Friday, August 14, 2009

Another Judgement Day

Arrives and I have got up early, had a shower, had my light breakfast and I am now on water up until 11 when I will head off for the Hospital for my 11:30 appointment.

A little churning in my stomach, a few nerves of course but not bad. This time tomorrow it will all be over and I then have to wait for the outcome. I might get a progress report based on the visual. I want to hear that everything looks alright of course. I'm not sure how I would feel if it were a recurrence, I'd have to take that and think about it.

I'm loading music to my MP3 and I have decided not to have any of the stuff I had when I went in the first and second times as when that happened I had cancer and of course I don't now. There are a series of songs that I associate with that time and whilst I like those songs they do make me feel quite strange these days. So searching for other sounds to listen to. Plenty of classical and less rock and roll.

It is just 3 hours away until I go in and I haven't packed my bag and I'm going to leave it so I have things to do in the next few hours. I'm going into my quiet, lock me away, don't talk to me mode right now and I lock myself down into myself and become quite monosyllabic in responses as I'm just not feeling like entering into a conversation. I'm sure that outwardly I will be pleasant enough but in reality I am just shutting myself down and keeping within myself.

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