Here comes the bad weather again

Really windy again outside.  Had a funny old day again today - didn't feel great to start with and after a few drinks seemed to come back into kilter again.  I'm pretty certain it is that I know it's my last Christmas here and together with the family.  It was so strange to know that half the room knew and half didn't and funnily I've only let slip one detail about getting a place to start my business so it wasn't too bad!

We've had a small mouse infestation - two of the little blighters met their maker last night and I think I just heard one of the traps go off again a few moments ago.  

Got a note from my friend who didn't call me - apologising about that but it isn't a problem.  Got a note from someone who bid for some stuff on eBay, ignored me every day that I wrote and sent invoices suggesting that her baby had done the bidding :-) Of course that's possible but not on successive days surely?  So it's out of my hands and I suggested they contact eBay with the excuse - it's good but not realistic!

As for me, well I'm OK but a little sad because I know that this year marks the end of this sort of family gathering and whilst I'm separating from my wife I kind of realise that I'm also separating from my kids too - not that I want to but that's what it feels like and I didn't expect that.  I was interested to hear that L may be going on holiday with Mrs. F. this year and that our trip to Las Vegas may not be on as L thinks she will be working.  I kind of think that you should do what pleases you but no one else thought I was right.  Ho Hum.  She's 21 and apparently legally able to drink in the US - of course here it is 18.

Me, well I'm past Christmas and Boxing day and heading off towards New Year's Eve and so far so good.  I kind of feel very strange indeed and I just know that it is because change is coming.  Change I want, change that I know needs to happen but also there has to be a certain amount of trepidation in that too.  There's also the life that I dreamed of but won't be fulfilled.  All my earlier dreams of the summer aren't going to happen and that to me is a huge disappointment but I've learnt to live with that now but it still remains a problem that sort of recurs and whilst I can deal with it, I don't always manage to catch it in time.  Maybe I will have the life I desire but it wont be this year coming.  Perhaps I will find myself able to choose a direction - I don't know.  The main thing is to deal with the present, dismiss the past and not worry about the future.  That seems to me to be goal I can achieve quite easily.