Christmas and Birthdays - Decisions To Be Made

This is a real wrestle.  What to do about Mrs. F's birthday coming up and Christmas.  I've been advised not to buy anything but certainly to do cards if nothing else.  It feel dreadful to not buy her a present for either her birthday or for Christmas but I can see all sides of this and it feels wrong whatever I do about it.  If I buy her something she may not like it because it comes from / reminds her of me.  If I don't it stops something I've done for 38 or more years :-(  How difficult it is to know what to do.  

I actually feel a little queasy thinking about it.  How difficult all this is for us and on one hand if I buy her something it sends out wrong signals and if I don't it does too. 

Oh well - next year it probably won't be so bad I hope.  

I spend more of my days being happy and content these days.  I get these little niggling doubts of course I do, bound to I'm sure.  I just  have to go and replay my reasons why and then I am OK with my decision.  It's such a big thing of course and there are doubts on all sorts of things.  Of course, I like the idea that I can turn a new page and just move on.  I worry that Mrs. F. still struggles with the pain of it all and then I think to myself that I cannot do anything about this as much as I really want to help her and make things right and make her feel better - it isn't me who can do that.  I'd like her to understand it all and I'd like her to learn and meet someone and for her to be happy.  In fact that's something I really want for her - to be happy again especialy after I made her so sad.