Is It Possible That

 The parasite class are beginning to lose their hold on the sleep walking masses?  I say this as over the weekend there was a massive assembling in London and, as many know you get the odd divot who wants a punch up and indeed 25 were arrested for being Muppets and causing agro.  Rightly so, it was a peaceful protest but if you listened to our parasite overlords they condemned it and the use of the flag whilst commenting that it was (add description here) that these thugs and right wing hooligans took to the streets in support of, let's see shall we?  Well making this country great again and all that good stuff.

The MSM were over the arrests like a rash and yet with upwards of 150,000 in attendance and some say 3 times that amount the BBC could manage "thousands" and many did not show the aerial shots showing a huge throng.  Anyhow, back to the parasites and their reporting.  The furore about 25 arrests is interesting to me as when you look back at the weekend before there were, well.... 890 arrests and at the Notting Hill Carnival billed as a great day out and one of the UK's finest carnival celebrations there were.... 528 arrests, 18 sexual assaults and 46 weapons among those arrested.

The PM also was worried about seizing the flag for some such blah blah.  I don't listen to him anymore, he's toast and we all know what he stands for, yes, nothing at all by the looks of it.

So here we are once again and the chattering metropolitan elite must surely be starting to be rattled by this rising of the hoi polloi. You can hear it in their shrill responses and they condemn and disparage rather than learning the real lessons and addressing those.  They cannot of course, so suckered in to their ideology are they that common sense, management, direction and the like are foreign words to them.  The MSM are reporting these things in such an obviously skewed way and it is, well to me at least, blindingly obvious that there is no balance and that agendas are at play.  The BBC is unwatchable and you have to dodge through the woke crap - so I find that mute the build up and analysis to say the Rugby or Cricket and just go for the commentary if you need to.  It's awful.

The news too is misleading and skewed and am I the only one who paid attention during maths lessons?  The statistics don't add up, the numbers make no sense and just do the sums yourself please.  Then do what I do and avoid the MSM like the plague! 

It was interesting to listen to Allister Heath (Telegraph) explaining the dire financial state we are in and the lack of action that will bring about financial woes similar to 1976.  The rush to bankruptcy is entirely visible and the trouble is the pain we feel today is nothing like the agony we will be feeling when we have to balance the books.  45% of GDP is spent on the state.  I am now one of that 45% as my state pension is in that figure of course.  It is unsustainable and they think that more tax and spend is sustainable.  The debt service costs are eye watering in the tens of billions just to pay off the interest and those interest rates go up as our debt increases.  £3.2 Trillion as I write.  See here National Debt Clock   That amounts to £ 51.693 Debt per citizen and £ 88.913 Debt per taxpayer.

So I called these parasites and here is a general definition: "A parasite is an organism that lives in or on another organism, known as the host, and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host's expense. In return for these resources, the parasite harms the host, though it generally doesn't kill it immediately, instead relying on it for survival and to spread to new hosts."

Sounds so familiar. These ruling classes have fed at the trough for most of their working lives.  They live off of our taxes and are actually meant to serve us but they just rob us blind and waste our money and when they've p1ssed it up the wall they come back to us for more.  They think not a jot for us and treat us as stupid and a cash cow riding rough shod over our wishes.   Perhaps it is time for a massive shock incoming.  Given the dire financial position and the headlong rush to waste our money, I'm looking at you Mad Ed Millipede, spending £32 Bn to put CO2 into the ground with technology that isn't available yet and cutting off our ability to use our own gas and oil (and coal too if needed).  The CO2 thing is hilarious as in a year if the tech works we'd be able to put into the ground about one days worth of CO2.  

We are being governed by lightweight politicians with no real world view and certainly no idea how to run and economy or spend money wisely.  Added they tax the very people who pay them and treat them like sh1t it can only end badly (Ohh I sounded like the Donald there).  

Still the train crashes in slow motion and no one can see it from the government, but we are beginning to see through it all now.

The Art Of Retirement

 Especially when you still have this business that I have ended up running here too.

I've been trying to work on this as I have been retired for two years now but I have also somehow ended up running a business when I thought it would have been up running and sold off by now.  Oh well, here we are I guess.  It's almost there (well half way there) and it's only been 8 or is it 9 years now?!!

That aside, there's been a really bad time for me in terms of settling into not doing things.  The structure of years of habit forming activity means that I still mainly, get up, come into the office and clear the backlog of emails and actions I need to do for an hour or two then go and grab a coffee and on Mondays and Tuesdays, have a hearty breakfast but the rest of the week, these days, I do not eat until around 1 pm a little later if I can so I have just two meals a day.

So perhaps, there is a routine I can play around with but I also have to revolve around P too.  

The current down has also stopped me being Mr. Maintenance and most of that is bloody mindedness rather than apathy although, to be fair, that is also part of the trouble too.  I can see that this isn't a good place to be but sometimes that's the way my mind works when it is riding the black dog and knowing that it isn't the right thing to do is quite different from stopping yourself doing it or changing course.  This not sully self-destructive behaviour is difficult to shake off and difficult to burst through especially when the problem isn't entirely  resting with you.

I watched a YouTube video last night on a chap who had retired and worked his way through this and past all the dreamy half romantic adverts of what retirement looks like.  Yes it isn't every day is a holiday on a Cruise Ship or silver sanded tropical island.  I have to say that I found Mauritius, when we did the trip, not entirely up to the expectations built up of how it would be.  Don't get me wrong, it was nice but it wasn't all you would expect it to be either.

This chap just made use of his time and did things he wanted to do and just enjoyed doing them.  Walks almost every day, Gym trips, Padel (I think it is called) and other things that were habit forming in a different way and so he had time for a coffee (if he was at home) with no phone, no PC, no book even, just time for the coffee and enjoying that.  It was an interesting take on things and worth a look for me especially.  

I tend to work at least 3 or 4 hours every day on the business, it will be a 24 x 7 x 365 operation and whilst I hope that it will not need too much looking after, I need to keep up with it and so, in a way I am training myself to do that.  I have to be careful, once it is launched, not to be running it full time but we will come to that when it is launched (not long now for half of it anyway).

I suppose things will settle down over time and a pattern will emerge, one that I can work alongside rather than full-time on.  I do fancy doing some walks, we are blessed with footpaths here though they can be muddy in places.  I fancy the walk from here to a local hostelry and a nice local beer and then a nice meander home.  It's hard surface on the route I am thinking of and a nice reward at the middle of the walk!  

At least I can see that there is something that I can change to loosen myself from this current situation.  

Time For Rugby And Cricket

 It's the Women;s World Cup Rugby quarter finals and the game has come on in leaps and bounds over the years.  It is fast and entertaining.  Then there's the Cricket and the T20 last night (on the radio) was amazing and watching the highlights it was some game.  There's more Cricket on today too but it is clashing and I cannot listen / watch both at the same time - I do not have the mental acuity to do that.

And, I'm retired so I don't need to do anything else, although I am struggling to put together a cardboard model that my grandson has requested I make him.  It would be round too to make it easier for me.  And where's the craft glue gun?  I have no idea, it isn't where it was left before so I need to wait for assistance to arrive. 

So, time to go and get comfortable now and watch the rugby.  I am in a better place this weekend than I was last and generally feeling lighter and less dark cloud than I have been.  

Losing Power With Aging

 Physically I forget my age (I'm 68 now) and I think I'm 40!  I can happily go and do something not thinking about my age and the next day I am suffering aches and pains and muttering to myself "You silly bugger, you've done it again!" 

Mentally though too the odd word doesn't appear yet you thought it a moment ago and whilst I have never been good at names, sometimes I can see their faces but cannot recall their names.  

So it was about six months ago now I met someone who I haven't seen for a while who was a great speaker and raconteur and witty and filled a room, he's a big chap with a big personality and presence or, rather, he was.  I noticed that he wasn't as steady in his voice or his mannerisms and tripped over the odd word and just appeared slightly less self assured than he has been in the past.  Funnily enough, he said to me that he was "slowing down" and it was quite noticeable indeed.  The old  glint and mischief was still there but his light had faded a little.

I suppose that is true too of me, I am no longer the centre of the room and I suppose I have no need to be as I am no longer in those industries and I have no staff or customers to please so maybe that's what I am noticing.  I used to have a false mask on of course.  No INTJ would be seen dead being the centre of attention unless they had to be and in my day to day job, I had to.

I do find my self belief and self belief challenged now.  Did I "Do the right thing?" and have I got this or that right and generally I do but there's not the conviction there once was, there's a hesitation and self doubt creeps in.  The nonsense with the business is proof in point as I took ages to do what I would in the good old days have done by return in one draft.  I took a full couple of weeks I suppose and even then remained unsure I had done the right thing.

I wonder if we become more cautious as we age, I know I shy away from conflict more now - I mean there's still things that need to be resolved and argued through but it's more the sh1t stuff involved in the business that you just don't need, that's arguing for arguing's sake if you know what I mean.  It drains me but the younger me would have relished the fight and gone in guns blazing but now, not so much.

I'm still a big guy and I imagine that helped intimidate others back in the day but I don't have the wit nor the physical stamina to do that sort of thing these days.  It looks as if you just fade away with this stuff.  

Do You See It Yet? Let's Pull Back The Curtain

 Events are beginning to unravel the deceit and the lies told around the world and maybe, just maybe, the veil is dropping from people's misty eyes and some of the ugly world damage can be seen for what it is.

I've always liked this scene from The Wizard Of Oz.  I imagine you can understand why?

Toto pulls back the curtain and the truth is there to see for us all.  Such is the events of the last few weeks I'd say.  The awful slaying of two quite different people in the US, firstly Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska slaughtered on a Train in Charlotte NC and then the assassination of Charlie Kirk serves to highlight some of the problems we are facing.  Why?  because the keyboard warriors believed they both kind of deserved it!!

Yes, people thought it was OK.  From the passengers on the train to the media classes.  What the hell is wrong with people?  It's gone too far when you actually believe this, surely no one deserves to die for no reason like that and on the eve of 9/11 too, what were you thinking?

Then there's our slip into totalitarianism.  If you are not allowed to criticize or challenge your (elected mind you) representatives then you are heading into the abyss and that's dark and it needs to stop.  The trouble is we can (those of us who are awake) see it and they cannot.  Cognitive Dissonance or blind stupidity.  We have a wishy washy PM who two weeks running has said he had full confidence in quite senior people who next day after he'd said it were both relieved of their duties.  The guy causing huge damage to our energy infrastructure refused to leave his post and the PM did........ yes, noting about that.  I'd have sacked him for not following my orders but then people who worked with me knew that LOL!

The economy is now in the toilet and our prospects are based on people who think you can borrow your way out of debt!  Good luck with that.

I do hope the people who wish ill on the living and the dead will be rightly exposed for what they are and receive the punishment (if that's not too strong or emotive a word) they deserve.  In what civilized society is it acceptable to wish death on someone or rejoice in the political assassination of someone because they don't hold the same views as you?  This should be a turning point in society.  The cynic in me says that we will have the candles and the tweets and the headlines, we will have "Lessons will be learned" and in a month's time we will be back here.  I really hope not, I hope the groundswell sorts it out.

I hear the phrase "did not die in vain" and yet looking at the way we behave I think our veterans and those who went before may well have done so.  

Slagged The Butcher Off and it's Still Early

 Quality of service is a big thing with me.  Customer service goes a huge way to customer satisfaction and for the umpteenth time they failed to deliver yesterday so I was on the system to them and the lady I usually deal with came back quickly and suggested unexpected circumstances prevented delivery.  Then they asked "How did we do?"  

I need no second invitation as those who know me are fully aware.  So I gave them (nicely) both barrels explaining that this wasn't the first time and that they regularly fail to deliver or don't deliver everything I wanted and here's the thing.  If they had proactively said - sorry there's been something unexpected then I'd be OK with that, we all f**k up and it's how you deal with it that's important.

I was writing elsewhere about how I used to tackle these sorts of problems.  I'd quickly evaluate what was about to or had happened and go see the customer straight away with an apology and a plan on how it was going to be dealt with.  This would mean upping the number of times I'd call them and keep them informed.  I'd get agreement,. follow up with the plan and execute the plan.  But so many people would lie or try and hide the truth and that becomes cumbersome, unwieldy and difficult to maintain.  99% of the time the customer would find out anyway.  They used to say I was fearless and didn't I mind being shouted at?  Well not really, don't put it off, you rarely get shouted at but you need to approach the customer in a way that yelling at me isn't going to get this fixed.

I will check in a minute that it is actually coming, I haven't seen a dispatch note so I am not convinced.   

Yes, That's Better As Well

 Surprising how quickly things turn around but I suppose I've had this most of my life and so I can flip flop between states much to my amazement.

Another good day as I am doing small tasks and achieving them  they don't need to be massive and so getting rid of stuff on my desk and shredding a lot of paperwork has made things look and feel better.  The App has entered advanced testing now and that also has made things better.

Of course, things have been sent to try my patience and once again, my delivery from the butcher has not arrived and no one has advised me, picked up the phone, dropped me an email etc so I am having to do the chasing.  Tiresome.  I like the produce but the customer service can some times be missing.  

It was interesting that P thought today was miserable.  It's raining for sure but is rain actually miserable?  I suppose it limits your ability to get out but I'm not sure that I'd call it miserable, it's weather and we need the rain.

What is miserable is watching the country implode financially and morally, that's miserable and shocking at the same time and these people have no idea at all what damage they are blindly inflicting on their fellow citizens.  It's crazy but as I have stated before, I can do little about it other than watch the car crash and hope that the lights don't go out too often and that somehow we will pull through it all.  It's not just the UK either.  Oh well,  it will be what it will be I suppose.  

So there you have it, a better few days, not so much inward loathing, not too much Black Dog and let us hope that continues as I feel a lot better like this than I have done for some weeks / months now.  

A Better Day

 What did I do that was different? Not a lot but I did write down some business related stuff that was on my mind and that allowed me to do a bit more thinking about the situation and then make a decision and clear my mind about that decision.

There are some important steps needed and things that I must do but in some ways, was unwilling to face.  It's to do with changing direction and in doing so, it affects a number of people but the bottom line is that only I know it will affect them and they will never know as, in reality, nothing changes circumstantially for them at all.  I know that doesn't make sense reading it like that but I now am happy that I am doing the right thing for everyone.

I felt much better, lighter if you will and it is progress, not a lot but enough.

So there we are, a little progress goes a long way, a decision I needed to make has been reviewed and is now settled and the course of action is clear. If only everything else was as clear.

FAFO In Action

 FAFO is a slang acronym for "F*** Around, Find Out," meaning actions have consequences and one will discover the negative results of their behaviour. 

I just noticed that Mallorca are finding out what it means when they tell the British Tourists that they don't want them what it actually does to their trade.  They are hoping September will restore something back to their local economy.  Then Spain itself was also unwelcoming and 1 million airline seats are going away as people like Ryan Air decide it isn't worth flying there.  

It is the same in a number of these episodes n'est pas?  The Jaguar cars re brand.  The Bud Light advert and so on.  Read the room, smell the coffee or whatever they say these days.  You see ideologically driven adverts or policies inflicted on people without any analysis what those policies would do or worse still that they do know what they will do.    

I just watched a short video about the job situation in London where there are four days of strikes happening and again, has no body read the room?  Disrupting passengers for four days and beating up an already fed up working population.  They got a mega pay rise last year but now the trough is open they've joined all sorts demanding above inflation pay, shorter working weeks and so on.  And they don't see it, they don't feel the vibe.  I recall seeing people hastening their own demise way back in the 70s when I first started work.  My own trades union would strike and as an Apprentice it was OK as we went to the training centre to do some work but when I got on site I was sick to death of it and losing money so I cut up my card and sent it to the top man explaining that I didn't get more money that I actually got less as I wasn't working. 

There's lots of rumbling going on at the moment too.  I cannot recall a PM being made a chant at an England Football match before nor such words used for someone who is the top man and leads the country (YES I know he is pathetic and not really but you know, he's the de facto leader).  The lot of them look pathetic and woefully inadequate to do their job let alone lead anything.  It's pretty awful the lack of calibre these people have, they lack in every discernible way.  My old phrase "His men would follow him anywhere but only out of curiosity!" 

The other phrases were "A village somewhere is missing its idiot" "Like a six pack but without the plastic thing that holds them together" "A sandwich short of a picnic" and I could go on but that's why I am unemployable these days, I used to come out with this stuff all of the time, you could call someone stupid, idiot, imbecile and so on back in the day and it was an accurate reflection of their competence levels.  Today you have to tell them they are marvellous and it was a great team effort more so when they've just lost you a few million pounds!  

Anyway it always makes me smile when there people get found out and FAFO and the look of shock and surprise on their face and in what they say and the rest of us all look on and wonder why we alone could see it coming and they, allegedly the cream of the political or business world, run full speed into a wall that they did not realise was there?  

And This Sums It Up

 This is what it looks and feels like at the moment.

Some Way To Go

 There's some way to go to get back to "normal" and this is a deep depression.  It's a series of things really and it isn't helped by the inaction it causes.  There's nagging doubt whether I will say or do the right thing and it all needs to be thought through before I do anything.  That leads to procrastination and that in turn leads to a general malaise about not getting things done, leaving things I would otherwise do and so on.  Down and down it goes and it is sort of levelling out but what do I know?

There's a general feeling of dread about what the country (government) is doing to add to this.  There is little or no leadership, you can see the infighting beginning and you can see the loonies for what they are, or at least I can.  Quite how much the country's finances can take is a matter for the markets I imagine who will determine such things but the debt and the loss of jobs, businesses and opportunities and the imposition of regulations to add more red tape to befuddle and catch out employers is the absolute opposite of what they promised.  Yes, they are politicians and you know they are lying because their lips are moving!

There's a sort of wading through treacle feeling as things grind on and nothing really happens in my life.  I am making small breaks through each day and I just hope that they start joining themselves together and things take an upwards turn.  I grind the days out and follow the habit forming chores of the week, bring the milk in, put the right bins out in the right order and so on.  

Oh well, let me hope that slowly I'll get back to my old self and things will even keel themselves.

It's A Very Strange Time I Am Living Through At The Moment

 I am in one of my "down" times at the moment.  Things aren't going well but I am healthy and actually feel physically fit.  I am a bit immobilized and procrastination has entered the building so to speak.  I am not getting on and doing things that I should which are therefore piling up and I am staying indoors too often which is a problem for me as I am happy doing that.

I just cannot get going other than doing my mundane stuff ready for the business which is still in limbo, in touching distance but in limbo nonetheless.  It will soon be a year on from when the business partner threw his toys out of the pram, the developer failed to deliver yet again and I had to make some serious decisions about the way forward.  I thing that perhaps the second option would have been preferable, in hindsight, of just shutting it all down given the evil letter I received some 6 to 7 months after the event.  I do think that and other similar things have destroyed my faith in people.  There are very few good guys left and that in itself is worrying.  You can trust no one and lies and disinformation are everywhere around.

I had to remind myself this morning that in reality the things are all "IN YOUR HEAD!" and not real.  Some stuff is external pressure for sure but only if you let it get to you which it has.  It's just another phase of my life I am going through and I know how to handle it but don't have the wherewithal to actually take the action I know I need to do to get out of it.  I should, in all honesty, walk away from it and start again, I've done it before but as they say "It's complicated" and so it is.

It's the point in time where you just have to accept that it is what it is and you have no power to change the circumstances you find yourself in.  The answer(s) are available but not practical and timeliness is also a thing.  In some ways I need to see what the business does before making a key decision.

Trying to haul myself back to the present is proving a little difficult and so I've abandoned the biography and bladder cancer book for now - they were both not actually doing anything for me as I was picking at the scabs of my past life and whilst some of it is hilarious, the other side is not really, it drags up the past and apportions blame (generally on myself) and so I'll give that a rest for now.

I need to break the monotony of sitting here and preparing for the business launch which I have been doing for a few years now, please God, this is the real thing this time!  It needs to be and it would be great if it was just moderately successful. 

The Ups And Mysterious Downs

Generally I can pretty much sleep through the night unless there's stuff on my mind and last night was pretty bad - awake after 2 I went back to sleep - not sure what woke me up but P was stirring too.  Around 4:30 though I was suddenly awake and the room was closing in on me.  This has happened throughout my life to various intensities.  Last night was about a 6 on the scale.  I got up and got dressed and came downstairs.

A six means that it was above normal and required getting out of the situation.  So I came downstairs, had a large drink of water and then switched the cameras off and went outside for some fresh air.  I'd forgotten about the big PIR floodlight which came on but hey ho.  About 5 minutes was enough.  You could hear all sorts of wildlife making early morning noises.

I came back in and then sat in my chair and fought the demons and fell asleep.  There are lots of dreams flying about and I can only recollect tiny fragments of them.  They aren't particularly dark as far as I can tell and they aren't the terrors and worries of say 18 or 19 years ago.

It's strange to be getting these quite so often but I am not particularly good at the moment, a bit Black Dog and up and down many times a day.  I need to work my way through it and if I was honest with myself, I deep down inside know what the answer is and what I must do.  It's just difficult and history repeating itself but this time, my options are quite limited.

Oh well, it's morning, the sun is shining so hopefully I'll feel a lot better about things later on?

I'd Like To See It From Your Point Of View

 But I can't get my head that far up your arse!!!  That is why I don't think I'd hold down a job these days. That along with "Don't you ever get tired of being wrong!"

So it amused me today to see how people reacted to the "resignation" and the reshuffle in the Labour Party and also how Reform were being viewed.  Now, I try and watch the Party Conferences and yesterday (and today) it is Reform and it's quite glitzy and glamorous and quite different to Tory and Labour ones of the past.  Of course they were pleased with the resignation of the Deputy Leader/PM and the reshuffle made them (and me if I am honest) laugh and moan at the same time but reading today's comments on Facebook you'd have thought it was quite a different thing that happened.

Someone I know who I have to hide every few months suggested that it was a blow to Reform and took the attention away from them.  Well I suppose that might be so but it wasn't unexpected.  Another person suggested that Nigel Farage (leader of Reform) had been savaged by the US Committee he gave evidence to a few days back.  Did they even watch it?  I didn't particularly like it but he wasn't savaged.  There was some parochial stuff going on and some misinformed opinions but savaged?

It is striking how people see the same thing and react and draw opinions quite differently as if their view of reality is quite different to mine say.  I watched the whole thing apart from the break where Jeremy Kyle (I am not a fan) was chatting to delegates and commentators.   What was apparent was that it was quite different to Tory and Labour Conferences. More razzmatazz - mini Trump style I'd suggest.  

There are some serious problems coming our way and societal breakdown is one but also, it seems to me, these views of the world that are quite different to the lived experiences of the majority of the population.  I cannot fathom how people do not understand the depth of the problems we have, why we have them and how to tackle them.  There's a lot of "I'm alright Jack" going on but many people yesterday and I imagine today too when asked were concerned about the future, not for themselves but for their children and grandchildren.  

There were some heavy subjects touched on and many I've mentioned before about business, finance, taxes, cost of living, lack of opportunities, the list goes on but the decline in all areas seems to hardly concern the metropolitan liberal elites (they say elites but they surely are not).  Those who wholeheartedly support higher fuels costs to save the planet, higher taxes, you know the sort.  They don't have a problem (YET) that the majority have and it will come as a complete surprise to them when the problems manifest themselves at their door.  So they don't get the populist movement away from the failed two party situation at all.  I cannot imagine what these people have been watching or where they get their news from over the past 20 years, probably the BBC and the Guardian most likely.

They cannot help themselves but to sneer at the changes that are coming as they do no to comprehend the situation either locally or globally.  If they stopped chattering for a moment, scrolling on their phones, taking Instagram pictures of their lunch and gym & yoga classes they might, just might have time to take in the impact of idiotic policies and the consequences coming down the line at them.

Whilst people have different views and opinions, it is the ones who cannot see or hear who make the loudest noise and will perhaps get the shock of their lives when they perceive the outcomes of failed policies, losses of freedom, increased taxes to pay for vanity projects and the freeloaders using our money to live off the fat of the land.  Our land.

Stirring Like The Balrog Maybe?

 There's some strange stuff going on at the moment don't you think?  Like the school bully pushing and pushing to see how far his luck will hold out.  We have an arrest for 'hurty words' and now we have our Deputy Prime Minister embroiled in a tax underpayment (that's simplifying it - there's much more underneath down in the depths).

It's pretty obvious that it's a resignation event but no, like most of these people, they grip on until the last molecule and atom of keratin finally gives way and they fall, disgracefully from view.  I had thought no more than a few weeks ago that she was likely to commence going for the PM's job and perhaps she was?  This blunder is pretty bad and once again, the party of the people and the workers are found nose in trough and declaring that the rules are for thee and not for me!

Good luck with that and inevitably there is damage here and who's to regret the loss other than herself.  Much as I dislike the woman, she did seem to be an able politician but none of their policies make sense unless you too are a Marxist I guess?  Yet they act as if the only people who have to follow these doctrines are the serfs they represent.

But, deeper down in the country there does appear to be a stirring and maybe that is a good thing as it slowly dawns on the populace what this government is doing behind the scenes and as these things manifest themselves we perceive that our once free society may soon not be (free that is).

In many ways, the whole lot should be razed to the ground and rebuilt, it is no longer fit for purpose and does not serve the vast majority who actually pay for it all.  A huge monolith, a Cuckoo who parasitically lives off of its host.  Britain never shall be slaves the song goes and too many of us now feel that the bully has pushed his luck far enough and like that bully, when you stand up to him, they retreat and turn out to just be a coward in disguise all along.

People in power should exercise the best levels of integrity and honour, they are trusted to do so and time after time after time after time let us down and they do not see what they have done wrong because the rules we have to live by don't apply to them.  A pox on them all. 

There's A Reason That There Aren't Any Battery Powered Aircraft

 Or Rockets for that matter.  I mean, where would you recharge them when you are in flight or on Mars?  The interesting thing is that once the charge has gone the aircraft or rocket probably still weighs about the same where conventional ones get lighter as the fuel gets used up and the stages drop away from the main craft.

It's the insanity of the Lorries and Buses that are now battery powered and the Ferries (no really) and that is the amount of electricity you require to charge them up.  The lorries and ships need megawatts not paltry kilo watts like at your house.  The Ferries had to be cancelled because no one had worked out how much electricity was required nor, indeed, how they were going to get it to the terminal and electric and water don't mix well (I learned that at Electrical Engineering College by experimentation - don't ask).

I see someone things that liquefied hydrogen could be substituted for kerosene but at 2000 psi I doubt many would like to be sat anywhere near that given it's other corrosive properties.  

The craziness is that no one asks basic questions about how heavy these batteries are and could you really use electric engines to power an aircraft and how meaty would the battery have to be to produce the energy you actually need to take off and fly?  Like the lorries they are trialling, the wight means that the loads that they can carry are diminished by around 25% - and it takes ages to charge the batteries.  They do not normally have enough charge to do a full day's work either.  

The practicalities of battery power can be seen in your rechargeable toothbrush or other battery powered home appliance.  They deteriorate over time, just run out without warning and take an age to recharge.   They are noting like mains powered or petrol powered tools (if you use chainsaws and drills etc) and you have the inconvenience of  less and less output over time.

We need, somehow, to work out what to do but the blind push to reach net zero is fraught with problems and batteries are not going to be the long term answer.  

Oh well, I haven't even got started on how powerful these cars, lorries and busses are when they are charged up.  Because of how they are coupled up, they can accelerate a lot faster than you think and so many people get caught out especially if they have a heavy right foot.  Have fun!

Language Timothy

 A sitcom from days gone by when little Ronnie Corbett was harangued my his over bearing mother and every now and then as he was exasperated and perhaps used a word like "blast" he would get the lecture from his mother "Language Timothy!"

And so I briefly looked at the new headlines this morning and wondered what happened to our language that makes headlines such as "OFCOM flooded with complaints"  When you get past that particular headline you find that those complaints amount to...... wait for it.... 500.  Yes 500 in a population of 67 or 68 million (that we know of) decided they didn't like something enough to "flood" the regulator.  Let's say 6 million people saw it.  It's way less than 1% complained.

Such is the use of language today that it adds "flooded" when it didn't need to say that and it isn't entirely accurate or properly descriptive of what has happened.  People complain all the time about programmes and what was and wasn't said and bias blah blah blah.  I do understand that in the days of click bait that it is required for the reader to click deeper to achieve hits and advertising revenue, I get it but, all it does is to do what it did this morning for me.  I just went elsewhere for my news and wondered what words they could dream up if it had gone to 600 complaints?  "Tsunami!" "Mega Tsunami!"?  

Everything these days has an adjective misused or is sensationalized and it's cry wolf stuff.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by this but it is used all the time.  Climate Change is another area where words are used that rather than discussing the science they sensationalize opinion and misinform and when called out they accuse others of the same actions!  

On top of that no one applies common sense anymore to these headlines.  I could go on forever about this but just a few crazy things I hear is about how 1.5 Degrees C rise is bad for everything and that CO2 emissions are too high.  Travel for 50 miles from my house and I can show you 5 degrees of change, or just wait until a cloud comes over or look at the difference between a cloudy or sunny day.  No catastrophic problems occur?  CO2 - surely to God everyone knows that CO2 is, to all intents and purposes, plant food.  See that tree?  Any idea what it's made from?  Look it up.  A lot of people think that they are made from something in the soil.  Why do farmers in greenhouses pump the CO2 up?  Because it makes plants grow really well.

Carbon as they bandy the word around is what? Graphite, Diamonds, Coal, I mean what the absolute f**k are they doing other than to confuse the public, obfuscate the facts and not have the scientific debate you need to logically discuss these things. No, they use frightening words and the clues are that there is no debate allowed, no common sense thinking, no demonstrations of how this all actually works, instead, they rely on models and computer models, no real data to speak of.  The clues are in those words "Scientists predict", "Experts say", "Might", "Could" words used to grey out facts and obfuscate the masses and people buy it hook line and sinker.  Where did our common sense, scientific method and debate (without getting yelled at) go?  You cannot have a debate in this country (or rather you have to be careful who you debate with) for fear of getting yelled at.  So I was yelled at for my opinions on Brexit and called a "Climate Denier" loudly in a pub, the chap just lost it, I thought he was going to break his blood vessels.  You certainly don't want to have seen the scene when I called out the Covid ward overcrowding at a Hospital.  Having just visited one in the middle of it all, it was like a ghost town.

The argument was that a certain Hospital was at 100% capacity in its Covid ward.  I know that Hospital and knew (long reason why) that there were 42 beds in the ward.  So I suggested that there were 42 people being treated in it as there were no other allocated wards.  You'd have thought the end of the world had been announced.  I don't enter into discussions any more with certain people as they've completely lost the ability to debate and prefer to yell headlines without research at me.  

A Bit Lighter This Morning

Out with my school chums from 57 years ago last night. Actually it was good as I got that awful letter and the craziness off my chest and of course, there was plenty of banter and reminiscing but it did get dark at one point as we realised that the vast majority of our teachers were now dead with just a few exceptions yet even those teachers would be in the mid to late 80s!  

But we still had a lot of fun and there was a great photo of us all.

My grandson started school yesterday so we had the obligatory first day at school photo and hi little sister giving him a hug before he went - I imagine she is going to miss him a lot.

Here in the UK we appear to be arresting comedians using armed police for posting hurty words.  We are rapidly becoming Venezuela or North Korea. I despair that this government are doing anything about it and lip service is paid to each event.  I thought that the sort of intellect on display about national ID to "combat illegal migration" was just another nail in the coffin of our liberal, open society (well we used to have that 25 years ago).  I mean it's obvious that "Ihre Papiere, bitte" is the way forward I mean what could possibly go wrong with that that history hasn't taught us?

So - there's lots of stuff to wonder about among the hypocritical-arty government.  It's just worth sitting back and watching the car crash but at the same time realising that generations will end up paying for this nonsense.  

And Here We Are Back To Black Dog Times

No matter how hard I try to decouple from all this sh1t I end up back in this space and damn it, I know what is wrong but I am unable to deal with it as I am wrapped by layers of stuff that is holding me here.  It's full on The Matrix stuff, you have all these connections and ties into things, people, friends, relationships, family, property, finances and so on and all I'd like to do is to just go off grid, walk away from it all but, you know, responsibilities and these connections that you'd need to break and deal with the consequences.

I woke around 5:30 this morning and the pressure that I felt, more than my normal claustrophobia because everything was pressing in on me, the house, the business, the relationship and this oppressed feeling as if some huge weight was being brought down on me and the house was shrinking around me.   So I got up and went downstairs and as it was getting light sat in my office and fell asleep at my desk which was useful.

What wasn't so useful was trying to work out how to get out of this place I find myself in?  It's not as easy as all that is it?  I've pumped most of my savings into this house and to get those out is "interesting" and in the current financial crisis and any crazy taxes this odious government attempt to impose in October, may prove challenging.  

I actually don't know what to do at the moment but have several things I am looking into because I don't see a way out that is simple and sweet.  It's just so difficult to get yourself out of the pickle you are in.  

I can, of course, lose my self in work but that defaulted on me and I suppose what I really wanted was to just enjoy my retirement and that's not happening at all at the moment.  

Yes, lots of things to explore and think about, lots of options but none of them are pleasant at all.  I guess we will have to wait and see.  At least I am aware that Black Dog is here and doing his thing, that I probably comprehend what I need to do but I really don't want to face up to it because I know what it is, how to get out of it and I really don't want to be doing this for a second time in my life but there you go, not my choice, not my preferred way forward but it's no longer in my power I feel.

Yuk, I hate it when you realise what your options are, that you cannot take action this moment even though you know what that should be and it's going to be painful and soul searching to get it done!  

Got to Eat The Frog though, eat the Frog! 

Don't You Ever Get Tired Of...

 Being wrong?  I hope it is not just me?  The bare faced hypocrisy of the current bunch of politicians was breathtaking at first and now they just lie and wear their sanctimonious sneer level bald faced untruths in a way that can only be to goad an already distrusting and disgusted public?

It seems that the old adage of "Rules for me but not for thee!" flow fast and furious from a Socialist government and they appear absolutely certain of the voracity of their argument and don't appear to have their finger on the pulse one jot.  What next I wonder?  

I have dealt with people like this in the past and I normally engineer things in such a way as to be able to observe their car crash performance in a meeting, in front of a customer or some such massive fall from grace because, they bloody well deserved it.  So, to the tune of the Red Flag let's all sing:

"The working class can kiss my arse,
I've got the foreman's job at last.
You can tell old Joe I'm off the dole,
He can stick his Red Flag up his 'ole!". 

Breathtaking cognitive dissonance would be a way to explain it perhaps but the ugly holier than thou responses to perfectly reasonable questions about - O, I don't know, the economy, immigration, public services, tax avoidance, rules for thee but not me etc etc are met with sneering, sinusoidal, adenoidal bollocks, downright lies and a complete lack of empathy for the public and just an insulting assault on our intelligence.  

I can only hope that (I know if will hurt the country) the collapse of this government and everything that they currently stand for is massive and completely destructive to every one of the individuals who hold the electorate in contempt.  They are beneath our contempt and deserve absolutely everything that is coming their way.  Only because we live in a "Civilized society" will they get away with it.  Absolutely contemptible waste of oxygen the lot of them, a curse on their houses. 

Blithering Idiots

 And that gives them too much credit and insults real idiots!

I try not to listen to Sunday morning news on the radio but I happened to be in the room and so got a full blast of today's "next thing".  In a country of around 67 million a child has died of Whooping Cough.  Not meaning to belittle that tragedy but I think people are now very wary of the NHS and vaccinations, I know I am and I've written about the disgusting way I was dealt with by "the system".  A death is a tragedy but 1 in 67 million is that worthy of a 2 minute newscast unless it is a bump to you to get your child vaccinated?

Then the awful woman who is Education Secretary who, with her government have actually destroyed many children's education by imposing VAT on school fees half way through term and wondering why, now, schools are shutting down and the state system has a sudden influx of children and we are having to pay more for was prattling on about absenteeism, how big a problem it is and no doubt it is but kids have bunked off school for ever - I was too frightened to but did one day get an afternoon off and that, as I recall, was both exciting and frightening too. 

Back to the story and it was a not insignificant number.  But here is the thing, yet again, they will fiddle around with the system and not actually tackle it, they forget that they are in charge and so these failures they are happy to tell us about require a mirror so they can look directly at themselves when they say this stuff.  They've eroded parental control over their children and now there's a problem they say it is the parent's fault.  Same old same old and she, like the rest of these new MPs has the sinus problem too.  Are they taught to speak as if they are going to a train spotter's convention?  

These things may well be problems but they are the "Minister Responsible" and rather than prattle some standard deflection and blaming the parents perhaps they could actually do the job they are paid to do?  They don't know how to actually do it as they are ideologically driven and have their own jobs and careers at the heart of their actions not the children, parents and teachers whom they are supposed to represent. 

I was further amused by my Water Provider's email stating that the water shortage was..... "Due to the hottest summer on record!"  MMmmm now having lived through 1976 I could pretty much tell you from my own memory that it may have been one of the hottest summers ever.  So looking at my friendly AI we have:

2023 - 17.58°C

2018 - 17.1°C

1976 - 17.02°C

1995 - 16.96°C

2006 - 16.85°C

2020 - 16.79°C

1933 - 16.78°C

2022 - 16.71°C

1983 - 16.63°C

1975 - 16.51°C

However, way back in 1933 you might notice something and there is no trend here not for climate that is.  A one degree difference on average over 92 years would suggest to me that if anything there is a slight upwards trend but what's the problem in that?  I often cite the chap travelling from London to Edinburgh who regularly can see a 3 or 4 degree swing on his journey.  Stepping out of the sun into the shade drops temperatures significantly and so much of this bunkum is paraded out as science.  

They have even had to change terminology now that heatwaves can last just a few days.  As I said, until you lived through 1976 you have nothing to compare the couple of high twenties or low thirties we had earlier this year.

Of course the water company are saying that the weather is to blame for the low water we have in the system - which ignores the fact that they haven't built any reservoirs since the 1976 despite getting the very real warning then and the drought of that year so it also means they didn't collect what rainfall there was in fact they were telling us in March to get our jet washers ready as there was "plenty of water"  this company has one job, can you guess what it is?  And then you have the politicians saying build build build and there's no water in the area, no real infrastructure and no plans in place before you can do all these things.  Pathetic lack of insight, planning, foresight, grasp of complex systems and outcomes etc.  They really don't know what they are doing.

This present lot are a PR disaster too.  No one I know takes them seriously, they do things that make it obvious they hold the electorate in contempt and they do not understand why they are hated.  The public (i.e. the voters) are treated as last in the queue and you can see people getting, quite rightly, angry.  Looking at what is coming down the line in the October budget and listening to them floating their ideas out there - something is going to go off pop.   Thinking back to 1976 I see that there will also be a number of public sector wage claims coming down the line again this year.  Buoyed by the huge rises just over a year ago, I can only imagine what sort of winter we will endure.

Ho hum, that will do, it's not even 9 am and I've vented about a few minutes of nonsense this morning has brought.  Have fun! 

Dealing With...

 and accepting the situation you find yourself in.  It's bloody difficult right?  I am dealing with betrayal, incompetence and disappointment and it is affecting me but it really shouldn't.

I used to say about driving that if you treat everyone else around you as if they are idiots you will find that you can predict their erratic behaviour, their lack of planning their inability to manoeuvre properly and their downright dangerous actions.  

So I must accept that the vast majority of people I interact with are just stupid, dangerous idiots and not be surprised when they do stupid and nasty things.  It's the irrationality and the disrespect and sheer evil way that people turn on you for little or no reason.  I don't get it and generally they've already taken advantage of me on one way or the other, my friendship, my money. my time and then for them it's perfectly acceptable to just be a complete and utter knob!  Then they want to come back for a bit more later!

Oh well, I'm old enough to know better but I've never been someone to not help out but after all these disappointments, perhaps I should know better?  I try to be hard nosed about it but I know that I'll help the next person and then a little further down the lone my reward will be to get royally shafted once again.  Such is my life.  I probably need to say no more often.

Neither Fish Nor Fowl

 So I was once told when I had got the hierarchy of dinning seating wrong.  Done in a nice manner but there you go.

And so I find myself neither Fish nor Fowl at this point in time.  Neither happy nor sad, neither content or discontent and somewhere in a middle ground of my own making.  

Knife edged balance between them and struggling with a decision I had better make sooner rather than later but, and here is the but, I actually need to understand what is going on a bit better before taking the next steps.  Build a contingency plan perhaps would be another way of looking at it.  I'm back where I started 11 or 12 years ago and it makes little or no sense how I got here again other than my own INTJ let it happen way of dealing with things.

It truly is a problem coming down the track at me and this time, I don't have the easy ability to get out of it, get out of the way of it or to do anything about it.  I am kind of trapped and I need to extricate myself from the problem somehow.  Not sure how as it is very unclear what is actually happening.  There's no clarity and dealing with other personality types who don't do logic and the like, it means that things happen for no apparent rhyme or reason!

Of course, if I won the lottery all these problems would go away immediately but that is unlikely to happen.  I'm going to have to tough it out in the short term but it isn't great doing that because of that FUD (Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt) that pervades the situation.

Of course, it isn't life and death as such but it is just bloody awkward and transient.  Ho hum! 

That's Why

I have suspected that I am not "right in the head" for sometime now and it is a series of things really that are beginning to settle out what is going on.

There's the reflections on this blog back in 2006 to 2008 which I have stopped doing now as it was stirring up memories long forgotten and long past that really shouldn't be remembered.  

There's the business and the ongoing shenanigans with that including someone who doesn't want to be involved trying to get back and involved! Plus all the messing around which is still going on 8 years after it started FFS!  It's neither one thing nor the other and if it was one or the other you could do something about it.

Then there's the claustrophobia again closing in on me.  I hate it and it shouldn't be there but it is and it isn't caused by me I now realise.  I've blamed myself for far too long about this and once again, I am being taken advantage of and I am not pushing back against it which I should.

So I've worked out what all these pressures are and I am going to have to do something about it and it's not nice, it certainly sin't going to make my life any easier either so I am going to have to eat the frog on this one.  

All along I've known this and all along I've avoided the really hard decisions I am now going to have to take.  If I thought 2013 was a bad year and that I didn't want to repeat that experience then I have been kidding myself for too many years and trying to get things sorted out.  They probably will never be sorted out and people are going to get hurt all over again something I seriously wanted to avoid!  Ho hum!  

 

And Names - What's That About

 I can remember certain names from the past.  Certainly those I worked with or that made an impression at the time but thinking about my Apprentice friends I can only remember a few first names and only two can I recall their whole name.  I gave a lift to Gary every day at college for over two years, can I recall his surname? Not at all.  Then the others in the car - one was Steve who went to work in Saudi and the other tall chap with equally long hair - I cannot remember - I can see his face but that's all. Then Trevor who played in the band and we occasionally roadied for the band (called Evil Weasel) they supported Stray at Skindles in Maidenhead.  Yes I cannot remember his name but he was great fun.  The other name I remember as one of the lads swore like a trooper and so I recorded him on my cassette tape to prove it.  He was talking about Nikki Lauder's accident and used every swear word I'd ever heard.

Then the people I used to work with, once again, only a few of the real characters or those that I hated (quite a few) or didn't get on with can I recall their names.  If someone happened to say their name I'd recall who they were and so on but I do have a brain that kicks this stuff out and has a waste basket type function.  If I need to remember something, I will.  However, I erased a lot of this back in 2007/2008 I guess when I found that my head was nearly exploding with "the past" and I just reset it.

It is a shame as I'd like to remember some of these things but as I have just proved trying to convert this blog to a book, going over past history especially related to my Bladder Cancer and the collateral damages surrounding that, is not good for my present well being.  Maybe it's the defence mechanism kicking in.  

Putting the names to faces though - it isn't that important I suppose?  We were all young and setting out on our separate journeys.  I wonder whatever happened to them all?  I think there were 30 of us and a few dropped out along the way, some went abroad, a few of us ended up in the office and I bumped into one or two over the course of the years but they had to remind me who they were!!

Strange how that manifested itself with the flashbacks, the faces but no full names, even though we spent close to three years in our training apprenticeships together.  

Random Flashbacks No Discernible Reasons

Other than I was doing my biography a few weeks back and I am still jotting down the odd thing which could be the catalyst, these random moments are quite strange.  So this morning, a flashback to the car, my first one, a Mk1 Cortina, somewhere near Wandsworth but on the lower road possible heading toward Putney and there's two others in the back, forgotten one of their names but Steve was one and Gary was in the front seat.  There's a row of shops to my right and a bus a red double-decker.  People at the shops a few cars and that's the whole flashback and nothing else, no more context than that.  I remember it as if it were yesterday but it was around 1975 or 1976 I guess.  It might have been when we finished our exams and we headed to Lewisham for a beer on the way home, I remember that too but it's just one of these mysterious moments in history, pulled out of my brain at (apparently) random choosing.

There are other moments as well that flash in and out of my memory like that.  Peculiar moments in time.  My grandparent's flat in Chelsea, a walk to Rye from Camber, picking Blackberries in the lanes on a walk to Dulwich and Crystal Palace and things that aren't in themselves memorable for anything other than their ordinariness.

There doesn't appear to be any link in these at all.  Maybe it is to do with current circumstances?  I'm not right again, claustrophobia once again, I don't want to be where I am at the moment and I'm not happy particularly.  I really want to dump all responsibility and enjoy retirement but that isn't happening any time soon by the looks of it.

The Ongoing Struggle

 I'm tired of a lot of things and the day-to-day idiocy is wearing me down as is just about everything at the moment.  I am so very tired mentally although physically I feel better than I have for a while.  I find everything tiresome and annoying and I am powerless in a way to do anything about it and perhaps that is the bottom line of it?  I care about things that I cannot influence or do anything about.  

I actually got out of the house yesterday and met a friend for breakfast and almost lunch the way we were going.  It's always good to catch up with an very good friend and we are similar and different in many ways.  I enjoy his company and we sort of hit similar wave lengths on most things.

I do need to get out more and I did promise myself I'd do that but it's easier to just wallow here and stew in my depression and curse the world, the people, relationships and do noting about them!  It's not easy to get out of this protective shell built to (I suppose) protect me but being insular is one thing but I am not sure it's the answer.

I'm reasonably happy being on my own and being within myself but I do not think that is the long term answer to this.  But what worries have I really got?  Well, in some ways, none.  There's friends and relationships not all of which are good and not all of which I am interacting with at the moment.  There's the business and that's just slow, ugly and complicated. It needn't be but it is and once again. not of my making. Then there's my relationship with myself and that's not entirely a confident one at the moment.  Imagine knowing in your mind full well what you should be doing and having ideas for how you could do that and then just ignoring or not acting on it?

That's the problem, it's inaction designed to hurt who though?  Is it myself or is it a wider punishment beating? It's as if life has come to a dead stop.  I don't want to do things because I am always doing things and not really getting any recognition for them.  I see problems that need addressing but why should I always be left to sort them out?  That problem isn't going away any time soon though and I feel imposed upon and put upon and relied upon but it's not shared, it's not "our" problem when it absolutely should be our problem and not mine.

This is going to continue for some time I feel and it will come to a head at some point in time.  I am hoping that the business will kick into being shortly and that I will be able to disappear into that and keep myself occupied that way. 

Two Steps Back

 Well that didn't go quite as I had planned.  I thought that I would use this blog to compile a book about my experiences and with that noble endeavour in mind I set off to try and do that.  The automatic blog to book sites didn't seem to cut it so I started off cutting and pasting between the blog and a word processor but as I progressed and edited and checked I started to feel really down and it got worse as I delved deeper into the story not just the health side but some of the bastards I had to deal with too.  In hindsight I had let my guard down on some of these charlatans and was not in a position, at that time, to fight it off.  In the main because I didn't recognize the threats nor did I have time to being focused mainly on myself.

As I read on and got into it, I started to realise that I was being taken advantage of and saw a lot of things in a completely different light, hindsight being an exacting science of course.  So I was getting angry inside and of course the more I read the more I realised and also the story was unfolding and again with the benefit of hindsight I could have done things differently.  

It was depressing and distressing too and you cannot undo history but you can interpret it in a different way and you see the mistakes made although not in the context that those decisions were done with all best intentions.

So, I have stopped for now as it really wasn't helping me at all.  I want it to help someone, anyone, in the future but they can find this stuff online as well as I can.  So for now, not being strong enough to see the pain and suffering I went through is one thing but to see the circling vulture like behaviour of some, means I have to stop as it really is upsetting.

How Fortunate We Are

 To live in such interesting times.  So my old boss used to say and he was right.  Often used as we read a contractual letter or departed a meeting where some sleight of hand was being attempted it sort of meant we could sit back and watch the car crash or have a play with our opponent much as a cat plays with its victim.

Here, in the UK, there's stuff stirring away and it is indeed interesting times as I am certain none of these clowns in government have the slightest idea what they are doing or how to manage (govern).  It was interesting that not one person had been to understand why the protests were happening?  Not one.  As I recall, the PM isn't the sort of empath you'd want at the scene of a tragedy as he doesn't appear to like to be near, well... people really!

If I read the financial vibes correctly, and also look deeply into the latest statistics (albeit not sure the ONS actually knows what it is doing) the country is in deep do-do indeed and some of the "policies" being bandied about to correct an even bigger "black hole" in the finances are going to have the diametrically opposite effect.  The CGT and IHT plus attacks on Pension funds and the idea of a Wealth Tax are also sure fire winners NOT!  I wonder if they recall what happened last time a Poll Tax was tried?

Anyway, on top of that the online safety bill was brought sharply into focus today.  So I was interested in a new AI chat system, as I heard about it and so duly went to have a look.  I like that most of them allow a free access model which allows a couple of queries a day and that's just about all I use it for.  So I get to signup and get the message that due to the Online Safety Bill they need my Credit Card!  WHAT? Yep, apparently that's a thing.  So I just switched on my VPN and that's not needed now.  WTF are these idiots playing at?  The Sledge Hammer to crack a Walnut is definitely what these twits do ALL THE TIME.  They are just illiterate when it comes to IT, finance and commerce, law & order, crime and punishment and they are wishy washy flip flop.  So naive it hurts, the whole of the world must be laughing at our hopelessly out of depth PM who, let's remember, notoriously and shamefully took a knee with his deputy and he used to be the head of the CPS FFS!

Day after day you see the inaction of the government, the strange actions of local government who act all big and world leading when they can't even get the bins emptied and the pot holes filled, but fly the wrong flag, woe betides you.  I want my local councillor to deal with local matters, that's what they are there for, servants of the public who voted for them and pay their council tax to them and you'd think that these councillors would do the very job we pay them for but oh no, fines this, fines that, mucking about with speeds on the road, sticking gastly white Elephant cycle paths in at huge expense that no cyclist uses as they prefer to stick to the very roads they narrowed to accommodate the cycle paths.  Getting involved in world-wide initiatives at Town and village level.  Our local village Pop. 474, has a climate change policy because, you know, in a population of over 7 billion people, the residents and change the global temperature by 0.000000000001 Degrees in a thousand years! FFS.  An ex-mayor, town councillor I know was telling me about "Climate Justice"?  I have as much idea as you do.  I had a discussion about car parking in the town and why I no longer go into town.  A few months later they stuck the prices up again to park and extended the hours.  Not that you actually get anything in return.

The stirrings are out there as people rightly start to wake up (it's taken them long enough) and now there is the expanding backlash building up to Tsunami status perhaps? I don't know but in many ways we've seen enough of the UK being turned into a hell hole and we are soon to face the consequences of our mismanagement going back many years.  I wouldn't be surprised if we don't end up having a serious chat with the IMF the way we are going and I wonder whether the PM, his Deputy and the Chancellor will face their Margaret Thatcher Poll Tax moment?  The way it's going it wouldn't surprise me if something like that kicks off.  You can't keep taxing people in the vainglorious hope that it will bring about financial stability and growth.  They already borrow huge amounts to service the debt.

So, let's sit back, strap ourselves in and repeat after me "How fortunate we are to live in such interesting times." 

It's As If They Don't Know Anything

 I see that the war on motorists is still waging whether in terms of taxation (double in the case of fuel) and let's not get started on taking our money to bribe ourselves to buy EVs!

So I did a quick AI search this morning on the use of cars, train, bus, walk and cycling so just look at these for a moment:

By Passenger Distance

When measured by total passenger kilometres, cars are the dominant mode of transport in the UK. In 2023, road modes—including cars, vans, and taxis—accounted for around 90% of all passenger distance travelled. Within that, cars and taxis alone made up about 85%.

Buses and Coaches: Accounted for around 4% of total distance travelled.

Rail: Comprised about 9% of passenger distance.

Motorcycles and Pedal Cycles: Each accounted for around 1% of total distance travelled.

This data shows that while other transport modes are important, private cars are overwhelmingly the primary method for long-distance travel.

By Commuting to Work

A different picture emerges when looking at how people get to work.

Car: The most common method of commuting is by car, with around 66% of workers in Great Britain using a car or van.

Walking: A significant number of people commute on foot, accounting for 11% of all journeys to work.

Rail: This is the third most popular commuting choice, used by 10% of workers.

Bus or Coach: Used by approximately 7% of commuters.

So I thought there was a little incomplete picture here as like many councils ours has invested heavily into cycle lanes although you hardly see them used and a large number of cyclists are in with the traffic and ignore the lanes around here anyway:

While cycling has seen a notable increase in recent years, particularly in urban areas, it still represents a small percentage of overall commutes.

Overall UK: Data from the 2021 Census for England and Wales indicates that just 2% of people in employment usually travelled to work by bicycle.

London: This figure is significantly higher in London, where 5.1% of workers commuted by bike in 2021. This is a testament to the city's investment in cycle lanes and other infrastructure.

If you were to ask a local Government employee or politician you can bet that they'd say that cycling was the way forward and rail or bus.  What they tend to miss entirely is that out here in semi rural England the only practical way to get around is by car, there are buses but I have to walk 30 minutes in one direction and perhaps 10 to 15 minutes in the other to find a bus stop. There's 1 bus an hour in one direction and in the other 3 buses and hour but after 6:45 that's your lot it stops altogether.  A taxi is hideously expensive to get me to the train station a good 45 minute walk away (in the dark for some of it).

Rail is interesting as only 10% use it at most and not surprisingly as the fares are the highest in Europe.  I did a trip around Europe mainly in 1st Class and the prices for some of the intercity trains was perhaps a quarter of the prices here.  It's a lot of money, poorly serviced and still doesn't really cover that much of the country.  You have to work on what the onward and inward journeys are.  Cycling is not practical here unless you have a mountain bike for the first part of the journey.  

But they are penalizing car drivers, the cash cow for successive governments, they raise car parking charges to such a rate that I no longer go into town unless I have to.  When I do go, these days, I can always find a car parking space as the usage has gone down significantly.  Have they scared people away?  Then there are fines for this and fines for that.  It's all on its head now and there is no incentive to visit town when I can turn my car in the other direction and go and park for free at retailers that want my custom.

The rubbish we are fed from the media and these nut jobs who tell you black is white and vice versa has got worse, or I've risen above the stench of their headlines.  It's hilarious that the BBC feel they need to run a Verify section on certain topics headed up by someone who actually embellished their CV shall we say?  And the stuff they spout off as truth is anything but, just scratch the veneer from the surface and go and do your own research.  We have the Internet (yes I know) but it does allow you to go and do some research and draw your own conclusions. Just read past works like could, might, scientists predict, according to research and so on.  The headlines rarely tell you where they got the data and if they do it is not normally actual data driven research, the stats they do give are flawed and incomplete.  Given a spreadsheet and a few graphs that I can alter the x and y axis and cherry pick the data I too can bend the figures to frighten you.

The whole thing is slowly unravelling but still they come for more money from our pockets to fund their fantasies and service the huge debts they have caused.  

The current approach stifles growth and mobility, taxes people without delivering any tangible benefits and leads to a punishment not incentive based government.  We see the beginning of the problems now arising and the only way that they appear to tackle problems is to spend more on them.  Good money after bad we used to say.  It reminds me of the 1970s again but this time there are even more idiots in charge driven by ideology and bad data and worse than bad data is bad analysis and little risk management or planning too. 

I'll have to do more on EVs but that's enough for today I'd say! 

Doing Me No Good

 I thought it would be an easy thing to do, back up the blog, turn it into a record of the times but it has actually not done that I feel quite disturbed by it all.  I am certainly going to give it a rest for a while.  It wakes up some deep dark area of my mind (and body) which had been stored away and it disturbed my sleeping pattern and my day-to-day activities, it even makes my food taste bland and so it has to stop and those memories need to go away from whence they came - perhaps another day I can do some more work on them but for now, I really don't need the mental turmoil that's being conjured u.

This stuff is all in the past and so cannot hurt me, it's all done and dusted but they way people treated me when I was seriously ill triggered the reaction and as I said previously I imagine Karma has dealt with them properly over the years.

Reliving The Past

 Having to give this book (based on the blog) a rest.  It actually stirs up emotions from long ago and of course, they no longer exist and they are over but it strikes right into you some of it.  And actually it's not worth the bother of the memory or the waste of time feeling it and replaying it all again.  I was feeling quite upset and annoyed about one particular relived area and it's upsetting and yet, it's happened, it's over and I can't do anything about it really.

The characters in that episode are I imagine dead or in prison and it was part of the journey through life at the time.  What I can see is how ill it made me and I imagine that's what is stirring up the emotions.  You can see from an overview what it was doing to you when you see it month on month and of course, when you are at the coal face, you don't see it at all (the woods for the trees).

So I am going to give it a short rest and try and be disconnected from it for a while.  What is interesting is how tired I was.  I see it as a recurring theme and I see how stressful the job was but as I'd only given it a short while to see how it would go, it didn't matter in the overall scheme of things.  The upside is that I had gone through the life of an internet start up seen the horrors of the green eyed, observed the failings of the incompetent self professed entrepreneurs and watched them implode as they hadn't thought through the business properly, had been incompetent about the software and negligent on the financial and business side.  Their Laissez-faire approach to company law, insolvency practice and insurances etc was mind blowing.

In all is stood me in good stead for the jobs that came afterwards and even on the one I am on now.  

What Goes Around Comes Around

 I noticed some striking similarities between my times in 2007 and now.  Situations, work, relationships and the like are all getting the synapses to fire off and draw parallels and conclusions from those.

The work one is yet again, people have betrayed me, questioned my professionalism and commitment.  That's potentially the worst thing you can do or say to me as I am and always have been fully invested (until I'm not).  When I might change is when the breakdown is or has happened and woe betide you if you are on the wrong end of it.

So there I was looking at this bloke who had gone off the deep end at me and then found that it wasn't me he should have written this quite damning email.  But here's the thing.  When he found out it wasn't me did he even apologise or withdraw his accusations? Not a jot of it.  People do things like this and then throw their toys out of the pram, cause chaos and then blame someone else, often me. 

Underestimate me at your peril ought to be tattooed on my forehead perhaps LOL. 

The similarities are quite striking and here we go again all these years later!

Shocking Review Of The Past

 I decided that I would look back on this blog to the earliest and darkest days right at the beginning and I have been pulling posts out to go into a journal.  This is not without it's own dangers of course.  I find posts that I made in 2006 and 2007 where I can barely remember who I was talking about or who in fact had died or what meetings I had and so on as I didn't say at the time who they were.

On top of that as I edit and tidy the posts I find that I was reliving some of those moments and recalling the highs and deep deep lows of the journey and I am only just one year into the journey.  The not so fun part is the hindsight.  Things that I didn't do correctly, advice I took (and subsequently gave) that I now know to be incorrect.  The most interesting is the job choice I took which turned out to be a bit of a disaster but actually and interestingly, I had that in the blog that I took the job as it was a start up and that it could go well or it could fall flat on its face (which it did).  It annoyed the hell out of me but there it is, in black and white, that I would learn a lot from this start up and that it would do me well in any way it worked out.

So it came to be and of course I've been involved in three or is it four now and falling flat on our face is always an option.

I was also acutely aware re reading some of these posts how ill I was.  Read between the lines and whilst I mention it, I think the way I wrote about it (and reading it now with knowledge) alludes to a darker time I was having of it all.

What I have taken away from it is how on earth I managed to work and have treatment and I see at one time I had three gigs on the go and was having immunotherapy at the same time!

It is slightly disturbing though going back over all of this stuff, half remembered occasions, the worry and concern, the highs (only a few at 2006/2007) and the lows, the mediocre and mundane and the frantic and downright craziness of it all.

Tucked in the late 2006 and early 2007 is a post that leapt off the page and it was about collateral damage.  The post wondered if the fallout from this would affect the family unit and would things ever be the same again.  In 2013 we found out the truth behind that.

I am giving it a short break though as it gets intense when you see the things you were going through and how (in hindsight) you'd wished you'd tackled things differently (or would you?).

Spendthrifts

 I recall my younger days and people living beyond their means.  On occasions I have bailed these people out only to find that they continue to not learn their lessons but often double down on them.

Finding a sum of money unexpectedly in their account they spent the (thousands) and then when the bank spotted the error they had to pay it back.  Surely you'd have spotted the error yourself and would know how much you had?  Others continue to go out for meals and get take away, buy things like pre-made sandwiches and bottled water etc.  

What am I driving at? Well the government are now looking to go for those of us who saved prudently, want to give something to our kids, put money away for our old age etc.  This is just another form of theft in my book.  You've taxed the money before and since and now you want to do it again and why?  WHY?  Because they are shit at running the economy, because they are the sort of people who cannot live within our means (it isn't their money is it) and because they just spunk the money they do have up the wall, waste it, throw it away, give it away, cannot control it and frankly do not look after or care for any of it because it doesn't affect them.

The waste is atrocious, the payment of I think they said 4 million sick days in the Civil Service, lobbing out for all sorts of freebies - I like that the free ice creams they tried to sort out for their staff ended up in both Ice Cream vendors being done for their vehicles, licenses and insurance and so no one ended up winning.  Then they are spunking £32 Bn into carbon capture that will (if the untried tech actually works) save 2 minutes worth of CO2 output per year!!!

They cripple the economy, restricting everything with red tape and overarching regulations.  And when the interfere it comes down to us to pay for the fall out caused.  If these imbeciles    had another brain ell they'd qualify as amoeba.

Every time that they f**k up, we pay.  They don't do anything to look at themselves and take a scalpel to their waste.  They whinge about black hole this and black hole that but are cowards when it comes to actually doing something about it.  Instead of cutting back on the supermarket offers of a "meal deal" and doing it themselves, they double down, instead of making economies of scale they come cap in hand (well they just take it actually) and expect us to have deeper pockets.  We no longer have deep pockets, we don't get anything from all the taxes we pay and it is wearing thin that this bunch of amateurs are allowed to run a country the way they have.  The smart money has gone, inflation is going up, unemployment is rising but not in the public sector where, miracle of miracles they are still employing people on great salaries and gold index linked pensions.  Many having had record pay rises last year are now going back to the handout bowl and asking for more huge pay rises.

It's like the 1970s again.  I am old enough to recall the dark days and the IMF intervention.  They want to take my money, take my children's future for ideological reasons.  I wonder what the uproar will be like if they do in fact bring in these measures?  How on earth they've survived this long in government I don't know.  It would be nice to think that this next round of tax the workers and aged into oblivion will pop the genie out of the bottle but no one seems to be that interested at the moment.  When they find that they can't afford ordinary food let alone their take aways, perhaps then it will matter?

Goodness Me 2006 was a bad year

 I decided that I ought to put the posts from this blog into some sort of order for no other reason than I felt my descendants might like to cure their insomnia! 

It's been quite a journey - I am around 10 months in and now in 2007 at operation 3 and following the first immunotheraphy sessions.  Losing my job and then getting a pre-diabetes warning after following "government guidelines" was a huge shock to add to the others.  In fact as I see it all play out and things less well remembered surface.  I really wished that I knew then what I know now.  Good old hindsight of course.  

The advice to load up on carbs and fruit and vegetables almost gave me Type 2 Diabetes.  FFS!!  There was me worrying about salt intake and I should have been worried about fruit, fruit juice and carbs in all their disguises.  

It is surprisingly (or not) a little upsetting to see the very ill me wrestling with diet, health, treatment, unemployment and so on. And it got worse in many ways before it got better.  

BUT, it did get better and whilst it took 15+ years - I made it and came out the other end.  At one time it looked as if I was going to be a yearly checkup but the science has moved on and so I was discharged a few years ago.

Bringing it all back I am not sure if I am actually enjoying the relived experience.  

Don't We Say Thank You Any More?

 I've probably said this before but it's worth repeating I think.  As a genealogist I look after the one name study and records for the family tree.

I get enquirers and I try and diligently answer their questions and try and give some more detail and suddenly that's it.  I've spent quite some time sorting out complex tree connections, telling them their ancestry sending them documentation and bang, you hear nothing back, not than you, not that they were interested or appreciated the data provided.

I imagine that is what it is like these days.  You don't get thank you cards any more either and you never know if they liked the money you sent them or what they spent it on, even a Facebook Message or email would be something.

We appear to have lost many things in the past 50 years and manners, politeness and chivalry are among the ones I miss the most.