Don't look back they often tell you except once in a while it is probably worth a short review. I did try and work on documenting my Bladder Cancer Journey, bringing close to 20 years into a book and it actually made me feel quite ill. It dragged up old memories best forgotten, pain relived is not good and I wonder if I am partly carrying around that - I abandoned it when I got to the nastiness of the business issues the tribunal and so on. Who needed that?
At the moment I am worried / anxious about going to events and meetings. It sounds strange but it no longer interests me, fills me with dread and I just don't fancy it at all. I have had this before of course and in July I got to one of the meetings and it was so hot that I could not go into the room. I can of course choose not to do that. It's irrational but claustrophobia is back and I dislike that more than I can say.
It plays on my mind but, of course, I can choose not to go. This Wednesday I am going as a guest to a meeting to try and resolve that. I know the guy I am going to be with and it is a large Lodge room and a large dining room so I should be OK with it. It does take me right back to my early days with Bladder Cancer treatment when I would just get all anxious and want to leave the room. A friend would help me breathe through it.
I need a plan for this and I'm not sure what to do about it at the moment.
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