Judgement Day (shamelessly stolen from Steve's blog HERE!) is just 6 days away. I can feel the tension rising. I know that I've actually not stuck as rigidly to my diet as I should have although I'm now getting back on track. It's very difficult to be looking after someone and feeding them up and at the same time trying not to feed yourself up.
Both P and I have been in the wars as such and She will be attending Hospital the day before me to see how her Cataract Operation has worked out. She doesn't think it is anywhere near an improvement which is a worry as after her Detached Retina Op, the Cataract grew rapidly :-(
The next morning it is my turn to get checked out. I can feel some tension no matter how "well" I feel. It is interesting though that for the past few weeks I've been having the hot flushes I had when I had treatment - that's weird indeed.
Life is indeed crazy and we were away this week to Cambridge to see L my youngest daughter's Graduation - which was a wonderful affair although she managed to send me to the wrong end of Cambridge altogether so I had to rush to get to the Ceremony in the centre where I hadn't long been before. It was a day of being in the wrong place at the wrong time as P was then waiting for me in the centre of Cambridge and I was back on the outskirts as the second part of the celebrations were held on Campus.
It is always nice to be in Cambridge though, I like it but I'm not sure I'd like to live there, it is just so busy with tourists, locals and of course, students.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Monday, October 13, 2014
What On Earth Has Happened To Me
My life is in utter turmoil - lol. Goodness knows I don't know what day it is, what month it is or anything some days and the emotional roller coaster of being back in a relationship is not doing my INTJ personality any good at all.
I'm not very good on the emotional (someone else's) point and things are often awkward and difficult as I just don't "get" what the problem is. It's very difficult when you hear a statement and take it on board rather than emphasising with that person. I mean, if you have a headache and tell me well that's a fact and that's that. Apparently not! I'm meant to do something with that data rather than just noting it.
Maybe I'll get the hang of that later on in the relationship. It's pretty much up most of the time with the occasional OMG moments....
I'm sure it will be OK in the long run - if I ever work out what the signals actually are :-)
I'm not very good on the emotional (someone else's) point and things are often awkward and difficult as I just don't "get" what the problem is. It's very difficult when you hear a statement and take it on board rather than emphasising with that person. I mean, if you have a headache and tell me well that's a fact and that's that. Apparently not! I'm meant to do something with that data rather than just noting it.
Maybe I'll get the hang of that later on in the relationship. It's pretty much up most of the time with the occasional OMG moments....
I'm sure it will be OK in the long run - if I ever work out what the signals actually are :-)
Thursday, October 09, 2014
Where is time going to?
Back from France, went up North to my cousin's for his 40th birthday then he came down here. P had her Cataract operation on Tuesday and now I've got my Flexible Cystoscopy on the 24th October at silly O'Clock - well it is 9:15 but it is at the same place I went to last time and so I need to make sure I get there on time. It is a bit difficult as it is near Croydon which can be a bit busy at rush hour.
The last time I went was earlier this year and I got there nice and early and sat in the car with my music so it wasn't so sad. This time P says she will come with me - not sure about that as I've been on my own many times before and I'm a bit quiet and grumpy - oh well let's see how that goes.
The last time I went was earlier this year and I got there nice and early and sat in the car with my music so it wasn't so sad. This time P says she will come with me - not sure about that as I've been on my own many times before and I'm a bit quiet and grumpy - oh well let's see how that goes.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Head spinning times
Good grief where did that month go? France for 2 1/2 weeks, a quick turnaround and off to my mum's then on to my cousin's. What a month. It doesn't stop there, we are off again to Canterbury for a wedding soon too......
In amongst all of this I'm about to launch www.unlockmypast.com and at the same time P and I are having serious discussions about the road ahead! It's time for some key decisions about what we want to do, where we want to go and so on. It's a matter of nailing our colours to the mast and just getting on with it. From my side I'm beginning to squeak as my money goes out and little comes in although I do have my first 2 paid jobs! At least it is a start and I'm hoping that P & I can get this up and running fast. We are also looking at the long term and what we want.
Mrs. F. has put the house up for sale and let's hope that it gets some interest. It would be good if we can get some takers and perhaps I can then start to sort myself out on that front too.
Anyway - it's nice to be busy and it's nice to finally be getting somewhere with the business but the social life is really getting in the way - I just haven't stopped for months - it's great but so time consuming too :-)
Onwards and upwards and let's also hope that my Cystoscope appointment will come through quickly too. I really want to get that over and done with sooner rather than later.
In amongst all of this I'm about to launch www.unlockmypast.com and at the same time P and I are having serious discussions about the road ahead! It's time for some key decisions about what we want to do, where we want to go and so on. It's a matter of nailing our colours to the mast and just getting on with it. From my side I'm beginning to squeak as my money goes out and little comes in although I do have my first 2 paid jobs! At least it is a start and I'm hoping that P & I can get this up and running fast. We are also looking at the long term and what we want.
Mrs. F. has put the house up for sale and let's hope that it gets some interest. It would be good if we can get some takers and perhaps I can then start to sort myself out on that front too.
Anyway - it's nice to be busy and it's nice to finally be getting somewhere with the business but the social life is really getting in the way - I just haven't stopped for months - it's great but so time consuming too :-)
Onwards and upwards and let's also hope that my Cystoscope appointment will come through quickly too. I really want to get that over and done with sooner rather than later.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Try Before You Buy?
I got in BIG trouble for saying that but in some ways I felt that P would be able to see me in a different/new light on holiday and could make her mind up about me. In some ways I suppose it is a bit of a crude way of saying that it was a bit of an acid test.
Well, we didn't kill each other but neither was it totally plain sailing either, it wasn't likely to be we are quite similar/different (yes I know). We are very similar in some ways and diametrically different in others. But having said that, it is never going to be plain and simple - ever.
We had a great holiday in the French Pyrenees with some amazing times and lovely memories especially driving through the Gorges around the studio where we stayed. We start next week (we have to go to a 40th Birthday this weekend and so are off again!) building the business and I hope a new life. We are certainly far more comfortable with each other and chilled after the holiday but wished that it could have been a week or perhaps even two longer.
We had a small, intimate Studio apartment, a small plunge pool and were in a very small, off the beaten track French Village of just a few dozen inhabitants and the occasional car would drive by counted on the fingers of one hand in a day. Just idyllic and just right.
I'm now doing 15 days washing and ironing :-) There's always a down side.
Whilst I was away the Hospital rang with an Appointment for a Flexible Cystoscopy resulting from a cancellation - that was a shame because I would have taken that but now have to wait my turn. P had her Cataract operation cancelled and moved back a few weeks now too and so we will both be having procedures in around October I guess.
Here are some photos of the Studio.....
Well, we didn't kill each other but neither was it totally plain sailing either, it wasn't likely to be we are quite similar/different (yes I know). We are very similar in some ways and diametrically different in others. But having said that, it is never going to be plain and simple - ever.
We had a great holiday in the French Pyrenees with some amazing times and lovely memories especially driving through the Gorges around the studio where we stayed. We start next week (we have to go to a 40th Birthday this weekend and so are off again!) building the business and I hope a new life. We are certainly far more comfortable with each other and chilled after the holiday but wished that it could have been a week or perhaps even two longer.
We had a small, intimate Studio apartment, a small plunge pool and were in a very small, off the beaten track French Village of just a few dozen inhabitants and the occasional car would drive by counted on the fingers of one hand in a day. Just idyllic and just right.
I'm now doing 15 days washing and ironing :-) There's always a down side.
Whilst I was away the Hospital rang with an Appointment for a Flexible Cystoscopy resulting from a cancellation - that was a shame because I would have taken that but now have to wait my turn. P had her Cataract operation cancelled and moved back a few weeks now too and so we will both be having procedures in around October I guess.
Here are some photos of the Studio.....
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
So France = Here We Come
At last the eve of going to France - gee, it's been a wobbly old ride for me - I'm used to structure and order and this hasn't been structured and ordered but we are getting there. To consider that at one time I got two days notice to go a week and a half I suppose has been good even though I've had to expand the time we are away as P doesn't really do early mornings. Me, I'm used to them and getting up at 4 or earlier are OK. Tomorrow it's a leisurely start and a slow drive down to Le Shuttle and then down to Chartres.
The next day down to Cahors and the next day into the Pyrenees. I'm looking forward to some real time with P and for us to start to really get to know each other without some of the pressures we both have.
Mrs. F. has put the house on the market and has spoken to a solicitor and got some advice (it sounds good to me anyway) and hopefully we can get the sale of the house and all that good stuff under way. That will make a big difference to me as I just frightened the life out of myself looking at my savings. I've put a lot of my money into the business and into the house here (renting isn't a great idea!).
The business should be ready to go when we get back and I'm targeting the 1st week in October. I need to hit the Christmas market for unusual gifts I think and this may just be the right time to do that. The web site is now visible to the outside world..... Way Hay!!!
If you want to have a look here it is Unlock My Past - it works with smartphones and tablets (resizing) and I'm hopeful that it will soon start attracting visitors. I may blog when I'm away, we have WiFi but in reality I hope I don't have time for that. :-)
The next day down to Cahors and the next day into the Pyrenees. I'm looking forward to some real time with P and for us to start to really get to know each other without some of the pressures we both have.
Mrs. F. has put the house on the market and has spoken to a solicitor and got some advice (it sounds good to me anyway) and hopefully we can get the sale of the house and all that good stuff under way. That will make a big difference to me as I just frightened the life out of myself looking at my savings. I've put a lot of my money into the business and into the house here (renting isn't a great idea!).
The business should be ready to go when we get back and I'm targeting the 1st week in October. I need to hit the Christmas market for unusual gifts I think and this may just be the right time to do that. The web site is now visible to the outside world..... Way Hay!!!
If you want to have a look here it is Unlock My Past - it works with smartphones and tablets (resizing) and I'm hopeful that it will soon start attracting visitors. I may blog when I'm away, we have WiFi but in reality I hope I don't have time for that. :-)
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
2 days and a welcome break
Off on Thursday to France and taking it easy with a slow drive down there. Not my preferred method - I like to do one long drive and one short but this way we are going to do a slow drive and take three days there and three days back. It's a reasonable thing to do.
We, P & I, want to spend some real time together as we tend to be doing or tackling things mainly to do with her situation and a bit of mine and whilst we are together it is quite "business like" I suppose. There's a number of things that need to be tackled including the business and how much effort needs to go into that. Where to and how to live and so on. At the moment we are, to all intents and purposes, living together but in a strange way as I am in a shared house with my friend and it isn't exactly how I want it to work either so perhaps we can work out all these things.
We are now being addressed as a couple and have invites and the like from a number of people for both of us so it is all a bit strange I have to say :-)
I'm sweating on some stuff from Amazon that I thought was under my Prime (next day) account but wasn't - I need it for the trip and so I have to make a few contingency plans in case they don't arrive today - they were all dispatched last week so fingers crossed.
I'm feeling quite well but we've had the most incredible weekend including a trip to London where P had her bag stolen from right under our noses at the RA. We've been at Local & Live most of the weekend and arriving home at 1 and then 2:30 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday and a late night on Friday, plus P was there (Local & Live) yesterday too. Today we need to focus on getting the holiday stuff sorted.
I'm looking forward to the break without doubt but with some trepidation as I've had to change some arrangements after I'd made them. Things are very different and P is nothing at all like Mrs. F. so I'm getting to know some of the idiosyncrasies that I've not had to deal with previously.
We, P & I, want to spend some real time together as we tend to be doing or tackling things mainly to do with her situation and a bit of mine and whilst we are together it is quite "business like" I suppose. There's a number of things that need to be tackled including the business and how much effort needs to go into that. Where to and how to live and so on. At the moment we are, to all intents and purposes, living together but in a strange way as I am in a shared house with my friend and it isn't exactly how I want it to work either so perhaps we can work out all these things.
We are now being addressed as a couple and have invites and the like from a number of people for both of us so it is all a bit strange I have to say :-)
I'm sweating on some stuff from Amazon that I thought was under my Prime (next day) account but wasn't - I need it for the trip and so I have to make a few contingency plans in case they don't arrive today - they were all dispatched last week so fingers crossed.
I'm feeling quite well but we've had the most incredible weekend including a trip to London where P had her bag stolen from right under our noses at the RA. We've been at Local & Live most of the weekend and arriving home at 1 and then 2:30 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday and a late night on Friday, plus P was there (Local & Live) yesterday too. Today we need to focus on getting the holiday stuff sorted.
I'm looking forward to the break without doubt but with some trepidation as I've had to change some arrangements after I'd made them. Things are very different and P is nothing at all like Mrs. F. so I'm getting to know some of the idiosyncrasies that I've not had to deal with previously.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Time Warping
Both P and I looked at each other this morning and wondered where July had gone. Better than that I asked, where has August gone? It's absolutely crazy that we've been together for 16 weeks or 4 months or whatever and it doesn't feel like that at all. We finally managed to book a holiday and we are off next week for a couple of weeks to the South of France in a small village and an isolated, private studio apartment overlooked by no one. Just what we need to spend time with each other.
We strangely are in each others company all day but we have been "working" tackling day-to-day stuff and working through a number of issues which, happily, seem to be coming to an end. That means when I get back I can concentrate on the business and we can get on with life. Quite what that means to us we have yet to define. It's very very very very strange. Neither of us were looking for anything and yet here we are quite fixed and living together. That's a worry in some ways as it is so quick and yet it seems all OK and comfortable.
The huge gaps in time are worrying though but I can see where they've actually gone as we've been tackling some pretty messy stuff and some of the decisions have had to take days to work through.
Health wise I'm OK but somewhat concerned at the burn rate of my cash. However, I need to recommence working on my return from holiday and that's a given. Let's hope that I can generate sufficient funds?
The next thing I need to do is to lose some of the weight I've put on. I've been feeding P up as she had lost a lot of weight worrying about things. Well she's responded quite well to my food. the trouble is that so have I :-) lol. So I'm putting myself on a diet and dropping the carbs that I share with her. Hopefully I will be able to drop a fair amount as long as I don't end up drinking beer in between.
We strangely are in each others company all day but we have been "working" tackling day-to-day stuff and working through a number of issues which, happily, seem to be coming to an end. That means when I get back I can concentrate on the business and we can get on with life. Quite what that means to us we have yet to define. It's very very very very strange. Neither of us were looking for anything and yet here we are quite fixed and living together. That's a worry in some ways as it is so quick and yet it seems all OK and comfortable.
The huge gaps in time are worrying though but I can see where they've actually gone as we've been tackling some pretty messy stuff and some of the decisions have had to take days to work through.
Health wise I'm OK but somewhat concerned at the burn rate of my cash. However, I need to recommence working on my return from holiday and that's a given. Let's hope that I can generate sufficient funds?
The next thing I need to do is to lose some of the weight I've put on. I've been feeding P up as she had lost a lot of weight worrying about things. Well she's responded quite well to my food. the trouble is that so have I :-) lol. So I'm putting myself on a diet and dropping the carbs that I share with her. Hopefully I will be able to drop a fair amount as long as I don't end up drinking beer in between.
Thursday, August 07, 2014
Hot Day
Phew - it's hot in my little office - the fan is working overtime - bless it!
Still no decisions on major things and it is a waiting game - it's annoying for a planner like me. i like to know what is going on and plan things. It destabilises me when I don't know - it really is difficult and it's obviously a clash when a planned person meets a "seat of the pants" person.
P has been away most of today so I've got stuck into some administration work. I've finished off cleaning up the garden and chopping back invading Ivy and Lobelia. I've put a few beers in the Fridge - I really shouldn't be drinking but at the moment it keeps me distracted whilst stuff goes on around me. These things aren't my decision to make, I can advise, I can empathise, strategise and theorise but I can't make the decisions.
Apart from the destabilising effects I am looking forward to going away with P and just chiling out for a couple of weeks. We seem to have done nothing but working and haven't spent much time with each other.
I hope that she makes her decisions tomorrow and we just move on with things. I can then set to and plan the holiday and the travelling etc.
Still no decisions on major things and it is a waiting game - it's annoying for a planner like me. i like to know what is going on and plan things. It destabilises me when I don't know - it really is difficult and it's obviously a clash when a planned person meets a "seat of the pants" person.
P has been away most of today so I've got stuck into some administration work. I've finished off cleaning up the garden and chopping back invading Ivy and Lobelia. I've put a few beers in the Fridge - I really shouldn't be drinking but at the moment it keeps me distracted whilst stuff goes on around me. These things aren't my decision to make, I can advise, I can empathise, strategise and theorise but I can't make the decisions.
Apart from the destabilising effects I am looking forward to going away with P and just chiling out for a couple of weeks. We seem to have done nothing but working and haven't spent much time with each other.
I hope that she makes her decisions tomorrow and we just move on with things. I can then set to and plan the holiday and the travelling etc.
Tuesday, August 05, 2014
New Phone, Nearer Some Planning
But not quite there yet. The car went in for service and at last it was a reasonable amount of money to pay and just a few items needed to sort the car out. It is now ready for a trip to France, if that is what actually happens. It's all up in the air at the moment for sure.
Poor P has to have a Cataract removed before they see what progress the eye they operated on has made. That can happen as soon as this Saturday but she needs to make that decision. The next available dates would affect any holiday plans for this and next month as we are constrained by other dates.
We were meant to go this Thursday - but I've planned and booked nothing at all. It's procrastination drawn out to its worst possible definition. Difficult decisions do need to be made and I can appreciate that having made those decisions exactly 1 year ago today! for it is a year ago that I told Mrs. F. that things were over. Ironically I am meeting her at lunchtime today to discuss the house and children, finances and all those sorts of things.
It's been a strange journey and I'm a lucky in some ways to be at the start of a new journey although with the hindsight of a previous one!
I'm keeping well and enjoying myself - as much as I can. INTJ types really prefer some decisive actions and certainty which is giving me the problems at them moment.
Poor P has to have a Cataract removed before they see what progress the eye they operated on has made. That can happen as soon as this Saturday but she needs to make that decision. The next available dates would affect any holiday plans for this and next month as we are constrained by other dates.
We were meant to go this Thursday - but I've planned and booked nothing at all. It's procrastination drawn out to its worst possible definition. Difficult decisions do need to be made and I can appreciate that having made those decisions exactly 1 year ago today! for it is a year ago that I told Mrs. F. that things were over. Ironically I am meeting her at lunchtime today to discuss the house and children, finances and all those sorts of things.
It's been a strange journey and I'm a lucky in some ways to be at the start of a new journey although with the hindsight of a previous one!
I'm keeping well and enjoying myself - as much as I can. INTJ types really prefer some decisive actions and certainty which is giving me the problems at them moment.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Wasp 1 Samsung Galaxy 0
I smashed the glass on my phone on Saturday swatting away a Wasp that had got close. Normally my good old phone can take a knock but I managed to swat and then launch the phone a good 5 yards! So I've just bought a Motorola G which is a nice phone and seems to do all I want without the iPhone/Samsung price tag. So far, so good. The migration app appears to work nicely, it syncs with Google nice and easily and brought over all my Apps too. Clever.
Let's hope it lasts 2 1/2 years like my Samsung did.
Feeling OK but frustrated that I've not been able to book a holiday yet. It's extremely difficult as P needs to sort some things out before I can. The trouble is the date is heading towards us like a train and 8 days is hardly long enough for me to organise things. I know things can't be rushed but I'm a planner and don't like unnecessary stress added to trying to arrange things.
Let's hope it lasts 2 1/2 years like my Samsung did.
Feeling OK but frustrated that I've not been able to book a holiday yet. It's extremely difficult as P needs to sort some things out before I can. The trouble is the date is heading towards us like a train and 8 days is hardly long enough for me to organise things. I know things can't be rushed but I'm a planner and don't like unnecessary stress added to trying to arrange things.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Is It The Weather?
I feel lethargic, unlike me (of late) to feel quite so tired and not up for much :-)
I hope it is just a today thing as the weather is oppressive and humid as you like.
I hope it is just a today thing as the weather is oppressive and humid as you like.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Wobbles - even If you prepare yourself
Wobbles and little set backs come and go and July is a bad time for me whether I want it to be or not.
Things like:
2nd July - Bladder Cancer Symptoms present
3rd July - Dad died
4th July - my birthday
7th July - Doctor suggests I have Cancer
21st July - Diagnosed with Bladder Cancer
24th July - Bladder Saving (lifesaving) operation
It's 8 years for Bladder Cancer - I'm still here, I'm healthy, I'm happy and I've a new life awaiting me in the wings. I have a nice lady friend to spend time with and life has new meaning and new purpose - that's great.
It's taking a long time to sort out P's issues but we are almost there now. I hope we can get a holiday in and then launch the business as I'm getting itchy feet and really want to launch it and start generating some income.
I find myself in July wobbling about between highs and lows and this July is no different even though I prepared myself for it.
Onwards and Upwards! :-)
Things like:
2nd July - Bladder Cancer Symptoms present
3rd July - Dad died
4th July - my birthday
7th July - Doctor suggests I have Cancer
21st July - Diagnosed with Bladder Cancer
24th July - Bladder Saving (lifesaving) operation
It's 8 years for Bladder Cancer - I'm still here, I'm healthy, I'm happy and I've a new life awaiting me in the wings. I have a nice lady friend to spend time with and life has new meaning and new purpose - that's great.
It's taking a long time to sort out P's issues but we are almost there now. I hope we can get a holiday in and then launch the business as I'm getting itchy feet and really want to launch it and start generating some income.
I find myself in July wobbling about between highs and lows and this July is no different even though I prepared myself for it.
Onwards and Upwards! :-)
Friday, July 18, 2014
Kerbam
Ohh it's been a rocky few weeks. Ups and downs abound. What are the chances that one of P's friends is married to the brother of an old mate of mine who lived next to my first girlfriend? I really didn't need my past to come out like that and suddenly everyone was interested and I really wasn't so that didn't go down well. 60 million people in the world and I happen to sit next to someone who knew me from when I was 19 years old!
All is OK now though and things are moving on nicely. I'm not sure where it is all headed which I suppose is also fun. For the new me it is fun - the old me would have been horrified about that I'm certain.
I think that P & I need a good holiday as we haven't really been spending real quality time together - we tend to spend time together working and that's a bit of a shame as we really should be getting to know each other. We are out on Saturday to a bell ringing day out followed by a BBQ. Maybe we can get some time together and we need to lay some ghosts out too whilst we are there. By that I mean there are a few chaps who aren't aware that I am on the scene that need to find out as it could cause embarrassment for them or for P.
I am fit and well apart from my shin which took a serious thump on the outside brick wall. It has only just started to come under some sort of control as it really ballooned up and I've been putting on two dressings a day to sort it out. Hopefully it will be OK for the weekend.
All is OK now though and things are moving on nicely. I'm not sure where it is all headed which I suppose is also fun. For the new me it is fun - the old me would have been horrified about that I'm certain.
I think that P & I need a good holiday as we haven't really been spending real quality time together - we tend to spend time together working and that's a bit of a shame as we really should be getting to know each other. We are out on Saturday to a bell ringing day out followed by a BBQ. Maybe we can get some time together and we need to lay some ghosts out too whilst we are there. By that I mean there are a few chaps who aren't aware that I am on the scene that need to find out as it could cause embarrassment for them or for P.
I am fit and well apart from my shin which took a serious thump on the outside brick wall. It has only just started to come under some sort of control as it really ballooned up and I've been putting on two dressings a day to sort it out. Hopefully it will be OK for the weekend.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Update
Well where did those 12 days go? I have no idea at all but there you go - it just disappeared and it's like that a lot these days, time just slips away. I had a good birthday going to the Royal Academy for the Summer Exhibition and then to see Dennis Hopper's photographic exhibition, Fortnum & Mason for Lunch followed by Ronnie Scott's for the evening. The only bummer being the ridiculously crowded train home - southern railways need to examine how they treat customers it was just ridiculous. Completely left me messed up with my claustrophobia kicking in big time. I managed to keep it together but not when I got home.
Anyhow, other than that it was a lovely day.
I'm feeling good and fit and healthy but could do with a holiday I think - if nothing else to get out of the current list of things that need to be done - get a rest and then launch the business.
I hope to get some more time to start blogging again, the main thing is that health is good, outlook is good and life is fine albeit a little to full on for me at the moment.
Anyhow, other than that it was a lovely day.
I'm feeling good and fit and healthy but could do with a holiday I think - if nothing else to get out of the current list of things that need to be done - get a rest and then launch the business.
I hope to get some more time to start blogging again, the main thing is that health is good, outlook is good and life is fine albeit a little to full on for me at the moment.
Wednesday, July 02, 2014
Eight Years Ago
It's the Anniversary of my getting the symptoms of Bladder Cancer. I recall it well as it was England on playing in the World Cup - that year they probably did slightly better than this :-)
After a 4 1/2 hour drive I checked in to my Hotel, went to the toilet to be greeted by a stream of claret coloured urine. It didn't stop doing that until the 24th July when I had my operation....
It still sends a shudder through me thinking about it. Gee though I get cranky around this time of year. But in many ways I should celebrate as it was around this time of year last year that it all started to become clear to me what needed to be done and finally I'm out of the rut I was in and I'm in a great place at the moment. I can see my future (well not really) but I'm positive about my future is probably a better way to say it. I'm really happy and positive about things. P and I are getting along wonderfully and that's great - I'm so pleased about that. I'm not sure quite what to do about introducing her to the girls - it's very difficult I suppose.
I am seeing Mrs. F. tomorrow evening to discuss the way forward. I'm in no rush to push her into anything - it's not my way and it appears that L now has a local job (that did surprise me - I thought she would have stayed in Cambridge). That will mean she will stay at the house I guess. That means that they will need the place for the moment and I suppose I will have to wait a little longer for the settlement to materialise. I think I can handle that but of course it is burning a hole in both our monies with me living in rented accommodation.
SO here I am - 8 years on from the huge trauma of Bladder Cancer. I'm still here - HURRAH! I'm healthy - YIPPEE! I'm happy, I'm free, I'm excited, I'm empty of all that angst and baggage, I'm crazy about P, I have a new business to launch and everything is looking good.
I look back and see how much my life has changed and in a few ways I'm sad about the outcome of my marriage but I knew that was rocky even then. I can't fault Mrs. F. standing by me though, she was a rock bless her but it's time to move on for me and I really hope that she finds someone for herself that means as much to her as P does to me.
Talking of P that's 12 weeks this Thursday - time has flown and it feels a long and a short time all at once! I wonder what will happen in 1 or even 8 years from now? This certainly isn't quite what I felt it would be but there you go - it's just the way it is people come into and out of your life for a reason I guess.
After a 4 1/2 hour drive I checked in to my Hotel, went to the toilet to be greeted by a stream of claret coloured urine. It didn't stop doing that until the 24th July when I had my operation....
It still sends a shudder through me thinking about it. Gee though I get cranky around this time of year. But in many ways I should celebrate as it was around this time of year last year that it all started to become clear to me what needed to be done and finally I'm out of the rut I was in and I'm in a great place at the moment. I can see my future (well not really) but I'm positive about my future is probably a better way to say it. I'm really happy and positive about things. P and I are getting along wonderfully and that's great - I'm so pleased about that. I'm not sure quite what to do about introducing her to the girls - it's very difficult I suppose.
I am seeing Mrs. F. tomorrow evening to discuss the way forward. I'm in no rush to push her into anything - it's not my way and it appears that L now has a local job (that did surprise me - I thought she would have stayed in Cambridge). That will mean she will stay at the house I guess. That means that they will need the place for the moment and I suppose I will have to wait a little longer for the settlement to materialise. I think I can handle that but of course it is burning a hole in both our monies with me living in rented accommodation.
SO here I am - 8 years on from the huge trauma of Bladder Cancer. I'm still here - HURRAH! I'm healthy - YIPPEE! I'm happy, I'm free, I'm excited, I'm empty of all that angst and baggage, I'm crazy about P, I have a new business to launch and everything is looking good.
I look back and see how much my life has changed and in a few ways I'm sad about the outcome of my marriage but I knew that was rocky even then. I can't fault Mrs. F. standing by me though, she was a rock bless her but it's time to move on for me and I really hope that she finds someone for herself that means as much to her as P does to me.
Talking of P that's 12 weeks this Thursday - time has flown and it feels a long and a short time all at once! I wonder what will happen in 1 or even 8 years from now? This certainly isn't quite what I felt it would be but there you go - it's just the way it is people come into and out of your life for a reason I guess.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Where did the time go?
Yikes, where has the last few weeks gone? OK we had the housewarming party, I've been to Northampton and back and suddenly what - it's almost the end of June.
I can't tell you where time has gone but I'm seriously blown off track at the moment but feel that things are coming back on an even keel at last. It's one of those amazing times we get in our lives where events take us way off of our "planned" course and your life changes forever. It was actually a year ago that my life really started to change and it's just bizarre that here I am blinking and wondering what on earth just happened :-) Crazy!
I need to speak to Mrs. F. soon to see what we can do to move things forward. The biggest issue I suppose is what to do about the house and stuff. It's all a little strange as I will have to work out lots of other things - like where to live and so on. It's just the way my crazy world is these days.
I can't tell you where time has gone but I'm seriously blown off track at the moment but feel that things are coming back on an even keel at last. It's one of those amazing times we get in our lives where events take us way off of our "planned" course and your life changes forever. It was actually a year ago that my life really started to change and it's just bizarre that here I am blinking and wondering what on earth just happened :-) Crazy!
I need to speak to Mrs. F. soon to see what we can do to move things forward. The biggest issue I suppose is what to do about the house and stuff. It's all a little strange as I will have to work out lots of other things - like where to live and so on. It's just the way my crazy world is these days.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Interesting Times
"How fortunate we are to live in such interesting times" was one of our sayings when we were at work. It holds true today. Life IS very interesting at the moment, very interesting indeed and I'm having quite a bit of difficulty adapting to it. Things are very different indeed from any past experiences I have had and so a lot of it is new to me. I hate being an INTJ sometimes because I just can't stop analysing and also stuff that isn't "Logical" really confuses the hell out of me and of course, there's a lot of that in relationships - stuff that isn't logical that is. It completely throws me out of equilibrium.
So I'm having to learn a lot of this stuff as we go on and that is proving interesting but not quite as much fun. Anyway, it will just have to be what it will be - I'm getting there gradually.
I like the fact that I hardly think about Bladder Cancer anymore or anything else around my health either.
Interesting times? You bet!
So I'm having to learn a lot of this stuff as we go on and that is proving interesting but not quite as much fun. Anyway, it will just have to be what it will be - I'm getting there gradually.
I like the fact that I hardly think about Bladder Cancer anymore or anything else around my health either.
Interesting times? You bet!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
It's Serious Then?
Given how I'm feeling at the moment with P away at the Isle of Wight Festival, I've got to say that things are pretty serious! I wasn't expecting to feel quite like this at all but hey, the new me is saying go with it, run with it and see where it takes you.
I still find it quite hard to believe that it's only 7 weeks and 3 days (roughly). There's something quite strange and surreal about this past week. It is very strange indeed. I feel great and yesterday the number of people who came up to me and said that I was looking great these days was more than a dozen. It's nice to hear as I looked back at my Passport photo and of course I wasn't well when that was done - about 18 months after diagnosis, I look grey and drawn and with huge circles under my eyes. What a difference. I am pretty glad about that.
I saw my friend who had hi Bladder removed yesterday and I hadn't seen him since he had the surgery so it was good to catch up and hear his story. Apparently it was a missed appointment and they may have been able to sort him out if it hadn't got aggressive and gone into the muscle. He seems fine about it, has lost some weight (a bonus he says) and he has moved down to the coast which is nice I think.
I've been working on how things progress from here going forward. I really hadn't planned to be quite so involved as I am. I thought that we might be friends going to gigs together but we are light years beyond that. I think it is funny as we keep looking at each other and smiling and wondering "how did we get here?" It doesn't really matter at all, I'm happy and so is P and that's great.
I still find it quite hard to believe that it's only 7 weeks and 3 days (roughly). There's something quite strange and surreal about this past week. It is very strange indeed. I feel great and yesterday the number of people who came up to me and said that I was looking great these days was more than a dozen. It's nice to hear as I looked back at my Passport photo and of course I wasn't well when that was done - about 18 months after diagnosis, I look grey and drawn and with huge circles under my eyes. What a difference. I am pretty glad about that.
I saw my friend who had hi Bladder removed yesterday and I hadn't seen him since he had the surgery so it was good to catch up and hear his story. Apparently it was a missed appointment and they may have been able to sort him out if it hadn't got aggressive and gone into the muscle. He seems fine about it, has lost some weight (a bonus he says) and he has moved down to the coast which is nice I think.
I've been working on how things progress from here going forward. I really hadn't planned to be quite so involved as I am. I thought that we might be friends going to gigs together but we are light years beyond that. I think it is funny as we keep looking at each other and smiling and wondering "how did we get here?" It doesn't really matter at all, I'm happy and so is P and that's great.
Friday, June 13, 2014
The Business Of Getting On With Business
It is a business getting on with business. I need to launch and yet it's the usual decision - when is the right time as so many things are going on in my life at the moment. We have the house warming party in a week and I'm out for a few days. I need to talk to P to make sure she is now independent enough to do without me for a short while. We have discussed that she might help me drive some business in which would be great.
We are talking about taking a little time off and just going away for a few days and getting to know each other dropping the business and personal problems to one side and just having a break. I hope we can do that.
At the moment everything is ready to go so I just need to start driving the message home and getting people interested in what I do and then for them to spend some money with me.
I want to start to get into some sort of regular business hours as well as getting some order back into my life :-) Food, exercise and work all need to come together in one homogenous way. Well that's my plan and as we've seen the last 7 weeks have been absolutely full on what with P and my Mum and now the web site is up and running I'm just waiting to "flip the switch" and that just needs a chat with P and for the two of us to be happy about that.
We are talking about taking a little time off and just going away for a few days and getting to know each other dropping the business and personal problems to one side and just having a break. I hope we can do that.
At the moment everything is ready to go so I just need to start driving the message home and getting people interested in what I do and then for them to spend some money with me.
I want to start to get into some sort of regular business hours as well as getting some order back into my life :-) Food, exercise and work all need to come together in one homogenous way. Well that's my plan and as we've seen the last 7 weeks have been absolutely full on what with P and my Mum and now the web site is up and running I'm just waiting to "flip the switch" and that just needs a chat with P and for the two of us to be happy about that.
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