Cleared Most Of It Now

I have to keep working hard at keeping in the now and not reverting back to the past and all the things I can (and do) so easily beat myself up about. I also have to stop the worries about the future.  It's been a real struggle today to do that a real struggle.  

I've managed it but it's almost 12:30 in the morning now and it's taken most of the day.  I am glad that I avoided the opened bottle of wine in the Kitchen or reaching for anything else for that matter.  Rarely have I found the answer at the bottom of a glass just more questions and more sorrow.  

I really did have to put in an effort to get myself back to an even keel - a bit of music and some petrolhead Formula One seemed to help along the way.  I think today was just one of those days.  It is difficult with Mrs. F. moping around the house and getting "the quiet treatment".  I don't know if it is designed like that but to me it sometimes appears like that.  I will be glad to be out of here so I no longer get that.  If the niceties can't be observed then I really do find that difficult to deal with - that's another trait/fault with INTJs and their particular interest in personal space and courtesies.  

Mind you I'm pretty much used to that sort of silent treatment and off-handedness anyway as that is one of the problems I've had for many years.  If you choose to ignore me or slap down any ideas or opinions I have then sooner or later I'm going to get a little ticked off about it.  I suppose it may have seemed unfair that I pointed out that this sort of behaviour was part of the reason we were in this predicament anyway.  The Irony was possibly lost in the total lack of response :-)

Oh well - I have a lot to keep me occupied in the next few days and I shall just get tucked into that.  I am not thinking about moving or anything until it comes to it - it will be what it will be.  I can see that it will be quite traumatic for Mrs. F. though and at the moment we exist in a state of orbiting around each other even more so than we used to and we are rarely in the same room together.  I can see that - I don't like it - I hope that it will get more civilised and who knows, in time I might actually have a nice friendly relationship when it all settles down.  I'd like to think that she would be my best friend but time will tell on that I guess.  I suppose that it may be difficult to do that given the way she feels at the moment.