House Hunting

It's taken a while but here we are near enough to smell the coffee.  Seeing Flocky in a short while to go through a couple of places and maybe to see if this place which is local to us might be worth having a look at.  It certainly looks doable and covers both of our requirements.

I had a funny old night, my friend was over so we went for a beer and very nice that was too and then for some reason I got all hung up on something trivial (it happens) and tortured my mind and didn't catch it quick enough to stop it going around in my mind.  I thought about it this morning and dismissed it in a second!  Stupid brain, I hate the way it does this.  I know what it is all about - it's the coming Christmas and New Year and it is also about turning my back on one part of my life and moving off in a new direction and I couldn't see beyond the sadness of it and of course it is just a change that's going to happen.  I think some of the these thoughts are reactions are just unexpected - you know that they are coming but you can't "experience" them until they happen.  But there you go.

It's all about change and moving on and it's also a bit about leaving behind many things and that was also about realising that I'm "letting go" of more than the marriage it is also the life I had and in some way I think I'm going to lose some friends too because maybe that's the way it rolls.  I should be used to it because that's what happened when I got ill.  

I know once I am out of here and onto my new venture that I will be able to spend real time building something and also not "feeling guilty" about things - I certainly note that I am whether by accident or design taking on that sort of mantle.  I feel really bad for what I am doing and I'm the one being contrite and humble all the time.  That too will fall away and go I'm sure.  

I know I'm bound to be upset, confused and the like - it is going to go with the territory without doubt.