The Great Rip Off

 I saw a video on Rachel Reeves (Chancellor of the Exchequer) yesterday and it's around 35 minutes long.  It was pretty painful watching and called out not only her qualifications for the job but also the plagiarism ( his words not mine :-) ) and it was actually quite concerning that what we have here is an ideologically based financial blueprint that appears as if it based on a US Treasury approach under Biden that was muted at Davos and so we have something that would, with the might of the US Dollar and the size of that country struggle to work copied on tracing paper and attempted to be implemented here.   

The obvious and glaring problem being that we are no longer a power house (only in our minds) and we have politicians who cannot think strategically (or for themselves) and have no idea how to coalesce this into a whole state wide, fit into the world economy system.  From the explanations of the various parts of the budget it's pained us all into a corner and burdened as we are with the highest taxes since the end of WW2 we are probably going to be asked for more and more but if we are no longer able to work and get paid more then we will not have the money to pay for these horrendous impositions on us. 

When you then start to look at these taxes and strategies you quickly see that there is indeed no real incentive to employ people, set up a business, carry on your business, go out and find work or cooperate in society that has been built that way.  Bit by bit we see people losing their jobs or natural wastage of people in business not being replaced.  Costs imposed are passed on to the workers and consumers alike.  The Government heaps pay rises onto public sector workers who have gold plated pensions and excellent working conditions and tells the rest of us to pay up for those pay rises.  The Public Sector may be necessary albeit in a much smaller way than now but what does it do in terms of bringing money into the country?

Fiscal drag makes us all poorer and will start to pull pensioners into its grasp later this year (probably next financial year) and personal allowances are not going to change until 2028.  What's the incentive to work if personal allowances don't even keep up with published let alone real inflation?  Fuel or should I say energy prices have tripled since just before foot shooting Covid and it's ridiculous lock-downs, such harmful financial and physical nonsense.  Inflation is probably running at 8% I'd guess.  So each year your finances take an 8% hit plus all your bills have gone up by that much and in the case of energy three times or more.  It isn't sustainable and you are trapped if you aren't getting more than 8% on your savings (net) or getting that sort of pay rise per year.  This is over simplifying the problem.  The main thing is that it's a trap and an unpleasant one.  

Now, as a pensioner, I'm pretty much trapped as I get a regular income after having paid into the system for 50 years.  Every 4 weeks it drops into my bank and I do think next year it will attract tax!  My savings, of course if I use those, they'll be taxed (and they are).  If I spend any money on the house I've to pay 20% VAT and on and on it goes.  There's taxes on taxes even (look in depth at fuel duty where they tax the tax) and on and on it goes.

If you invest in something a bit riskier you get taxed if it comes off and makes you money (sure you can offset your losses but if you choose well you can't) If I do well in business they want a lump of that in corporation tax and any money I take out as a reward for setting it up and running it.

There is no real incentive to work, there is no real incentive to get better and to grow the overall wealth of the country.  The government, far from their mantra of economic growth, appear to have done everything possible to stifle that growth and in fact reverse it.  I see people are seriously curtailing spending and the High Street and as I understand it online stores report a slow down in post Christmas sales.  People are hunkering down, they are not sure what is coming next, they can see fragility in the work place, redundancies are incoming and there are many mobile people leaving to go to Dubai and Singapore etc.  Those who can will leave and it's generally the high net worth people who do taking their Tax £s away with them.  Why should you stay here and work hard for someone to take it away from you.  If it was a fair system, if we all benefited and you could see something for your money and it was good value for money, then you'd probably stay.  Gone are the days of good public services, half the staff are down the beach or answering phone calls whilst on holiday or sat in their homes.  Society has become two tier with preference given to non natives over the populace who's taxes pay for these things.  

It is a Huge Rip Off and is hypocritically shoved in your face by the politicians who I am certain loath and hate us and by sections of the people who live here who feel that their "rights" trump all of ours.  That's a two tier society and no one has the balls to tackle the very divisive society we've become or to treat us with some respect.  We, after all, pay for this shower of sh1t to do our bidding, which they don't do.  I do hope that they just keep digging themselves into a bigger and bigger hole and cannot work out how to get out of it.  A pox on their houses. 

Well The Anger Is Getting Greater I Notice

 Our politicians must think that we cannot see or hear them or to realise that they are gas-lighting us.  The latest about turns on "This is what I stand for" is truly abhorrent.  The grooming gangs scandal or rape gangs as I think they should probably be called is yet another about face but this time it's far worse than that, this stuff goes to the very heart of society as it was an ignored problem that got worse because "We didn't want to be accused of being racist!"  and that's the problem now.  The inquiry would of course point directly back to a weak and fallible establishment.

Not that we need an inquiry to see that but we do need those who knowingly let girls be raped in their hundreds perhaps thousands are held to account.  People at the top now were in charge of certain areas that need the investigative conclusions from something like this to be brought to light.  It's a further cover up and right in your face.  These people are lying right to your face all the time, there's no disguising it now, the continually lie on all sorts of things and we can see them.  Toto has pulled back the curtain and commentators who seems to move and steer like gigantic tankers in terms of picking up and acting on these scandals are finally beginning to show signs that there might be a story here.  Hurry up lads, we knew that 15 years ago!!  FFS..

I wonder how long the patience of the people will be tested.  Many politicians are openly heckled and yelled at in the street (rightly so) because they've succeeded in p1ssing everyone off in the country now.  I imagine there are only a few areas of the country that are happy with things and they'd be the metropolitan elite and the enclaves of foreign territories set up in the UK.

The anger on YouTube contributors has ramped up a notch this week and I expect it will get louder as the economy starts to tank and the horror of net zero starts to bite especially as it's very cold now.  Having taken away the £300 heating allowance for pensioners the bright spark of a Heath Secretary suggested that Pensioners really need to put on their heating during this cold spell.  Energy prices have tripled since 2020 and they've taken away a small amount of respite and demand that pensioners put on heating they cannot afford!  That's what we are dealing with.  Their own records show that up to 4,000 could die from the cold this year by taking away the fuel allowance but they did it anyway.

They look like Deer caught in the headlights at the moment not understanding why the economy is shrinking and surely it cannot be because of all the draconian, nasty, spiteful sorts of things they are doing.  Children are being forced out of education because of VAT imposed on private schools, that is blowing up on them "We didn't expect that" spoken in a nerdy train spotter voice.  Farmers are rightly p1ssed off at IHT rules changed for them, employers are likewise going to halt employing people as to do so erodes profit margins the tax on working people (that they said wouldn't happen) is horrendous, so many retailers are now closing down and all because they wouldn't have any adults in charge.  

It's like an unsupervised kid's party this government.  Absolutely useless, painful to watch their childish shenanigans and the latest one of unitary councils gathering up our borough councils into a big blob is also doomed to failure.  Who wants some useless sod from 50 miles away deciding planning on our backdoor?

I really don't like it but we are in deep sh1t this year and I don't think they can see a way forward as their heads are shoved up their own arseholes!  I really hope that they are so despised that they cannot go anywhere without being heckled and yelled at.  Waste of oxygen the lot of them! 

Grow The F*** Up!

 The Internet has made cowards as brave as you like.  Operating from their mother's under stairs cupboards, the keyboard warriors tackle the problems of the day and report what, in their befuddled minds, annoys them or offends them.  I'm sure that the authorities who have brought this behaviour on their own heads must be fed up with this now but NO it continues to plague us.

TV Programmes aren't all as good as they used to be I suppose but my method of complaint is to turn it off, turn the programme over or just not watch it anyway.  We see daily, enraged and offended people complaining to the BBC or OFCOM, online about something in a programme which, frankly, just using your common sense and taking away the ability for the programme to become commercially realised might be a better strategy?  Surely if the programme is made and had been broadcast and you sat there and watched it and were offended then it's to do with you surely?

I was watching a programme last night episode 2 of a war series and it was dreadful and it was offensive, unrealistic and not believable - quite how someone in war time could get from England to Italy without the benefit of EasyJet or Ryan Air in such a very quick time, establish an identity and so on is not possible.  It was therefore stretching the credibility of the characters and the plot, the main actors weren't exactly likeable (I know you don't have to be) and so 20 minutes into the second episode I turned over and will not see out the next 4 episodes.  However, why would I write to anyone about it let alone complain?  What's the point?  If I don't like something, I don't watch it, If I don't like a product, I don't buy it.  What's the point of taking to the agencies and expecting them to do about it.

Of course, here I am writing and complaining too which is a bit hypocritical I suppose.  It seems a lot of our "culture" these days is to be snitches and tell tales, grassing people up and reporting them to the authorities.  You can't really practice free speech much these days as they'll say you're not allowed to say or do this or that.  Back in the day, if you said what you were thinking and I disagreed with it, I had a choice.  I could tell you I disagreed and why and back then, you could do that and not get into a screaming row or being yelled at.  I could just let them have their say and say nothing, or I could just walk away and ignore it.

I do hate this yelling and screaming nonsense these days.  People almost burst a blood vessel getting so angry about something you might say.  But here is the thing that worries me, have we lost the ability to have an opinion and to voice it.  I do have contrary opinions to many people.  I don't believe a word that any of the MSM say.  A case in point would be the bias of the BBC news.  It's worth getting views from different organisations and contrast and compare.  The illegal invasion by economic migrants is a case in point.  The BBC had someone on from a pressure group stating that these people were coming to a safe country from wherever they were from.  They had already passed through a number of safe countries and some were coming from countries where there were no wars or conflict etc.  So to double down on this they then pulled some library shots of a child being rescued from a boat.  The one thing you don't see that often is children or women among these.

Then the bloke says that we should provide safe channels for refugees as if we don't now.  You can get here via a safe channel if you are claiming asylum but to pay to come over by boat destroying your papers on the way over isn't a safe channel is it?  That's the BBC for you.  Go and have a look at France24 or some other European News station or go and look online and find out about it.  The BBC reporting of the raid on the Gaza Hospital is diametrically different to other news outlets.

Worryingly, people are more interested in complaining about what someone is wearing rather than being fed "facts" that are dressed up propaganda.  We have long lost the ability to deliver the news and let the viewer decide what it is all about.  Now we get to hear what they "think" we should understand from the reports.  Just watch it occasionally and you can pick up the trends in the reporting, the use of NGOs and Pressure Groups disguised as unbiased factual commentators. 

Anyway, off at a tangent but everyone needs to wake up and become an adult again.  Bickering like children and pointing fingers and telling tales is not going to lead us out of this situation.  As I sad at the start, grow the f*** up.  

Internet Sloth

 I am a member of interest groups for areas that I am interested in, obviously! Such as family history, my Drone flying and so on.

So what's got my annoyance factor up is the use of these groups to ask stoooopid questions.

There's a local road group and someone will ask whether the road bridge is clear.  Well, hello, if I don't know when you posted the query and in what direction you are going in and if I haven't actually driven that way in six months how do you expect me to know?  But worse than that, you can go onto Google Maps and just see the information yourself or you can go on the roadworks app and so on.  But no, ask a group of a few thousand people when you could and should just look on line - all the information is there.

The Drone group makes me laugh as the Administrator is quite good fun.  So someone asks what sort of SD Card goes with their particular Drone model.  Admin states that the same ones advised in the operating manual!  Boom!  

This default asking other people to read the manual for you also extends to cars - my car - I know how it works as I read the driver's manual before I actually got to drive it.  It has a wealth of little gadgets that people ask what they are for and there's a full explanation in the book.

Are people actually this lazy?  By the looks of what I've read today, they surely are.   

Another Lap Of The Sun

 And we're off on another orbit of the Sun, a huge Star at the centre of our tiny solar system.  It certainly makes for an interesting study of quite how amazing this orbit of ours is.  If you haven't studied it, then I'd strongly suggest that you do as it is fascinating in many ways.

I was interested to know that we view the orbit as a circular one and it isn't really we are nearer or further to the sun depending on what time of year it is.  The inclination of our axis (which provides our seasons too) is also of added interest as is the wobble of the planet.  I liked that we see the orbit as a flat picture with planets going around the sun on a horizontal plane and yet in reality is it is more on a vertical plane.  The planets themselves influence each other and their satellites (our moon) add additional complexity.  Much as I dislike Professor Brian Cox his recent series on the planets was very good.

Earth is closest to the sun in its orbit, a point called perihelion, around January 4th of each year. At perihelion, Earth is about 147.1 million kilometers from the sun, which is 5 million kilometers closer than it is at aphelion, its furthest point from the sun.  I'd speculate that this is a good thing as we probably get milder conditions now than if we didn't even though it is our winter.

I often wonder whether anyone thinks about this because the more I listen or watch the "The world's about to burst into flames" brigade the less I think they've thought through their arguments.  The old "denier" accusation is falling a bit thin these days as that's the only counter argument and it's not a logical response to debating scientific data and questioning it.  My mother was told when she was going to marry a Catholic and was attending her lessons with the priest that she would never be a good Catholic as she asked too many questions.  Make of that what you will.  My scientific hero, Richard Feynman, stated that he would "Rather have questions that cannot be answered rather than answers that could not be questioned".

Does anyone see that?  If you cannot challenge "Da Science" you have to ask yourself and whoever tells you that you can't WHY??   Why will you not enter into scientific debate, why is your data not available and so on.  Scientists do not have a "Right to remain silent" if they want their work relied upon.  It depends on who you talk to about this subject but you can destroy the majority of the cult's mantras by just looking at available data and gathering it from various sources.   What has struck me about our politicians is how they've thrown their weight and support behind pretty ropy (let's face it) "facts" and gone all in with solutions to problems that neither exists or that exist in such minuscule ways that the best policy is to adapt rather than destroy the economy and the people in the pursuit of being able to "CONTROL the weather"  you can't do that now and if you have the utter hubris to think you can do that in the future in a chaotic system then you need sectioning fast.  

I also note that around the world our politicians manage to accumulate a lot of wealth from their salaries.  They obviously aren't investing in savings accounts as those don't pay the many thousands of percentage point returns these charlatans seem to attract.  Let's see if any get exposed in this coming year?  I like that some of the climate change ambassadors have purchased beach front residencies whilst telling us that rising ocean waters will drown us all.  It's nice of them to regularly almost daily jet off around the world and say that we cannot go on a once in a year holiday.  Seventy Thousand went to Baku for the latest p1ss up convention on climate change.  They've had close to 30 years to get an accord and in that time you can't see anything happening other than the rhetoric expanding and the demand for rich countries to pay reparations to poor countries as if that will make any difference whatsoever.  

I really hope that it is called out soon but for much of the Western world, the UK and some of Europe the damage is done.  Our rush to reduce the 1% of man-made CO2 to zero has already doubled our energy bills, forced us on journey into woefully unsupported and unplanned electric vehicle use - we neither have the energy capacity, the infrastructure or indeed the willingness to sort this out.  A case in point is an elderly gentleman bought an electric car as he thought he was doing the right thing.  He ran a lead out to the car from his house and it was highlighted as a trip hazard and so he cannot charge his car.  That's it, how does that work? It doesn't. I saw a car plugged into a house in Cambridge with exactly that sort of connection and they'd put a hazard cover and ramp over the cable  - if you'd had a wheelchair I doubt you'd have easily got over it.  Old people and people with pushchairs or prams?  Good luck with that.  

So here we go into 2025, just 5 years until net zero, only electric cars, heat pumps not gas boilers to heat our houses and petrol and diesel what?  Are they just going to switch the stuff off?  It's utter nonsense and I don't know if they are too stupid to see it or if it's Emperor's New Clothes or what is going through (if they've got one) their minds.  An absolute car crash of a policy, based on a cult for their is very little science being done and for what?  So some dimwit can turn a switch and we can have a nice sunny day tomorrow and turn a switch and it will rain for 3 hours on a certain day - maybe only at night if they can manage it?  All our electricity is going to be generated by windmills that work when they turn the wind switch on which it will be needed all the time you can't have any still days now can you.  Maybe they can make the sun shine 24x7 so that the solar panels can provide electricity.  That's how f*****g stupid all of this is.  

Instead of spending billions trying to capture carbon why not plant a few trees and have done with it.  BTW, the last thing you want is zero carbon - look it up.  

General Ignorance

I  was struck with the general level of ignorance I see and read these days.  There's plenty of comments that are Trolling but there are also some very strange people out there.  People commenting on the car crash that is the UK economy appear to be caught in some sort of time loop and think that we are back in the 70s and 80s.  Those who think that other people should pay more taxes whilst they don't have to.  Those who think that after 50 years I'm not entitled to my pension that I've paid for.  They think it is a benefit and it should be removed?  Strange.  They think that ruining children's education is OK as it makes a point about toffs being sent to private schools!  Amazing, some of my friends went with bursaries and some their parents scrimped and saved to pay for their child's education.  Why is that bad?  Having said that, reading the stupidity of the comments, we can guess that they probably played truant if indeed they were educated.

There's a parochial view of the world here and they don't appear to see how things actually are and how the world works and how in our case capitalism benefits us all.  This pathetic outlook on life is alarming and one wonders how they actually get through day to day living at all?  They don't appear to have worked out that all these thumping taxes will increase their own finances when they filter through.  Stuff costs more than the 3 or 4% inflationary figure that our state broadcaster would have us believe.  In 4 years I reckon my bills have doubled, yes doubled, go and check out what you were paying in 2019 and compare.  Who did they think was going tp pay for all the handouts and freeloaders?  They think it is business!  We already know that if you run a business you need to work out how you run it in the face of all these overarching  overburdening government regulations and taxes.  The consumer pays, the consumer always pays.  But no, these Muppets want to continue to pile regulations and taxes, rates etc and think that the business will just absorb it all.

Meanwhile, go and look at the BRICS economies and wonder to yourselves how come they can make something and ship it to me for less than half of the price I can buy it for retail?  I purchased a Magnetron for less than £12 shipped all the way from China (including shipping).  OK they didn't protect the package properly so it arrived in pieces but how can you do that and make a profit at it for £12?  We could barely ship it in the UK for that price.  So how are they doing that?  Well the great and good don't want heavy stuff in out country you know like mining or obtaining the raw materials, making things in factories and so on, really NIBBY types.  We have such high energy prices (some of the highest in the world) that we cannot actually compete that way, nor with people, again a high cost and all the regulations associated with that we cannot do it and to remain green we shift it all and now fully rely on other countries.  I was watching a programme where the costs of goods is so cheap and why it was like that.

These do-gooders have destroyed what economy we had.  We no longer have any leverage in the world and we are no longer "Great" Britain.  It's sad to see that these people seem to think there is a government money tree somewhere.  There is no government money at all, it is OUR money.  People are happy to sling mud around about Brexit, Taxes and Big State and yet they have no idea what that actually means.  Does the Public Sector actually generate income or do they spend our money?  There's no willingness on anyone's behalf to counter this death spiral of economic and societal decline either.  There appears to me to be whole areas of the country that are marginalised where people are trapped in a system that makes them poorer and is difficult to escape from.  Inflation is eroding incomes and prices are going up with little wage growth (excepting public sector and government favourites).  Fiscal drag is applied by not moving tax thresholds, employment is slowing as extra taxes are levied to employ people and many businesses will just close down operations, not hire or do something else and pass on the costs to consumers.  In the words of Monty Python "Is this anyway to run a ****** ballroom?" (or was it Derek and Clyde?). 

I've been looking for the ROI data on plastic straws.  So worrying was it to the environmentalists that it was deemed necessary to do away with them so that we could save the planet.  I'd guess that it would probably save the planet from warming by 0.00000000000000000000000001 degree but no on can tell me.  The increased costs and you now need to often get a second straw as the paper ones (wrapped in plastic and coated in plastic) go soggy very quickly thereby doubling the number of straws required.

Anyway, this rant is really aimed at those who wave their arms around, want to be controlled by the government blob, being told what to do and when they can do it etc.  They really need to do some research before opening their gobs.  Every time they do they show that they are willing to sacrifice their fellow citizens for their own end.  Of course, they unwittingly also end up going down the same plug hole they've created for everyone else. 

What The Hell Were You Thinking

 Uttered by me on many occasions and almost hourly these days.  So they've knighted the London Mayor.  Speechless what on earth were they thinking?  The trouble is I don't think that their ideology allows them to think, it's very catholic and totalitarian, almost dystopian at the moment and this headlong rush to the bottom isn't over by a long way.  Everything that they touch is the opposite of Midas and is rapidly turning into mahogany (soft and brown) stuff.

Education is being destroyed and for no good reason other than spite.  Maybe, finally, people will wake up to what and how these people are?  It is no longer education it is indoctrination and still, no one is angry.  The answer will be more tax and more fines and so on until there is nothing of any value left.  It's already happening and 2025 looks to be the year that the economy collapses alongside some of our European neighbours.  

De-industrializing in the name of a cult (that of Climate Change) does absolutely nothing except show how f*****g stupid you are.  Destroying your own country to appease fanatics is not exactly a grown up approach to this and it will end in tears and more damage to us.  Already people are paying substantial energy bills and the time will come soon when we will only be subsistence living.  There wont be any money to spend other than on food and fuel.

It worries me that there may soon be a large snap against all of this and no one can see it coming.  If you tax the cr@p out of people and they don't see anything for it, then why should they cooperate?  I'm trying to find ways of just not obeying and not cooperating.  It would be nice that everyone in the country started not complying and stating that they no longer wish to be "governed" by these people who think they have some sort of authority over us.  But then I expect too much of "the people"  when I was in business we used to have a saying that 98% of people want to be told what to do and the other 2% were project managers!

Oh well, let's see how it goes.  The list of wasted stuff goes on and on, the oppression of the people continues and at some point someone has to say no, enough is enough.  Let it come sooner rather than later and let's hope that the damage can be undone.  You can imagine that they having spunked all the money away will have to try and work out how to pay to put it all right again.  

That's A Bit Better

 I was in a very dark mood yesterday.  I'd woken a few times during the night and the last time around 5:30 I decided enough was enough and went downstairs to try and get to somewhere bigger.  Claustrophobia is a strange thing it isn't really logical but I've had it most of my life since being squashed into a confined space at school and a few similar things.  To this day I dislike trains and the underground especially, I hate crowded rooms and theatres too are difficult spaces for me.  I calm myself in planes and try and mitigate where I sit and so on.

My hypnotist friend has moved away and he was able to do a number of things including stopping me smoking and to get me OK with going into hospital and facing the operations etc.  I taught myself to be less angry about how long things took in the hospital but that's another thing.

I came downstairs and sat quietly and a series of things happened that just seemed to make me more angry and the black dog descended.  I got the right (moved) bin day but had put out the wrong bins so they weren't collected!  That really made me annoyed as did catching the bin on my car and the contents spilt out!

I was brewing up in my mind how it "always seemed to be me" and all that ego / pain body stuff and whilst I realised that was what it was it didn't make my humour any better at all.  As I often say it's best to leave me alone at times like that.  There are genuine concerns though and stuff that I have to address this year.  I think I've left these long enough.  Stuff that is not in my control and that need to be sorted.  Stupid stuff to some but to me with my tidy mind and practical approach to things it's getting oppressive and the claustrophobia is caused in some measure by these things.  Inability to get to things as other things are in the way.  Rooms full of possessions rendering the room unusable.  Access to areas in the house impeded by boxes and items that make it difficult to walk past without going sideways.

Yes, I need to sort this out, it's gone on for too long and I'm sure this is what is making me be more introverted than I am normally and also bring on the moods too.

Something's Not Quite Right

 Tinnitus off the scale yesterday and today.  Not sleeping particularly well and feeling very hot when in bed and not generally tickety boo.  Actually feeling quite dark inside and the weather - it's foggy again and oppressive out there - isn't helping lift my mood.  Yes, dark, foreboding perhaps?

I think that a lot of this is to do with suddenly changing my diet to a "Christmas" diet too many carbs, alcohol, sweets and so on.  I don't normally eat these things and as you are aware I've stopped drinking beer and only have a very small amount of alcohol so my body is probably wondering what on earth I am doing stuffing the left over Christmas food and drinking beer again plus all the other things like dates, figs and so on.

Add to that I'm beginning to feel disconnected from the house too.  It isn't "home" at all and there's no space to live in, it's limited and at time claustrophobic.  So I'm feeling dark about that and not happy with things as they are.

I always do get depressed at this time of year anyway and it normally picks up when I get involved in something or other.  The trouble is, lots of this stuff is out of my direct control. 

So How Was It For You?

 Nice to see my daughters and grandchildren but cut short which was a little annoying so really didn't get to speak to them much.

New Year's Resolution incoming I think is to do my own thing now and just go and see them and have done with it.  I've been trying too hard to care for everyone and I felt a bit like the House Elf on Christmas Day I have to say.  

I'd worked my butt off and everyone else was tired?!  Exactly.

Think that it might be an interesting year to be sure.  I hope you enjoyed yourselves anyway.  I kind of did but I am feeling a bit like the servant at the moment.  Let's say it's not a cooperative and mutually inclusive time.  

Christmas Hearing Issues

 I managed to wear my hearing aids for most of Christmas Day but into the early evening I got tired of them and took them out.  It's amazing how effective these tiny little aids are.  The only issues I have is getting the setting right.  I have 80% hearing in my damaged right ear and about 95% in my left but, of course, it's more about the various frequency problems and this awful Tinnitus which I thought I had got rid of about 6 or 8 months ago.  I'm going to retry the exercises and see if I can reduce it at least.  

The aids do somehow mask it but you still know it is there.  The noise of things like breathing or rustling paper, a switch being turned off and so on are quite loud and noticeable now so they seem to be doing a good job.  I'm hoping that this company in the USA will ship to the UK, I've got an inquiry out with them about getting some tinnitus relief hearing aids.  Someone in the UK has them and they swear by them but when I went to their site they do not ship to the UK!!!!  When I asked them they said there are no agents in the UK - Didn't really answer my query but hey!

So off to my daughter's to see her, my other daughter and my grandchildren which will be great.  Really pleased to be able to get to see them, it will lift my spirits I hope.  Just loaded the car with stuff - it looks as if I am on a humanitarian mission with red cross parcels!  

Arghh Tinnitus Back Loud As Hell

 So is it that I had a few beers last night?  I was on my feet all day yesterday cooking and looking after energetic and Christmas hyped 5 year old?  I don't know but this morning it is very loud indeed.   am downloading a background noise file and so hopefully I can pump that through my headphones and see if that helps.

In other news, here we are again, Christmas Eve.  I can't say I'm particularly Christmassy about it.  Albeit that the making Mince Pies and the like was fun yesterday I'm not really feeling up for it this year.  Maybe the first decoration going up today might make it different.  SO far the house has only got some Mistletoe and a Door Wreath and my outside lights :-(

Must go and try and get rid of this tinnitus, it's totally the wrong sort of bell ringing for this time (or any) time of year!. 

Better Today - Tinnitus Much Quieter

 Thank goodness and I've been up early to greet grandson and we had him today.  So it was a day of cooking with him as "Junior Chef" Mince Pies, Sausage Rolls and he'd lost interest by the time I did the Gammon and there's still two lots of pastry to use up.  I have ideas for that tomorrow when he isn't with us.

He's a lovely lad and not bad for a five year old really.  He is quite adept at reading the cooking instructions which was great for him to practice on.

I now just have a few things left to do and I can relax I think.  Everything that "I" need is here, not sure about anyone else's needs but I'm OK Jack! 

I am going to go get some rest as I've been on my feet since 6 this morning and I'm not getting any younger!

As I often say, Christmas Dinner is only a slightly bigger Sunday Roast - I enjoy cooking it more than I enjoy eating it strangely enough.  So a few presents to wrap, a beer has been poured and I can get on with pottering around in the kitchen tomorrow and doing last minute fussing ready for the big day.

How Fast Is This Trip?

 Good morning, it's 22nd December, Christmas has arrived in its box all ready to throw in the oven, Turkey, Gammon, Vegetables, Stuffing, Pudding the works.  So that's a weight off my mind and it's early so that is even better.  The Tinnitus is bad again and I am trying to play some white noise in the background to see if this will help.

I looked at a Facebook group and an old friend dropped me a line.  I then realised that it was just over 50 years ago she and I were regularly meeting up and seeing each other - platonically - we were school chums and hung out together.  She's now in New Zealand and keep in touch irregularly.

It made me think how fast those 50 years have gone.  Blink and you miss it is often said but it kind of feels like that and yet I can recollect things that must have seemed interminable at the time.  Bladder Cancer for one took around 17 years or so to not "be a thing" in a day-to-day way.

I had the pleasure of No.1 Grandson being here yesterday and he is very young but also very bright he reads and writes extremely well and yesterday he was reading even cursive writing to me and suddenly he decided to write a list of things he'd like for Christmas none of which, of course, were what he'd ever asked for before.  Thank goodness that Amazon Prime was there and I could sort that out.  

I'm going to get into "The Christmas Spirit" today I think.  It should be an interesting Christmas if nothing else and I need to shake myself out of my despondency.  I need to lift my spirits and be thankful as time marches on and the wake up call is that I now have time to do anything I want but I am squandering it on minutiae which is a proper waste.

How fast is this trip?  It is very fast indeed when you look back and yet it felt like it was interminable at the time. 

Very Bad Tinnitus Again

 Well this is strange as I can normally get rid of Tinnitus or at least make it a lot quieter.  It seems to have come back again with vengeance today.  I've tried some white noise perhaps I'll try with headphones when my uninvited company goes home.  

As usual I'm doing some sorting out for people, searching for parts and solutions to problems.  It's a difficult thing isn't it when you get asked to do something for someone.  I'm a bit of a sucker and I am quite happy to do something like this because 1) I can 2) it interests me 3) it also annoys me a bit too.  I actually don't have to do this for my kids because they've learned (from the master LOL) how to go about things like researching, getting the best value for money and things like that.

It feels to me that these sorts of things either aren't taught or things are too easy these days, until that is, they prove to be too hard or difficult.

Anyway, it is keeping me occupied when I should be doing other things. It isn't distracting enough to send this ringing screeching noise away from my ears though.

   

Hearing Aid Trial

 These are expensive hearing aids but not the exorbitant cost of the shop bought ones.  I have had them in for about an hour now and I can say that the Tinnitus is a little less but it is still there.  They are really loud on the lowest setting but as I read they will be as you aren't used to them.  They are set for indoor and on the lowest volume and I can hear myself breathing, the PC fans whirring and the noise off of this keyboard is surprisingly loud too.

Things going on outside are also more noticeable too.  The whole experience is quite strange as either I was really deaf or these are really loud :-) I will try and wear them for a good few hours to see if I can get used to them.  The last few times, in loud places they were too much and I had to ditch them quickly as I could hear quite a bit of what the table behind me was saying but hardly anything my table was saying.  I think it is practice at the end of the day.

Onward, onward....

Tinnitus - Wow It's Bad Today

I got this years ago when I got really ill just over and after Christmas and got both ears infected.  Gosh I was so ill but I had to attend a meeting a give a talk - it was in 2009 and I was a few years into treatment and I'm guessing I probably picked the cold up at the Hospital.  I don't know, whatever it was the Doctor (you could actually go and see them back then) was horrified and prescribed me the biggest dose of Antibiotics he could.  It did the trick but ever since I've had this blasted Tinnitus.

I can normally get on and work through it but today it is so loud I can hardly concentrate on anything at all.  I'll try some exercises I found that worked in a minute to see if that fixes it.  

So that has decreased the volume which is good, the screeching high pitched noise is still there but quieter.  I think I might try my hearing aids and see if that fixes it by making me concentrate on other things.

Ho hum.  You just have to live with this and oftentimes I can just blot it out or ignore it.  

People Are Getting Sick To Death Of All These Lies Surely

 The Internet is interesting in that you can go and research what people said but a few years ago and then listen to what they say now.

I used to say that I rarely lied in business as I couldn't remember what lie I might have told and I'd get found out and I'm not very good at it.  Instead people found my direct approach threatening which is funny.  I say funny, perhaps disarming is correct.

I once went to a customer because his supplier was messing me around and could not finish on time.  I knew what to do about it and I knew that he wouldn't be happy but, go armed with a way out and don't lie.  What actually happened was interesting because once the anger had subsided mere seconds in reality that his job wasn't going to be finished and that it was his side letting it down I told him how I could sort it out and gave him a way out of his embarrassment and a way we could both "win".  Shortly afterwards, the sales managed heard about what had happened and went to the customer and rather than check with me what was going on, spun some cock and bull story about what he'd put in place, blah, blah, blah.  The customer, rightly so sent him away with a flea in his ear and explained that everything was under control and that he might like to talk to the person that was actually running the job, me.

Lies get you no where at all and when you tell the truth you don't have to remember what you said as it was the truth and not some fabrication.

Our politicians are getting caught out time and again by having said one thing and now doing the total opposite.  It's obvious they are lying, they are way way out of their depth.  They don't understand their briefs and they certainly don't understand much about politics, world stage stuff, people and communication.  Their approval rating is on the floor as they p1ss off more and more sectors of the public.  It's unbelievable that they didn't see that inflation would rise, unemployment go up, business move or close down and so on.  It was blindingly obvious to all but an ideological zealot that if you messed with these things something would happen elsewhere.  So now we have them going back on pensioner's heating allowance, WASPI women compensation (that they were going to redress) and many other things and all in the space of a few months their ratings are down, they have zero credibility and I am certain that they will soon find it difficult to go anywhere without being heckled and abused in public.  Deservedly so.

It is rotten to the core but some of us have known that for years but now, right in your face, they are lying, misrepresenting, misinforming and using some sort of propaganda style tactics more at home in the period of the Berlin Wall and the Communist East.  It is horrific and you can watch as the car crashes and the ship sinks and they rearrange the deck chairs and stare at the headlights wondering what is coming next.

The Chancellor's plans are falling apart and I am surprised she and the PM are still in office.  I think many thought they'd be out by Christmas but then there were other things that wold all be over by Christmas that didn't turn out that way I suppose.

It would be nice to find some sort of civil disobedience tactic that would impact these utter lying charlatans.  The very worst people I have ever seen, no experiences, no honour whatsoever and certainly not a clue when it comes to Governing.  At the moment, every thing they do is aimed at giving money to non participants in this country's wealth and taking that money from us and p1ssing it up the wall.  They need to be gone, the lot of them.  

The One Person Everyone Hated At School or Work

 Our present government cannot have any friends left.  Of the 67 or so million of us in the UK there can be very few who have not been  impacted by this awful bunch of amateurs.  Today they have denied the WASPI women their compensation and so you can add all those women to the 10 million existing pensioners and every working person, farmer and car owner, tax payer etc.  

Is there anyone who isn't currently p1ssed off with this bunch of totally useless w anchors? I mean who goes out and antagonises just about everyone in the country, blows huge holes in the ability of businesses to do business or employ people and expect things to ge better.  We are heading for a recession at the least I'd expect and a lot of this is to do with their own financial mismanagement from what 15 years ago was it?  They blew around £160BN and left us to pay for it.  Everything is in a state of decline, the power and energy sector, cars and manufacturing, armed services are underfunded and by whopping up the tax on employment thos industries that rely on cheap workers (care homes, hospices and others) are suffering.  Banging VAT mid term on schools ruins children's lives, taking away fuel allowance will kill (by their own figures) 4,000 vulnerable old people.

The people that need help can't get it.  They don't know how to turn on a smart phone let alone use an APP or apply online.  F**k these people who just don't give a stuff about the vulnerable it really does make my blood boil that these people have no idea beyond their metropolitan view of the world of what it is like to live in the country, grow food, try and travel with non existent transport (if you want me to use it then provide it properly) and so on.  They think we all have IT at our finger tips and this isn't the case.  

I really think they do not comprehend how hated they are and this latest set of proposals are just going to get people more angry and I certainly hope that everyone starts to make bloody difficult for them all.  I certainly intend to do my utmost to take my time about things and perhaps make it a little more difficult to do business with me.

There can't be many people left who even think that this government have the aptitude for or skills to run the country.  They are burning money away in crazy projects outside of the country and at the same time overseeing the demise of their own people.  In the words of the old song "There may be trouble ahead!" I hope so.

Pretty Sure This Is What It Is

 The more I think about it, the more I am certain that it is the let down or disappointment around this time of year that gets me down.  It will never be the same as when you were a child, the magic is different.  Then you get your children and things change and it's all about them and then your circumstances change - mine did, I left just after Christmas so 2014 so next year is 11 years.  So much has happened but here is the thing.  Everything changed that Christmas of 2013.

Everyone knew I was leaving and so things were awkward to say the least.  The parties and get togethers were tinged with difficult conversations and I recall that I went out on a number of occasions on my own.  I spent a little time on New Year's Eve down at my local pub and chatted to a couple of people there but there wasn't much to keep me there.  I'd split up with my wife and I'd just about gotten over the disappointment of not being with my angel either.  It was a miserable time and full of tension, trepidation and anxious worry.

I recall I was pretty down and not looking forward to much although I was looking for a place to share with my friend.  Looking back now and remembering it all I was clearly very down in the dumps and that was the last time I'd have the traditional parties with friends and the family I had back then.  I don't suppose I'd realised that these "friends" would have to choose sides but they did and that too is fine, it's human nature I guess to do that.  So I felt isolated.

So I was doing all my Christmas Cards bot electronic and physical yesterday, the family history newsletter and so on and I was on my own in the kitchen looking at my reflection in the window and it occurred to me that perhaps trying to recreate the Christmases of my past or live up to the hype shown on TV etc just isn't possible.  It never lives up to what you expect.  I have purchased all of the food and drink and I'm still not feeling festive or happy.  The house is a tip at the moment, not a decoration in sight and the only Christmassy things on show are the Advent Calendars.

It doesn't feel like Christmas, all I am doing is indulging in excess for a week or two and actually, I am not enjoying that either.  All this food and drink isn't making a difference as such.  I like the change but my stomach and body are reeling at the shock of carbs and sugar and alcohol. 

Yes I am pretty much convinced that it is this combination of things plus I don't really see my children as much as I should that drives this depressed winter blues I get.  My father also suffered from this as well and I have even when I had family Christmases at home so it's something deeper too.

Well, this food isn't going to eat itself and I'd better try and get into the Christmas Spirit if at all possible.  Here I go :-) 

On The Run In

 I've got just about everything sorted now, a few items to arrive in the next few days though.  I am writing my Christmas Cards and by the end of today I should have all of those done, newsletters done, family history circular and all electronic cards sent.  

That is if the App doesn't get delivered this morning!  I doubt it will.

The Christmas Cake was made yesterday to a different recipe as we haven't been able to find the "family" one anywhere! I cannot remember what we did last year and the year before but I'm certain we made it to the old recipe.  Anyway, this one uses a LOT of brandy and the place smelt like a distillery yesterday! 

In other news I've been getting into the Christmas spirit but actually I've noticed something.  I cannot drink anywhere near as much as I used to as my body is giving me warning signs to stop.  That's good, I don't want to overdo it.  I realised just how much food I have in the house now and how much of this stuff is carb loaded.  EEEeeekkk!  I hadn't realised quite how much I'd purchased and so I wonder whether to just go through it all and then crash out and back to normal or do I keep these treats for say one day a week which I used to do when I did the Tony Robbins (?) diet. That was you ate the same things every day for 6 days and on the 7th day you could eat and drink what you liked.  It was OK and I lost a lot of weight but the 6 days stuff was a real bore after 6 or 8 weeks.

In other news our government are staring down the barrel at a series of problems of their own making and I hope they are having sleepless nights as they do so.  Our economy is shrinking and the budget certainly accelerated that.  The VAT on schools looks to have not only a terribly negative impact on children in as much as their education is interrupted and they are having to move schools but also it looks as if the local councils cannot fulfil their statutory duty to provide school places to these children either.  It's another self inflicted own goal and again playing with people's lives and not understanding the consequences or worse still knowing the consequences and doing it anyway.  

Our Foreign Secretary thinks Syria is a neighbouring country to Libya.  Just because they rhyme does not mean that they are in the same locale.  I remain singularly unimpressed with the lot of them and I don't know what they are going to do next because the economy on which they are "going for growth" is grinding to a halt and soon to go into reverse wiping out just about everything they had tried to do.  As I said before, all I can do is watch in eager anticipation of the huge car crash that they are steering into.  Every correction takes them towards the target and they look gormless and have no real feel for government.  I like that they are going to free controls for planning but not the controls that are killing building at the moment, green stuff, over reach of red tape, environmental controls and so on.  Fixing part of the problem and over burdening the rest of it is like a see saw and moving the weight from one end to the other.  It isn't rocket science as I used to tell my team.  It's very simple.  Make things complex and tied up in red tape and suddenly it isn't going to happen.

I have a Dashboard I like to look at here https://grid.iamkate.com and it shows how our energy is generated and from what and where.  It's been miserable here for days and days and at best "renewable" as they call them have been around 5% or 6% of the generation,  Gas taking around 70% of the load.  In 5 years all of our energy is meant to be renewable.  They cannot see, nor will they countenance any voices saying "hold on, what do we do if the wind don't blow?" This blind cult like behaviour must surely lead us to having no lights left on in 2030.

Oh well, car crash incoming and I'm curious to see what happens and how quickly it's an utter disaster unfolding before our eyes.

It Can't Be That Difficult?

 I had to install a very expensive centrepiece feature light in our dining room.  It's ridiculously high up to the eaves and so even with my 11 Tread Ladder it was tip toe stuff.  As it was the apex of the roof I had to adapt brackets and make holes in the roof to fit it.  It took two of us around 3 hours I guess in total as there's more to it than that.

So it's started to malfunction and the manufacturer wants nothing to do with it I have to talk to the retailer who, surprise surprise, will give us our money back but not replace it!  FFS.  The most practical way to deal with this is to swap it out as the base can remain and it just needs a few screws and electrical connections swapped and that is it, done.  No, they want the whole thing returned.  It's crazy just let me swap it.  No take it back and they'll refund and then we can buy another from somewhere else!  

I'm not impressed it means that the work done to hold the base to the apex all has to come out.

Get it from eBay says one - but what guarantee do I then have?  Why is it so bloody difficult to get something practical sorted rather than the complete pain in the arse this is going to be? 

What's With The Self-Harm People?

 Setting aside those who do actually and physically self harm and I do know a few, this is actually about the present situation here and this government's continuing act of national self-harm.  Today the figures (pre-budget) showed a further contraction of the economy by 0.1% and that's the second month in a row.  The things that were set out in that budget will, I am sure lead to industries being ravaged here in the UK.

We do have a very high quality specialist manufacturing base here but let's face it, China own most of the worldwide production of good old fashion manufactured goods.  Just look where most of the things you buy come from and I think you'll be surprised (or not).  What our rulers seem to miss is that the very act of self righteousness and virtue signalling our "green" credentials is costing jobs and industries cannot compete.  It isn't just labour costs but the raw materials which we now have to import or the parts which we now have to import but now add the costs of employing people and all the add on taxes dragging at the bottom line and of course, we are no longer productive and our cost per unit is killing us.  It's all stacked up for a monstrous car crash which they alone cannot see coming.  

Whilst we bang on about China and India being more polluting than we are (CO2 is not a pollutant BTW) they have cheap power and they have huge economies of scale and are highly competitive.  They already have wind and solar but more importantly they have small reactor technology far beyond ours and can implement it in a few years not decades like we do.  Our lack of agility and our lack of vision presently result in a race to the bottom with ourselves and Germany neck and neck as to who will reach the bottom and then, not content, start to dig further.

Making ourselves poorer both culturally and financially will be our undoing no doubt about it.  I like that the public sector do not understand that they don't produce anything.  They don't get that they are the biggest consumers in the economy.  They contribute nothing of economic value and they are unable to deliver what we pay them for.

I watch the robotic government who cannot answer a straight question struggle with basic facts and statistics.  They parrot bite size phrases that mean nothing and are as much use as the proverbial chocolate teapot!  I can't actually watch them on TV now.  In the good old days you'd be able to give them a bloody hard slap and tell them to wake up and sort things the f**k out!  Absolute waste of oxygen the lot of them. 

People, Service and Community

 Humbled to do a little bit for the community last night.  I set up my PA and Projector with Christmas images and music for a charity gig performed by members of a band that sets out to let people of all abilities play together.  They meet once a month and practice and there are lots of volunteers who assist them.  They had written their own Christmas song which they performed for a small audience of parents and carers.

They obviously loved performing and they are lovely, we all smiled together and then there were Carols at the end.  I did a very little but I was so gladdened to see that people give up their time and spend it with those far less fortunate than ourselves.  The leader is a lovely chap with a great personality and he led them to write their own song.  It truly was excellent and everyone had a part to play.

Finally I felt that my faith in human nature was reestablished and watching these musicians helping their charges to make expressive and quite charming (in my eyes) music really did lift my spirits.  I felt quite surprised that they gave me a round of applause at the end for my tiny contribution to events.  I see that they got a lot out of it even though, to me, I did what I was able and it wasn't difficult for me to do what I used to do day-to-day. everyone else deserved far more recognition than I.  Although on reflection I get it.

Anyway, it is heartening that we have people like these who give up their time, at this busy period in the year, to help and inspire others.  It checked my natural cynicism shall we say. 

It's Still Weird - This Sick Feeling

An old friend wrote to say they were "under control" after Prostate Cancer treatment - all is being held at bay so to speak.  Then shocking news this morning as someone I knew died yesterday.  I knew her to say hello to and it was unexpected to say the least.  It is something that has obviously upset me albeit only the suddenness of it all.  Things trigger emotions inside of you so someone else you know going through treatment is unconsciously bringing it all back and someone that I expected to see in a month or so is no longer with us.

Most of my Christmas deliveries have now been made - a couple later today and that is it apart from the Christmas in a Box which is due 22nd.  I've got just about everything I need to get excepting a few items.  Christmas is often anticlimactic for me.  I wonder if I try and reconstruct the Christmases of my past and they never quite live up to the hype?  There's a strangeness about this year that I cannot quite put my finger on.  I imagine it's just me trying too hard when I know, deep down, it's going to be a disappointment once again.  Keep trying I suppose but something isn't right.

I feel stomach churning sick and it's more like a nervous sick, a worried sick if that makes any sense?  I've tried too hard and I need to not do so.  I'm also quite conscious that the App isn't ready and it should have been.  I really wanted to get it out there for the world to download and try but, once again, it just isn't going to be.  It's a nuisance I have to say as it is the right time of year to launch especially when everyone has their new gadgets for Christmas.

I have spent too much money and time on Christmas and so I just need to reset myself for next year and decide quite what I want.  

Watching These Idiots

 These politicians are complete amateurs.  I had to laugh as once again they can't keep the same story among the lot of them.  The Chancellor stated to the CBI that there would be no ore tax rises in the next 5 years. or as long as they are in power.  Now, a few days later, they need to review and the PM thinks there might be a need for more.  The Foreign Secretary leaves the door open for Syrian migrants whilst the Home Office shuts the door.

The utter chaos these guys sow is beyond belief.  They seem wholly unaware of the contempt we, the people, hold them in, but more so, they don't seem to see what we see and that's the crash coming down the road at us.  Already there's talk of reduced recruitment and investment, there's big job losses coming in the car industry and what people also miss is the suppliers will also lose out too.  

Their great plans are in tatters already because they have no idea how they can achieve these things and stealing our money appears to be the only way they think they can do this!  Good luck to them if they think any of this is sustainable.  It feels like we are once again going to get flattened by the ineptitude of our government.  It's not worth working as they steal t off you! 

Eyes Of A Child

 It's often said isn't it that you should view things through the eyes of a child and I reason that it is because those eyes are not yet tainted by cynicism and they see the joy in things that for us we have become immune too or take for granted, our senses dulled by the sheer ordinariness of things to our eyes.

Yesterday our 5 year old grandson came to a Christmas Lunch with us and bless them, the organisers made sure all the children had a winning raffle ticket and the big man himself made an appearance and the sheer joy and delight on the little ones faces were a sight to behold.  Winning a raffle prize was amazing as he was up and out of his chair and running up to the top without his usual caution - he is at that shy age.

Children get a "Wow factor" from things we take for granted and especially new things.  A dragonfly a butterfly, sheep in our field at the back, lights, artwork, posters, cars and fire engines, all sorts of things and it is well worth us taking the opportunity to learn from them about this view of the world I think.  Can a butterfly bring joy?  Of course it can and a fire engine or a shop display or almost anything at all if you look at it properly.  How many of us look up when we are out?  In my local town there are some architectural features of interest, if you look up.  There's a castle too but people walk by and don't stop to have a look at it.  It's amazing and in good repair for its age.  Then we have the river, the locks, the bridges and it's all there before you but we park our cars, go to the shops or whatever we are doing and then get back in the car and drive home.  

Make time to appreciate it all and view it through new eyes and marvel at it too. 

Use Your Inner Mr. Spock

 Our PM is a bit of a bot.  He speaks like a robot and his countdown to the Christmas Lights was monotonic to say the best about it.

So he's restated the goals or reset or whatever and it's just as much bollocks as before.  I was intrigued thought to hear that he is going to build (going to) 1.5 Million houses in the 4 and a half years he's (or his party) have left in Government. That is around 1,200 a day.  Houses take more than a day to build of course.  So let's consider that there is even the manpower or willingness to build them.  You have to start adding up some serious labour numbers to get your house built and even using factory based frame methods it's going to be a great and glorious undertaking.

It is going to be a bit difficult given that a number of our skilled people are heading back home to their native countries where the pay is good, the cost of living better and the taxes are a lot less.  Our leaders are going to destroy the gig economy for the greater good you understand and so being a flexible worker won't pay so why stay? 

I think you just need to run some numbers in your head here and whenever you see a house or housing estate going up how quickly does it happen, how many people does it employ and all the various trades and all the materials and so on?  It took them almost 2 years to build two houses next to us and there were just 4 or 5 full time with additional trades coming in and out when needed.  It's possibly made a lot worse with the employment tax being raised and taxation generally which I imagine would have the affect, somewhat as it did with me when the last Labour Government were here of adjusting my income to suit my tax band.  They imposed a stupid tax.  The vast majority of us changed how we operated and lo and behold, tax takings went down and a lot of my colleagues moved country too.  Hey ho.

It will be interesting to see how this bunch of clowns try and achieve something as spectacular as building all these homes when they've alienated the very people and businesses they rely on to build them. 

I'm Sure There Are Lots Of People Who Aren't Well

 I don't know what happened to us in this world?  I just saw someone melting down and spouting on about how one of our Politicians is well..... a whole list of words that l'm not allowed to write here.  

These people look and sound deranged to me.  I don't tend to say words that are not true nor do I accuse people of being things that frankly you can get had up for.  B"be kind" brigade seem to be able to get away with this vile intolerant speech and then be offended at people like me because we disagree with their hatred.

Here's the thing though, these are the very people who are making all the noise about how they don't like the way things are and hurty words and they, quite hypocritically, use worse language themselves and say worse things.  I don't understand how they square the circle being like this, do they not notice that they sound deranged and overly privileged at the same time.

Now I might say that our politicians are Muppets or that they are useless or unprofessional but I would draw the line at accusing them of the serious nature these people do.  You can't go around saying everyone is a r******** or n*** or f***** or whatever.  Firstly, it's demonstrably untrue and secondly, it points out their total lack of education and level of bigotry.

Anyway, the more I see them venting and getting angry and not forming sentences correctly, yelling and swearing, going red in the face and their body language erupting in pre-violent poses and just the rage they talk and write in the more concerned I am that these people are ill, mentally ill and they don't realise it and we leave them to do this.   

I admit to just letting these idiots rant and rave on and make a complete wally of themselves in doing so but even among people I know, there's this malevolent side to them.  They get really angry when certain people or subjects are tabled.  Now I like to think that I can debate stuff I know about and I do know about stuff but if I don't know then I'll listen and try and learn but, and here's the but, if you engage me with rational logical well delivered facts, we are going to get along just fine.  I can take that information and go process it and come to my own conclusion.  If, however, you yell at me and force this on me then I'm going to assume that you don't really understand what you are saying and have no basis for it.  

Forcing me to see your viewpoint isn't actually winning me over now, is it?  Maybe they don't do discussion and logical thinking any more in school.  We were given a subject and had to discuss it and provide multiple viewpoints.  We did euthanasia (not Youth In Asia as one of the lads misheard it), we did politics and capitalism versus communism, things like travel broadens the mind and all sorts of subjects and we had to argue our case logically with facts and figures. These days, you just have to repeat a mantra at high volume enough times for your point of view to be right (in your own mind).  Mentally ill not rational discussion.

I gaze on at all these sick people and wonder what it will be like when they wake up and realise what utter idiots they've been.  Rather them than me though.  I'd like to see a few of them sued for the words they use too.  

Wibble Wobble

 I find it strange that I am still flipping between OK and not so good all the time.  Progress is knowing that this is happening and being able to do something about it.  It's a struggle but it is something you can deal with.  I really felt tearful this morning, no particular reason, just sad and that has passed quite quickly.  I'm pretty sure it is this time of year that does it.

Your head really can be your worst enemy sometimes I think.  It has all those "little voices" in there arguing among each other and the trick is to realise that this is going on and in doing so make them go away.  It's the ego and the pain body and they are struggling to get attention and so it goes around.  It's as if they don't want you to be yourself, be happy I suppose and there's the rub, identification of what it is will help to defeat the voices but they get going when you aren't expecting them.

In other news I've been trying my hearing aids.  I think that they are great but on Sunday will be a big test as we will be at a Christmas do with lots of people so I hope that I'll be able to use them without blowing my brains out!  They amplify so well but I find it a little too loud even on the quiet volume setting.

Greetings

Well Bitcoin has done it's job and gone to $100 - interesting times ahead.  Then we have our Prime Minister desperately trying to reset things and finally realising that most of the population (other than London) doesn't believe him, can't stand him, know he's not being straight with us etc.   I do hope that the people are waking up and smelling the coffee etc,  I'ts about time that we start calling out our servants and fighting back against them.

After yesterday and my partial realisation that I'm probably missing my family more than I realised even though I get to see my #1 daughter and her children a reasonable amount and #2 not so much I don't spend a lot of time with them and I need to resolve this next year.  I haven't seen my mother this year or my brother and his family either.

Sat here backing up computers and NAS's (that's not the plural I guess but more than one NAS) gives me time to sort things out and after this Sunday when we have a Christmas Meal I think that next week I will get into the Christmas Spirit a bit more.  I need to do my cards and newsletters and I can also wrap some presents and so on.

I found myself falling back into having a few beers over the last few nights but I am working on the premise that as soon as Christmas and the New Year are over I can go back to my strict diet and continue to lose weight.  I am already 2 stone down but I really want to go down another 2 next year if I can.  I feel great in terms of my body and general fitness.  I don't have the out of breath problems I did have nor the feeling of carrying around 14 or more bags of sugar with me all the time.  It's a big difference I have to say.  

I kind of know what the problems are but I think I am not facing up to them or tackling them and that's something that, once again, I need to work on for the New Year.  Maybe that can be part of the next few weeks run up to Christmas?  I think perhaps it needs to come to a head now.  

Is It Christmas That Does This To Me?

 I do get down this time of year and it happens regularly and to varying extents.  Last year it was very dark, black and gloomy.  This year it isn't as bad but it is still there.

So I started to wonder about this and it is probably a couple of reasons I think.  When I was at work Christmas came up fast and one minute you were working and the next on holiday for a while and then back to work.  With having the children it was a lovely family time and we could all spend time together and having parties and the like.  Even before Children we had a number of parties, midnight mass, a big family meal and so on.  

It was good and whilst I probably got my seasonal SAD sadness, I was busy and had little time to dwell on it.

I realise that it is the 10th year since I left my Ex and in all that time, I've not had a Christmas with my children or my grandchildren but have with my Partner and her family.  I then thought about how I've got time to ponder and mull over this and perhaps that's why it is a problem to me.  

Whilst we have a pleasant Christmas Day and we have entertained members of her family we haven't done so for mine.  They have their Christmas and I have mine I suppose.

I probably need to do something about this but I'm not sure what at the moment.

I Don't Believe A Word You're Saying

 I've been a sceptic and a cynic for a long time.  If life has taught me one thing it is that everyone's out to get you and you cannot count on your "friends" and sometimes not your family either.  That's a shame but it's a hard learned lesson and one that bites me over and over again.

I have lost count of the number of people who owe me money.  Some of them in the tens of thousands of pounds.  Some less than that.  I see and hear people talking about such things and hold my counsel as they say they hate the very thing they themselves are.  There's not a politician alive that I trust nor any authority person these days.  Everyone appears to be tainted, in it for themselves and not on the side of justice and right.

Many people have poisoned minds filled with the untruth of the propaganda fed to them in soundbites but never tested, looked into all taken as gospel from the words of known liars and charlatans.  They spout headlines at me and wonder why I start to ask searching questions as to where they might have heard this brilliant soundbite and what does it mean and how does it manifest itself and what data do they have to back it up.

The weekend just gone I once again heard that CO2 was a pollutant and that electric cars were the way forward but there was no recognition that there is a supply chain issue coming down the line at us and a shortfall of trillions, perhaps tens of trillions to make some politician's wet dream into some sort of normal for all mankind.  Then I got the nuclear waste problem which I countered with there isn't any in Fission reactors that are soon to be here.  But an electric world seems far away when the benefit for getting there is higher bills, higher shop prices and the only way to sell this stuff to me is to force me to buy it.

The modern world is made up of badly educated dreamers with no clue how to review ROI and how to make holistic decisions based on hard facts.  It's a big problem because they do not understand how to run this like you would a Programme with all the benefits and costs nailed to various actions in the plans.  I used to talk to Businesses and also Public Sector about how to go about such things bringing them together and monitoring the impact of doing one thing against another, KPIs and all that good stuff.  Big business got it and public sector had their eyes glazing over in about 20 minutes as they didn't understand why they'd need to keep control fo everything they do in a centralised fashion. They had a bottomless pit of money - you and I to just go and steal off of if they screwed up.  Big business would have to fight off their shareholders if they screwed up.  

Yes, it's just pathetic listening to these amateurs who can't lie convincingly or tell the truth ever by the looks of it.  They never answer a a question and they do not understand the paid that is coming down the line for them especially in terms of our economy which is pretty much trashed now.  I imagine we will have an economic collapse they'll blame it on anyone but themselves and they'll continue to lie and screw up until something changes and the next lot of liars take over.

I've lost faith in just about everyone these days.  There are very few people that I'd trust left. 

Tuesday Blues

 I met with my cousins yesterday, a bit late notice as they weren't expecting to drive down this way but a quick look and I found a half way pub we could meet up at.  It was nice to catch up.

I trialled my Hearing Aids but I really found them difficult to work with as they made everything so loud (yes I know I can turn them down).  There are three settings sort of General, Outside and Inside but I could not work out which was which so I am going to try at home during the week. I have trouble hearing people in loud places, like pubs and restaurants especially these days when there is a move towards solid wall surfaces / brick and steel etc rather than soft absorbent materials so the sound bounces around and they insist on playing music everywhere.

I like music but imagine that, the chatter of other people, the machinery of a pub or restaurant and I struggle.  Actually my hearing is surprisingly good and my right ear where Ih ad 15 or so operations (or thereabouts) is, for all of that, only just below normal.  However it is inevitable that I'll require these aids but hopefully only in certain situations.

I'm feeling a little blue and down again.  My flashbacks take me to interesting periods in my life and the replays are generally OK but there's this regret and doubt coming in to play and I need to stop this "What if" and "Maybe if I" and so on.  These things happened in that order and you can't replay them.  It would be nice to think that finally something that didn't happen 50 years ago might magically happen now and all the happiness that your brain associates with that particular union might be kindled forever.  Stupid old romantic fool!  Of course not.  That's the problem and often as we used to say as youngsters "The thought is often better than the deed" and isn't that the truth.  I'll leave you to ponder on that but give one example.  I really liked this girl at school and she was in a relationship with one of the lads I knew and so everything was off limits.  I was chatting to her one day when she sort of let slip that she had broken up with him and so I suggested a date.  I'm not normally a quick worker or anything but she was a nice girl, very pretty and way out of my league.  To my surprise she said yes.  I was delighted but after a few drinks and back to her place she had the worst halitosis I've ever encountered.  It didn't really go on from there and after a few dates we sort of drifted apart and her ex came back on the scene.  The thought was indeed much better than the deed.  Nice girl though nevertheless.

So I need to stop making these rose tinted flashbacks unless I use them for a best selling novel of course, then all these experiences can be relived, garnished and served up as the truth!  

That Sort Of Day

 It's been a strange sort of day.  Cousins are down our way on a last minute trip and I am trying to arrange a place to meet up that's not too far away from both of us!  A bit of late notice but they didn't know until last night.

It is strange how my mind is being drawn back to incidents of my early working days.  I was reminded about this time of year was a round of taking gifts to customers, taking them out for Christmas meals, your team office parties and so on were always something that I tried to avoid if at all possible.  As "the boss" you'd always get someone have a few too many and start to lecture you so I'd go for the first hour or so and the make my excuse and retire to somewhere else with a few fellow team mates where we'd have a few and go home leaving the office to its own destiny.

I remembered how I enjoyed coming home on the train at this time of year and generally I'd be late, it was not unknown that I'd leave after 7 or 8 pm and the trains would either be boiling hot or freezing cold never comfortable.  One the way from London you'd speed past houses with their Christmas Trees and Lights on.  Houses looking warm (even if you weren't) and try and imagine that each and every one of those houses would be happy and looking forward to a Christmas few days off.  It was before Mobile Phones and I might either be reading a book or listening to my cassette player.  Whatever it was to be there was something comforting about the row on row of houses and flats with their trees lit up.

I'd have a long walk home from the station which I might get a bus or if I was feeling flush a taxi but generally I walked home and recall how cold it was.  These days, thankfully it doesn't seem to get as bad as it was in the 70s and 80s although our politicians would obviously like us to live in cold times to reinforce their ideology.

It was nice to then have the half day on the day we finished for Christmas, have a few drinks and then come home knowing that you had a week or two off and could relax.  Generally, that meant catching a cold or the Flu as your body stopped being a stressed out worker!  

It's OK To Not Be OK Right?

I find myself going through cycles again of gloom and then relative happiness and then to a period of acceptance and it's up and down all the time.

Whether or not this is me, my circumstances, surroundings or the time of year (again) I don't know.  I was thinking (dangerous) that things these days are not how I felt say 30 or so years ago.  By that I mean that I don't have the recreated feelings I did years ago, things have lost their sparkle, I've become more cynical and the veil of the world as it used to be presented to me has dropped away showing ugly avarice and corruption behind it.  Picture the Wizard of Oz where the curtains are pulled back and all is revealed for what it actually was not the grand show it projected itself prior to that.  

So perhaps that's what it is?  I think that I'd like people to stop p1ssing me off, stop interfering in my life, stop taking money off me and so on.  

The conversation with the Developer was, as usual, one of a further slip.  It appears to be not his fault and there's a work around but it really is an 11th hour problem and I'm sure there will be more but it is just draining on me.  I feel that people take your power away by draining all of yours.  It feels like that, perhaps it isn't so.

For now, I will have to just ride along with that and hope that we get some sort of resolution to that.  Everywhere else, I feel I am in this rut that I just can't quite get out of.  It seems to me to be myself defeating myself even though I know I've had plenty of stuff to beat me down and give me a tough time.  IT problems, the App, the Gates and House Maintenance - I just need to actually do something about them.  It would be easy to sit in the corner, grab a few beers and wallow in the despair of it all - but that's never fixed anything and it is just a matter of getting fired up to actually do things again.  I can see things that I could do and I'm still sitting here "thinking about it" which will never get a job done.

Anyway, I content myself at the moment that it is OK to be a bit down but that I need to boost my mind and get on and actually tackle stuff that's in front of me.

Disappointment, Despondency, SNAFU

 It is interesting that I never quite get to a point in my life when I am happy or satisfied and I often, like just now, get to a low point in thinking or existing, I don't know what that is.

I know what it is that troubles me but I seem powerless to actually do something about it.  I expect far too much of people and I find that anyone who doesn't perform their job to my standards is an issue to me.  

These are problems I've had all my life but I do find bad service, incompetence, hypocrisy and other such traits annoying.  I've someone who didn't wrap the goods up properly which arrive broken will not refund me unless I post back (abroad mind you) the item.  We are both strongly disagreeing in our own respective languages and I will have great joy in making it very difficult for them but it's for a few pounds and it's the principle in this case.  Giving me less than 10% of the value back isn't what you do when you've screwed up.

I've fixed (partially) the data loss problems and everything is now being backed up but I don't like the industrial outcome of my solution.

The heating system needs attention but I haven't got the quote yet so I really need that to budget for at the moment the IT costs have taken that money I put by.

The App Developer is about to deliver me more bad news.  What a surprise, it's slipped again and I've got to the point now where I really cannot be bothered to be upset anymore about it.  I have never known anything so bad.  There is a book called "The Mythical Man Month" by Fred Brooks it was published way back in the 1970s I think. It led to Brooks's Law and projects fall behind one day at a time and it is an interesting read.  I used to talk about this as part of my job and I used the analogy that if it took 1,000 men I month to build a mile of road then if I put 30,000 men on it, we'd do it in a day!  Here lies the challenge of Project Management in that it isn't a spreadsheet world and you cannot just add more resource and expect things to be done quicker (there are lots of reasons).  

So, it's a classic tale of optimism versus talent versus in this case and in what will soon be seven years, he has only hit one target milestone and that's the first one. So what do I do?  I've already got angry, helpful, given extra money and been hard and soft man with him.  I've read him his future in my Crystal Ball and it isn't pleasant.  It will be what it will be but my fabled Christmas Launch originally for 2019 hasn't happened yet again.  

I find myself in a sloth of despondency yet I don't need to be.  I know this, I try quite hard to not be (perhaps where I am going wrong).  I should just be in the moment but it seems it's just one thing after the other.  Of course you shouldn't worry about these as what else can you do but I feel that I am piling stuff on and not taking it off.  I need to start to care less or not at all about such things and get on with my life and start to enjoy retirement.  At the moment, I miss work even though I feel that I am working a lot more than I should.

I will have to tackle this as I feel that it is dragging me down.