The phrase "nothing to fear but fear itself" is a quote from Franklin D. Roosevelt's 1933 first inaugural address, given during the Great Depression. He used it to encourage Americans, stating that nameless, unreasoning terror paralyses action and that the nation should instead focus on converting retreat into advance by addressing the country's challenges.
Somehow I am still fearing another solicitor's letter or something like it coming through the post to continue this year long erosion of my mental health. For I am feeling it in terms of the doldrums of my life, the inactivity and procrastination it heaps on me. It really is as debilitating as the cr@p that's been thrown at me and I find it hard to actually get up and do things. I do actually do things but it takes forever to motivate and then actually achieve something.
It's been a year to forget and now I am just looking at it all and wondering "Why the hell did I bother?" If all I got out of it was feeling ill, stressed, shaky and unwell, what was all that about and is it going to continue to cloud my life like it has?
I see that the things I did to combat all of this over the past 12 months both consciously and unconsciously have indeed provided a solid foundation should there be any further actions although I have no idea what they might be. I did and said all the right things and set out facts and logical arguments. The last actions too were well documented and decisive. I still don't feel right or good about it but I MUST remind myself that none of this is of my making and I have attempted to negotiate but been met with a blank. If you do not attempt to work out whatever problem you have even though you have been offered the opportunity it bodes ill if you try legal action as if you haven't even attempted to resolve your differences, then you aren't going to get far.
Still I feel bad about it and it is because I could not get any engagement to resolve the issue that he alleges he has. When I heard that it was because he felt I was treating him as if he was stupid the penny dropped. The difficulty dealing with non technical and non commercially aware people is that they don't understand the subtlety of some of the points and do not understand the words used. For example confusing revenue with ownership. Once stuck in their head they will not take you explaining it and it becomes your fault that they misunderstood completely what you were saying.
After that, things had to change and that too then compounds the problems and down the rabbit hole we went. If your only tool is a hammer you treat every problem as a nail and it gets worse and worse and eventually there is no easy way back from your dilemma. The nail is bent and badly bashed and cannot be withdrawn without ruining the materials around it. Instead of stopping and reviewing and working our way out of a problem, you double down and just make matters far more disagreeable and harder to resolve with each angrier effort.
So I do fear the postman coming along with yet another threatening letter or worse and really I shouldn't I hope it is all over but that may not be so. I need the Fat Lady to sing and then it will be!
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