I should have been having or just had my operation if I had been allowed to go in. Instead I am stuck here looking at the first of the snow falling and getting on with some work that I should have done a few weeks ago. At least I have been released a bit and can get on with some of the backlog I have.
It is surprising quite how much preparing mentally and physically takes out of you and the major impact is on day to day work and general lack of concentration and applying yourself.
I'd hardly get any work done as I'd be easily distracted and also interrupts would completely knock me off my stride (this doesn't happen normally).
The list of things to do then gets longer and it is then back to the old chestnut of prioritisation and that then sets you off thinking you have to much to do and not enough time left to do it. Anyway, that weight has lifted off me and I got stacks done this morning and with a bit of luck I'll be able to sort out the vast majority of my stacked up work this week.
I'm not sure if behind each dark cloud there is a silver lining is the apt phrase here and now but it is all I can think of.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Catch 22
Do you remember the book or the film?
Well it is a bit like my present situation I think. I go into the Hospital or the Doctors and my blood pressure goes through the roof. They cannot do anything with my BP so high so they send me away and my BP normalises and then I go back again and my BP again goes through the roof again.
Apparently stress does have an impact short term on your BP but it cannot account for long term high blood pressure. So they can perhaps see why it is high on admission and the goes to normal thereafter - I remember them looking at one set of results but as I said to them they were just about to remove the Catheter and the Cannula and anyone would be a bit worried about that - now if you had taken the BP reading a few minutes afterwards then I'd have been in a state of relief.
My recent readings taken at home have not been good but a wrist monitor is apparently not accurate enough it should be an arm band one. It shows prehypertension results hovering around the 140/90 mark.
No need to worry about it at this moment I suppose as the 24 hour monitor will provide the results and I can't do much about it anyway.
Well it is a bit like my present situation I think. I go into the Hospital or the Doctors and my blood pressure goes through the roof. They cannot do anything with my BP so high so they send me away and my BP normalises and then I go back again and my BP again goes through the roof again.
Apparently stress does have an impact short term on your BP but it cannot account for long term high blood pressure. So they can perhaps see why it is high on admission and the goes to normal thereafter - I remember them looking at one set of results but as I said to them they were just about to remove the Catheter and the Cannula and anyone would be a bit worried about that - now if you had taken the BP reading a few minutes afterwards then I'd have been in a state of relief.
My recent readings taken at home have not been good but a wrist monitor is apparently not accurate enough it should be an arm band one. It shows prehypertension results hovering around the 140/90 mark.
No need to worry about it at this moment I suppose as the 24 hour monitor will provide the results and I can't do much about it anyway.
I Hadn't realized
That I wouldn't be fully recovered by now. The Doc reckons that I shouldn't be so worried about the additional weight, it is easy to put on given that I had to sit on my arse for the best part of 16 to 20 weeks. I'm still healing and I've had some serious work done on me.
I'm concerned that the weight has pushed up my blood pressure and also makes other complications possible.
I worry too much apparently :-)
I am also getting the impression that just because there aren't a row of stitches across my groin area doesn't mean that the surgery was not serious.
well that told me then!
I'm concerned that the weight has pushed up my blood pressure and also makes other complications possible.
I worry too much apparently :-)
I am also getting the impression that just because there aren't a row of stitches across my groin area doesn't mean that the surgery was not serious.
well that told me then!
Getting Serious
The Kitchen has battle plans drawn up and blue tacked to the walls. A clipboard and pen with chart await me for anything I eat during the day. I am going for points and points make? Prizes - oh no that's some TV show. No - points mean that I can ensure that I am eating enough to keep me healthy but not too much to put on weight. Well that is the plan.
The exercise regime burns about 150 - 200 calories every morning and I need to limit my intake to less than 1800 calories. In addition I need to get down that salt intake and go from 5 fruit and veg a day to close to 9 if I can manage it.
If I can get this bit right then I should be able to steadily lose weight over a period of time and also get fitter - although I haven't felt this fit for years and years. Additionally if I can lower my blood pressure through being fitter and cutting back on salt then that should allow me to be fitter for treatment and for the ongoing fight.
The exercise regime burns about 150 - 200 calories every morning and I need to limit my intake to less than 1800 calories. In addition I need to get down that salt intake and go from 5 fruit and veg a day to close to 9 if I can manage it.
If I can get this bit right then I should be able to steadily lose weight over a period of time and also get fitter - although I haven't felt this fit for years and years. Additionally if I can lower my blood pressure through being fitter and cutting back on salt then that should allow me to be fitter for treatment and for the ongoing fight.
Diet, Salt, Exercise etc
I am getting to be a bit of a bore on this now but I worked out that I am overweight but not obese and so I need to lose weight. I knew that but I now know what my target weight drop is. I need to lose about 20Kg to get myself back to where I should be. 10 or so would get me back where I was I think before all of this happened.
Ideally, if I can get a good run at it then 25 to 30 Kg would make me very happy indeed although not back to my fighting weight of about 65Kg - but then I was 19 and as fit as anything in those days.
I have downloaded a chart that I shall put on the wall to help me get my weight down and to maintain that as well.
I am hoping that I will be able to get weight, blood pressure etc down to reasonable levels and then to use my new found fitness to help recovery from the bladder cancer - for example being fitter will help me when it comes to the treatment and also to hasten my recovery from that.
I know the theory - now to put it into practice. Oh yes - coffee is OK you just mustn't do anything to excess.
Ideally, if I can get a good run at it then 25 to 30 Kg would make me very happy indeed although not back to my fighting weight of about 65Kg - but then I was 19 and as fit as anything in those days.
I have downloaded a chart that I shall put on the wall to help me get my weight down and to maintain that as well.
I am hoping that I will be able to get weight, blood pressure etc down to reasonable levels and then to use my new found fitness to help recovery from the bladder cancer - for example being fitter will help me when it comes to the treatment and also to hasten my recovery from that.
I know the theory - now to put it into practice. Oh yes - coffee is OK you just mustn't do anything to excess.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Found some of my early notes
On bladder cancer. After I had the second operation and was told I had CIS - Carcinoma in Situ I foolishly mumbled that "that was good". Well, after having a couple of tumours cut out you'd have thought that having CIS - which in most cases such as skin cancer is relatively easily treated, should be great.
The notes I made at the time are:
I then wrote BCG in the best cases is 60-80% effective. I'm young I hope so.
I am so disappointed at not being able to find out about this for perhaps another few months. I know I have to get whatever is wrong with me now sorted first. Perhaps I should have popped a few Valium before I went in to the Hospital - they are good, they could of cut my arm off and I'd have helped them :-)
I also found my treatment notes that I kept when I had the BCG treatment. I don't think I will share them on here - they are pretty boring and I think I covered most of the things I learnt at the time. I might just type them up and present them the next time I see the urology nurses so they can add them to my file.
The notes I made at the time are:
- Aggressive disease (worse than a tumour)
- poorly defined
- difficult to gauge
- Often recurrences (can be 3 or 4 per year - tumours that is I think)
- 3 monthly checks
- If past 1 year and no recurrence then you halve your chance of recurrence.
I then wrote BCG in the best cases is 60-80% effective. I'm young I hope so.
I am so disappointed at not being able to find out about this for perhaps another few months. I know I have to get whatever is wrong with me now sorted first. Perhaps I should have popped a few Valium before I went in to the Hospital - they are good, they could of cut my arm off and I'd have helped them :-)
I also found my treatment notes that I kept when I had the BCG treatment. I don't think I will share them on here - they are pretty boring and I think I covered most of the things I learnt at the time. I might just type them up and present them the next time I see the urology nurses so they can add them to my file.
The Grand Prix was good - the atmosphere not so
I enjoyed watching the Grand Prix - the first of the season and although a tiny bit predictable it looks as if things could be close in the future so that will be good. It was getting a bit boring a few years ago. Let's face it, it was terrible and they needed to do something. I also like Moto GP and Motorbike racing as that really is close stuff.
Mind you, for some reason I was in the bad books later on. Don't ask me, I'm a bloke and I don't pick up on these sorts of things. They - the wife and apprentice human beings had been out shopping. I had said that I didn't want to go (so perhaps that) but that isn't unusual. There are only so many fashion shops that I can get dragged around without my temper flaring.
So - obviously some sort of thing I did wrong, which when questioned gets the answer that it "DOESN'T MATTER!!!!" - and so using that information I just dig myself deeper and deeper into it as I explain that "you told me that it didn't matter".
Anyway, it is late, all is quiet and they are all out tomorrow. I retired to my office at 9 pm to get out of the way!
Mind you, for some reason I was in the bad books later on. Don't ask me, I'm a bloke and I don't pick up on these sorts of things. They - the wife and apprentice human beings had been out shopping. I had said that I didn't want to go (so perhaps that) but that isn't unusual. There are only so many fashion shops that I can get dragged around without my temper flaring.
So - obviously some sort of thing I did wrong, which when questioned gets the answer that it "DOESN'T MATTER!!!!" - and so using that information I just dig myself deeper and deeper into it as I explain that "you told me that it didn't matter".
Anyway, it is late, all is quiet and they are all out tomorrow. I retired to my office at 9 pm to get out of the way!
Vacation / Holiday
On the basis that I haven't been on holiday since the summer of 2005 and every chance of getting away at half-term disappeared what are the chances of getting away at Easter?
As usual, I have some commitments some that I can probably delegate but others that I cannot. The Apprentice Human Beings are planning something for a birthday party and something else as well involving sleep overs (which rarely involve sleep), shopping and cinema visits.
It is not looking good at all. I am wondering whether to just take myself off somewhere and please myself as at least I can make a decision even if the rest of my family cannot.
As usual, I have some commitments some that I can probably delegate but others that I cannot. The Apprentice Human Beings are planning something for a birthday party and something else as well involving sleep overs (which rarely involve sleep), shopping and cinema visits.
It is not looking good at all. I am wondering whether to just take myself off somewhere and please myself as at least I can make a decision even if the rest of my family cannot.
I must remember that next time
I haven't tried a couple of the programmes on the exercise machine - one is a long burn one and the other is a steadily increasing resistance. I tried that one today - I was absolutely knackered after 10 minutes. It took the machine to maximum resistance and held that for about 3 minutes. I'm glad I only did the 10 minute programme. I went back onto my normal three peaks in 10 minutes one twice afterwards.
Whilst it was a hard workout I feel alright afterwards so I might mix this one in every other time from now on.
Well, today I thought that I was going to be getting ready for going into Hospital. Obviously that isn't going to happen and so I am going to spend the day watching out for the F1 Grand Prix and re-planning the next couple of weeks.
Whilst it was a hard workout I feel alright afterwards so I might mix this one in every other time from now on.
Well, today I thought that I was going to be getting ready for going into Hospital. Obviously that isn't going to happen and so I am going to spend the day watching out for the F1 Grand Prix and re-planning the next couple of weeks.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
The New Food
Horrified was the verdict. So many food stuffs are laden with salt. It took ages to do the shopping and they returned with lots of healthy looking stuff including some nice fish. Mind you I'll have to prepare that as the heads are still on? Crazy, it never worried me but obviously they don't like it.
Certainly plenty of things to try out and the revelation of the bunch has been making fruit smoothies using some frozen berries - very nice.
I've had one coffee so far today which isn't bad and I've kept my intake of salt down to about 1.0g today - I'll be cooking the fish tonight and so I'd expect to perhaps do 3.0g in total for today. I'm happy that I'm getting that level down to somewhere reasonable. I'm just amazed quite how much I ate before.
Oh yes - one of my favourite things is back on - F1 car racing so that is me settled for tomorrow watching that. Nice.
Certainly plenty of things to try out and the revelation of the bunch has been making fruit smoothies using some frozen berries - very nice.
I've had one coffee so far today which isn't bad and I've kept my intake of salt down to about 1.0g today - I'll be cooking the fish tonight and so I'd expect to perhaps do 3.0g in total for today. I'm happy that I'm getting that level down to somewhere reasonable. I'm just amazed quite how much I ate before.
Oh yes - one of my favourite things is back on - F1 car racing so that is me settled for tomorrow watching that. Nice.
Tasting the difference
What a difference no salt makes to things. I fired up the soup I made yesterday and added some lemon juice and a dash of worcestershire sauce - you have to be careful there is salt in that too. It still tasted bland and yet I know it is full of good stuff.
The low salt bread we made was OK with the soup but I was just so surprised how bland the food tasted. Apparently after a few weeks this doesn't happen as you become used to less salt.
I can imagine tomorrow's roast meal will be interesting as I won't have any salt on the potatoes, no gravy and nothing on the veg either. At times like this you wonder whether it is worth all the bother but I am going to stick to this as far as I am able to. Meals out may be a struggle but again, you can choose not to add salt at the table - it all depends if the chef has added any at cooking time.
The low salt bread we made was OK with the soup but I was just so surprised how bland the food tasted. Apparently after a few weeks this doesn't happen as you become used to less salt.
I can imagine tomorrow's roast meal will be interesting as I won't have any salt on the potatoes, no gravy and nothing on the veg either. At times like this you wonder whether it is worth all the bother but I am going to stick to this as far as I am able to. Meals out may be a struggle but again, you can choose not to add salt at the table - it all depends if the chef has added any at cooking time.
Stepped up the Exercises
The 30 minutes a day seems to be the right amount now. The required state of out of breath, warm to sweating is easily achieved and I feel good a little time afterwards.
It isn't going to be possible every day but if I can do it whenever I am at home then I should be OK. If I have to go away I'll have to go out for walks or something.
Instead of a 30 minute programme on the trainer it looks better to do 3 x 10 minute programmes as you get more changes in resistance (3 or 4 in 10 minutes as opposed to 3 or 4 in 30 minutes) so you get a better and more interesting workout.
It isn't going to be possible every day but if I can do it whenever I am at home then I should be OK. If I have to go away I'll have to go out for walks or something.
Instead of a 30 minute programme on the trainer it looks better to do 3 x 10 minute programmes as you get more changes in resistance (3 or 4 in 10 minutes as opposed to 3 or 4 in 30 minutes) so you get a better and more interesting workout.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Things don't taste the same
I decided that I would make myself some soup. Vegetables, water, pepper (NO SALT) some herbs and some pulses.
The strangest thing is that as soon as I tasted it - it needed salt to make it work. Tomorrow should be interesting, shopping for alternatives and herbs and other things to make food taste flavoursome with out the salt bit.
I eventually had just the one cup of coffee after my no salt soup :-) and I've eaten plenty of fruit and I don't feel the least bit like going out and swapping the car for a Citroen 2CV or some such so I should be alright.
I'm wondering whether to go the whole way on this and go and live in the woods and dye my hair blue and get a good few body piercings and a couple of tasteful tattoos.
The strangest thing is that as soon as I tasted it - it needed salt to make it work. Tomorrow should be interesting, shopping for alternatives and herbs and other things to make food taste flavoursome with out the salt bit.
I eventually had just the one cup of coffee after my no salt soup :-) and I've eaten plenty of fruit and I don't feel the least bit like going out and swapping the car for a Citroen 2CV or some such so I should be alright.
I'm wondering whether to go the whole way on this and go and live in the woods and dye my hair blue and get a good few body piercings and a couple of tasteful tattoos.
Yee Gods - Salt again
I've been through the cupboard and fridge checking out the amount of salt / Sodium in foods.
What a shock. My healthy tomato juice, baked beans, sardines, cheese, marmite (you don't want to know - no really), soup, cook in sauces and so on. Just go and look for yourself. Remember that the recommended daily allowance is about 6g for adults and 3g for children and then add it together it will shock you quite how much of this stuff you eat.
Check your bread, your bread spread and then what you put in it like Ham or Cheese and you will be amazed. I was. I reckon on most days I would have gone over 6g by lunchtime just on cereals and sandwiches.
So far today has gone quite well. I've managed to not have any coffee and I've kept my salt intake down to about 2g so far. Evening meal is yet to come and so I'll probably double that but, it is probably fair to say that for the first time in years my salt intake will be lower than the 6g recommended.
It is a concern that this is normal in most of the everyday foodstuffs we have lying around the house.
What a shock. My healthy tomato juice, baked beans, sardines, cheese, marmite (you don't want to know - no really), soup, cook in sauces and so on. Just go and look for yourself. Remember that the recommended daily allowance is about 6g for adults and 3g for children and then add it together it will shock you quite how much of this stuff you eat.
Check your bread, your bread spread and then what you put in it like Ham or Cheese and you will be amazed. I was. I reckon on most days I would have gone over 6g by lunchtime just on cereals and sandwiches.
So far today has gone quite well. I've managed to not have any coffee and I've kept my salt intake down to about 2g so far. Evening meal is yet to come and so I'll probably double that but, it is probably fair to say that for the first time in years my salt intake will be lower than the 6g recommended.
It is a concern that this is normal in most of the everyday foodstuffs we have lying around the house.
Nice Lunch
Phew
The sun was out and we sat outside for the first time this year enjoying the Spring sunshine. A good couple of beers (lord alone knows what that did to my Blood Pressure!) but I didn't have any food there. I had some of the home made bread before leaving with some Tuna and some low fat cheese. OK - I didn't avoid salt but just had to do the best I could.
I got a call from the Doc. April 19th was the earliest they could do for the recording equipment. He "had words" and the 30th March is now the date. So another 2 weeks before they can even begin to see what might be wrong and he has only just received my blood test results so he hasn't looked at those yet. I'll have to wear some get up for the weekend and then they can decide whether or not I am alive or dead and so do something about it.
I am resigned to this delay now and perhaps there is something else wrong. As usual it moves at its own pace and not mine.
Anyway, the beer and company were good so that is what really matters.
The sun was out and we sat outside for the first time this year enjoying the Spring sunshine. A good couple of beers (lord alone knows what that did to my Blood Pressure!) but I didn't have any food there. I had some of the home made bread before leaving with some Tuna and some low fat cheese. OK - I didn't avoid salt but just had to do the best I could.
I got a call from the Doc. April 19th was the earliest they could do for the recording equipment. He "had words" and the 30th March is now the date. So another 2 weeks before they can even begin to see what might be wrong and he has only just received my blood test results so he hasn't looked at those yet. I'll have to wear some get up for the weekend and then they can decide whether or not I am alive or dead and so do something about it.
I am resigned to this delay now and perhaps there is something else wrong. As usual it moves at its own pace and not mine.
Anyway, the beer and company were good so that is what really matters.
Today without salt or coffee
Thank goodness for the bread maker - we made a loaf last night with half the amount of salt in it and I had some of that this morning. I have had no coffee at all - I've decided to see if I can cut that down to reasonable amounts. I'm thinking that about 10 cups a day isn't so good for you but that is instant. I don't do the 6 or so double espressos a day anymore now. So I will probably just have the odd cup of real coffee every now and then. So far I haven't bitten anyone's ear off or behaved badly :-)
The next thing to work on is limiting things like cheese and processed meats and I am going to have to make my own soups as the ones in tins, packets and cup-a-soups all contain relatively high amounts of salt as well. If you think making soup is easy then go and have a look at how much salt is in a stock cube. This isn't going to be an easy trip at all.
Additionally, alcohol taken in moderation can help blood pressure. OK, that is fine - I can do that. This week has been a bad one though - I realise that by tonight I would have been out every day for a beer! That was a bit startling but then this week I pulled all the appointments into so that I'd take my mind off of next week and going in.
Which reminds me the Doctor said he'd ring yesterday and it is half way through today and he still hasn't rung me.
The next thing to work on is limiting things like cheese and processed meats and I am going to have to make my own soups as the ones in tins, packets and cup-a-soups all contain relatively high amounts of salt as well. If you think making soup is easy then go and have a look at how much salt is in a stock cube. This isn't going to be an easy trip at all.
Additionally, alcohol taken in moderation can help blood pressure. OK, that is fine - I can do that. This week has been a bad one though - I realise that by tonight I would have been out every day for a beer! That was a bit startling but then this week I pulled all the appointments into so that I'd take my mind off of next week and going in.
Which reminds me the Doctor said he'd ring yesterday and it is half way through today and he still hasn't rung me.
Raising the bar
I decided that today would be a good day to up the exercises from 20 minutes a day to 30. The only thing I have noticed is that the computer thingy on the cross trainer doesn't give you more peaks and troughs on the exercises the more time you put in so after 10 minutes I went back to doing 2 more 10 minutes sections each one peaking 3 times in the 10 minutes. It is a much better workout - or appears to be - than the long version of the same programme.
Now I have got to see whether I can keep this going - it always seems to be that you lose some part of your day. What I need to do is make it part of my routine and not look at it as a time stealer.
I often look at people who have just been out for a run or after doing some work down the gym and when they are all red faced and barely able to breathe wonder whether this exercise stuff really does do you good -everyone i see always looks unfit and totally knackered at the end of it :-)
Now I have got to see whether I can keep this going - it always seems to be that you lose some part of your day. What I need to do is make it part of my routine and not look at it as a time stealer.
I often look at people who have just been out for a run or after doing some work down the gym and when they are all red faced and barely able to breathe wonder whether this exercise stuff really does do you good -everyone i see always looks unfit and totally knackered at the end of it :-)
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Salt
I started looking up about hypertension and whilst I know that most of my BP readings (the ones that I do myself) are prehypertension or normal it helps to think about these sort of things.
I was pretty much horrified at how much salt I have a day. Not from me sprinkiling it on but from the actual food itself. Bread and some cereals being very high and even things like tinned fish (Tuna) and cheese. These are all staples of my diet so I've set myself a mission to see if I can reduce the amount of salt I eat now.
I've already changed my lifestyle to some extent and tend to eat a lot more fruit and veg so this is only extending that. The other thing is to get some of this weight off which - happily I appear to be doing as I fitted into my suit comfortably last night and I didn't three weeks ago so that is something. I now need to ramp up my exercises as well.
I was pretty much horrified at how much salt I have a day. Not from me sprinkiling it on but from the actual food itself. Bread and some cereals being very high and even things like tinned fish (Tuna) and cheese. These are all staples of my diet so I've set myself a mission to see if I can reduce the amount of salt I eat now.
I've already changed my lifestyle to some extent and tend to eat a lot more fruit and veg so this is only extending that. The other thing is to get some of this weight off which - happily I appear to be doing as I fitted into my suit comfortably last night and I didn't three weeks ago so that is something. I now need to ramp up my exercises as well.
A lot calmer today
I've now got over the bitter disappointment of not going in on Monday to have this operation. You can probably understand that what I really want to know is whether the treatment has worked or not. 3 months waiting was bad enough - another 2 months (could be) just adds to the uncertainty of it all. I know that it is small consolation but the GP did say that it was pretty effective stuff but of course what happens if it hasn't worked - will I have to start all over again. Something I definitely do not savour.
Ho Hum.
Ho Hum.
No Phone Call
Doc was due to call at 9:00. Asked if I would be here at 9, checked my phone number and took my mobile too. MMmmmm. So is it no news is good news? I doubt it :-)
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