Retirement Adjusting Is Difficult For An INTJ I'd Say

 A lifetime of planning, managing and doing suddenly comes to an end and almost overnight life has completely changed.  There's no routine other than getting up and going to bed I suppose.  It's as if I've woken up in another dimension and the structure and order and deadlines and milestones no longer exist.  As an INTJ I've been thrown way off course.  

Things that were structured and planned are now abstract I guess?  Transitioning to having little formal structures in place is hard.  Understanding it is harder too.  It shouldn't be but if you weren't planning it, this is all a surprise!  I hadn't planned for retirement because up until March I was still working and made the decision to terminate it all - I had specific business goals to this - an exit strategy for the business but nothing for myself.

Two years of emotional turmoil too have had to be dealt with - the aggression from the business "partner" and legal challenges plus the disappointment from that.  The self fulfilling prophecy of someone who destroys their own business as they did also stacks up the negative energies.

Today feels quite different somehow.  A little light has switched on to suddenly build away from.  There are no milestones, schedules, metrics, spreadsheets (I do like a spreadsheet) reports, deadlines, it's all gone and I miss them.  I miss them a lot.  Perhaps I am grieving for them?  It's the Kubler-Ross ( The classic five stages of grief—introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying—are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). 

I've been through the last two for sure not sure I was denying it but there was anger, anger at the way I was treated.  Not so much bargaining but depression and acceptance which I think is just coming now.  I still feel that "something" is about to happen but in reality what can that be?  Everything is ended and there's no point but, of course, people can be arseholes and it's trying not to worry about it (INTJ planning and risk managing blah blah) which doesn't do any good anyway as we know.

Well let's see how I get on from here?  It feels a better day today and so let's move forward and see if things change for the best?