elephant eating is required and I will attempt to do that by breaking stuff into bite sized chunks.  Here goes, once more into the breach...

It's Not Easy Trying To Get Yourself Up

I think once you#ve dug yourself into the rut you are in it is quite difficult to get back out of it.  You know you need to do it but somehow, just letting it all wash over you for another hour or day is OK even if you feel bad about letting that happen.

Of course, these things cannot happen overnight and take time but I observe myself just wasting my time and deciding to play a game of Solitaire rather than getting on with what i need to do to break free.

It's a slow process and I will get there it will just take time and effort and determination to achieve it.  At least the first hurdle is out of the way - there's no more beer in the house and it was all too easy to pour a drink, watch YouTube and wallow in my depression.  I need to set to and start to tick these tasks off of my to-do list.  I managed to do some quite complex tasks and finish them before Christmas so it is achievable, I just need to settle down, get distracted less and do it.

Roll On 2026

New Year's Day. It's just another day but you can treat it as a milestone and make various changes.  I am making a few changes and the business is the first one to attempt and then my health as I cannot quite believe how much weight I have put on in the last month so I will get back on track with that.  I am not drinking either and ceremonially drank my last beer just before midnight.

It's make or break on the business and in July it is 20 years since the Bladder Cancer presented itself.  If nothing else I need to make myself fit again and to stop injuring myself with alcohol and the wrong food.  

Moving forward is the way to go without doubt but I still have the odd flash back and regrets about the past but there's nothing that can be done about those and so I will be working more on that too.  I have too many ups and downs and it needn't be so.  I think too much and get lost in endless analytical loops.

Roll The Dice

 If it were up to me I would have let the bloke take over the business and watch as it crashed and burnt to the floor but no I had to look after everyone as I should have done.  That leaves me in a bit of a spot though as I now have had no real sales in 3 months and I gave myself 6 months to see if it was viable.  2 of the first 3 months were taken up with all that nonsense and now we are at a fork in the road.  No sales at all and a last roll of the dice beckons.  An experiment focused purely on sales over a limited period and then we will see if a direct pay per click through brings in the right audience or not.  

A short swift trial and then I can decide what to do.  No one seems to be interested but I haven't been doing targeted sales.  In for a penny in for a pound as they say.

Another Circuit Around The Sun

 What a horrible year it has been. You get your reward for being a good person by being screwed to the wall and here I am feeling like a boxer having gone 9 rounds and using the ropes to fend off the blows.  All the while my resolve gets weaker and weaker and yet I realise I must not buckle to this onslaught.

Business and just living are taking a mighty big slice out of my life.  Things are not enjoyable, not how they "should be" in my imagined perfect world. I've always had this problem that nothing turns out the way that I imagine it will.  Holidays, events are just a few that leave me disappointed and try as I may to not have preconceptions I still do.   That's a problem that I probably need to tackle.  Then there's this whole retirement business too.  It's very different and not what I expected it to be either.  The house, the build up of cr@p and detritus needs tackling but if only one of you wants to achieve that, it too adds to my general level of low esteem.

Of course I've had this a lot and there is an answer but it's disruptive and expensive and I very much doubt that it can be achieved at the moment either.

So 2025 can do one I'm thinking and 2026 can perhaps begin to make some changes.  It needs to as I am in a darkish place and don't want to stay here much longer.  

Another Disturbed Night

After a nice  lunch with my girls I came back to a house which is slightly divided shall we say.  I find the current situation one that I have been in before but this is quite different I have to say.  I woke with a start again around 3:30 and then my mind kicked in again and I was running through things that I shouldn't do and it was a maelstrom of thoughts and ideas but with no answers or dead ends on every turn.

When there appears no way out it makes your mind race even more to find some sort of resolution and that wakes you more and corners your options and there you are in some spiral of despair for no reason.  After about an hour (it could be less) I managed to go back to sleep.  It's these restless nights that are becoming a habit and I need to work on them. I am still tired from my previous fitful night and so I must work on getting past this current feature of my sleep pattern.

There's that nagging feeling once again that it will all end badly coming down the track.  I hope not but you never know, it feels vaguely familiar! 

The Struggle Continues

 Last night was pretty disturbed by any accounts.  We both said it was hot in the house - which is surprising as the thermostat had been turned down the day before.  

Got into bed and I felt so hot that I had to get up and come downstairs for an hour or so to see if I could sleep down there.  A little fitful sleep and so I decided to go back up and then sleep came and I got about 3 or 4 hours I suppose.

It didn't help that I was mulling over the situation I am in.  The business doesn't look like it is going anywhere fast and I don't have the capital to do any targeted advertising.  So I was thinking do I run for the three months I have given myself or just cut my losses and close it down? Home life is not particularly smooth either and I have bad thoughts again which need to be banished back to whence they came - this is trapped, claustrophobic and wanting to flee and just stop the world stuff.  It is not great I have to say and there's just an aimlessness pervading my thoughts and my actions.

I'm having the death thoughts as well and so struggle with an internal fight and no, it's not the type that required calling The Samaritans - it isn't 'that sort' of suicidal thoughts although they are there it is my mind processing stuff and like I said this time last year, I miss my family a lot.  I suppose I shouldn't feel like that it was, however, me that left the family unit after all those years and I have to live with those consequences but it's happening again and I am back to where I started when I left because of the situation I was in.

Apart from a video call I haven't seen my grandchildren at Christmas.  I will see my daughters tomorrow but not the grand kids.  I said last year I would make more effort and perhaps that is the change I need to make?  I am still quite wounded by the crap that's been thrown at me over the business, hence I would prefer to just shut it and walk away.  Of course I need to give it a bit more time and see is sales can materialise and if they do then what am I going to do?  I'd have to run the business then and that's another chore I may currently not want.

I hope that I can shake this malaise off as I was doing OK up to a point in controlling it all but obviously not.  

I know what is going on and worse than that I know what the answer is but I am not brave enough to tackle that right now.  I give my self until March to resolve the business (or in the next week LOL) and then I need to seriously consider my situation.  

That's A Wrap - Christmas Day Done

 I've been cooking Christmas lunch for as long as I can remember after leaving my parents.  Sometimes just assisting though but for 30 years or more, doing it all.  Yesterday was interesting as I ordered a smaller Turkey and Gammon and less veg and so it was easier to pull together.

We still have a few days worth of food though to work our way through.  It was actually an enjoyable day and I got some rest and an obligatory 5 minute snooze when I did sit down! 

I think it is going to be an interesting year ahead.  I can't see the business taking off and interest has been low.  I will need to work out some strategy to work on it for the first three months and if not successful then just close it all down.

If that happens I will need to work on finding something else to occupy my time and my interests - maybe, finally, I get to retire and have done with it. 

Strange Times

 It is indeed a strange time, this Christmas is quite different so far.  I've cut back spending as I am expecting  a few hefty bills to land including the heating circulation pump.  My car's tax has just landed and I need the brakes repaired and two dentist visits to add to that and it soon mounts up.  Paying the ULEZ extortion racket fees and paying for the food and presents just needed to be scaled back.  However, it is more the lack of anything festive being presented in the house.  The outside lights (installed permanently) are working and I have set up a projector with festive clips and Christmas music plays but there's not a decoration up in the house at all and it's the 21st December.

I don't know if we are waiting for our grandson so he can help or quite what? Anyhow, we will no doubt find out later today or tomorrow when he comes over to see us.

I ended up yesterday going out to sort out a dishwasher that had stalled and taken out the circuit breaker and luckily it was just a matter of checking it over. On the way back I picked up a Sympathy card and have written that for my friend.  What a shocking and sad thing that was.  I had no idea that she has passed away and so sent a Christmas card to them only last week. I was able to drop an email an apologise yesterday.  

I think everyone is out today so that gives me a chance to take stock and to get some bits ready for the coming week, wrapping presents, sorting out food and drink and so on.  It just doesn't feel like a normal Christmas at all.

It's Almost That Time Of Year Again

 It's rushing up fast and it will soon be Christmas Day and we can all sit back and wonder what on Earth all that was about?  I realised I'd slightly overdone it this year again although no where near as much as previous years.  Far too much food I can see and not the right sort for me in particular lots of Carbs hidden in plain sight!

A few days of working on the important jobs of advertising the App and trying like mad to find time to wrap presents but have the added "benefit" of our grandson for two days as well which I should have factored in but haven't  So that's two days gone south!  Oh well, I guess it isn't important, it will all happen but not in the way I expected it to.

So then we have the sad news.  I have only just found out that a friend of mine's wife has passed away.  That was a huge shock and I would think it was to him too.  I'd just sent their Christmas card too so I feel bad he will have received a card that will remind him of this sad turn of events. The funeral is on Monday and I cannot attend it.  I will have to get a sympathy card out to him as soon as I can.  I have no idea how I am going to word it.  I don't think any of us thought this could happen.  So sad, a lovely lady too.  Life is sometimes quite unfair I find.

There's my Car Tax bill arrived too, so more money and these last minute things that are needed soon add up as well.

Oh well, I'd better get on and sort things out - I now need to go and mend my partner's son's dishwasher that has blown a fuse!  Ho hum.

AI - Amusing Outcomes

 I like and use AI quite a bit although not every day and not to its full extent but I use it for rephrasing my ideas and cleaning up things like adverts which is where the amusement has come in.

On Facebook someone is adverting a Christmas projector light so here is the copy on the ad "Here's a possible ad for the Christmas lights: 'Brand new Christmas lights for sale, £10. Available for pick up in Tunbridge Wells. Please message for more details!'"

So it amused me that they have copied and pasted the whole answer in. You have to use your judgement and actually read what the answer is before using it.

Anyway that amused me this morning. When not much amuses me these days!

Christmas Lunch & Gatekeepers

 We normally meet in the evening but for various reasons ended up having lunch and with a discount voucher in hand we all met up and reminisced for 4 hours over a slow pub lunch of fish and chips and zero alcohol beers.  We have known each other for 58 years or thereabouts.  We were down on numbers as one has Sciatica which sounds painful and the other lives up north and so we only see him when he is down this way!

So that is that for 2025 and another meet up in January awaits.  I'll no doubt be charged £12.50 for daring to enter (by just under a mile) the ULEZ zone!  

As for Gatekeepers this refers to Admins of groups on Facebook particularly but I've known it for other sites.  They can be fine or they can be cantankerous and also they aren't really wide awake either.  One asked me about the App and they couldn't get that it was global but why would I want to advertise in their area?  Where are you based? asked another.  They  too could not equate that as the App was available everywhere that it didn't matter where I was bade and they couldn't understand it as theirs was a local group?  They then have some petty rules which are surely made to trip you up?

This is like Instagram that repeatedly tells me it wants content and then because I posted twice a day stopped my account!  I had to go through hoops to unlock it not once, not twice but three times.  It said my account was acting like a bot.  I politely explained that it was they who were encouraging me and near on bombarding me with emails to post content so I spent some time making posts with tins of SPAM on them and posting those for a while.

Into battle again with those Admins today - Christmas Spirit? Bah Humbug! 

Huh? Where Did All The Sheep Come From?

 Well that's strange - having seen a lorry load of Sheep disappear last week and the field empty I'd thought (wrongly as it turns out) that they'd all gone to their winter quarters leaving us with a blank Sheep free landscape to look out on.  So it was a surprise to see the fields at the back full with them this morning.

I hadn't seen them on my return from the funeral yesterday so the Shepherd must have moved them late in the afternoon!  Nice to have them back.

I did something I don't normally do which was to post on an old friend's Facebook Profile.  She died quite suddenly about 12 years ago I suppose and she was a wonderful person and I suppose coming back from the funeral yesterday I decided, on what would have been her birthday to say something and I really don't normally do that.

"Happy Heavenly Birthday to dearest Wendy. I know this profile photo is still here for a reason—it reminds us all of the most beautiful soul many of us have ever known.

You faced immense challenges with such incredible grace. Your struggle never once dimmed your light or stopped you from being the most kind, thoughtful, and considerate person. You possessed a quiet, radiant inner peace that was a gift to everyone around you.

I find comfort in the memory of your peaceful spirit. The world was a brighter place because you were in it."

I had never thought to post this sort of thing but I found myself thinking about how she radiated inner beauty and calmness. She had a wasting disease as did her sister who passed around the same time (I think) which made it difficult to walk and sometimes mush to my concern to swallow properly but she would carry on regardless. She was a highly intelligent lady and full of grace and humour, solidly grounded and now, as I look back I can see that she was fully aware of what was coming down the track, had made peace with herself about it and got on with the life she had left. We used to enjoy Christmas and Boxing day with her and I think she and I got on so well as I had my Cancer problems and she her problems too but we didn't dwell on those we just had family fun and that's how I remember her as she joined in everything with the same enthusiasm and I would get chided for worrying too much about her!

It is very rare you meet anyone like that who glows with presence and are comfortable in their own skin, sometimes the very old have it and whilst I strive to be that way, this special lady touched all around her. I am blessed to have known her and just hope that I too may find that peace in the future rather than to get a few seconds of it every now and then!

The Modern Way - Another "Friend" Gone

 Someone I loosely call a friend - you know, connected on Facebook and LinkedIn and so on and I worked quite closely with them around 20 years ago.  Today and not for the first time published a post on Facebook that was offensive and shoutey if there is such a word.  So un-friend and un-follow were required.  You see, it's like the bloke who rather than discuss climate change his first words were yelled into my face "You're a Climate Denier!!" and also decided to yell at me for my Brexit views.

This chap decided to call me (although he doesn't know this) a "racist" for being a member of a certain political party.  So he tarnished everyone of us with a blanket quite outrageous statement and you can't go around doing that and have no consequence for it.  I know, free speech and all that, but to blanket bomb people with this now, often overused and I suppose thereby meaningless statement surely shows the way that we have dumbed down society where yelled and thrown about libels are bandied around as facts or truths.

Anyway, I will never have to see or hear from him again which is good, he's turned into a right disgusting mouthpiece for vitriol and rudeness these past few years and if he thinks and acts like this his mind is already poisoned and yo don't need that in your life.  I've already been giving him 30 days rest at a time but this is enough.

Ah but what about free speech when you block someone I hear some ask?  Well I'm not stopping him from saying and posting what he wants, its up to him.  I am choosing not to read it which is totally up to me, his rights are not affected and my rights are not to hear stuff I don't want to which is fully exercising my rights too of course.

Thank Goodness That's Fixed!

 I'd turned off the mains water and the boiler and controls and our friendly Heating Engineer arrived quite late, it was dark and didn't need to drain down the system such is the configuration and the location of well sited stop cocks etc. It was the most awkward bit of plumbing you can imagine and his colleague also arrived to bring some tool they needed.

Bless him, the job was completed and they both left with the new gleaming copper work in place of the horrible stuff that was here before.  Hurrah.  The usual turning on the heating system and hot water and timers and programmers and we were away.  The taps and shower joyfully spitting away until the air had escaped the pipe work.  Invoice arrived this morning and duly paid straight away - for the sort of service they deliver it is only right that they should get their bill paid immediately.

There's that inevitable dampness around and the airing cupboard feels more like a sauna at the moment as the leaked water drys out from under the floor boards!  Lucky we found the leak I say.

So at least that is one thing off my mind although not entirely as it makes me concerned about the remainder of the pipework in the house and after the electric problem a few weeks back, that too.  

Anyway, we are fixed, we have hot water and heating and that's the thing really.  Good trades people are hard to find. 

A Day Without Water

 Yikes - that's some leak we have and I am just about to cut off the water to the house and hope our man can fix it.  What a pain but at least I found it early and at least it is fixable although it really is in the most difficult and awkward place imaginable. 

So a full drain down of the system is required and that will then allow the leak to be fixed.  It looks like a badly soldered joint to me that has overtime just allowed water to seep through and that's why there was a build up of yukky stuff (a technical term) around the pipe.  I have to say I thought that they had dealt with that when we had all the work done recently and at the beginning of the year.  Obviously not.

Anyway, a day without water beckons....  

It's All In Your Head

 It is, one of the strangest things is surely that your head conjures up all this stuff and makes things that don't exist look almost real.  I need to channel my inner Matrix at times to realise that lots of this stuff just doesn't exist other than as neurons rattling around in your head.  "Is that air you are breathing?" says Morpheus to Neo after he has exerted himself and is recovering from the effort.  

On some days I am aware enough to realise this and on others days, not so much.  It is easy to let ego and the pain body and subconscious run things until you become aware that it is that causing the pain and distraction.  Quite how you master yourself to control it, is something quite different.  With the constant victim-hood of the pain body, the insatiable appetite of the ego and the programmed actions of the subconscious it can be a battle in your head that whatever part controls keeping it all under control feels overwhelmed by and unable to.

At the moment it is keeping it all under control that is testing me.  The time of year is not helpful either.  Christmas was always a happy time but I haven't had a Christmas with my family for 14 years or so.  I have celebrated with my partner's family but it really isn't the same and it affects the way I think and act plus it is a dark time of year.  Not ling now until the shortest day and that trend starts to reverse.  

There is an urge to just walk away and drop all of the commitments that I have the business included for what do I have to prove and what does it matter?  The ego says give it a go and the pragmatist says let it go.  Both are possible.  I have decided to give it a three month go and if it doesn't happen then I can close it down and have done with it.  

Do I really need to do any of these things what is their purpose?  Why would you do it and what's the point? Add to this there is the procrastination, the over thinking and the self imposed stress and anxiety that manifests itself.  The paranoia that this ex business partner is "out to get me" doesn't help and applying a little logic to the situation settles down the internal strife and conflict that only really exists in my head.

So the battles rage in your mind as most of this stuff isn't real "pain" shall we call it?  In fact it is your very own body that conjures this stuff up and sets you down a path of pain, stress and anxiety.  It is what it is and there is the reality of it.  I beat myself up for not realising there was a leaking pipe.  The maintenance man was right there in that very room a few weeks ago and didn't notice it and so why should I?  Why am I worrying about it?  Because my head is telling me that it is my fault.  It isn't of course and so it is with many things that I come across.  

So what to do about it?  It's not some sort of revelation as I know this stuff.  I have to overcome the way my brain works and so actually having moments like this, catching myself in it's brain conflict, it's like an imaginary war inside my skull, it is a power game, brain politics and that's what is so curious about it.  This maelstrom of thoughts and scenario playing doesn't actually achieve anything these days (different when I was working I'd say).  I probably need to just start being more conscious again and make sure that I catch myself descending into the created imaginary situation constructed by my brain.  

How's Your Luck?

 I walked into the Airing Cupboard and there was a slightly musty yet humid smell in the air.  Looking down I found that the floorboards were looking damp and yes, of all things, we have a leak right on the bend of one of the pipes.  I'd say it was a small dry solder joint and it needs fixing (of course).  So my heating man is coming over shortly to assess it as my pictures were not of the greatest quality I have to say.  So that's how my luck is as I am still awaiting the bill for the new motor! 

I guess it is best to find this right now and get it sorted out but what a blooming nuisance!  I think it must have been leaking for sometime too by the looks of it but now it is flowing faster which means it is increasing the pinhole from whence it is emanating.

Typical!  Oh well, it could of course be worse, it could be somewhere where I couldn't see or sense it.

Oh No Super Flu

 So it's going to be named "Super Flu" now is it.  Perhaps my least favourite superhero! 

The NHS want people wearing masks again and yet there is, as I have written before and cited various papers etc no sane reason to do so.  Cloth masks just get damp and surgical masks have way too many gaps in them and cannot halt viruses.  If you wear a mask that stops viruses you need something more than something you can easily breathe in.  

I hope most people see this for what it is?  More state control, more ordering you about, telling you what you can and cannot do.  People who have no meaning to their loves ordering around others so they can feel good in the name of health - yea right!  

It is everywhere now, being told what you can and cannot do and being the sort of person who never took orders without a reason behind them, it really does annoy the hell out of me why anyone gives these people the time of day.  

Remember that masks were not a first line of defence either, they came about through pressure from public sector and civil servants.  There are a series of good books about all of this Dr. Ben Irvine and Laura Dodsworth are a few to open your eyes.  There are more too.  My own research and my own experience rang alarm bells along with the nudge techniques that were used and the heightening of alarm and fear by these leaders.  Disgusting behaviour and watching the crowds turn to sheep was not a great moment either was it?

I hope that at last the people will ignore all of this and do the right thing and take normal precautions.  I've not been anywhere but have a cold picked up somehow, these things are airborne and it's winter and no matter how much I look after myself it's bound to happen, masks or not.

Anyway, let's hope that some common sense is shown but you know, there's newspapers to be sold, headlines don't write themselves and if there isn't anything else to worry us about then this will have to do.

Cognitive Dissonance - Everywhere

 Cognitive dissonance is the mental stress or discomfort felt when holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes, or when your actions contradict your beliefs, creating an internal inconsistency that people are motivated to reduce. To relieve this unease, individuals often change their beliefs, justify their behaviour, downplay the conflict, or seek new information that supports their actions, even if it's irrational.

You see it everywhere these days along with blind pig ignorance, hypocrisy and outright lies.  The problem is that it is almost accepted behaviour these days.  Given actual facts the person denies those facts exist.  This morning someone was getting up on their high horse about where one of the political parties got some of their funding from and how they felt that was bad.  The interviewer asked them where their funding came from and they weren't sure but stated that it couldn't be as bad as this other parties' donor.  The interviewer then destroyed them with facts about a few of their less savoury donors.  But it mattered not, they charged on ignoring that and went on the attack on the other party.

In my days, if I'd have been challenged like that, I'd ask for the facts and time to look into them and then come back with an apology or a rebuttal for not all facts are equal shall we say.

Politicians, in the face of utter opposition from the electorate and being caught out that certain things were not in their Manifesto push on regardless not noticing the damage they are doing to their party, politics in general and their own reputations in particular.  They do not appear to see their own hypocrisy, dysfunction and lack of common sense when they open their mouths.  

I do wonder how much longer they can keep this up?  Already social media posts and TV clips are being found where these idiots were expressing diametrically opposite views to the ones they now espouse.  I, for one, am pretty fed up with it.  I despise them and will not watch them.  I have no idea how I would react if I met them other than telling them how loathed and despised they really are.

For all of my working life I had a no lie policy as it doesn't pay off at all.  If I was made to by management I would quickly get another job and did so.  The number of people I have seen lie to try and get out of a spot of bother only to be found out and make things substantially worse are too numerous to count.  Some even went behind my back to my customer to fix a problem that existed only to find that I had already spoken to them and agreed a course of action.  Customers may get angry that a problem has happened but if you tackle it head on and have a plan to sort it out generally things will be OK.  

These people do not live by my rules and almost everyone knows that they cannot be trusted to say the truth or they will say one thing and do the other.  They wonder why they have lost the public's respect when the answer is right in front of their faces!  

That's It, Sorted The Main Event - Now For Plan B

 So I finally got the sale to go through using a different browser and that's it now I think.  Everything arriving boxed up and ready to go for the Big Day.  A few presents yet to arrive a couple of cards to turn up today and I think I am there.  Then there's getting all of the cards out and after that I can turn to kick starting the App sales, if possible.  I don't see much movement from all the work I did in October but it was a static sales launch and I had all that madness from the bloke who threw his toys out of the pram and them blamed me for it and has fired a whole broadside of shots my way.

So the decision has to be to try and get this out there and see if it has any traction whatsoever.  That's not easy as you have to reach the right demographic with the right equipment and then they need to download it and like it so hard work.  After all these years though, I think that I should give it the opportunity and give it a shot.  I am going to go for three months to try and resolve it.  If I cannot, then I will shut it down as it isn't worth pursuing something that nobody wants.  I can only do my best and see where it gets to.  At least I  have placed a limit on it and we can live or die by that.  

I think that is only fair and if it fails well I don't spend my life (or the rest of it) pursuing it. 

Diet Notes & Other Strange Things

I have lost around 3 stone this year although I can see that halting and reversing for the next two or three weeks as Christmas hoves into view and the excesses of food and alcohol take their toll.

So back to diet notes.  On Monday and Tuesday morning we have breakfast (cooked English) together but for the remainder of the week I don't eat until I feel hungry so that tends to be anywhere after noon and even as late as 2 pm and have dinner around 7:30 pm missing out breakfast altogether which is part of this 5:2 regimen Lately though I find that I am not hungry at all on Monday and Tuesday mornings and struggle to eat a plateful of food.  I am going to have t cut down on the amount I eat on those days or just not eat at all like I do for the rest of the week.  

I find myself feeling satiated after half of my cooked breakfast which I guess is all part of the 5:2 diet.  When I do eat at other times I do so until I don't feel hungry and generally that is all I do eat.  It is quite strange not really wanting food until much later in the day but I am not feeling any strange affects and the loss of weight is the main benefit.  

I've just ordered a major shop that is all for Christmas and that is due Saturday which will provide the basis for a week or more of excess.  Having done that I went to another site that I use which is specifically nuts, dried fruit etc.  And blow me down, just as I go to checkout the online basket reset itself and all of my basket disappeared.  Really annoying I can tell you.  I had that with a major shop not long ago and it was yell out loud annoying.  I'm guessing it is my PC which is getting old and the cookie's resetting which have done it.  So I'd better get back to see if I can recover the situation.

Right In Your Face - How They Lie And Cheat

 We always knew it.  Politicians cheat and generally most of the stuff you hear on the News is manipulated and twisted to fit a narrative of some sort.  Let's take this morning's fear about Flu shall we.  It happens every year unless it was Covid when Flu never happened. In addition I have a feeling it was around 2018 we did have a lot of deaths from Flu and it pretty much surpassed the Covid deaths of a year or two later.  No one panicked then but, you know, look it up, it was all on reflection unnecessary and caused more harm than the lives it saved.

SO this morning they were concerned that there could be up to 10,000 cases requiring Hospitalization and it was a major concern to the Dr they wheeled out.  There are 145,000 to 165,000 beds in the NHS depending on who you ask.  Flu happens every year and yet it always comes as a surprise or a shock etc.  Why is that are our administrators and managers so utterly useless that they don't know this?  This was my sort of bread and butter at work, risk planing and mitigation it's what you did and what you were paid for.

Then there was some other nonsense during the week of placing illegal immigrants in the audience of Question Time to ask questions in Immigration well actually they are criminals as they came here without papers and crossed illegally so why on earth were they allowed to be with other people in a studio and asking questions that were designed and written for them?  But then it's the BBC and I only watch 2 or 3 programmes max on it now.  I've almost stopped watching any TV for this reason.  You can drive a bus through their arguments and the one sided reporting, once you see it and understand what is happening, is actually sickening and anger making.

Then there are our "politicians".  I am old enough to remember when I looked up to politicians and you could generally know which ones were the real deal and which ones were not.  Which ones were liars and which ones appeared to be playing a straight bat.  Today you'd be very bery very lucky to find one that even gave a 5% truthful answer.  There's seems no shame in lying all the time.  Giving out false data in an attempt to ram home a point. Getting away with behaviour that they themselves would demand a resignation for and doing it right in your face.  If they say one thing you can bet it is the diametric opposite of what they said.  Those who would call them out appear to be sidelined or silenced and it isn't just politicians either.  Heads of Quangos and Public Utilities get away with it too.

The level of hypocrisy is through the roof, the use of false and misleading "facts" is also a problem but then so is the level of the gullible Joe public.  If they aren't lying they are using bully tactics and riding roughshod over the will of the people and just "doing it anyway".  It's from the top down and yet no one is getting really angry about it and the media are reporting this stuff as if it is truth in their own quisling way.

Where is the anger and push back or are we letting them just run with the rope?  Often that is my preferred option in business, never interrupt an enemy when they are making a mistake is great to observe as they hoist themselves with their own petard so to speak.  

How long before these people are called out and swept away?  It's a bit Old Testament wanting them to be overwhelmed by the waters and swept off the face of the Earth but you probably get my overall feelings from that.  Let's hope people wake up, start to ask questions, do their own research, work out the facts and realise the pack of lies that they feed us non stop everyday so they can "rule us".  Surely it's time to say no and take back control?

Goodbye Sheep

 We have four large fields to the side and back of the house and they are occupied by Sheep between May (ish) and now.  Yesterday the Shepherd / Farmer came and got them and the Rams probably need to go lie down and recover and the Sheep will be in their Winter quarters.  Suddenly the passing of the day changes and you don't know what you've got until it's gone for sure.  The rhythm of life now changes and perhaps slows a little.  

Already the Pheasants are out and about more and Jackdaws, Magpies, Wood Pigeons and the occasional Fox are more noticeable.  The Kestrels and Buzzards are also out and about.  We do not have Squirrels or Rabbits near us although Squirrels are to be seen a couple of hundred yards away in the woods.  Occasionally we might see one but it is very rare possibly as there is little in the way of cover from predators.   

The fields are muddy and water trapped near the gate looks like a small pond now.  I imagine the dog walkers will feel empowered to let their dogs off of the leash which they really shouldn't, the Countryside Code was written about this.

During the year I had someone come and close all the gaps in the house - we had old pipe run holes, waste pipes here removed had been temporarily filled and the Air to one side of the house had not had an up-stand built.  So far this year I have a total of no Mice whatsoever in the traps, not one which is a record.  Normally around this time of year the little fellas get in and I unfortunately predate them with my traps.  One year we stopped counting at 40 - yes forty of the little guys had got into the house and made their way into the Kitchen where there would be food and where the traps are set.  Yes, I did feel bad about it and I use proper traps as the "humane" ones appear to me to be anything but and where would I release them they say 1 to 2 miles away but then they are in unfamiliar territory and you stress them out.  

You are also not meant to relocate animals anyway and you sort of condemn them to a slower death than just using the trap.  Anyway - the good news really is that his year the predation is at zero which I am very pleased about and hopefully means that they are all happily living in the garden and fields rather than trying to live in my Kitchen! 

The Blue Tits have not managed to get into the house again either, goodness knows how three of the quite beautiful little miracles of nature  got in is a mystery.  Getting them out is reasonably easy but at least they aren't in here now although one is pecking at my window as I write this.

We Have Forgotten Who We Are

 I am old enough to remember that despite the troubles of the 1970s and 1980s when London could be dangerous with bombings and the like, the people were generally law abiding citizens and you didn't seem to get the anger and dare I say it, self entitlement that you do these days.

Rose tinted glasses perhaps?  I liked London for all the reasons a young hot blooded youth would.  Live music, drinking (not so much restaurants) later on the theatre but you could have a good time and generally not have any trouble or problems, travel was easy and getting there and back wasn't a problem plus I had the stamina of youth - I probably didn't need to sleep for a month (no not really).  I could do a day's work then meet some friends go to various places to see a band have a beer and then get the second to last train home and be up two or three hours later on my way to work again.  I was only limited by the amount of money I had and we were paid weekly back in those days and in cash!

Today I look at the deceitful politicians and the way people treat each other and it really is quite different.  I'd go and see my grandparents and they were obviously from a generation that had lived through the war as adults, my parents had as children and there was I with my long hair and flared trousers, platform shoes and the next generation but we had manners and let people on and off the trains before us and would help someone with a pram or shopping up and down stairs or escalators, we'd use words like please and thank you and mean it, hold doors open and offer your seat to people.  Courteousness and civility, they seem to disappear with people's self entitlement.

I always smile, say please and thank you and when on the phone I will never use bad language or be nasty to a phone operator as they have a hard enough job as it is.  Always get their name and use it when talking to them and always than them for their help.  It costs very little to make other people feel better about themselves, to perhaps slightly brighten their day but also, they've helped you out too.  

The lies and deceit of people, the in your face hypocrisy - just look at the behaviour of the BBC for example and the number of people entitled to tell YOU what to do.  These are thick illiterate bastards as far as I am concerned and those are the people I am beginning to hate.  Thinking of my career (my first one) I had to go to college for three years to get my qualifications all the while working on site.  If I did something wrong I could kill someone so that's why it is important.  After many years I was promoted and then, and only then, could I tell (I actually ask normally) someone what to do.  I had the experiences, skills, practical background and qualifications to do so.

Today, look at the dross the reel out to tell you what to do.  Politicians who have never had a real job and have existed in the system from leaving University.  Councillor, lobbyist then a local MP and what do they bring to the benefit of their constituents?  That's right, sweet Fanny Adams.  They are a bunch of pathetic, entitled no nothing naive fools and that's insulting fools!  What gives them the right to be as utterly stupid as to think they can pontificate on any subject is beyond me.  I'd rather trust Wikipedia or the Guardian than one of these low life smug gits.

It doesn't stop their either does it?  Football pundits who know exactly what is going on is Israel or the Middle East and telling us which way to vote and what we should be thinking and actors, yes actors, those who's whole life is pretending to be other people demonstrating their financial (in) competence and explaining why socialism and communism are good things all the while sipping their Campari and Soda from their multi-million pound villa in Jean-Les-Pains.  All the while the gullible drink it all in, bloat on reality TV and Soap Operas and pick up all the bad habits of selfishness, greed, excess and gluttony and think it is how to behave.

Roll on the day when the Electricity system falls apart from mindless green stupidity and we no longer have to watch TV, look at our phones and tablets and emerge blinking into the sunlight and talk to each other, be nice to one another and go back to having real lives.  Maybe we will reawaken that greatness and pride we once had without being called racist which everything is these days or some other slur like denier words used when you cannot discuss things and want to stop the conversation.  

Filing And Shredding - Getting There

 It's quite a process but I am getting there.  Four large dustbin bags full of shredded paper and a fifth under way and space in the office where there was none before.  Small steps and achievements.  It was a little sad to see the old company stuff go but go it had to, it was 15 years old and you no longer need to keep those records and other records, over seven years, have also been shredded. I thought it would bring back memories but not so much.

What was funny was to find my 1976 diary where I did band practice in Hammersmith with Dave catching the 88 bus and getting home really late.  We had interesting times and he said that he thought I played guitar well.  Also in there was a note about Dora.  Now Dora was a young Turkish lady who worked for another company but was on block release at the same College I was at and we got chatting and used to hang around together at lunchtime etc.  All I recall about it was that I suggested meeting up but it appears that I got her phone number now this is highly unusual for me as I was the absolute worst at asking such things of young ladies.  It must have been some achievement as it made it into the diary but as all things when you are young, we lived a long way away and I got transferred to another college a lot nearer me and so it wasn't to be.  She was really nice too and a woman in a man's world of Electrical Engineering.   The diray also mentions the Moorgate Tube Disaster which a few of the lads from my year were on, mercifully they were not badly hurt

So my diaries have survived now I suppose I need to decide what to do with them.  They tell an interesting tale for me of what I was up to.  There is also a bit about my friend (who I have recently reconnected with) Penny who was at the Royal London training to be a Nurse.  She is now in New Zealand.  I have no idea if she knew how much I really felt about her but as I was often in and around her area, we used to hang out together, platonic friendships I guess, I don't know, may not be all that platonic :-) 

Another full on attack on the paper and filing today and hopefully Ill get somewhere near organised.

The other thing that flew through my mind was this bloke who's being an arsehole is that whilst there's been a lot of what he is going to do and legal action etc., the bottom line is that he really hasn't been involved in the company in well over a year and indeed he never was.   His actions, and his alone, are the cause of all his nonsense and if he did take it to some sort of legal action, there would be some eyebrows raised as I offered arbitration and it was flat out refused and in the same breath there is the classic denial that he ever was part of the business.  Surprised he wasn't dissuaded from using that as what is it all about if he wasn't?  Yes - there's sufficient amounts of contradiction in place that it will be looked on as vexatious and the use of ad hominem attacks will be looked at poorly.

So that in a way assists me in my thinking about whether to continue with the business or not as I am reviewing that now.  It is difficult as the App is now on its second version and looks great and so what do I do, take the easy way out and shut it all down or do I run with it in the short term and see where it goes?  The battle in my head continues but at least there is space for me to operate in the office now! 

Driving In The Dark & Wet

 The M25 is hairy at the best of times but it was coming off the Motorway that the "fun" started.  Quite what takes over people's minds to drive so fast and carelessly in the wet and not to consider standing water and aquaplaning I have no idea.  Van driver cam up the hard shoulder and undertook us going across two lanes on the roundabout and so cutting right in front of me and you could see the rear was sliding.  He held it together but fish tailed away in front of me and then to cap that I had the guy come over from my right to then cut in front of me - it's two lanes people so the van made his own lane and matey boy - God knows what he was thinking.

I am by nature a defensive driver, having driven 30 to 40,000 miles a year when I was working in the 70s, 80s and 90s and so you tend to work out what is happening and treat absolutely every other driver as a full blown idiot.  You just know that again, like last night in all the spray and rain people move lane with not indication, cut in front of you or come speeding up to the rear of your car.  The behaviour is mitigate in some way by the power of braking systems etc.  Talking of which auto and electric drivers - stop touching your brakes when driving at 70 mph! 

Anyway, it was one of those terrible rainy, spraying nights, hidden puddles and idiot drivers.  I was glad to get back home.  I do like my AWD car though as it certainly assists in driving conditions like yesterday.

Advent - Here We Go

 Again.  Yes here we go towards Christmas and it feels very different this year.  I am being very careful with my money as I do not know quite how much this new pump will have cost me yet and so where I'd normally buy a bit more than I probably should this year I have bought a bit less.  

In many ways I am still not quite right either in my head and subsequently, that sort of makes you feel physically fatigued too.  I do feel mentally and physically drained and it's all been too much this year.  Whilst Christmas is often time for a great reset (that doesn't last much beyond mid January to be fair) I actually do need to do something about it all.  I launched the new version of the App this morning but I haven't told anyone (other than the Developer) and I really haven't fully decided what to do about the business.  My heart has gone out of it with all the threats and brickbat throwing of the divorced "partner" in the business.  

I wouldn't normally kowtow to bullys but this has gone a little too far to be comfortable and it makes me ill just thinking about it.  The crazy thing is that I know, in a straight argument, it would be laughed out of court but who wants that to go that far anyway?  His arguments are preposterous and his attempt to remove me from my position was also interesting in the fact that he even thinks he is justified in doing it.  A narcissistic egotistical act.  As I am not dealing with a business person or rational actor it makes things edgy I suppose?  If the business had some income and some money behind it then we could engage a solicitor and make this all go away.  We don't so it hasn't.

Anyway, that decision is hovering between just giving it all up or running with it and seeing where it takes us.  

So a month of pretending that this is all jolly and fun coming up.  Will I get into the Christmas Spirit?  Who knows. Right now, not so much.  Perhaps in a week or two I might feel a bit better about myself, the business and my situation?  Maybe.    

Stuff - Not Working

 What a week.  So now my VHS to DVD converter has stopped working - I did think it was possible after I did someone's VHS tapes that disintegrated and when I opened up the unit I had a fair amount of cleaning to do but still it isn't working properly and so I have a choice to either throw it out or give it away or perhaps contact the chap who fixed my TV when the back-light went a year or two ago.

I seems that many bits of equipment just don't last like they used to.  Added to the problems with the Pump and Immersion heater earlier on, it's another thing to go wrong!  And of course, more money and money I wasn't expecting (with the pump) and so I am being a bit cautious about Christmas as I took money out for that but it has been eaten (or I think it will as I haven't got the bill yet) through unexpected expenses.

Whilst I've paid for some stuff already, the credit card could seriously melt down in the next week or two dependent on the overall costs coming in!

Oh well, it's only money as I am often heard to state.  The new version of the App is ready to rock and roll and will go live tomorrow and then I need to decide what I am going to do in terms of running or closing the business.  Even after all this time, I am not too sure what to do.  I am still in two minds as in many ways, walking away and closing it all down is the easiest option.  No pressure, no more sleepless nights, no idiot writing to me and annoying me etc.  However, the new version of the App does look much better when compared to its predecessor and who knows now it has the correct age limit on it, we could get some downloads.  Yes, difficult decisions to be made.  

Oh well, it's Sunday and I think I will just go and rest up for the remainder of the day.  I've spent too ling on the VCR and perhaps it is for the best that it goes - it is not as though I have any further use of it, other than as a DVD player! 

We The Willing Led By The Unknowing

 "We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything, with nothing". Attributed to Konstantin Josef Jireček, it is likely a modern adaptation and does not appear in his documented works.  I've seen it attributed to lots of different people so let's just go with this one for now.

Following the Chancellor's budget where just about everyone was made or are about to be made poorer I reflect on whether it is worth continuing the business?  I guess that I wouldn't expect to see profits for a good few years and so, perhaps, it is academic but they've already shown scant regard for the people or for businesses and so it could and is likely to get worse.  It's Socialism and they always spend lots of other people's money.

It's a day or two after the Budget and the US has been on Thanksgiving and so who knows what they'll make of it?  The debt spiral isn't averted and the ever hungry public sector is perhaps the real Black Hole that they imagine is giving us problems.  "And do tell me Chancellor, is this "black hole" in the room with us now?"  

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by all of this, the politics of envy has always been thus and those that voted for the Labour Party from historic reasons of "We've always voted Labour in this family/town etc" or from some sort of protest vote have found out what we knew all along.  High Taxes, lies, broken promises and failure to tackle the areas that need it and dodge the Frog Eating that is required of brave government and ministers - they don't exist anymore and they look after themselves and their fellow trough eaters rather than those they are supposed to serve.  

Things that have always failed in the past are repeated as if they will miraculously succeed this time.  When I worked in Code Red situations it was always the lack of leadership, loss of project or financial control that appeared to blame (along with other mitigation stuff not implemented or thought about more likely).  The one we see quite often is the spreadsheet project manager.  Example:

It takes 500 men to build a road in 6 months - so it could be done with 3,000 in a month.  Or we could get 9 women to have a baby in a month and so on.  There are specific reasons that this cannot happen - biological in the latter case but in the former, you'd have too many people all together at once you cannot tarmac the road without the foundations and earth works having happened and there's the supervision and everyone getting in each others way.  Not if you are the labour government.  They can magic money and throw it at a problem and because of the woeful non business class politicians and civil servants the money may just as well be set on fire for all the good it will do.

Another example and one I have tackled a number of times is paying overtime to catch up or get a job done.  Overtime was never priced into a job (or you wouldn't have won it) and so when you start paying one and a half or double the rate to get the same amount of work done you very quickly have a problem that you burn through your money and the job still isn't getting done faster or better as there's a sort of Laffer Curve with productivity and hours worked too - especially when people are working more than 40 hours a week and are beginning to get fatigued.  The simplest mathematical calculations would demonstrate this but the trap is to fail to see that you are paying extra money for the same amount of work and the more you do that the quicker you run out of money.

Let's see what the markets make of it.  From a business perspective, it disincentives me wanting to build it as they have increased taxes on success - the better I do the more money they take from me in stealth taxes.  Is it worth it?  No matter how elegant and leading edge my product is, the risks I have taken and the real struggle to get it to market you sometimes wonder "Why do I bother at all?" 

Best Of Intentions - Ooh Look, A Squirrel!

That sort of day.  I was going to be doing some filing but my brother called me up to say that our Mother's DNA test results were in and as mine were in a few days ago, I have been distracted seeing the results and connections.  What is nice, is that it has closed down a bit of hearsay about one relative, confirmed another connection and just 18,000 + other connections.  I can see some of the names jumping off the page at me and of course it has been a total distraction from what I was meant to be doing.

I guess the filing will have to wait once again as I get dragged deeper and deeper into the family tree and connections.  At least I will have something to say for my yearly newsletter!

It it's possible I have also managed to spend way too much money on things today getting an early start for Christmas and taking advantage of discounts on various sites with Black Friday offers.  Using "The more you spend the more you save" as a by word I have at least managed to get my Christmas beer supply in.  I don't have anywhere to store it at the moment so I need to get on and make some more room over and above that I have already made.

Well, I'd better get back before something else distracts me!

Ooh Look, A Squirrel!

Are We Nearly There Yet?

No not yet. I'm still getting little things done and have made some room this week clearing away loose paperwork and the like getting rid of a large box of books and CDs so far and I have dispatched my family history journals off to someone who will appreciate them.  I'm pleased about that.

The App has been updated and submitted for approval and hopefully this will settle down a few minor bugs and set the age range correctly which was a problem as it looked as if it was for 17+ only  not 4+ that we designed it for.  One misunderstood check box will do that to you! 

And then there is whether I wish to continue to run the business or not.  Given Rachel Reeves shite budget it doesn't look as if it would be worth it really as they'd just thieve more of the profits and like everyone else take no part in the risks of the business only trousering the money from its success!  

So serious thought needs to be applied to this I think still.  I'm not nearly there yet either.  The new version looks great and the main problem is getting people to find it and download it.  So I also need to look at effort versus achievement and so on.  Will putting a lot of effort in actually deliver anything.  All the time there's the bloke throwing bricks and so I need to do the right thing for myself and for the business.  It's removing the emotion from the decision that is difficult.  

Whether I invest a little bit more effort into the business is the decision that I need to crack.  Having put in 9 years so far another few months probably isn't going to matter much but can I be bothered and will I still feel as depressed as I do now?  The causes of that aren't all to do with the business either.  It's going to be difficult to work this one out because it isn't a simple spreadsheet-able solution!  It would be good if it was.

The Art Of Percolation

 I used to love our Percolator.  My parent's had one which happily glugged away ready for our strong after dinner coffee and I bought one when I moved out from a jumble sale that lasted a good 20 years until I got a Mocca Pot and a Filter coffee machine.

But of course I am not really talking coffee here but rather the slow percolation of thoughts and ideas as whilst I do have Eureka! moments I think they are actually the result of much thinking and brewing of ideas getting stronger as they percolate through my grey cells.

It's a bit like where I am now in my deliberations about whether to continue the business or not.  Ideas are forming and slowly coming together.  The finished article isn't honed yet, it or they more likely, haven't had time to fully form and become whole.  I have spent a good month thinking and planning and getting the stuff out of my head and on to paper but that isn't good enough this time because to continue requires an element of commitment that I am not sure I want to put in only for this evil old man to continue lobbing bricks at me from the 'safety' of his solicitors but somehow, I cannot see these are their letters, rather his printed on their paper as some of it doesn't read or appear right to me and to spell his name incorrectly a number of times and to badly format the points seems as if it is just a top and tailing exercise to me.  So do I want the arse ache?  Can I be bothered?

Of course the other side of me says "Give it a go" as you won't know unless you do.  There are benefits and disadvantages to it all and one of these is whether I have the courage of my convictions which have been somewhat eroded by his constant attacks on me.  

Are you doing it for the right reasons? Is it now me that wants some sort of revenge by not taking it any further?  So that's why my mind is in turmoil and there's the commitment and reward (if any) as well.  Back to the percolator and back to letting the ideas brew a bit further I guess.   We will get there in the end I have no doubt.