Things Happen For A Reason

Do you believe that?  I didn't think I did until this year and this year has been one of those seminal moments in my life where I knew I had to do something, where I was the happiest and saddest I've ever been in my life and where I finally burst free from all the baggage and cr@p I had accumulated over my life.  Where suddenly life meant more than possessions and where I came into contact with one person who catalysed my life and many others who suddenly made sense.

I like the idea that things happen for a reason, that you meet people when you need to and that a sequence of events seem unconnected and then materialise as important and integrated.

The point would be that being told of the book 'A New Earth' at the moment when I most needed to make some sort of sense out the mess I was in and the turmoil in my head.  It was a year where I saw the other side of my life - I feel a bit like Ebenezer Scrooge being shown Past, Present and Future and having the Epiphany and that magic of realisation what on earth had been missing in my life.  Not just what was missing but finding out why I was so screwed up so often why I'd have massive highs and deep deep lows and why I never seemed to move on.

I'm not going to say it is my marriage or cancer or me because in reality it is a mixture of all three.  Mainly me though, it's all in your head (Mr. Tweedy" for you Chicken Run fans out there).  So much of the "suffering" was self inflicted and mostly negative.  I noticed it in a friend who was down on his luck and just exuded the outward signs of being in a bad place, down on his uppers and not looking on life in the right way.  Same as me, the perennial victim of the piece.  So many negative thoughts, so many burdens taken on board and carried.  I know I still am prone to do this but armed with what I know now it is short lived.

I was feeling particularly sad about the year when I wrote yesterday's blogs.  Reflecting on what "might have been" but, of course, it's history and if it was meant to be it would have happened and that's the end of it.  I suppose you look at models and you hold them up to judge others by and there's me saying I'll never meet anyone like 'X' and that's not the case, it's just the mind playing tricks.  So going back to dealing with it, I went to bed thinking a bit like that and then just went over the facts of the matter and woke up refreshed and with a clear mind - baggage gone.  So I am controlling it but of course occasionally my head gets the better of me.  I'm working on it though.

New Year's Eve is going to be so strange but I think I do need to get myself off to the pub for the night and see what happens.  As a local, I got an invite.  It isn't meant to be too crowded and is meant to be a good laugh - let's hope so - it would be nice to meet a few people and to get used to being on my own (but not on my own).  Staying in with Mrs. F. just isn't an option - it's also a good way to try and say a symbolic goodbye to 2013 and look forward to 2014 and all that is to be.