So how are you feeling?

Funny old day today - someone rang up and asked if I would be interested in a major role in the finance sector starting in the New Year.  It is attractive in a way but I think I'd never cope with the job past the 12 to 18 months it would take me to set it up.

I've been thiking about this 18 month thing and it is very rare that I have ever worked on a contract for much longer that that.  I get bored with routine and if there are no problems to solve or processes to fix I really find it a bit of a chore.

I feel a lot better than I have done for a while but still feel I'm pressurising myself too much to be well again and to be "back to normal".  I doubt that I ever will actually be "back to normal" though.  It was interesting talking to one of my survivor friends yesterday that we now tackle other people's anger and displeasure with a rather simple but telling phrase.  "Well....." we may start the phrase  "nobody actually died did they?" That should tell you all you need to know about surviving cancer.  Do you know what?  It really is a result if nobody actually died.  

I'd like to inject people with the realism injection or the pragmatism injection.  Life really isn't to be taken THAT seriously and all some of these people do is just stress themselves up.  I don't suppose I help much using my pet phrase though :-)

Rib Tickler

This really made me laugh this morning.  Enjoy.

Not been around for a day or two

Yesterday it was the President's drinks party which was great - we then went on to a wine bar across the road.  I hadn't realised that the time had shot past and at about 11:30 we left and caught the 10 past midnight train home with one of the Bosses.  It was OK - I got in really late and went to bed (I think).

As is my way I mentioned some of my concerns to the Boss so he could mull them over in the next couple of weeks.  A good time was had by all but I didn't wake up this morning and eventually got in to work around 11.  I had a meeting with my other team and then got home about 9 this evening.

I am taking tomorrow off and the week leading up to Christmas.  Effectively I have 2 days work left to do although I will be working on Monday it will be pleasant as I am giving one of my talks.

Most of the Christmas / Birthday presents have arrived for Mrs. F.   A few are still to come.  I am pleased with my choices - I just hope she is too.

I need to do lots of things in these next few days including newsletters and all my Christmas Cards too.

I am looking forward to seeing my folks next week and then really getting into the swing of Christmas.

That was good

I enjoyed my evening out and got my Grand Rank Invested by Prince Michael of Kent. He is a nice guy and the meeting was over really quickly allowing us to have a beer and get in to dine early. In fact I was home a little after 9:40 which was pretty good and do not feel like I need a liver transplant as I didn't hit the booze as I remember a previous occasion when I helped carry back someone who had!

I'm certainly pleased about that. A number of presents have started to arrive here and suddenly I have realised that I did slightly overdo it but hey, if you can't splash out once in awhile?

I still have a lot of things to go through this week. One is a real stupid thing as one of my committee by sending an email to everyone instead of just me has undone most of the work I have done this year building up members of a network. I had to spend a lot of today doing quick repairs and will hopefully see him tomorrow and sort it out as the damage has set my work back by a couple of months!

Ho hum....

Lots to do this week still and more late nights. I am off to see my parents early next week and do some business too whilst I am there which will be nice as I get to see them before Christmas. It is a shame that they live quite so far away but they chose to move away (as did my brother) not me. It always makes me laugh that I'm the one not putting myself out when I haven't moved house or gone anywhere :-) families can be quite funny I find!

Well - off to bed and getting ready for tomorrow's onslaught and the President's drinks party which last year - I turned up at - much to the surprise of my colleagues as they weren't expecting to see me.

My Big Day

Tomorrow - or later today in fact. I get my Grand Rank appointment (my first) and it looks as if it might be from Prince Michael of Kent himself (Grand Master).

I am pleased that I will have two good friends along to see me get my honours and to attend the banquet afterwards.

I am looking forward to the honour itself and perhaps, if I am lucky, it will be the first of many.

It was a year ago today that I had the aborted operation and the commencement of what can only be called some of the worst months of my entire life, so ill was I. I am hoping that it is not some sort of omen :-)

Time presses on - I ought to get off to bed early as I have a big day ahead of me and it already past midnight!

Sunday Shopping

Thank goodness for the internet.  I was able to sit at my PC and shop for stuff for most things and yet there were a couple of items from big companies that need good old fashioned visit the store which is a bit difficult.

I then turned my mind to my annual newsletter and found that hardly anything has actually happened this year.  Now that sounds strange because I've had two clears in the year and I am feeling better and better as time goes on but in reality I haven't done much this year and I haven't got a lot to show for it but that's OK it just shows you that you can never be satisfied.

I suppose that a lot has happened in terms of where I was this time last year.  I have now made a note that next year I need to do some more things with my time....

Freshen Up

I have changed the blog colour scheme - no real reason except it feels that today was a good day for me - Steve;s news brightened up the day of course.  I managed to get most (not all) of my Christmas Shopping done but I didn't make a start on my Newsletters or Christmas Cards which are now a priority.

I managed to organise my music and back up disks and generally pottered around in my office.  L is off to France for the day tomorrow and we are off to see friends in the afternoon but have to get back to pick L up.  

I have a very busy set of weeks coming up.  On Tuesday I will get my Grand Rank invested at Great Queen Street.  I am looking forward to that very much.  I am completely loaded up with meetings, parties and other events which will culminate on the 18th with the office party - I will then take the week off before and after Christmas.  I need to rebuild my sense of humour and get ready for the New Year.  Where this year has gone I couldn't tell you.  This time last year I was getting ready to go into Hospital and that is when it all kicked off with the cancelled Op followed by the Op from hell a few days before Christmas and the 6 week illness after that.  I will be glad to see the end of 2009.

2010 I hope will bring back some fitness and a return to my previous levels of stamina!!

Fantastic News

Steve in the US has had another clear and so that means no more BCG for him which I can tell you is a massive relief. I hardly dared to look at the blog tonight or my email but chanced a peek and saw this great news. So well done Steve and another weight lifts from off your shoulders.

Someone told me not long ago (they didn't tell me at the time!) how rough I really looked and then the difference in me after I had got a 2nd or 3rd clear. "You were no longer grey and gaunt/strained" or words like that.

It is such a relief and a huge lift in your whole demeanour.

Written with a big grin all over my face as I am just so pleased to hear this news.

3rd December - Judgement Day in Utah

Well, despite all my own problems I am concentrating on Steve in Utah who goes to see his Doctor tomorrow - 3rd December 2009 for a Poke and Peek, Flexible Cystoscopy to see how things have progressed.

Despite his own positive attitude and regime to beat this - I bet he is feeling, as I always do, some trepidation about the outcome. Such is the nature of our particular disease that it works on a number of levels. Statistics state that it can come back but in general those statistics are based on much older respondents that Steve or myself. Cancer plays with your head and so you actually have your brain (which is meant to be on your side) running every scenario you can ever imagine and - as far as I can tell it never has chosen the actual outcome or even been that near.

I imagine that sleep isn't happening and despite well knowing that Steve has done everything possible to secure the correct outcome I bet there is a little niggle gnawing away somewhere.

Anyway, let's not dwell on those little demons and gremlins that our brains store up for us. Let's make a worldwide wish that his procedure brings the best Christmas present you can get - no more treatment and a BIG signpost that says Recovery Ahead, Take this Route....

Catching up with me

I was tired yet again today and almost fell asleep at my desk for the 2nd time in as many days. I'm sort of OK but I will get to bed early tonight and see if I can't defeat this.

Most of my work is done and today was a matter of getting my article out and other elements of tidying up desk and getting ready for next year's onslaught starting in January.

I have some days off to take which I must sort out, sort out my invoices and a few talks which I will be giving in a week and a bit's time.

The crazy thing is that I just have hardly anytime between now and Christmas to get sorted out I am out on a number of days. Crazy!

Much Better

Just click to make it larger - not that either of us needs to be much larger of course!!

There will be a better picture soon

This is Flocky and a Dived Ref in full flight as the Blues Brothers. It is amazing that people actually thought we rehearsed it but we just like the film so much that we kind of went with the music.

So enjoy Jake (Flocky Bicep) and Elwood (A Dived Ref)

Did we have a good time or what?

Recuperation

Was the goal for today. I needed to get up late (mission accomplished), relax (managed to do that too) and get to bed early (totally failed at that).

I had a really good night on Saturday I haven't done that for years.

Off to bed now and let's see how the week pans out. I need to do some sorting out this week for my diary for December as it looks pretty full already.

Thoughts for this week are for Steve in the US who will have his poke and peek on Thursday and so prayers, crossed fingers and all good karma to be focused over there for the 3rd December. If clear - no more BCG treatment. Also keep a thought out for my friend JM over here. I saw him Friday and he had some serious issues with the initial TURBT as they managed to get him bleeding and had to reenter and sort it out. The scan was inconclusive but no spreading to the Lymph nodes which is good. Wishing JM all the best as he has another scan and a poke and peek too soon.

Awesome Flocky - Just Awesome

A word that I use very infrequently.  Flocky Bicep and I turned up to our Lodge Ladies' Night normally attired and then changed into Jake and Elwood - the Blues Brothers.  Flocky got the hats and they were exactly what we needed.  

We came on and did a cameo set for about 3 or 4 minutes and then I did my Disk Jockey bit for about an hour.  It really took me back and despite all the effort that went in, it was still a real buzz finding tracks to get people dancing.  Now I can remember why I used to get such a kick out of it when I was younger.  In those days we were well practised in the art of getting everyone up dancing, changing tracks to suit moods etc.  This time it was difficult as I had a much wider audience.  I did cheat and put on an 80/90s record to get them dancing.  We did really well as I had recorded enough music to last 4 weeks and used just one hour of that - which is a shame as so much was geared to the people there.

I am going to sleep well tonight.  We finished at 1 am and it is 1.35 now - I did a long set and then loads of dancing in character so I should have no problem in falling asleep and I may not be too fast getting up in the morning.

I really did let my hair down tonight and got stuck in to try and ensure everyone had a good time.  I am absolutely whacked out as we did the routine at the start and  carried on dancing until we finished.  PHEW!!!

I have really enjoyed myself tonight and I'm really glad that we had a good number to enjoy the evening with us.   I am not sure if  Flocky and I will ever make it as entertainers but we did try our best!

An interesting day

Well the evening was as I was out with my Nephew and I really enjoy an evening listening to him and having a bit of a laugh about work and goodness knows what else.

Work was - well - boring but the drudge is almost over as the documents are so near complete that I can hear them saying "print me".

I must sort myself out and get away from work for a while before I scream and do something stupid! I am likely to do that and self-destruct if I have to take any more brain numbing, pedantic semantic, committee driven nonsense.

In fact if I work this properly I can complete most of my outstanding work by mid December. Then there are the rounds of parties to attend but I can probably do that this year. Lat year I was going into Hospital (or wasn't) whatever the case maybe. Then I ended up not getting back to work until February!!!!

I am still working away getting ready for my Gig on Saturday as DJ Dave dididando or whatever they are going to call me. It will be a BIG nostalgia trip but I now realise that I have produced at least 30 hours worth of tracks for a 1 1/2 hour slot!!! Doh.

I find that I am quite moved by listening to some tracks that I haven't heard for 25 or more years though. Some of the tunes brought memories flooding back to me of my young, care free days. Ahhhhhh. Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Pitiful

It really is crazy and I finally got to sort out some odds and ends of work today that have been hanging about but even so the titivating about was just pitiful as the odd change here and there actually cause the rest of the story to read wrong and then you have to make more changes and before you know it you are back to the article and story you first had.

Luckily it is almost over and done with for this year bar the shouting - in 4 weeks time (yes just 4 weeks) it will be the last day at work although I might just take longer off again.

I am so tired too but I think it is boredom and utter frustration that are doing this - work is just a drudge at the moment and whilst I am sure it will get better in the New Year I'm still not certain that I can continue to numb my brain like this for long periods of time. It isn't built for it.

Nearly lost it again today

I've outgrown my job and to get my work back 4 or 5 times today with minor amendments on it was almost too much this morning. Why these people can't do what I've been doing for 20 years which is change the document themselves is beyond me. I think that our catch up interview is going to be interesting in a week or two.

I spent most of the day messing around on pedantic semantics and not getting on and doing my job. By the time the afternoon came I had accomplished the square root of sweet Fanny Adams! Then I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. I find it tedious and not a little demeaning that I am treated like some clerk and my patience is beginning to slip because no one seems to get it into their heads that drudgery and routine are not something I search out. It may be fine for my colleagues to turn up day after day and do the same thing in some mechanical no thought manner but in reality, doing that to me is like caging a wild beast in very small cage. I'm going to rip your arm off and eat it or beat you over the head with it or something silly because you are oppressing my natural tendency to be creative. Kill that off and there isn't any reason to hire me. If you want a clerk, hire a clerk. The trouble is I can hear myself saying this to the boss in a week or two as it IS what they need to do.

Other than that - this week looks to be as busy as you like. Plenty of things going on lots of meetings and parties to go to. I just hope that I survive in my job to the end of the week!

A weekend of preparing

For next weekend. I have a party next Friday and a Lodge meeting preceding that and then on Saturday we have a Ladies' Night for the Master of our lodge which is a themed 60s and 70s evening. I'm really pleased that Flocky has stepped up to the plate and organised an outfit for me so the two of us will be going as the Fabulous Blues Brothers - one of my favourite films and a tribute to the automotive industry in the US - We have a scrappage scheme for kick starting our motor industry. All the US needs to do is let the Blues Brothers loose for a week and everyone will need a new car!

As an Ex-DJ I have to do a set or two on the evening and the discos these days do not have Record Decks - oh no - they have CD decks - so I have been transferring vinyl to disk most of the weekend as well as being out yesterday to attend this Lodge meeting where my Friend initiated his son.

That was a very emotional and touching ceremony. I drove his son there and chauffeured them around arriving back about 2 am. They were laughing at me as I was drinking Tomato Juice and Worcester Sauce all night and - sure - I'd have liked to whack a couple of Vodkas in there but the main thing was that THEY had a good evening and I was able to provide transport for them to and from their door and they could just get on and enjoy themselves.

I was up at a half reasonable hour this morning but have been stuck on the deck and burning CDs all day which has been a bit tedious - nothing is ever as easy as you think it is going to be!

Having a day off

Appears to have helped my temperament but I also took time off so I could pursue my other business interest and that got cancelled on me so I wasn't best pleased that I had behaved myself the night before, gotten up and then found that the conference call had been cancelled.

Today should be interesting my friend's son is being initiated into his Father's Lodge and I have the privilege of going to collect his son in an hour or so and escorting him to the hall and I'll get to drive him and his dad back tonight. I will - for once - not have anything to drink and that will probably do me good anyway, I drank enough on Thursday to have used my whole month's units :-)

I'm looking forward to seeing him getting initiated he is allowed to join younger because his dad is a member - normally you have to be 21, he is 18 but has always wanted to become a member as most of the immediate family are members. I went out and chatted to him last week and he too is looking forward to today. There will be a lot of people there including the Provincial and Deputy Provincial Grand Masters and I'm sure a string of other dignitaries too. A memorable day for all I hope.

Venting my spleen

It was an interesting committee meeting - one in which I made my point quite firmly and perhaps a little too firmly but I reckon that the point is made and I now have the opportunity to go and work on it.

I hope that they appreciate it but I don't think too many actually understood the rationale behind revisiting the strategy of the area I am working on. Ho hum, maybe we can get there and I can get back to making a difference. If not - perhaps I'll not be there shortly....

The niggling little cough is still just about there and I'm feeling OK. I had another one of those strange things occur. I was sitting down and suddenly felt like I wanted to light up a cigar, after all this time and after all this damage - how strange.