A little better

I took my colleague's advice and gave up trying to work and had a bath and then came downstairs and watched a DVD - Gettysburg - a long one but very interesting to see that particular battle unfold and some of the characters in it.

Wimbledon was on later so watched some of that and feel a little better about things now. I'll see how I am in the morning. I do find that I feel particularly guilty for not being back at work but if I'm not actually producing anything because I can't concentrate then quite what AM I doing :-)

Had a few phone calls congratulating me on my results but a little disturbed to get a sort of half facebook message from a distant relative who has a brain tumour (probably benign). Have dropped an email over to see if I can help in any way. It's a shock, he's about my age or maybe a bit younger.

I think I'll head off to bed and get myself an early night and see if that helps things.

The Roller Coaster

It never ceases to amaze me how often I go from a high to a low in quick order. I have to remind myself that I only had an operation 3 days ago and that I should be resting instead - I've tried to get back to work and I feel pants for it.

I beat myself up because I'm "letting the side down" and yet I'm not really, it's a work ethic thing and I feel pretty bad that I'm not pulling my weight this week but a chat with my mate sets me right about that and I'm ordered to stop trying to work (basically because I'm getting nowhere and getting nothing done and frustrating the hell out of myself). He's been through similar things to me and so we agree that this is a good move and I bow to his commands.

It's pretty much a case of how much cr@ps been pushed into my body and the trauma involved, even if they didn't actually take any biopsies.

I have decided to potter about, do a bit of filing and tidy up my desk then go and have a bath and then come downstairs and watch a DVD or something resting.

Now I'm feeling tired

I do try not to overdo things but last night a friend called up and we don't see each other much these days and so I went out and had a couple of beers and a lovely long chat with him. There was a band playing in the other bar - it was a bit loud and so made conversation "interesting".

Got home gone 11 and just felt flat - and this morning I continue to feel quite low. Not about results just in myself I feel out of salts.

My cousin (in-law) in the US has a phrase about "just the occasional tumbleweed passing through" - which pretty much sums up my brain at the moment. It is sunny so I might just go and invest 20 or 30 minutes in the sun and see if that assists me, it is a bit breezy out there too so perhaps the old tumbleweed will move on out somewhere else.

Now I'm feeling happier

It's had a little time to sink in now. There's nothing there, nothing at all, I'm clear - still. That's great news and it's just fab, I'm finally getting there and finally beginning to believe that it is possible that I can continue to make this a common occurrence.

With two conflicting pieces of information I'm not certain how to call the FOCC diet but, as far as I'm concerned - I've seen an improvement in my physical and mental well-being with it and even if it helps a little in terms of helping me keep my blood pressure down and it looks to have done the same in terms of cholesterol too - then who's to say it isn't performing little miracles elsewhere?

I'm just amazed that it's only been a few weeks and I'd sort of expect a longer term effect but there you go.

Of course, I could just be a little too excited by it all and it is nothing really :-) I doubt it but there you go.

I really am feeling chipper about this - it's probably the best news I've had for a long time and to know that the summer can now be free of Hospitals and treatments is just great. Let's see what long term FOCC will do for my health.

I don't often let myself loose with a Yippeeeee - but there you go - you just got one.

What a little miracle that was - I am really liking this feeling at last.

Mrs. F. and L are happy

As they have tickets to Wimbledon tomorrow - Court One and Andy Murray is second match on. Much excitement as we've just found that out and so L is getting slightly hyper :-) It's a nice treat for her to go after her exams and they'll both be very excited - they are choosing bright clothes so I can see them on TV - they'll be a couple of rows back near the scoreboard apparently. As we didn't luck out on any of the Olympic tickets this will have to do I guess :-)

I have placed my beers in the fridge and intend to do some work in the morning and then take the afternoon off sit back and have myself a little celebration and why not watch the match at the same time?

I'm feeling OK, if still a little sore, but that should ease down in the next day or so and I've done next to nothing today to make sure I don't mess up my recovery.

I am so pleased that Mrs. F. and L will get to see Andy Murray as long as it isn't raining I guess. L deserves a day out after finishing off her exams and getting her Uni place in Cambridge.

Scar Wars X - The Red (or Pink) Dwarf

A long, long time ago,
In a Galaxy far, far away
Our hero Dave-Sky-Nando, Jedi Master, Cancer Survivor and all around good guy
Re-visits Darth Urologist and her evil henchmen as they attempt to discover what devilry is at work
An Empire Probe discovered, on the planet Bl'dar, that a hitherto unknown raised red spot has appeared.
Now - with an eye watering sized probe, Darth Urologist attempts re-insertion to ascertain the secret of the raised red spot.

I'd prepared for the long haul this time. I had no less than 3 MP3 players, loaded with music, batteries charged at my disposal and my trusty Kindle, loaded with books both audio and ordinary as well as some more MP3 tracks. I wasn't going to get caught out this time.

I had my early morning breakfast, now a habit of Flax Seed Oil, Cottage Cheese, ground Flax Seeds and poured that over some Weet-A-Bix and Cheerios. That together with a coffee was the last I'd have until after the Operation. I was allowed water which I continued to drink up until 11 just before I left.

I did 30 minutes of exercise on my orbital trainer and then did 5 minutes with the dumbbells which is pretty much my usual work out but this time I did this to some music by Camel which meant I didn't freak out and over do it - lesson learnt is not to exercise to AC/DC or other band of that style :-) I measured my Blood Pressure and it was OK - it was certainly the highest it's been for a while - not surprising I suppose. Next a shower and after that I continued to make sure I was hydrated. I sat around playing Solitaire and Mah Jong and made a note or two on the blog and by and large that was all I did. At 11:05 I left the house and with Camel still playing in my ears had a stroll up to the Hospital arriving at about 11:30.

Having arrived at what used to be Surgical Admissions I then spent 5 minutes looking for it's new location. It didn't matter, when I got there they said everything was on schedule for 1:30 start and that they'd let us know if different. Whatever pencil pusher decided to locate the new Surgical Admissions in a corridor and a small room in the old Private Hospital area should work out that we aren't allowed anything to eat or drink and so situating us outside of the kitchen where food was being prepared and served was cruel indeed. We have to sit together on a bunch of chairs waiting for our anaesthetist and Consultant (or Registrar). I decided that the seats in the corridor area were better as there was a slight breeze there. I had to move shortly after as a man in a wheelchair and his son turned up and it was easier for me to move than try and rearrange things. I turned on my MP3 player and was only disturbed three times - anaesthetist, Consultant and the Nurse to get me ready. Why on earth you should have to be there 2 hours early for the 2 small meetings is beyond me - I could understand the old way as it got you ready, in the zone etc. This way was like the old way and isn't great for your nerves. Each of you waiting to be called for your operation just before it happens! Mmm, I don't like it at all.

I was called in 2nd to get ready and this also corresponds with where my name is on the list - good that makes sense to me - they always say that where you are on the list doesn't count but there you go. Actually that more or less always happens I'm normally first or second to go.

I was taken to a room that I'd been in to twice before and got changed into Operating Gown and sexy DVT Stockings (I've quite a collection of these now - ideal for flying BTW). I heard a lot going on about lack of beds due to high A&E activity at the weekend.

It wasn't long, say 30 minutes, and they came and took me to theatre. They forgot my notes so had to go back and get them. I met the anaethetist and other prep person who got me ready and stuck the cannula in - this time on a different vein to the usual one towards the index finger side of my wrist.

That's all I remember - I could feel myself go out like a light and then I woke with a real start - quite a shock or jolt to see the same two guys - who told me it was all over and that I was fine. They wheeled me out to recovery - just across the way and I had some of the most wonderful tasting water yo can get. The stuff is ice cold and tastes brilliant after not having had a drink for some time. As they stuck an Oxygen Mask on me I did the first set of checks. Was there a saline drip in my hand - No. Was there a Cathether? No. Anything else - nope - all looked good and the Oxygen brought me out of my drowsiness in minutes.

Perhaps 10 minutes into the Oxygen, they came and asked whether I'd like a sandwich? Well yes please and I didn't mind what it was - I eat anything and would be grateful for whatever they had. So in pretty quick order they came with some orange juice, a cheese and tomato sandwich and some strawberry yoghurt which I carefully ate remembering from past experience trying to eat too quickly post operative isn't clever.

I then got transferred to the less serious end of the Recovery room - this was unusual but I had had this before - I'd actually been prepared in this room once before but generally they get you out to ward but again I heard the nurse stating that there were few beds and to be honest, I was the only one there who wasn't particularly groggy or connected to various pipeworks. Not nice seeing all the pipe works connected to these guys as I had that myself last time and on a couple of other occasions. The Nurse who came to attend to me was my own Princess Leah, in fact she looked more like Tilda Swinton than Carrie Fisher but with the most piercing blue eyes. Anyway enough of that already :-) She told me that as soon as I had managed to "have a pee" - that's pass water to some of you :-) I could go home. So she plied me with more of their fabulous cold water and after about 15 minutes I suggested that I could give it a go. With a little initial pain (it's stinging rather than anything else) managed to almost fill the bed bottle they gave me. Well it isn't a bottle anymore it is some sort of moulded cardboard and amazingly they drop some powder into it that solidifies the urine and just throw it away - amazing.

At this point my Consultant came and saw me. She is brilliant, I trust her and I like her straight talking a lot. She told me that once "I'd passed urine I could go home". I told her I had so she was pleased with that. Then she told me that she'd been "Unable to find anything in the bladder and all was clear". As all was indeed clear she "Wouldn't have known where to start taking biopsies and therefore decided that it wasn't necessary". So that meant that I was clear and that she wouldn't need to see me for 6 months. When they saw me in 6 months it would be for a check flexible cystoscopy. She did say to me before the Operation that these things fade and can be transitory and if so she would still cut it out to test it and take some biopsies locally. Obviously that didn't happen. She felt that there was a possibility that as the flexible scope was inserted last time it may have hit the bladder wall and that may have made the red raised area they saw.

That done, another nurse took Mrs. F's telephone number whilst I texted her mobile to come and get me. She was given unusual instructions and her work allowed her to come straight over and pick me up. She asked reception to ring recovery (which is very rarely done) and then a porter came and picked me up (they won't allow me to walk in the Hospital) and he deposited me with Mrs. F. at the reception. She had been allowed to park right outside the doors and she took me home.

So what does all this mean? I suppose we need to rationalise what we know.

• A visual inspection about 4 or 5 weeks ago showed a red/pink tiny raised area. This was sufficiently different to raise some concerns and that it needed to be operated on and biopsied

• This red raised area could be caused by:

• The instrument hitting the bladder wall on entry during that inspection
• Some sort of anomaly or growth
• The potential result of treatment

• I commenced FOCC about a week after this result
• There is nothing in the bladder now - it's clear

Without the additional note offered by my Consultant about the possibility of the instrument hitting the bladder wall which provides a possible explanation and the fact that it is possible for these areas to fade, I guess it would be difficult not to discount that FOCC played some part in this? It's wonderful news for me. I was most upset that they'd found even a small area that could be a recurrence but of course now I'm really pleased that it isn't.

I now progress from 4 monthly check ups to 6 monthly also adds to the pleasure. I'm very, very pleased, it's what I'd dared to dream the result would be. Again, I'm surprisingly flat about the results in another way, perhaps because I'd prepared myself for them to find something and that they might cut me about a bit like the last time so this great news didn't make me leap up and down but it did bring a stupid smile to my face which I continue to wear when discussing my good fortune.

Here endeth Scar Wars X. I sincerely hope that there will be no Scar Wars XI - we live in hope. I am particularly pleased that it will shortly be 5 years since onset (2nd July 2006) and 4 years and 11 Months since Diagnosis (21st July 2006). 5 years is the "magic" number in terms of Cancer survival statistics - how am I going to celebrate it? I have no idea but it's good to still be here and it's good to have come through this. The Bladder Cancer Journey continues - Live Long and Prosper - as someone stuck on my Facebook Page. I'll try very hard to live up to that mantra.

So how do we call this one?

Well - that was a turn up for the books:

They took me down to Theatre and knocked me out -when I came to my Consultant said there was nothing in there - it was all clear and she "Wouldn't know where to start to take any biopsies". As such she didn't take biopsies and I came home - still a little sore of course.

She doesn't want to see me until December when I have my next scope - yes 6 months!

She had said earlier that these marks can be transient and that they can fade - if that was the case she was going to take it out and do a few biopsies around the vicinity.

The only explanation she had was that the flexi scope may have touched the bladder wall when it was inserted.

So did the flexi scope touch the bladder wall causing the red/pink mark or has the FOCC been at work and cleared away the little devil?

My goodness - what a quandary and what a great result - my little miracle. I'm obviously a bit tired and sore at the moment and so not really leaping about at this news but it's pretty impressive nonetheless.

15 Minutes to go

Just drinking my last water until the operation and getting tidied up ready to go.

I'm OK but I can feel that fluttery nervousness coming on - it will settle down once I am settled and back into my comfort zone and in a way as I go to Theatre - it tends to be a done deal and it will "be what it will be". It will probably be OK once I'm plugged into my MP3 player and walking up to the Hospital.

Ready but

Still 1 hour and 45 minutes to go. I've done my exercise, I#ve read my blood pressure which is semi amusing (well to me not a professional). The Systolic is a bit high and the Diastolic is fine - pulse is a little higher than normal at just over 100. All within acceptable limits and I hope once I've done a bit of deep breathing at the Hospital and plugged into my music that it will be as good as it can be for me.

Drinking water, answering a few emails and generally pottering about at the moment. It tends to drag waiting to go and I'm taking the opportunity to do a bit of reflecting and not too much worrying. I am also just playing with games on the PC like Tetris, Solitaire and Mah-jong - they keep my mind off things and are about all I can manage in terms of attention span.

I realised that I probably cannot do my exercises for a week after the biopsies. I did go back to it too early once and started myself bleeding. Perhaps I'll go for walks around the village to keep active and not do the strenuous stuff I've been used to doing on the cross trainer. On Saturday I actually programmed one myself on the cross trainer and nearly knackered myself doing it. On Friday I did the Mountain setting which is great except as you get towards the end the high drag on the pedals really stretches your calf muscles and you need to cool down. these days I do a series of push ups using my legs to stretch my calf muscles and also work on my upper body. I then go onto the dumbbells and do a bit more with those so my exercise routine has gone to around 40 minutes now from 30.

So here I am again - for the 11th time (if you count the time I got sent home as there we no beds). Ready to go into Hospital - I'm an old hand at this now and so I know what's coming, what's expected of me etc. I'll see if I can ask to go out today if possible but I'm prepared for an overnight stop if needed. It's a good thing that I'm tired too as I can try and get some sort of dozing done whilst waiting for the Operation itself.

Morning

All a bit rude - up at 06:30 but have had a terrible nights sleep. I thought I'd make myself tired out but appear to have stoked my head full of imagery (I watched Master and Commander and Contact on DVD last night). The dreams and nightmares were pretty bad.

I've had FOCC breakfast - it tends to fill me up nicely and just having a coffee - I have 24 minutes to finish that off and then it's water only until 11 as instructed or 11:30 as shown on the instructions. I'll defer to what I was told and stop at 11. I'll probably leave here at about 5 or 10 past and stroll up - it doesn't pay to be there early and I'm sure that just after 11:30 will be fine and I can get myself off into the zone.

After writing this I'm going to spend a short while messing around on the internet. Then I'm going to do some exercise, have a shower, pack my bag and then get myself ready to go. It's meant to be a sunny day - it's actually drizzling at the moment. Mind you, it is the start of Wimbledon so anything can happen.

Oh well - let's see how things pan out :-)

So here we are again then

It's just gone midnight - I decided to stay up late so that I'm tired and can get to sleep without giving myself a difficult time with my over active imagination. I have my alarm set early as I have to have breakfast by 7:30. I don't have to be in until 11:30. This will allow me to have breakfast and after 7:30 just to have water which I can drink right up until 11:00. I shall make sure I do that too as it helps quite a bit.

I've packing to do and I intend to do some exercises in the morning, have a shower and finish off packing so that I'm relatively busy before going in.

I feel a tiny bit apprehensive - given the last time I was in that isn't surprising but I hope they just cut out the area they saw, have a good look around and maybe take a few small biopsies and just let me get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

Of course - then there's the wait for the Out Patient appointment and the tale of the Microscope to attend to.

For now - I can already feel the back of my wrist throbbing - the cannula will no doubt do that once again. I hope that this will be the last of these but I suppose I'll have to await those results to hear what my fate will be.

I found my head wandering to some very dark places today - I perhaps shouldn't have so much time to myself sometimes. That's out of my head now and whilst it isn't going to be a day to look forward to tomorrow at least as I close this blog I know that it will all be over in less than 18 hours from now.

Sunday - Father's Day

My three strong bottled beers I got from A & L cannot be touched until after my operation so they'll just have to sit in the fridge until I'm ready for them - a day watching Wimbledon with a handful of beers sounds good. I shall force myself to take things easy for a day or two after the procedure - I really want to get on with work as it is getting to the exciting time now. However, I know the penalty for thinking you are fitter than you are and managed, a couple of times, to set myself back in the past.

Preparations for tomorrow are mainly completed - all MP3 players, my Kindle and phone are charged up and ready to go. I need to pack my bag but that can wait - I'll have plenty of time in the morning to do that.

I just need to re-read the instructions I've been given and to remember to hydrate myself properly. Well tomorrow will come soon enough and it's a lovely day - it's Fathers Day and I intend to do very little if anything from this point onwards.

Family Celebration

Well that was a nice evening - met up with the family, Aunt and Uncle, Cousins and 2nd Cousins etc. Lovely to see them all. My Uncle looks (not surprisingly) like my Dad and so do I and my Cousin M so it was a bit spooky to see us all together. When the whole lot of us are in one room it can be pretty spooky :-)

Was a lovely do, 60th Anniversary - that's probably something not many people would see - many would be lucky to see 50 I suppose.

We very rarely have parties but there is one in August when A becomes 18 and she has very kindly invited my Uncle and Aunt and Cousins - which is very nice of her to do. I think the last party must have been my 50th and they kindly turned up then. It looks as if a good number can make it but as it is also another birthday that weekend some can't. It doesn't matter really - it will be nice to see some of them there and to repay hospitality and to let them have a knees up without having to do the organising themselves.

I'll speak to my Mum in the morning - she'll be mortified that she could not attend - I've taken plenty of photos - hopefully not to "rub it in" that she wasn't there :-)

Well who'd believe that? Scar Wars X

So this is the 10th time I've been in for an Operation - 10! Well I thought it might be 9 but then went and checked it out.

I suppose, if you were reading this and have not had Bladder Cancer you'd wonder at having 10 Operations. Well it isn't quite as bad as you probably may think because:

• You get used to it - by that I mean - you realise quite early on that you'll have to be in and out a fair amount even if it is just to take a biopsy like this visit is
• It comes with the territory - there is every possibility that they'll need to do a minimum of three operations - TURBT (1), Biopsy and Re-TURBT (2) and a follow up biopsy.
• After treatment of a high grade cancer with BCG - in the UK they follow that up with full biopsies after each stage including maintenance.

I very much doubt that it will be the last one and it's been almost a year since my last one whereas for the 4 years before that I'd had at least 2 operations a year :-(

It was nice to get the two visual flexible cystoscopies rather than the full operation - again quite how you can imagine (if you aren't a sufferer) that this is preferable may be difficult to understand. However, it's worth considering this in your deliberations:

If you were, unfortunately, to get bladder cancer there is something to consider which is that you will be monitored closely. It DOES or CAN come back - it's annoying that it does this but, the upside (believe me if you have this it is) is that it can be treated and treated well with surgery, Immunotheraphy treatment, Drugs and if worst comes to worst, they can cut out the bladder altogether and build a neo bladder or do something else - they can save you - they have the technology and so the downside to all of that is that they keep their eye on you all the time, you have scopes, operations and other things all designed to keep you well. You often hear of people's cancer coming back and getting them after they thought they'd been cured etc but the thing with Bladder Cancer is that they'd be onto this fast as you like.

It is a whole of life thing of course and that means that I'll probably be being checked right up until the end of my life. I guess that I should be reassured by that but at the same time it is a little daunting too. At least I'll be looked after.

Anyway - 10th Operation in less than 5 years. Add 3 Flexible Cystocopies and the X-Ray which was a pretty low point, then I've had 14 things done in 5 years. Add my BCG Treatments (I can't remember if that was 24 or 18 visits) plus around about 10 Out Patient Visits and you'll soon see how it all adds up. On three Occasions I've been in for more than 2 days, twice I got out in a day and the remaining 4 were 2 days. For 3 of these Operations I had 4 weeks off twice and 2 weeks off last time. All the others were meant to be one or two days recovery.

It's a fair amount of lost time if you think about it - each BCG is a day off and in reality it is 24 hours one day to the next - generally it meant I only worked a few hours on the day and day after treatment. So I reckon that I've probably had about 20 weeks off in 5 years.

So - standby for Scar Wars X

If you want to know where the other Scar Wars Blog Posts are they are here:

Scar Wars I
Scar Wars II Scar Wars II Recovery
Scar Wars III
Scar Wars IV Delayed
Scar Wars IV
Scar Wars V
Scar Wars VI
Scar Wars VII
Scar Wars VIII
Scar Wars IX

Hopefully Scar Wars X will be a non event - I could do without too many adventures!

Last Working Day

Before the operation. I'm feeling OK today and yet a little fluttery underneath. I find that the nearer I get to the event, the easier distracted I am. I'm in pretty good shape this time to go in as my blood pressure is much lower than it has ever been and I feel in good physical shape. I'm still a little heavier than I want to be but if I could work out how to drop 20 pounds by Monday - I'd be onto a good thing and wouldn't need to work again :-)

I'll see how the rest of the day goes - hopefully a little easier than yesterday. I'm now in the zone of "I just want this out of the way" until then I have my Uncle and Aunt's 60th Wedding Anniversary party to go to on Saturday. That will be a hoot :-) Shame my parents and brother and his family cannot make it - well they probably could make it - but they don't travel well. Somehow you'd have thought they would have made the effort to come along but they probably have something important to do like dusting the fireplace.

Windows 7 and Web Cam

I have a web cam and a spare one - used before and thought - I know - I'll set up the web cam to monitor my driveway and use some software I have to do motion sense and capture and record anyone coming up my drive.

Yea right. Windows 7 supports neither of them and there are no drivers for them so they will join the great landfill along with the software and CDs etc that go with them - that's progress for you :-)

So I've ordered a new web cam which at 12Mp is pretty impressive and it has night vision and lots of other widgets on it. At least that will help defend the car when I replace the covers on the wing mirrors.

I realised today that I've been beating myself up about progress and didn't really need to as I've made a lot of progress in reality and just need to remember that. My last working day tomorrow and I intend to clean up the office a bit and make sure everything is tidy.

It could be interesting tomorrow morning - my daughter was meant to get me some Cottage Cheese today - she delayed and then went out to dinner and arrived back here a few minutes ago without it so I'll have to improvise tomorrow - I have a bit of Quark left and I spied some soft cheese so I'll use that as it's nearly similar. What a nuisance though especially as she took off with £5 cash so I'd better remember that I suppose! I can always wander down to the shops and get some later in the day I guess.

L finished school today and so that's it I suppose - the end of an era - both are finished at school both will be at University after the summer and I'll have to learn to talk to Mrs. F. again I suppose :-) That'll be interesting.

Exercise continues and blood pressure remains encouragingly low. The diet seems to be working although I overdosed on soup today :-) I shall have to think up something different to have for my dinner tomorrow!

Can't be arsed

I know it sounds bad but I really can't be arsed to do anything too much at the moment. The operation is about to hove into view and I get distracted and restless. It was funny though that I was speaking to my business partner about not having achieved much and as we talked about it we both came to realise that, in fact, I'd done a lot of work this week even though I felt I hadn't. It's a bit of a guilt trip too as he is stuck into a piece of work that only he can get on with and I need that work done before I can add my piece to it.

It is Ls last day at school today - she has just left to go and do her final Maths exam and with any luck she'll be able to get the results she needs to go to Cambridge in September/October.

It's funny how my nerves are beginning to kick in now - I thought I'd be OK about it but I suppose that it's only natural to worry a bit about things. Work distracts me but I also get then distracted from work with the odd random thought. At least I made my list of things to be done before Monday so I'm happy that is started and I can add to it if I get any of these random interrupt thoughts.

Blood Pressure

Still good and very pleased with that I am too. My exercise routines are getting better and I managed over 7km tonight.

Have to say I'm beginning to feel a little apprehensive - pretty normal for me - just getting to the stage of getting a little sad and a little pensive about things. I'm certain that it will all go well on Monday - I just need to get my act together over the next few days and get myself "in the zone" to go in. I suppose I didn't have my Kindle the last time I went in so that will be useful as it has music and books and an audio book in it plus I have my MP3 players (3 of them now) so I shouldn't run out of stuff to keep me distracted.

I certainly notice that I'm feeling a bit quieter and withdrawn than I normally am and I guess that is just another way of me dealing with things too.

Well - better get off to bed and see if I can get any sleep - the dreams are most bizarre at the moment - the other morning I was on a Cruise Ship that couldn't get through an area so we disembarked and folded the ship up and carried it - then unfurled it again - I have NO idea what that was all about - it seemed very realistic but even in my sleep I knew it was too ridiculous for words :-)

Quark

Well - this morning I had my first dealings with using Quark in the Budwig recipe for Flax Seed Oil and what is normally Cottage Cheese.

First, Quark costs about the same and has little or no salt or sodium in it. It looks much like any cream soft cheese and was quite difficult to get level measures and also to get it off the spoon at all as it is quite a creamy consistency. Having said that, I did struggle manfully to get it in the mixing bowl and added the flax seed oil - it mixed in pretty much as Cottage Cheese does but is much thicker. I added some milk to bring it down to a better consistency but perhaps a little too much as I made it quite runny.

It tastes really sour on its own but it was fine poured over some cereal though. It certainly doesn't have the slightly salty taste that Cottage Cheese does but it is still quite a sour taste.

I think what I might do is go between the two as I go on - there doesn't appear to be much Cottage Cheese around with reduced Sodium - although, having said that, most is pretty low by most standards, a serving providing about 10% of the daily allowance.

Quark is only sold in small tubs but is around the same price point so cost isn't an issue. I can probably do more with Cottage Cheese recipe wise but will see how I get on. For the moment, it seems to do the right things - that's the most important part.

Coffee with Flocky

A nice wander down to the local Costa Coffee and a chat with Flocky starts the day off nicely. Unfortunately, overnight, some little scroat has come up the drive way to the house and stolen the wing mirror covers off of the girl's car. It's a nuisance and it's a shame we aren't allowed to electrify our cars in the UK - I'd hate to affect the little sod's human rights! We have some bloody strange legislation from the European wet liberals that doesn't allow us to electrocute or otherwise castrate or kill trespassers and thieves. Some say I'm a little to the right of Attila the Hun when it comes to my politics :-)

So, perhaps I will set up a little webcam to sort this out in future. It's a quiet little road but occasionally we get this sort of minor irritant.

Oh well - better get on with some work I suppose :-)