Despite a request that a couple of cans be ready when I got home as I wouldn't be drinking and I'd like to settle back with a beer after a long day.
Oh well if "I didn't have time" or "I decided to do something else" weren't exactly United Nations ways of answering the question I didn't get a beer.
I did manage to crash out and sleep well following all of that work.
I now need to spend today sorting out all of the paperwork and also work out what I need to do to complete my coursework this week - I'll probably do that this afternoon.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
What a day
Am I ever going to pay for this tomorrow. I have done so much work that I wonder how I managed to execute it. Today I had two meetings one after the other and managed to:
1. Not fall asleep - I had been at the Masonic centre for close to 11 hours when I left to come home!
2. remember I had the car and that Tomato Juice and Worcestershire Sauce were the order of the day.
3. Manage to make just a few mistakes during the day
I am going to go downstairs in a minute and crack open a can of beer and put my feet up! I deserve it. It was also nice to see my boss out of work and in another situation.
1. Not fall asleep - I had been at the Masonic centre for close to 11 hours when I left to come home!
2. remember I had the car and that Tomato Juice and Worcestershire Sauce were the order of the day.
3. Manage to make just a few mistakes during the day
I am going to go downstairs in a minute and crack open a can of beer and put my feet up! I deserve it. It was also nice to see my boss out of work and in another situation.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Wow what a buzz I am getting from this Degree course. I had this two hour tutorial and it feels like someone has stuck a 9Volt battery across my tongue or unlocked my head. Brilliant!
I cannot believe the stuff I was coming out with in class - it is so stimulating and I wished I had studied the Humanities a bit more when I was a kid. We had to do Technology and Engineering in those days (no bad thing) but how I would have loved to have this insight into art, history and books many years ago.
Broadening the mind is great - I hope my head doesn't explode though :-)
I cannot believe the stuff I was coming out with in class - it is so stimulating and I wished I had studied the Humanities a bit more when I was a kid. We had to do Technology and Engineering in those days (no bad thing) but how I would have loved to have this insight into art, history and books many years ago.
Broadening the mind is great - I hope my head doesn't explode though :-)
Rejoice
And be thankful. Not my words but when I got the all clear I felt very matter of fact - I was excited and I was taking it all in and winding down from being pent up and reading Steve's blog today where suddenly he feels wiped out you can understand why just think of the months of tension waiting to hear whether things had worked or you might have to go down a different road.
I remember telling someone that I was clear and saying it very mater of fact when he just said "Rejoice and be thankful what wonderful news!" It takes a little while although I think I was really crazy for the first 18 hours and then was taking it in after that.
I can't tell you what the relief is like. Imagine holding your breath for 3 months and then breathing properly again. Something like that I guess.
I need to remind myself to be thankful sometimes and when I get upset or depressed or fed up it is good to bring yourself back with what a brilliant thing it is to be alive and to be healthy (I'll say healthy I still need to get to healthy but you know what I mean). Is getting back to normal a good sign or should I use my experiences more positively and not forget them?
Rejoice is a great word - it really means celebrate when I hear it.
I remember telling someone that I was clear and saying it very mater of fact when he just said "Rejoice and be thankful what wonderful news!" It takes a little while although I think I was really crazy for the first 18 hours and then was taking it in after that.
I can't tell you what the relief is like. Imagine holding your breath for 3 months and then breathing properly again. Something like that I guess.
I need to remind myself to be thankful sometimes and when I get upset or depressed or fed up it is good to bring yourself back with what a brilliant thing it is to be alive and to be healthy (I'll say healthy I still need to get to healthy but you know what I mean). Is getting back to normal a good sign or should I use my experiences more positively and not forget them?
Rejoice is a great word - it really means celebrate when I hear it.
3 hours I could have done without
As the Internet and cable connections died. Great!
I had to connect up some old modems to find out what on earth was going wrong - is it just me that finds the phone help system ironic that when you go to report a fault it suggests that you look at their online help page?? But my Internet isn't working - well ring the premium line number then. You have to ask yourself what spreadsheet jockey and pencil up his arse manager thought that particular slant at customer management up. If it is their fault they refund you your high rate call charges?
Now call me old fashioned but I pay the bill anyway so why make me pay to talk to people whose salary I pay through me paying my bill. Some jerk has really got it all wrong don't you think.
Now I need to go and work out why only one of my computers is working - well actually I know why - it is just going to be ball breaking stuff trying to change all the settings - nice of Microsoft to help out and be so intuitive - but sometimes it really doesn't help guys.
Perhaps they ought to get together with my ISP and work out how to look after their customers?
I had to connect up some old modems to find out what on earth was going wrong - is it just me that finds the phone help system ironic that when you go to report a fault it suggests that you look at their online help page?? But my Internet isn't working - well ring the premium line number then. You have to ask yourself what spreadsheet jockey and pencil up his arse manager thought that particular slant at customer management up. If it is their fault they refund you your high rate call charges?
Now call me old fashioned but I pay the bill anyway so why make me pay to talk to people whose salary I pay through me paying my bill. Some jerk has really got it all wrong don't you think.
Now I need to go and work out why only one of my computers is working - well actually I know why - it is just going to be ball breaking stuff trying to change all the settings - nice of Microsoft to help out and be so intuitive - but sometimes it really doesn't help guys.
Perhaps they ought to get together with my ISP and work out how to look after their customers?
A Day Off
Well maybe. I have a desk full of stuff here to get through - knowing where to start would be a good thing :-)
I'm still pleased to hear about Steve's diagnosis and it reminds me of my first and second trips. the first was pre-cancerous cells which took me a while to realise meant they weren't cancerous. They were a bit like teenagers - all screwed up! When I got the clear and on maintenance on the 2nd visit it was a bit like trying to take in winning a medal. It doesn't sink in for a while. Anyway - what great news.
I have a busy day tomorrow - two Lodge meetings - one which I am Secretary for and have had to do the Assistant's job as well as he is away which has been a nightmare. Straight after that I am an Escort for a meeting and I have decided that I will not dine that evening as I would have been up from about 6 in the morning arriving at the meeting at about 8 in the morning and having been there all day would probably just end up in a heap on the floor :-)
So I had better get on - I also see that a load more work has arrived in my e-mail so I'd better get onto that as well.
I'm still pleased to hear about Steve's diagnosis and it reminds me of my first and second trips. the first was pre-cancerous cells which took me a while to realise meant they weren't cancerous. They were a bit like teenagers - all screwed up! When I got the clear and on maintenance on the 2nd visit it was a bit like trying to take in winning a medal. It doesn't sink in for a while. Anyway - what great news.
I have a busy day tomorrow - two Lodge meetings - one which I am Secretary for and have had to do the Assistant's job as well as he is away which has been a nightmare. Straight after that I am an Escort for a meeting and I have decided that I will not dine that evening as I would have been up from about 6 in the morning arriving at the meeting at about 8 in the morning and having been there all day would probably just end up in a heap on the floor :-)
So I had better get on - I also see that a load more work has arrived in my e-mail so I'd better get onto that as well.
I am really pleased tonight
to hear that Steve - Bio Hazard Man - is to once again become a Bio Hazard as things checked out today. What great news and even I am breathing a huge sigh of relief too. What wonderful news I am so pleased.
Maintenance therapy now and I remember my Urology Nurse saying that if I saw her again that was a good thing. It meant that I was getting better and that treatment was working. There is still some way to go but isn't it great what they can do these days? Fantastic.
On another note I mad my tutorial tonight and I am so pleased and charged up about it. It is a fantastic course for making me charged up but - the trouble is, I am wide awake at 00:30 - I'll pay for it in the morning but I have a day off.
Maintenance therapy now and I remember my Urology Nurse saying that if I saw her again that was a good thing. It meant that I was getting better and that treatment was working. There is still some way to go but isn't it great what they can do these days? Fantastic.
On another note I mad my tutorial tonight and I am so pleased and charged up about it. It is a fantastic course for making me charged up but - the trouble is, I am wide awake at 00:30 - I'll pay for it in the morning but I have a day off.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Good - Sorted
I hadn't realised that I was the only one who noticed that I was losing momentum and not delivering - in fact the boss was a little concerned about it and was worried that I might be getting wound up about work which really isn't the case - some can be a pain but that sort of anger isn't like the Post-Cancer Fatigue stuff.
I laid out what I thought was wrong with me as I thought they should understand it and also that I had plenty of days in hand to have days off and control things. I'm pleased that they hadn't picked it up, I was controlling it and making myself worse outside of work.
I suppose working 16 hours a week on studies isn't really helping either :-)
Anyway, I feel very pleased about it now and a few days off starting this Friday will do me good.
I laid out what I thought was wrong with me as I thought they should understand it and also that I had plenty of days in hand to have days off and control things. I'm pleased that they hadn't picked it up, I was controlling it and making myself worse outside of work.
I suppose working 16 hours a week on studies isn't really helping either :-)
Anyway, I feel very pleased about it now and a few days off starting this Friday will do me good.
Here's to Bio Hazard Man
Steve or Bio Hazard Man is about 18 months behind me in his diagnosis and treatment and is about to get the inspection that will determine the next stage of treatment based on what has already been done and what is left to do.
Don't underestimate how stressful it is to wait to hear whether or not things have worked out. It is like waiting for your number in a lottery but the stakes are a lot higher of course.
Here is Steve's wonderful blog about Bladder Cancer and I'm spending Thursday afternoon and evening thinking good thoughts and praying for the right movement in treatments for him and his family. If you have anything to cross then please do so.
I know there is a lot going on in the US right now but actually all our votes are with you at the moment Bio Hazard Man. Good luck.
Don't underestimate how stressful it is to wait to hear whether or not things have worked out. It is like waiting for your number in a lottery but the stakes are a lot higher of course.
Here is Steve's wonderful blog about Bladder Cancer and I'm spending Thursday afternoon and evening thinking good thoughts and praying for the right movement in treatments for him and his family. If you have anything to cross then please do so.
I know there is a lot going on in the US right now but actually all our votes are with you at the moment Bio Hazard Man. Good luck.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Somehow we missed again
What a day - hectic is an understatement. Didn't even get to see the boss for more than 5 minutes and so will need to see him tomorrow. I think it is best I just write it down and stick it under his nose rather than do a chapter and verse.
Next week is half term here but I have meetings across the week. Somehow I need to wangle a few days off in between although I have no idea how I'll do that with so much stuff landing on my plate.
I've plenty to do and lots of little projects and somehow I have to get my study squeezed in this week too and a tutorial. Arghh!
Oh well better busy than sitting around doing nothing - but then again maybe once in a while to be lazy is no bad thing?
Next week is half term here but I have meetings across the week. Somehow I need to wangle a few days off in between although I have no idea how I'll do that with so much stuff landing on my plate.
I've plenty to do and lots of little projects and somehow I have to get my study squeezed in this week too and a tutorial. Arghh!
Oh well better busy than sitting around doing nothing - but then again maybe once in a while to be lazy is no bad thing?
Monday, October 20, 2008
A tidal wave of things to do
You just can't believe how taking a hands off role for a short while results in nothing getting done :-)
I get kind of annoyed about it but I shouldn't. Some people work their way through life staggering between one crisis to the next. There is no learning from the last time or planning things out better next time they crash into everything are late mess things up and seem oblivious to the utter carnage they cause wherever they go.
On a lighter note - I had to tell a telesales person to stop reading from his script as he didn't understand that he was trying to sell me something that a Charity doesn't need - a merchant system :-) i tried to interrupt but we are a third sector business and I just heard him go back into the next spiel for someone who had raised a mild objection. I had to then explain that he ought to stop reading from the script for a moment and try and understand that we are a CHARITY and it wouldn't matter if it was free or not, we wouldn't use it. He got the message then.
I get kind of annoyed about it but I shouldn't. Some people work their way through life staggering between one crisis to the next. There is no learning from the last time or planning things out better next time they crash into everything are late mess things up and seem oblivious to the utter carnage they cause wherever they go.
On a lighter note - I had to tell a telesales person to stop reading from his script as he didn't understand that he was trying to sell me something that a Charity doesn't need - a merchant system :-) i tried to interrupt but we are a third sector business and I just heard him go back into the next spiel for someone who had raised a mild objection. I had to then explain that he ought to stop reading from the script for a moment and try and understand that we are a CHARITY and it wouldn't matter if it was free or not, we wouldn't use it. He got the message then.
Didn't happen
Full on day today - didn't stop from the moment I got in. Threw it down with rain and I am absolutely soaked through. The rain just tipped down and I was close to hypothermia by the time I got in. Everything is soaked through. Yuk
I will Have to sort out holidays and all that with the boss tomorrow. Off out again in a minute and covering for a number of people. All sorts if problems are going to arise soon as unless other people step up to the plate, I will be unable to pick up all these odds and ends and these are adding to a workload I just don't need.
I will Have to sort out holidays and all that with the boss tomorrow. Off out again in a minute and covering for a number of people. All sorts if problems are going to arise soon as unless other people step up to the plate, I will be unable to pick up all these odds and ends and these are adding to a workload I just don't need.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Post-Cancer Fatigue
Is what it is called. I need to get this sorted out I really do. I cannot believe how much I am struggling just from the short (2 3/4 hour each way) drive to and from my parents. then I realised I haven't driven my indulgence for 2 or more months!!
Poor old car - must have thought it was its birthday!
Poor old car - must have thought it was its birthday!
Things to do
Tomorrow I need a clear the air meeting and to set out some sort of timetable to take time off from work. I am getting too uptight about work and all the other things going on and I don't need to be. So much is going on in the next two months and the next three weeks are chaotic.
I must have let the brake off as suddenly my diary is full of things to do and meetings to attend and in between work and study need some time but for someone who makes a living by being organised - my diary and everything is in disarray. A lot is to do with the obvious thing that I don't actually have the capacity to do this, I'm not fit enough and I still get huge fatigue issues. Whether it is mental (not being able to actually do anything because the brain isn't working) or physical must be tackled and trying to drive myself through it isn't working at all.
I have time available to take off as leave and I may as well use that now and get the rest I need. If I can work out a schedule I will be half way there I think.
I must have let the brake off as suddenly my diary is full of things to do and meetings to attend and in between work and study need some time but for someone who makes a living by being organised - my diary and everything is in disarray. A lot is to do with the obvious thing that I don't actually have the capacity to do this, I'm not fit enough and I still get huge fatigue issues. Whether it is mental (not being able to actually do anything because the brain isn't working) or physical must be tackled and trying to drive myself through it isn't working at all.
I have time available to take off as leave and I may as well use that now and get the rest I need. If I can work out a schedule I will be half way there I think.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Off for the weekend
It will be nice to get away and spend some time with my folks. A is off to see a University half way across the country and so going half way there is useful as well as they wont have to drive for more than a further couple of hours.
I think I just need to chill out a bit this weekend. There are lots of things going on all at the same time next week and I need to be in control to manage them.
I think I just need to chill out a bit this weekend. There are lots of things going on all at the same time next week and I need to be in control to manage them.
Fed Up
I'm fed up of being not quite right all the time. I'm fed up of not having enough energy at the end of the week and sometimes even earlier in the week.
I'm fed up with a whole load of things at the moment and I really couldn't tell you why that should be. Nothing "feels" right and work is great but there is something missing, the course is great and I am enjoying it but again, I cannot quite put my finger on what is wrong.
A weekend away might improve things?
I'm fed up with a whole load of things at the moment and I really couldn't tell you why that should be. Nothing "feels" right and work is great but there is something missing, the course is great and I am enjoying it but again, I cannot quite put my finger on what is wrong.
A weekend away might improve things?
Missed my Tutorial
I met up with someone yesterday and it ended up as a bit of an afternoon distraction. Probably the thing I shouldn't have done was to see an old friend and invite him to join us for a beer because he was meeting a few other friends and it went on from there!
I wasn't late home but even so there was no way I was going to get to my tutorial.
Working at home today - this is the second time this has happened this past few months!
I wasn't late home but even so there was no way I was going to get to my tutorial.
Working at home today - this is the second time this has happened this past few months!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
O For Goodness Sake
Maybe we aren't going or maybe we are. This bloody dithering is a real pain in the backside. What the hell use is it making all these plans to be somewhere and then at the 11th hour (again) fannying around and changing them.
As most people who know me (and frankly this lot should know better as they live under the same roof as me) fully understand I don't do dithering and last minute changes in plan as it normally ends up in some almighty screw up that is beyond my control and you certainly don't want to get on the wrong side of me if you've wrecked my plans or put me out. Even I wouldn't want to work for me!
Just sort yourself out people and tell me what is going on. How many times have they done this to me this year? It's rhetoric don't answer me...
I really don't need to be angry this late at night either that is my sleep shot for a couple of hours no doubt.
As most people who know me (and frankly this lot should know better as they live under the same roof as me) fully understand I don't do dithering and last minute changes in plan as it normally ends up in some almighty screw up that is beyond my control and you certainly don't want to get on the wrong side of me if you've wrecked my plans or put me out. Even I wouldn't want to work for me!
Just sort yourself out people and tell me what is going on. How many times have they done this to me this year? It's rhetoric don't answer me...
I really don't need to be angry this late at night either that is my sleep shot for a couple of hours no doubt.
Off to my parents for the weekend
A wants to go and see a University half way up the country. We might as well stop off half way and I have't seen my folks for about a year so better get along and see them I guess.
The trouble is it will be Friday night and we need to get around the dreaded London ring orad the M25 or as we like to call it the car park! So hopefully we will all get back on time so we can and sit in the queue earlier :-)
I hope my leg manages to keep together - I have been cramping up all today and most of last night too. Oh well let's see what we can do.
The trouble is it will be Friday night and we need to get around the dreaded London ring orad the M25 or as we like to call it the car park! So hopefully we will all get back on time so we can and sit in the queue earlier :-)
I hope my leg manages to keep together - I have been cramping up all today and most of last night too. Oh well let's see what we can do.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Mad as a Fish
Catchy title, no where near reality..
Great friend asks me tonight - so - if all is clear - what are you going to do with the blog next year?
Gulp - blimey what am I going to do? It can't be My Bladder Cancer Journey for surely that will have passed into "My Bladder Cancer Recovery"? What will I need to do next?
I fancy a comedy blog but full of the day to day wit and banter from the nonsense you get at work and on the journey into and out of town...
I hadn't even contemplated that this blog should end but I suppose if it adds no value - other than "life goes on" to fellow sufferers it will just need to end with that as the last episode and move onto the next chapter in life.
How I look forward to working towards my Degree, my work in the Charitable sector and how I'd love to get into the traditional life of the City of London. Maybe that would be a worthwhile enterprise but let's not jump the gun just yet.
Great friend asks me tonight - so - if all is clear - what are you going to do with the blog next year?
Gulp - blimey what am I going to do? It can't be My Bladder Cancer Journey for surely that will have passed into "My Bladder Cancer Recovery"? What will I need to do next?
I fancy a comedy blog but full of the day to day wit and banter from the nonsense you get at work and on the journey into and out of town...
I hadn't even contemplated that this blog should end but I suppose if it adds no value - other than "life goes on" to fellow sufferers it will just need to end with that as the last episode and move onto the next chapter in life.
How I look forward to working towards my Degree, my work in the Charitable sector and how I'd love to get into the traditional life of the City of London. Maybe that would be a worthwhile enterprise but let's not jump the gun just yet.
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