Square One

It's a strange thing but I'm right back to the beginning again.  I wasn't successful in the job I went for but you tend to know when it wasn't a "real" job as the reply was disrespectful and they obviously hadn't read through the CV etc. properly as they hadn't referenced it (like you would).

That's now brought me back to where I was before and that's hating the idea of working for anyone other than myself ever again.  I just find that the people you have to deal with are sh1t and no one really deals with people in a nice way any more.  

The trouble is that I'm dithering about what to do.  There's lots of fanciful ideas and the chance to go do something that's more "lifestyle" than working like a "slave".  I need to consider the options or should I say reconsider them as I did start off doing this and got distracted by the possibility of a job elsewhere.  That has soured my outlook or in reality just brought it back to me how much I abhor working for people who don't really care about you.  

Doing some work

I sorted out the downstairs WC door lock - it's been needed to be sorted for a couple of years.  I took me a little while as it was slightly larger than the old imperial one that was fitted and I also needed to do one for the bathroom I'm refurbishing.  I'm going to wait until the room is almost finished though and I might need to remove the door to take off a little to get over the new tiles I'm putting in.

So that's the morning sorted and I'm trying to work out whether there's anything left I can do before I get the nod from the plasterer.  Then, and only then, can I get cracking and take out the bath/shower, WC and Basin and cap off the services.  

Goodness me

Well - another crazy day at the Olympics and more to cheer again today.  


Not for me though, I'm getting quite tetchy and somewhat annoyed with explaining why - if I'm renovating the bathroom I need to take everything out to allow the Plasterer to do his thing and that will take 2 days.  It will mean that they wont have a shower/bath available for around 5 days (I reckon) as I need to put in a new floor and that needs to settle and dry and then put in the bath.  Even then it wont have tiles sorted out either.  I suppose these days people are used to things just happening.  The best bit was asking me to delay it which is impossible as it's taken me months to arrange the plasterer and everything revolves around his commitments not mine.


The trouble is that I'm getting annoyed by all this and perhaps I just ought to rise above it but certainly I seem to be having a sense of humour failure - not sure if that is about not getting the job (or even an interview) or maybe it is the upcoming scope.  Maybe it is something else.  I pulled a blog post last night about how I'm feeling and it's not a great place.  

What a Day

The Olympics - what a day - 6 Golds but what an advert for the UK and London.  I don't think I've felt quite so emotional as watching today's athletes.  Mind you I do hate this sticking microphones under people's noses when they haven't performed well or asking crass questions.  

However, it has been a brilliant success so far and it promises to get better tomorrow too.  Yes we ought to be rightly proud of the achievements and it is just great to see things coming together.  Let's hope the rest of the world thinks that the games really are excellent.  I have to say the "style" and "design" must be admired alongside the volunteers.


So good was the opening ceremony that I ordered the CD today - it hasn't got all the tunes on but it has the tunes by Underworld and others....


Very pleased with the Games so far...

I know what it is

It is disrespectful to send out a standard letter that doesn't even have your name on it or referencing the effort made and so on.  I wouldn't do it and I find it disrespectful that someone else considers this is acceptable.


I've now received all the materials I need now to do the bathroom so I'm double checking my lists and materials and making sure that everything is in order for me to start.  

That Figures then

Got a non committal response to the job application a thanks but no thanks one and it sort of suggests to me that once again it was a bit of a fix up but they had to go through the process.   I sort of guessed that it might be so and that is fine as it will allow me to get on and do some more stuff now.  I can at least get on with home improvements without worrying about whether the job comes along or not and I also got my appointment through for the end of August, a nice early 9 am appointment which is great for me.


I'm beginning to address other issues too including whether I want to continue working on my own business or do something else and if I do, what I'd do for a living.  I know my price now (or the one that I was happy to settle for for the last job).  I wonder then if I can work out a way of moving on that.  I'm not completely settled on what I want to do though as I can't seem to work out what is going on here at present.  By that I mean that with Mrs. F. and A working full time it sort of puts some pressure on (whether perceived or otherwise) and Monday to Friday around here is pretty miserable - sure I'll have 2 weeks work ahead of me to do the bathroom and that will be nice but at the same time it's the "we're tired, we've been out to work" shit that I find annoying.  I mean for most of their lives what the hell was I doing?  No one wants to talk and I'm getting the arsey answers to standard questions.  However, knowing how precise I like to be I do correct the answer.  Here's one.  I go to find the family calendar.  It isn't there.  "Where is the calendar?" I then listen to 5 minutes of bollocks about why it isn't there, how something has happened and eventually I find out that it is in the living room.  So I gently suggest that the original question was where is the calendar? And that the answer is, in the living room.  It's simple really.  However, every question, every courtesy query (how are you) is met with a story so long that isn't even on subject that it is beginning to really piss me off.


I find this level of drivel pretty difficult to live with.  I ask a question about something and I get an answer about whether I want the car tomorrow????  WHAT?  I only asked whether I could phone up the local builders merchant and how had they found them.  This sort of obfuscation really doesn't suit my temperament at all well.  The problem is that it just makes me worse and I can play this game until the cows come home.  However, I've tried on two no make that three occasions tonight to sort this out and no one has the will to do it.  When they want to get bloody minded, they do.  It's a full moon so maybe that's it?  It's like another simple thing - I need to get some ironmongery sorted out for the doors and you'd have thought I was going to demolish the house and re-build it.  It really is simple - what door handle do you like?  By the time we'd finished we'd discussed everything but the bloody door handle.  


Anyway - a bad night and we are out tomorrow so I just hope that things get a little better.  I need to finish off my ordering and get the wood from the merchants (No I don't need a car to make a telephone call!!!!!) and just get it sorted.  At least I know what I am doing this next few weeks.

You have to laugh

It's a strange thing.  For 7 years we've been told that the Olympic games would cause travel chaos and that we should stay away from London.  Businesses have heeded the warning of impending Armageddon and have allowed staff to work from home.  Anyone with any sense has heeded the dire warnings and gone away on holiday or taken holiday and with all the warnings of travel chaos people are staying away.  


Now, after a few days, London is like a ghost town (they'd have us believe) and unsurprisingly most of the tourists are at the Olympic venues and not in Oxford Street spending their cash.  Hotels haven't sold enough rooms as business trips are down.  So apparently businesses that rely on workers and also for tourists are suffering - amazing considering they've only had a few days of Olympic trading :-)  You can't make it up can you?  


And another thing - the news.  It appears that for 2 weeks every 4 years, nothing happens in the rest of the world.  So after being maxed out with 4 hours of Olympics, the news comes on and they - repeat word for word the closing phrases of the Olympics.  they then do 20 minutes of, yes, you've guessed it, Olympics and then the rest of the world's news is crammed into the next 5 minutes..... :-)  It is a joke.


On the personal front I have to say I'm struggling with stuff at the moment - I'd like to get going with the bathroom to get some attention on a project.  Without a job I'm still considering my options, still no news from the job I've applied for - almost 2 weeks now.  I've spoken about another project I could get on and do in the interim, that's a possible but I'm just struggling with what to do next.  

Stuff Arriving

For my bathroom project.  The flexible pipes have arrived this morning and I have all the taps, bath, shower kit, WC and basin etc.  I have yet to build the units but I will do that when the Plasterer is here which will give me something to concentrate on.  I have a lot of work to do as the bathroom wasn't really installed to a high quality and has leaked regularly and I've only been able to patch it up in the past.  The floor needs fixing down, the whole room needs plastering and the ceiling needs redoing too.  


It's been a few years since I tackled a bathroom but I used to do these for people in a weekend as a job on top of my day job.  As an electrician I was trained in plumbing and carpentry and strangely enough you pick up lots of tips and tricks with other tradesmen on site.  I'm looking forward to getting stuck into it though and the tiles, bathroom furniture etc look great as separates and I reckon it will look great when finished.


I've had to splash out on some tools to do the job as I've no idea where my old ones have got to.    I've probably lent them to someone and never got them back or they just never made it to this house from the old one.  Whatever, I have new tools to do the job and I'm glad that I'll have the right tools to do it as trying to force the wrong tool to do the job would just mess things up.  SO I have a nice tile cutter and a circular saw for the work I need to do to the worktops and cupboards.

Where's my appointment?

The sort of thing that only I could think about as I walked back from my meeting earlier.  Where is my next appointment for my flexible cystoscopy check?  I'm sure it should have been in July although I had the CT Scan a little later (I can't remember when).  I suppose if I've not heard soon I ought to chase that up.  Not that it is the sort of thing you'd actually want to go and do regularly but needs must, I need them for the rest of my life but I suppose that it isn't so bad a thing that I'm being checked up like this and regularly so that, in case there is a recurrence, they can sort it out pronto.


I realise that I'm back into a bit of a low again.  Not surprising I suppose after all the happenings of the past month or more.  Life is sort of settled but I'm still not sure what I want to do with myself.  The job I've gone for has all gone quiet.  The thing I was doing at lunch time really needs some other people to do the hard bit - talking to people on the phone which I do find difficult in certain circumstances.  


Jazz night tomorrow - first one for a while and a chance to wind down.  I'll probably cheer up afterwards but I'm now recognising this pattern of feeling down more often than I have for a while.  Maybe I need to get focussed and sort stuff out or hear about the job or anything.  It's a bit disconcerting but I'm sure I'll work my way through it or out of it.  

Lunch Meeting

Having a chat about the work I did for my friend's business.  I did this before dad died so at least 6 weeks ago.  It has all gone a bit quiet now but we need to pick up on the plans I wrote up and where to go from here.  It is a bit difficult to quantify because there are other considerations for me.  It isn't my sort of job - or at least part of it isn't.


It will be good to get out of the house and have a few hours thinking about work and where it can go from here.  The trouble is that it isn't for me but the management and planning are so that's the interesting conundrum to unpick.


It would be nice to get a few £s into the business though but I'm not sure that it will be a life changing event :-)

Letting Go

Dad was very explicit about not wanting a gravestone, plaque or any other thing or memorial.  He didn't want people coming to lay flowers on birthdays and anniversaries or having a marked spot.  He just wanted us to get on with it, no sentimentality and for us to move on.  That's fine by me, it is how I think (unsurprisingly) and of course, as you may have guessed I'm pretty much like him in many ways.


It always surprises me how people will go and sit for hours by a grave talking to someone who isn't there, celebrating birthdays many years afterwards.  I suppose it is OK to mark them or think of them but find it a little disturbing to publish stuff in newspapers, stick a posting on Facebook etc.  I'm one for getting on with my life and don't get it.  It always seems a strange thing to do to me.


I'm not being disrespectful rather more that you probably need to get on with your own life.  I understand that there is a process to go through and that it may never be completely healed but it shows a certain amount of insecurity surely that you wouldn't want to move on?

Motivation

It is pretty hard to get started this morning, I've opened up some accounts I need to sort out and they look as dry as sawdust.  I will just have to work my way through it and tackle the drudgery of it all.  I am normally OK about doing things but procrastination is a problem especially when I have time on my hands.  When I'm pressured I find that I work a lot better as I make good use of my time.  When I have time to fill I use Parkinson's Law, which sort of states that "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."


I'm itching to get under way with the bathroom an I'm waiting to hear if I have an interview.  I'm trying with that to put it behind me in a way to suggest that it wont happen.  Knowing my luck it will all kick off together.  That would be Murphy's Law :-)

A Nice Sunday

Today was a good day and it was nice to just sort some bits out and then take a lazy afternoon of sport as there were some pretty heavy thunderstorms overhead.  I've got almost everything I need to do the bathroom now apart from a start date from the Plumber.  I have ordered just about everything needed to dismantle, make safe and install the new stuff.

I hope to hear, one way or the other, about the job this week.  It would be nice to know whether there is a job or not.  That will help me sort out the chores (or not) too.  I've taken a neutral view this time about it.  I'd like to get an opportunity for the job and it would be great but if it isn't there it will make me go and think about something else to do.  Either way I'm cool about it.

Journalists are they the lowest form of life?

I've said it before but I do find this dumbed down reporting annoying.  Of course an Athlete is going to be disappointed but please be nice to them and stop asking the bleeding obvious.  How about letting the poor people actually get their breath before asking them why they didn't win a gold medal?  How about a little sensitivity and asking them for their evaluation not telling them what, in your jaundiced, self-centred, win everything at an cost, childish and downright disrespectful attitude YOU thought was wrong.  Mark Cavendish should have smashed one of these leeches on society in the face for the way they spoke to him and for the disrespect they showed.  Most journalists only exercise is lifting a glass of Merlot to their lips, swallowing it and hoping their stomachs use enough calories digesting it to keep them active!  Pratts the lot of them, there's not one who has earned the right to talk to the Athletes they way they do they should be ashamed of themselves but are too soak fuelled and full and too full of their own self importance to bring the games to life.


HELLO - it isn't about you, presenters, has beens, B class people of notoriety, journalists, you are there to link and present the greatest athletes in the world to the audience.  It's about them and it will never be about you and your stupid, anal, attention seeking camera hogging.  


So thought I'd start Sunday with a rant :-)  Either I'm turning into someone slightly to the Right of Attila the Hun, or I'm speaking sense.  Whatever it is, I find myself fuming at the inane standards that we have these days.  There are so many things we do well in this country but this dumbing down and treating people disrespectfully has got to stop.   One Journo, at midday on the first day was moaning that we hadn't got on the medal table yet?  Another was slagging off the Cyclists who buried themselves on the race and the thing they don't get is that on the day, the best man won.  It may not have been to your script but that's what happened and that's the way it is.  Slagging the whole of Team GB off because we haven't got a medal yet is just disgusting and not in the spirit of the games and when sports people have been working for 4 years to get to this pinnacle of their chosen sport, how dare they belittle those achievements and that's just wrong.  These Journos have been p1ss1ng it up down the pub and engorging their Livers but they haven't had to train for hours every day for four years (and more).


Yes - it makes me very annoyed indeed that they dismiss the efforts of our athletes, I don't suppose they'd like it if we picked holes in their grammar and choice of words, what they wear and how they look.  It's fair game to them, they think it is OK to do it to other people.  I believe an amoeba could do a better job.

What? Still Cynical?

Apart from one bit last night, a small little cock up and we are all allowed to make those, I thought the opening ceremony was amazing and a logistical tour de force.  The small cock up would be a certain musician missing their cue and who perhaps should have retired a while ago but we all make mistakes.  There are people whinging about it didn't show our history this, our culture that and so on.   Can you believe that?  They didn't ask them to put on the show and welcome the world they asked someone who is world recognised for doing it (with Oscars, BAFTAs to provie it) and what can possibly be wrong with what was done in the time available.  Had comments from from too long (and in the same gasp not enough content) to moaning about speaking French and English (it's always been done - get used to it).  Basically everyone of them are allowed to have their own opinion (of course) and I defend their right to it but it's about time these people did something else other than moan and bitch the whole time.  Nothing will ever be right for them.


Funnily enough a guy who I know to be a strong supporter of the NHS (he was in it all his life) didn't like that tribute being paid to them - what an utter arse.  It said something quite profound about us I thought and wasn't just about children bouncing aorund but there you go.


It was a very British affair and the James Bond moment must have drawn laughs all across the world.  Mr. Bean's sketch was just right and who cannot have marvelled at turning our green and pleasant land into the Dark Satanic Mills.  No, it was just about right and did some amazing moral boosting for this poor little country that's had the crap beaten out of it and all its savings spent by a cynical laissez faire bunch of downright dishonest, self serving politicians.  Labour, Gordon Brown and Bliar lost me tens of thousands of pounds off my pensions and savings that I'm not getting back any time soon if ever and want to tell me its good for me.  No, we've been punched and kicked to the ground by their total mismanagement but yesterday, we wiped off the blood from our wounds and showed what we can actually do.  It's a shame that a certain cynical element of our populace didn't get that or didn't care about it.  They like to think they are saving our country and yet they miss the irony that they are part of the reason we are where we are.  I like to say my friend's phrase a lot.  "The biggest rut you've got to get out of is the rut you're in."  Some of these people who claim to be the true Brits are just right wing, self serving bully boys and whilst they go on about free speech and all don't really mean it.


We have 2 weeks to deliver a games that will inspire the world not just for our own prim satisfaction.  With all the disquiet in the world, it would be nice to think that relationships can be forged, friendships garnered and that we might start to get somewhere through sport where diplomacy may have failed.  Even if it is a small start it must be worth the hope that this might come about.  


As for those sad citizens, men and women, who prize intolerance, bigotry, bile and selfishness as their particular "code of morality" may the games prove you utterly and wholly wrong and like every argument you've ever held in your inadequate lives, may it thrust another dagger of right into your poisoned bodies and minds.  


Let's hope we have a good games and that we shop window what we are good at and those core moral tendencies we have especially fairness, integrity and honesty.  Let us cheer on the athletes who triumph as loudly as we cheer those who come in last, dropping a tear of sympathy over their failures but celebrating with those who win too.  It's about time we started to feel good about ourselves once again and cast off the cynical, sarcastic and downright nasty way we live together and treat each other.  Let the games begin.  

So let's get ready to party

I think it is very British thing to do and that's knock our efforts and make light of them and be cynical and sarcastic - it is a national trait but now's the time to put all that away and to get behind the games, welcome all our guests and just go out and have a blast.  It's just crazy to keep knocking things.  There are bound to be a few things go wrong, they always do but it is sorting it out and making it work and getting behind the spirit that needs to happen now.


I'm looking forward to the games but you can imagine that the travel disruption is going to be a problem and lets face it we are one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world so it will have its own dynamic.  Let's hope that it all goes off well and that we can all enjoy these celebrations - goodness knows we need something to lift us after the recession and all the bad news.


Still heard nothing from the job so have reset my expectations to 25%. 

Boiling

We don't do humidity - I like HEAT but not this massive humid stuff we get every now and then.  It is just draining but at least tonight there's the hint of some moisture in the air and we will get a little rain and no doubt a few thunderstorms too.


It has been a good evening out and we went to the quiz night at my local.  We didn't win anything but just had a good night and as I said to the landlord, it is a good evening out with a few laughs and some local village banter.


I said earlier in the week that I enjoyed the village life and that I hand't really appreciated how lucky I was to live in this, by anyone's standards. idyllic English village environment.  I remember going to Scotland and staying in a Crofter's Cottage overlooking a Loch, and Island and Mountains from the living room window.  Explaining how wonderful it was to a local at the Hotel in the village they said they'd never really noticed it!!!  We don't know what we have sometimes.


Talking of which, I have great banter with my cousin's wife in Florida via Facebook and I find the lifestyle and the working conditions to be so hard for young people these days both there and here as well if I think about it.  I must try and get to go there and meet her, she really comes across as a most lovely person and so much in tune with my sense of humour too.  


I spoke to my friends tonight about "what to do with my life" from here on in and one of those things must be to get off my arse and go to the USA.  I haven't seen my folks over there for many years and I really want to see the country if I can, whilst I am still able.  


Of course, it is a matter or priorities as I'm not certain that all my family want to - or are able to - come with me so it gives me a reason to go on my own but that may not go down well with the folks either.  It's all difficult isn't it?  I have a solid set of reasons to go and live life and try and fit lots of stuff in as soon as I can.  Everyone else hasn't had the wake up call or learnt the lessons from my situation yet. :-)  Difficult to make a choice is you aren't given all the facts to make the decision on.

Tequila and Mexican Food

Ah, nice, a few Buds, a plate of Nachos, a Rack of Ribs and a nice Tequila Gold washed down with another Bud.  It doesn't get much better than that - except for having good company and a few laughs of course.  Was nice to get out and see some old friends with Flocky Bicep this evening.


Hot as you like tonight - I feel a need for the fan to be on all night - it is that bad.

I'm Melting

Not a scene from the Wizard of Oz but what it is like in my upstairs office today, gosh it is so hot it is almost unbearable.  My fan is pushing the air around so making it feel a little fresher.  


Here I am then in my 7th year and 6 years clear of "the Big C" and I'm listening to some old music of mine, The Fortunes, remember them?  Well you'd probably have to be 50 minimum I guess... it is quite nice to listen to those songs (where you could hear all the lyrics) and the simple construction of the melody.  Ahhh, nice.


So the Olympics have started already and the football is under way across the country.  I'm off out tonight with Flocky Bicep and a couple of friends for a beer and something to eat afterwards.  That should be fun.  Spoke to my brother a couple of times today trying to sort out some silly nonsense with the Tax Man.  For goodness sake, they are on your case like flies on a dog turd.  For a couple of pounds that may have been paid they want their 40 pieces of silver.  It annoys me that my mum who has a healthy respect for the Law and Authority feels threatened by this.  I mean they word letters like you are going to be locked in the Tower for any miscreant behaviour.  By my reckoning there might be £10 to pay if that but it is just the way these people go about their business.  I firmly believe that these guys failed to get good grades at school and ended up working for the Inland Revenue.  It will be sorted when all the external agencies get their acts together and give us the information and we can complete the form but until they get their backsides into gear we've got a poor lady who has lost her husband, now lives on her own dealing with a bunch of people who frankly I wouldn't trust to sit the right way up on a WC!   


Anyway, I think we may have resolved this but as always when dealing with multiple bureaucracies we are totally in their hands until they get their fingers out and give us the data we need to feed to the next bureaucrats, to feed to the next ones and on and on ad nauseum. 

And into my seventh year

Goodness me time flies when you are having fun.  I don't think we will call Cancer fun though shall we?  Today, 6  years ago I woke to find that the operation had been a success and that whilst it was the commencement of a long journey back to health and there were more operations and treatments to come, they had removed the cancer from my body and stopped it spreading.  I need to remember how lucky I am sometimes.  I bitch and I moan and I get annoyed with the world but you know, I'm alive to be able to do that which is the important thing.


It's been 6 years and I'm still suffering the repercussions of the illness because I still haven't really come to terms with survival or what living is all about.  I hope it isn't "borrowed time", I hope it is time to do something useful with what I have left.  The trouble is I can't work out what that should be.  My time at the charity was useful and I enjoyed that - perhaps that is what I need to do for the future?  I don't know - even after all this time. 


Maybe as I enter my 7th year I can reflect on this and actually do something about it.  I feel I've done stuff that in many ways were the right things to do but somehow they aren't hitting the spot.  Not sure how I can get to that "happy state" but I'm sure I'm heading in the right way.