Reality Bites

I told Mrs. F. that Flocky and I are starting to look at property - and there's one that looks good we are seeing in the morning.  It's just about ideal in terms of what we can see on the photos and description.  Quite nice and far enough to be out of the way from here but not too far.  I know the area a little too so that's good.

Spoke to Mrs. F. tonight and she is quite business like about the finances and we are going to adjust some of our finances especially Credit Cards and the like.  I have some in my name and have applied for some others to give me a bit of flex really.  There's stuff all over the place so we will rationalise that but I have a lot of things that are set up to come out of the credit card so I need to go and adjust that pretty quickly.  Things could all go pretty quickly by the looks of it - we will see tomorrow when we go view the property.  Hopefully it is still available as they had some other people there earlier.  Mind you they also had another property which was a little closer to me - 15 minutes walk I suppose.  That is also a good back up.

Anyway - will see in the morning but I suddenly feel very different tonight than I have before because it is now the business end of leaving the house and I can see that Mrs. F. appears to be able to discuss, in short measures, what is going on.  Bless her.  Let's hope that this can be done as painlessly as possible and that we don't hurt each other more than we have to.

Well let's see how it goes.  It's exciting and daunting all at the same time.  After last night I really felt that I wanted to be out after Christmas - just because it is so depressing here at the moment.  We don't know how to deal with each other being here and if I am out of the way at least we can text or email each other and sort stuff out like that.  I can come back to the house when she isn't here and take it from there.  I think I will be quite sad to leave this house in many ways as it is where the girls grew up but life moves on and change is a constant.

I think I've squared a few other things in my head as well now.  It isn't surprising that my head is awash with details and loose ends and I think I said that I'd lose some friends and in some ways I'm going to have to do the losing of some myself.  By that I mean - put them into the distance and not to proactively encourage them unless by some miracle they decide to continue the friendship.  I feel sad that this will be an outcome but I need to give myself every opportunity of this being a clean break and a new beginning and I need to "divorce" myself not just from Mrs. F. but also from much of the flotsam & jetsam that washed up on the shores of my brain.  Some relationships are dead and over, some are on life support, some aren't as strong as they could or should be, some are imaginary and some will never fruit let alone blossom.  Hard as it is, these have to be cut out of my life and cast aside as they aren't helping me move on.

This hard pruning sounds drastic but I'm guessing you just have to do it.  These people are part of my old life - if they bring something new to my new life then maybe, just maybe we regrow the relationship.  Let's see what happens.  

If it is possible to be excited and apprehensive all at the same time then that is what I am.