I have been feeling very good about things even before visiting Hospital - goodness me, can it really be a week since I came out of there! Where does the time go?
I was trying to examine why I was quite so upbeat given that this was before I went into Hospital and before I knew that things were looking good and yet even now I don't have the bit of paper that says all is OK and I am still upbeat.
I really can't put it down to one thing. i just woke up one morning and decided to get on with it. I'd had all the problems and gone through all the traumas and it occurred to me that just getting on with it, is what I needed to do.
This is of course different to someone telling me that to my face. The last thing anyone actually needs is some smart Alec giving you the "benefit" of their advice like "Pull yourself together" "Are you cured?" (My particular favourite is that one) "Live life one day at a time" What the hell does that mean? "There are lots of people worse off than you are" - that is true but this things is hurting me not them and so on. You really need to know how to say these sorts of things to cancer patients as we have feelings too :-)
So - it is OK for me to tell myself to buck my ideas up but not you or anyone else to tell me. Once decided on a course of "what is the worst that can happen" you do have to then be aware of trampling all over everyone around you who isn't in tune with you.
But I am pleasantly surprised that I am still very upbeat about things and still not letting anything phase me. Perhaps I have the Black Dog repellent on or something?
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