Respecting a Decision

We all have to make decisions and we all have to accept the consequences of those decisions. I chose to survive and I chose to "fight" although I've never been entirely comfortable with that analogy. You can see how it applies sometimes but it was more "stubborn resistance" in my case :-)

Dad's planning on making a decision that I think will hasten his demise. He's accepted his fate and he doesn't want to have any procedures that will result in a small pay-off for high tariff discomfort. I can understand that too. It's probably me but I'm hoping that the full thing is discussed so he has all the facts to make these decisions based on those. If not then to me it appears to be a rash decision. In his place I'd go for the bypass and not the full operation (I can understand that) just so that some function can continue.

I've been through all of that - there wasn't a "choice" for me, I had to have the operations, the treatments and everything else that goes with bladder cancer. The insight I have now is that it is YOUR cancer and your body and whilst it appears to many around you that you are being selfish well that's just tough sh1t really. It is your illness and only you know how you feel about it. It's unfortunate that those around you are going to get hurt at the same time but they aren't the ones with the disease nor the prognosis and so it isn't their decision. It's terribly hard on my mum of course and I can't imagine its a walk in the park for dad either. As for my kid brother and my sister in law - well it is going to be tough as they have been close to him for the past 10 years and they see a lot of them and let's face it, they all moved up there together so they've an investment (if you see what I mean and don't think I'm being callous).

All the players, me included, have a viewpoint, an investment but no say in this. That's hard isn't it? I mean you've got to make a decision that will p1ss off all your loved ones. You can only hope that they've made the right decision, for the right reason and ironically can live what that decision. My parents have been married for 55 years (I hope!) and they've really only ever had each other, they have no friends and I imagine they hardly know anyone locally and that's a bit of a worry for me, not now, but for later. The point of all of this is that I'm probably the only one of us who respects his decisions (as long as he knows what the consequences are) and I very much doubt that anyone else gets it. The trouble is I hear myself talking all sensibly and grown up about it and I sound (to myself) hard as nails. I'm certainly matter of fact about it. Whether this will hurt me in the long run or not I don't know - it's how I'm handling it now and we will just have to see how it turns out.

Feeling Better

What a horrible cold that was - - it made working almost impossible but at least today I'm somewhere nearer normal (for me that is). Spoke to my dad who was in good spirits and to my mum who is looking forward to hearing from Macmillan Nurses as she agreed with me it would be easier to talk to them without the attached emotion. I'm far too matter of fact about things as I've been through it before and also it's my own protective mechanism I think. It's my way of trying not to be hurt.

I'm pretty upset about dad, of course I am but that doesn't mean that I can change things or that life will not take its course. That's the tragedy of all these things. Dad reckons he isn't going to have anything done to him and if that's the case, then things are going to go down hill very fast indeed. The surgeon couldn't do the procedure yesterday and so they will (or might) suggest that they do a bypass. That's great it would ease the problems and isn't like a Whipple operation but he's suggesting that even that is more than he wants. It is his decision and as long as it is made in an informed way then we all have to live with his decision. Whilst I question his decision making process at the moment (wanting to drive the car when he clearly shouldn't IMHO).

I now see that I've built a wall here that is needed to hold myself together a little bit. It's a little bit selfish but as you can imagine this opens up stuff that I've banished from my mind or carefully tried to lock into an area of my mind to forget what it was like for me and my family. I can see it kicking off again and I'm just putting up an arms length type approach so that I don't injure them or me.

The Cold from Hell

Has been awful today - headache, eyes hurt, nose blocked, sore throat, intermittent flu like symptoms and I just can't get my head / nose unblocked and I hate it.

I'm also struggling with what to do about my dad and involvement and all that sort of stuff. In a way it's important to get up to see him as often as I can but there's difficulties all around with other stuff at the same time. Ideally, if I could perhaps go there regularly and continue work it would be good - I'm smack in the middle of the important stuff (for me and my family and getting money after 18 months of getting no money!). OK money isn't everything but I have to play a series of balancing acts here.

I don't actually have what you'd describe as a close relationship with him anyway - seeing him once or twice a year normally and whilst it may be a comfort for me to go up there and see them it probably isn't letting them have a real chance to resolve whatever they need to resolve between them and I'm thinking that it is important for them to do that and get out of the rut they are in at the moment.

Oh well - no doubt when I get over my cold and can think a bit straighter I can see if I can address this quandary.

Didn't happen

So they couldn't actually get to the original stent due to swelling around the area which may have been caused by the infection he got a couple of weeks ago so they didn't follow through on the procedure and dad has to wait until the 4th October to go and see them and find out what the next steps are. It may be that they need to do a bypass.

My brother asked the nurse about some support and luckily the Macmillan Nurses will now become involved as it isn't just about dad. Everyone is affected to a greater or lesser extent. These nurses are involved all the time and are able to offer palliative care and to assist the near family to come to terms with this. I suppose I ought to ask myself where I am in terms of this process at some time? It's a little difficult as I'm a survivor of course and at the moment I've to let them try and come to terms with things amongst themselves - I'm offering little in terms of assisting that process - how can I? I used to hate people advising me on how I should react and behave and I'm at the end of a phone not on the scene. I haven't been on the scene for them for 10 years. I'd dearly love to get stuck in and go and sort stuff out for them but what good does that do?

It's a sad state of affairs of course - isn't everyone of these things tragic - but what can you actually do that's not going to seem like you're lecturing or telling them what to do and frankly it needs each of them to work it out. I'm sort of stuck a bit as I'm not around for some time now to get myself up there and sort out the day-to-day stuff.

Dad's about to have his procedure

They are swapping stents over in his Bile Duct (I guess) from Plastic to Stainless Steel. It's a small procedure but one that requires knocking him out and for recovery for some hours prior to going home.

Hopefully that will be the last procedure of that type they have to do. I don't know what they are going to do after this either. The "Elephant in the Room" got in the way on that one and we didn't really discuss specifics.

This cold is just pants! I feel absolutely horrible today - I had a bad night's sleep and now could easily drift off. I'll try and do a bit more work but feel that I might end up in my chair asleep :-)

Something a little sad and uplifting all at the same time

An article about terminal cancer. It's entitled: Philip Gould: 'If you accept death, fear disappears'

I wonder whether that is so? I think that perhaps when you've come through the steps he has, you can see why this would be so. I also think I can understand this too. It would be though a very hard thing to comprehend if you haven't had cancer or something equally nasty.

The cold from hell

Just what I needed a cold - what unhealthy sod gave me that?!

Blast it - I hate being ill and some SOB must have passed it on so both Mrs. F. and I have it. I just hope I haven't given it to my Dad. He's due in to hospital tomorrow for a removal of the plastic stent and replacement with a Stainless Steel one. Let's hope that goes OK for him.

I'm hoping I can get rid of the cold before the weekend as we are going down to Margate to our Provincial Meeting at the Winter Gardens on Saturday. Three of us are staying over on Friday night and over to Sunday and just looking forward to a great few evenings out and a good meeting of course. It looks as if it should be a nice weekend too thank goodness.

Did I mention what I did to my Smart Phone over the weekend? I managed to knock a glass of water over it! It wasn't that smart - it didn't jump out of the way! Of course this meant no phone for a few days - no problems with that except also meant a mountain of emails when I got home! I've managed to dry it out and get it working again thank goodness.

Remember Kubler Ross?

You may recollect this diagram from some time ago when I was discussing the various stages that people go through especially in terms of someone dying (the grief cycle) and this depiction by Elizabeth Kubler Ross depicts the emotional responses that one goes through. Interestingly we respond to other events in our lives in similar ways and each person responds differently and to greater or lesser extents.

As Change Managers we see this when a major organisational or process change happens in a business. When you get diagnosed with Cancer you tend to follow this sort of pattern. Denial, Anger, Depression are familiar territory too. Being told you are terminal must have a similar impact on you and those around you. Everyone is adapting at different times and in different ways and may be in different phases so it's pretty much a mess all around. It's getting to acceptance that's difficult oh, and by the way, you can slip back and repeat some or all of the cycle again - quite easily if my experience is anything to go by.

Call me sensitive

I was left wondering about the phrase my sister in law used on Sunday night "Don't worry we'll look after you dad for you" and being the cynic that I am - or maybe I was just raw - didn't find it particularly the right thing to say. I'm probably taking it all far too personally but my brain gets thinking and one of the good retorts would have been - "oh so you're going to keep him from dying then?" or some such scathing ugly witticism which, unfortunately my brain is nasty enough to retort with.

I've often worried about that side of my character and in a way could do without the holier than though attitude displayed - if it was actually that and if I didn't read it wrongly. As I mentioned before in my blog, no bugger came and saw me when I was ill and so read into that what you will. I sound a bit hung up on this but it's the guilt of it all. You see, when my parents were local I used to see them every 4 to 6 weeks and they often used to come around here. We used to take the children a lot to see them but they've never ever babysat them whereas my in-laws have on many an occasion. I'm trying to set the scene here for why I shouldn't actually feel guilty. They all moved away around 10 years ago. Since then I've probably seen them twice a year. On some occasions I've seen my parents a bit more often when I travelled a bit more than I do now as I'd plan a stop on the way up or down the country.

My brother lives next door in relation to me - you can walk between their houses in 10 minutes and yet it sounded very much as if they were doing me a favour not being neighbourly to my parents. As I said, perhaps I'm reading it all wrong but it's unlikely me to get characters wildly wrong. I perhaps let people have the benefit of the doubt a little longer than most people would but generally I can smell a bad un. I was amazed that there were 7 of us at the pub and my brother never stuck his hand in his pocket - this from a guy that took a pay cut larger than my yearly salary a few years ago! I could go on about some other stories far worse than just not standing his round (it's a big social stigma in the UK is buying or standing your own round). I then found out that they'd had a bumper day of sales that day - which they didn't mention when we discussed their side business. Pah!

So there you go how to get all bitter and twisted and to balance the going up and seeing your folks who know how busy we are and how difficult it is to get all of us together. It was good that we managed to get all 4 of us together in one place. the girls haven't been to see them for about a year although they did go for a day to pick up 2 large dolls houses - they have one each of my mums houses that wouldn't fit into the new house.

I just need to get my head around it, get the balance right etc. We've offered to do what we can from where we are. I've suggested I can bring up his brother and sister in law to see them - but - he's not that keen. Dad doesn't do visits or anything else - he's always been a very private person and talking to Mrs. F. I realised that my mum and dad don't have any friends at all. They've never had friends around them. Dad's work friends are long missing in action and whilst they know the neighbours it isn't the same at all really. I have no idea what mum is going to do after dad has gone. Maybe she will retreat into herself for a period but I hope that perhaps she won't. We will be able to have her down with us for a while as we now have a spare room. Perhaps she'd like that and perhaps we can introduce her to some new activities or ideas. It worries me that my parents have always done things together, have been inseparable and that they've lived quite quiet, private lives together. Another hurdle to be overcome in good time.

I really don't understand how I'm handling things at the moment, I had a nice experience with my dad this time and he was able to be at his best for a good part of the time. We never did discuss what he wants from me or the elephant in the room but perhaps - after Wednesday - we can start to build up what's needed. I will speak to my mum about it as I've said to her "what do you want from me?" She knows the difficulties as well as I do and she realises that neither of them want me to be there all the time anyway. It's a balance thing and my brother and sister in law are on hand.

Well I'm back to going around in circles and not answering this question or situation properly as it is just too difficult to deal with.

Stunned Silence

That's what I feel like at the moment. The weekend started off well enough we got to Cambridge and picked up L from halls and she was a lot more chatty and animated and so that was good and we drove up via the outskirts of Lincoln and had a break. What I hadn't realised is that we hadn't taken the kids (Kids! 18 and 21) there since they were small - and I mean L was a baby and we happened to be staying nearby so I took them to where my mum was born and the farm house that I used to stay in with my Nan, then her next house where she lived until she died. Past my Aunt and Uncles place, the wharf, the drains (canal drainage) and drove past the old church where my real granddad was buried (I had 3 but only even knew the one).

We got to the Hotel, booked in and had a good evening party with my cousins and my aunt. We will be back up there next April for a wedding which will be nice. I can't believe it but my cousins are 37 and 30 :-)

We drove down to my parents yesterday and stayed overnight (just) when the Hotel sorted us out a couple of rooms :-)

So what can I say, dad looks frail and has lost a lot of weight but his sense of humour and appetite seem to be OK - much better than when I last saw him. He's got the operation this Wednesday and they need to remove the plastic stent and replace it with a stainless steel one. After that we will see what happens. I've known my mum and dad be argumentative - not in a nasty way - they've disagreed about many things may perhaps be the way of it. Mum has flatly banned dad from driving - she thinks his reflexes aren't up to it and I'd have to agree on that - between the two of them though there was a bit more to it than usual. I think it's all to do with the way my dad is charging around as if he can climb Mount Everest and yet he isn't steady on his feet, she is being over protective and he's pushing the boundaries a little too far - as if "danger" is his middle name!

I'm of the opinion that they are in the denial stage at the moment and entering the anger bit. It's difficult to come to terms with and whilst we spoke and we chatted it was definitely the "Elephant in the room" and whilst dad and I spoke about hospital and some areas about cancer - we didn't speak about anything further. I just wished him well on that and we will see what happens after Wednesday. I need to find out about any treatment and I guess they will broach that then.

Met my kid brother and his wife and son. He brought his father in law along - I haven't seen him for years and of course his wife died only a month or so back so I spoke to him about that for a while. So I bought a drink then he did and despite waiting for my brother with a long pregnant pause he wasn't going to buy a round so I ended up doing another. He can be a little bit like that. We had a good old laugh and joke, talked about dad and all that and then his wife told me "Don't worry, we'll look after you dad for you". Now take that as you will but why not cut me and stick me in a barrel of salt? What the hells was that about? But then I've never really got on with her or my brother so it is pretty much par for the course in my estimation. It's difficult enough to get up there and back for us but as I often say - I'm not the one that moved away from here - they all moved away from me and to a place where you need a car to do anything, it's just bizarre.

So apart from that - which I may have misread - I did thank them both for everything they are doing for dad. If they were expecting me to run up and down - then they'd best not hold the breath. With good roads we made it back in 2 1/4 hours - about the best we've ever done from them.

I'm feeling pretty sad about dad at the moment and you can see it is tearing the place apart as the illness starts to get a hold on him and as he gets frailer. I helped him up at one point and his arm is all bony as are his fingers and that of course was a big shock to us as we haven't seen him for some months and he was a couple of stone heavier then. It's nice that he had time for us, this time. It was nice to see him at his best but we did speak about the forgetfulness and other side effects, searching for a word and knowing what it was but not being able to utter it and other stuff I used to find. He's a smart guy and he knows what is happening to him, that's the trouble and that's the tragedy of it. That and that its the anger and denial and no doubt the effort my brother and sister in law are having to put in to control it all. She's doing a grand job but I don't need to be reminded how powerless I am all the time!!!

Well here's the weekend

I'll be heading off in the morning to do the round trip and pick up L from Cambridge on the way - off to my cousin's 30th birthday party for Saturday night then back down to see my dad on Sunday afternoon - and my mum too. Drop L back to the station to get her back to Cambridge and then see my brother in the evening. Go and see my folks again on Monday morning and then get A and Mrs. F. back here for the afternoon as A has to go off and run her Rainbow unit.

Oh well - let's see how it goes - not looking forward to Sunday but perhaps it will be OK.

More when I get back.

Nice evening out

Just myself and a friend and a few beers at the Conservative Club and then we went to a Greek restaurant locally - I've never been there before but it was excellent - a good price and really good food, nice staff and apart from the ambient noise (quarry tiles and large open ceilings).

So nice I'll have to go back as the food was really good and I had some Calves Liver and followed up by kleftiko (literally meaning "in the style of the Klephts", this is lamb slow-baked on the bone, first marinated in garlic and lemon juice, originally cooked in a pit oven. It is said that the Klephts, bandits of the countryside who did not have flocks of their own, would steal lambs or goats and cook the meat in a sealed pit to avoid the smoke being seen). It was beautifully tender and I haven't had one like that for about 15 years or more!

It's local too so hopefully I can get some of the family to go with me next time. Things are moving a pace with the business but I'm now getting ready to go and see my Aunt and cousins and then go and see my dad. I had a long chat with my friend about that tonight and he was very gracious and let me get a load of s**t off my chest - good friends do that. I think I'm ready to go and see the family now :-)

You're just different to me that's all

As I say to some people. You see, there's what it is and what it is, perception and angle you view it from all make us each what we are. Too many people expect conformity from me but, I'm now far worse than I ever was and I don't really conform to normal patterns. I don't think the same and I'm not made up like some people - I find that people seek my opinion and then don't like the answers they get :-) Funny isn't it?

Then there's issues like my dad not wanting to have this huge operation and me defending his corner even though it will probably mean an outcome nobody wants - everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.

Given the possibility of being laid up for a month or more because of the operation which may extend his life by a couple of months then the answers are obvious to him and to me. Not everyone gets it though. That's why a lot of people are different to me - they don't face the facts and they don't get the pragmatic decision that needed to be taken.

Back's a little better

What a nightmare that was - I can't believe how many times I've hurt my back recently and so I think I've got to go back to basics here and be very careful about the amount of exercise I do with it. You honestly can't feel it except occasionally when it gets to high speed and your legs feel like they'll cramp and also your sides begin to burn - now to you that would have been a warning sign - to me it was a sign that things were working. I will just have to tone it down to the medium slow pace I originally had it on and not do anything strenuous on it.

After many thunks of Nurofen it appears that my back has stabilised a bit and so I'll be able to go to bed and get some sleep tonight. Hopefully I'll be feeling a little better in the morning.

L appears to have settled down now and it sounds like the locals in her halls are a bunch of social misfits. She's going to hang it out and find people on her course and then it doesn't matter too much - they can form their own clique and to hell with the neighbours. Mind you - who knows with these things - it's their first time away from home and they are all probably at each other's throats.

Sorted

Finally sense has broken out and everything can be done in one go and at one time. A phone call down the right ear and it was sorted out. It doesn't need to be like this people.

On the other front - everything is quiet and we haven't heard from L so hopefully she has settled down a bit and gotten a sense of proportion and met some of her fellow students now.

I've woken with the backache from hell so no more exercise for a few days until I sort this. It must be the vibration plate it doesn't feel like you are doing that much exercise and yet you must. I will need to take it right back to the lower settings = I'd built up to over 50% but obviously need to tone that down a bit.

More Craziness

So Dad needs to go in for tests - of course my kid brother can't keep running around but they want him in x number of times (why they can't coordinate it I don't know but as I reassuringly say to my parents - don't ever expect them to move at your speed or do what you expect them to do). So they say they can send a car for Dad (or transport or whatever) but my mum (who now hasn't driven a car for about 10 years I guess) cannot catch said car, bus or whatever with Dad she will have to make her own way there. Dad, who hates Hospitals won't go anywhere without her.

Does anyone see a problem in this at all? Obviously not the powers that be in the Hospital fraternity. Some limp wristed wet jobsworth who hasn't got a grey cell in between their sodding ears can't work that one out then. Older people who live miles and miles away and have to have tests and aren't allowed to drive after them and are asked to have someone accompany them on the one hand are then refused the best way to comply with that request. I bet a lot of older people who are ill no longer drive and looking at the prices that they scandalously charge at Hospital car parks these days (don't get ill if you can't afford to pay to park your car - and if they delay your appointment you can get a fine for not having the correct length of parking ticket on your car!!!). Don't get me started. Well I've already said I'll pay for taxis but it is just criminal that they cannot sort something out and that they need to have multiple visits when one would do. It causes all sorts of problems to the patients, it can't be a great way to conduct business and it can't be doing much good to anyone really.

If it wasn't a criminal act, which would stick you in jail by the wet liberals in this country, I'd like to go down there and kick some people up the arse until they actually did the job that they are paid for. I mean here is a shocker for you here is an article that came out in 2004 and there are others more recently here and here that give the shocking truth that our NHS which you hear all the shocking stories about it being under manned and wasteful and too many closures and all that is the fourth largest employer in the WORLD. Yes the world - how about that? SO when someone was ranting about losing 10,000 people in the NHS this year they should perhaps look to note that natural wastage of employees in the NHS is around 50,000 per year anyway.

All those people and they can't sort out something simple like getting a sick man and his carer together on the same transport FFS. Get a sodding grip people, no wonder the world's in the state that it is in if you can't arrange a piss up in a brewery - it really is simple stuff to sort out.

Not Again

Well I don't think so - got the "can I come home?" message tonight. Luckily a talk with A and Mrs. F. averted the crisis. What's wrong with people who expect (in less than 24 hours) that it won't be a little difficult to make new friends or to perhaps be lonely. It must be me - I don't get it. I suppose having wanted to get out of the house (in a nice way) and working away from home, wanting my own flat etc means that I've quite often found myself in strange places, knowing absolutely no one. However, I think I'd have given it a full couple of weeks first, I mean Uni hasn't even started yet FFS!

Mrs. F. could obviously see how annoyed I was about it but sense appears to have prevailed. I just find it difficult to work out. It's not as if she hasn't gone off for holidays, a huge trek in South America or other such things - there you go though - you sometimes can't work it out can you - or it must be me. I find the whole thing preposterous and it's like not liking something you've never tried, some sort of fad.

Anyway - it appears that she has taken refuge at the boyfriend's house and will retry tomorrow to get to know her flat mates. Maybe she'll give them a little time to get to know her rather than expecting life long blending in 5 minutes. Right - Cynical and Sarcastic voice off and flame off for now.

Cancer Fighting Strategies

A friend of mine posted this on Twitter the other day. I've reproduced it here and it's worth having a look at but in my ignorance I can only really comment on the Oxygenation piece that mentions to FOCC budwig part of the diet that I follow which so far, touch wood, appears to be doing fine by me - especially in the area of my blood pressure which remains normal - which is pretty good for me :-)

There are a number of things on the list that look as if they make sense but I'm no practitioner and so I'm going to be spending a bit more time reading it slowly and taking it in and seeing if it makes sense to me.

There is certainly a lot of information there and as I said above I can only really comment on the Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese protocol and not the rest.

How annoying

We went out for a curry and had a good evening but then L realised that her eyes were hurting and it looks as if the eye infection she had before she went away had returned. So she dashed off to A&E (ER) and got that sorted. In between times some friends had dropped in as surprise but of course she wasn't there!

I went to bed quite late and was woken by serious a really stomach ache and back ache and I couldn't get comfortable but it wasn't or didn't feel serious it was just hurting a hell of a lot. I'm almost certain it was trapped wind whcih I won't even tell you how I came to that conclusion but it meant I couldn't travel with L, A & Mrs. F. to Cambridge. I eventually got up some hours later and slowly began to feel better and now I'm off to bed early to catch up on the sleep I didn't get. I'll be seeing L next week to hear how she's got on this week and no doubt we will talk down the week.

I spoke to dad he's getting over his horrible turn from the hospital last week or whenever it was. He's bright enough but has a series of appointments and procedures this week! I've suggested mum talk to them and understand why the letters they've received are different to what they've been told. I've set the scene in a way too that I won't be around for the next couple of weeks after we go this weekend.

Well - let's see what this coming week brings. I know I'm going to miss young L being around the house but as I said to her this morning - she's going to have the time of her life in between studying so go for it and enjoy every minute of it. Her friends who have now finished have all said that they really wanted to be back at Uni as they miss it so much.

Live for Today

I believe it was Dale Carnegie who coined that some years ago - it was to do with - and I'm paraphrasing this so bear with me whilst I put my spin on it:

You live for today and mustn't regret the past - that has happened and you cannot do anything about it - it's in the past and that's gone. Neither must you live for tomorrow as well it may not arrive, it means you're not living for today which is the only thing you can live for. Tomorrow hasn't happened, the past can't be changed. In a way it is a difficult way to live as if you are like me you may regret things in the past and sometimes I look back and we were having a conversation tonight and my daughters and my nephew were amazed that you were allowed to smoke on trains, on the underground, in planes, in shops and all over the place. I regret that I ever did smoke but that was the life I was brought up in, everyone smoked and all your mates smoked etc etc.

The point? Well the point is that I was trying to explain that there's things that you need to let go - it's difficult and it isn't in our nature but I am trying like mad to let go of the past as it doesn't help me and it holds you back and that's not good. It warps your mind can poison it too. This is what I find, that things I regret can become a burden and yet there's nothing I can do to change it and that word spoken in anger, or some sort of action I now think wasn't right cannot be undone, forget it and move on. I am finding myself regretting the past but also building up a sort of hit list of people who'd done me wrong and I was planning revenge that realistically I couldn't take, blaming these people for something that it isn't really possible that they'd actually done.

The brain is a strange thing and so I found myself with this stupid set of thoughts and decided that it was time to do something about them. Then Dad got ill and L is off to University proper - staying away and I can see that there's a little reticence about it from L and Mrs. F. and yet I see the positives in this and would have jumped at the chance. It isn't as if we are that far away. But what I was getting to was to be positive, go for the day as tomorrow hasn't happened yet.

So Dad's situation is all about the day and the future isn't looking nice but like us all we can't do anything about that. We can just do our best everyday and not waste it.