I'm sure that I'll be quite upbeat about this after Friday and say how easy it all was and how I worried about nothing :-) And that's the thing really, I mean how bad can this be for someone who's had a catheter shoved up you know where without anaesthetic :-) That's the thing, I've had far worse things than lying in a big moving X-Ray machine. I'm probably more worried about the dye than anything as I didn't particularly react well to that last time but as I keep reminding myself I'd just had major surgery no more than a week or two before and I was still very weak and although I hate to admit it, I was pretty poorly too.
So I am not so anxious today - I have no idea if it was this or speaking to my mum - as dad's not particularly great at the moment. He's still doing well but getting weaker and it is all just hard work for him to get up and around. His mind of course is as sharp as ever and so he knows what is going on. Perhaps it was that? I'm going up to see him in a couple of weeks.
Added to that is the knowledge that we are also getting towards the end game for the business too. No matter how good an idea it is, how well thought through and documented, if no one will invest then it will be consigned to the pile like many others before and no doubt afterwards. It was always an option and we have planned for it but the disappointment and inability for people to get away from traditional ideas is frightening. People are also not great listeners or readers which is shocking considering that their job is to think laterally, think differently, read and absorb information quickly etc. In fact, it shows how conditioned people must become if they can't grasp some simple truths and realise there is another way to tackle these. Ho hum...
So whilst that looks to be coming up on the horizon, we have been seeking funding for 6 months and our cut-off is at the end of April. We initially envisaged a one year time frame but that was before just the two of us were left as half the team bailed out. So two years effort, a significant investment of our time and perhaps little to show for it, other than the idea and the name :-) Oh well, it had to be done to confirm the idea and to see if it would see the light of day. Without doubt that is playing away at the back of my mind a bit. Anyway - let's see what the latest contacts will be able to do for us.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Trepidation
I was going to say it was unlike me but in fact it is exactly like me to be a little concerned over Friday's CT Scan. I suppose I'm only a little concerned because of the previous experience. I've decided that I'll sort myself out on Thursday with some music and bits so that I can chill on the way there and I'll take my Kindle to read too.
I'm somewhat surprised about the costs I'm receiving to move the Piano but then again, things have gone up a bit since the last time I did it. Indeed it looks to be about double but then I think I've had this Piano for about 10 years now so that could be about right :-) It is a fair distance to move it.
I'm going to turn in to bed early again tonight as I really need some sleep and to just chill out. For some reason I'm a little on edge tonight and I can't for the life of me work out why that should be.
I'm somewhat surprised about the costs I'm receiving to move the Piano but then again, things have gone up a bit since the last time I did it. Indeed it looks to be about double but then I think I've had this Piano for about 10 years now so that could be about right :-) It is a fair distance to move it.
I'm going to turn in to bed early again tonight as I really need some sleep and to just chill out. For some reason I'm a little on edge tonight and I can't for the life of me work out why that should be.
Butter Beans and Exciting News
I soaked the Butter Beans overnight and cooked those up this morning - all now put away in the Freezer ready for my meals. Not sure if I'll do the Haricots tomorrow or later on in the week. Have been having some twitchy moments about having the scan on Friday but not enough to get too worried about it. It can't be anywhere near as bad as the IVU thing I had which truly was the lowest moment of my diagnosis but, to be fair, I wasn't very well when I had it done and so that had a lot to do with it.
So exciting news. What could be so exciting? Well, you may recall I used to have two pianos but had to give one up as Mrs. F. didn't want two in the house - I can't blame her really. I kept the family heirloom, a piano Made by my Great Great Uncle's company it therefore has A Ferdinando on the key board cover and inside on the frame. However, this is no musical instrument and was in a bad state when I got it. We have done our best but it will never truly function as a musical instrument and would never have made concert pitch ever.
This next bit is sad and exciting. My 2nd cousins who are descended from Great Great Uncle Arthur were the first to show me a Ferdinando piano, one passed down through the family and it is in great condition and still playable. The sad news is that their mother recently died and the house has to be cleared and none of the boys has room for it. I've spoken to Mrs. F. and as long as I swap it for the piano I have now, we can bring it here and continue to look after it as a lasting heirloom of the family. So it is sad that it is no longer going to stay in their family but I'm excited to be the custodian of it for a little while. I can write up that Piano's history and ensure that its providence is documented and it can hopefully continue on as a piece of history, a nice piece of furniture and as an instrument as this one actually plays.....
So, I am excited about this as it allows me to have a fully functioning Ferdinando piano in the house and use the other one as spares or to pass on to someone else in the family. I will be able to look after this one on behalf of the family and for future generations.
So exciting news. What could be so exciting? Well, you may recall I used to have two pianos but had to give one up as Mrs. F. didn't want two in the house - I can't blame her really. I kept the family heirloom, a piano Made by my Great Great Uncle's company it therefore has A Ferdinando on the key board cover and inside on the frame. However, this is no musical instrument and was in a bad state when I got it. We have done our best but it will never truly function as a musical instrument and would never have made concert pitch ever.
This next bit is sad and exciting. My 2nd cousins who are descended from Great Great Uncle Arthur were the first to show me a Ferdinando piano, one passed down through the family and it is in great condition and still playable. The sad news is that their mother recently died and the house has to be cleared and none of the boys has room for it. I've spoken to Mrs. F. and as long as I swap it for the piano I have now, we can bring it here and continue to look after it as a lasting heirloom of the family. So it is sad that it is no longer going to stay in their family but I'm excited to be the custodian of it for a little while. I can write up that Piano's history and ensure that its providence is documented and it can hopefully continue on as a piece of history, a nice piece of furniture and as an instrument as this one actually plays.....
Monday, March 26, 2012
Overdone food
Oh dear - I completely over cooked the Turkey and A's was like crispy bacon :-( Ooopsss. Oh well, there you go - I've been told NOT to grill it next time. I should have done it in the oven in some foil....
That's the trouble. I'm cooking for 3 of us and I'm having something different to them - doing it myself I'm fine but having to cook other stuff at the same time is a nightmare. Normally I'm OK doing this but I wasn't prepared and my mate was delayed getting here.
I managed to stuff down plenty of beans with my meal so am back on the straight and narrow now. Have put some butter beans in soak for tomorrow so I'll prepare those and freeze them.
That's the trouble. I'm cooking for 3 of us and I'm having something different to them - doing it myself I'm fine but having to cook other stuff at the same time is a nightmare. Normally I'm OK doing this but I wasn't prepared and my mate was delayed getting here.
I managed to stuff down plenty of beans with my meal so am back on the straight and narrow now. Have put some butter beans in soak for tomorrow so I'll prepare those and freeze them.
And Another Thing
Which I just realised was that I forgot to add some legumes to my lunch which is a minor disaster now - half way through the afternoon... I feel slightly hungry now and I don't normally and it was one of those "moment" that you get when you try and work out quite what you've done wrong and then I saw the container with the black eye beans and realised! Doh... Oh well I will have to have them all at tea time. I am cooking a rather nice looking bit of Turkey which will go down well and just need to make sure I get that all prepared as I'm cooking for three tonight and of course, my meal is subtly different to theirs.
I'm sitting here reviewing what I want to do should we be unable to raise funds for our venture. It's looking more and more likely that that will happen and so I'm working on a mind map of my options, my dreams, my needs and so on. It has been interesting so far because there are some interesting things coming out of it including the wish not to want to commute - believe me commuting in and out of London each day really is the pits and I'm blowed if I'm going to do that without a significantly good excuse. Also interesting that I'm not particularly bothered about going back into any of the high powered jobs I used to hold. There's a reluctance to get back into the high stress lifestyle I used to have. Interesting exercise developing the ideas, reviewing the dream things (or are they) and reviewing the options. It is nice to look at living and working on a Canal Boat or things that I could do associated with that - except that the nearest canals are the other side of London to here or indeed further afield. Interesting life but not certain that it will be as idyllic as it looks or is made out to be.
Like many things in life, the stuff that looks to be fun and rewarding probably aren't :-) It is good though to go through this process and list all these things out and start to get some ideas formulated I find.
I'm sitting here reviewing what I want to do should we be unable to raise funds for our venture. It's looking more and more likely that that will happen and so I'm working on a mind map of my options, my dreams, my needs and so on. It has been interesting so far because there are some interesting things coming out of it including the wish not to want to commute - believe me commuting in and out of London each day really is the pits and I'm blowed if I'm going to do that without a significantly good excuse. Also interesting that I'm not particularly bothered about going back into any of the high powered jobs I used to hold. There's a reluctance to get back into the high stress lifestyle I used to have. Interesting exercise developing the ideas, reviewing the dream things (or are they) and reviewing the options. It is nice to look at living and working on a Canal Boat or things that I could do associated with that - except that the nearest canals are the other side of London to here or indeed further afield. Interesting life but not certain that it will be as idyllic as it looks or is made out to be.
Like many things in life, the stuff that looks to be fun and rewarding probably aren't :-) It is good though to go through this process and list all these things out and start to get some ideas formulated I find.
Notes to Self
Do not weigh yourself for a few days after a cheat day! It only depresses you. It shows a gain of around 3 pounds (give or take) and that was a shock but I did hit those carbs. SO this week, back on plan as far as I can possibly go. I have a meal out on Wednesday, I will just have to take it easy - not have the bread roll and just pick at what I can have. I think that I'll make sure I've filled up as much as I can during the day as there probably wont be any carbs I can have. I can always have some when I get home if I find myself in trouble. I can substitute water for beer and can have some red wine.
I managed to tweak my back once again over the weekend (probably Friday night when doing my exercises). I have to learn not to get carried away and over do the exercises. I feel good and go for an extra 5 minute burn workout and I'm sure that is when I managed to do this.
So a few notes to self are needed on the exercise, measurements and just to be patient and to moderate things.
I managed to tweak my back once again over the weekend (probably Friday night when doing my exercises). I have to learn not to get carried away and over do the exercises. I feel good and go for an extra 5 minute burn workout and I'm sure that is when I managed to do this.
So a few notes to self are needed on the exercise, measurements and just to be patient and to moderate things.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Well that was strange
A day of eating things that I wouldn't normally eat anyway. I really filled up with sugary and carb filled things yesterday and butter and chips and a doughnut, chocolate mousse, a pack of Wine Gums and lots of things that didn't actually make me feel that great in all honesty. I did enjoy some beers though and that was a pleasant diversion. At one time, after having toasted sandwiches with Cheese and Tuna and then grabbing the Doughnut afterwards I did feel a little sick :-)
Things are back to normal at the moment this morning and I'm feeling glad to be back on familiar territory and whilst this diet is a little bland it does at least show some great results already and for that reason alone I'm sticking with it and I just hope that over the fullness of time it gets me back to a good weight. It would be nice to be a stone or more lighter than I am now - 2 stone lighter would be good too. However, that's speculation at the moment. Continued dieting and taking the cheat day once a week will show results in the tape and scales.
I'm around about 16 1/2 stone and perhaps a little lower than that but these things aren't (and don't need to be) pin point accurate. If it is a pound either way I'm sure it doesn't matter it is the overall effect I'm after. I'm not going to worry about the odd pound but the odd stone - now there's a different thing.
This week ahead is interesting, my business partner is off until Wednesday evening so I am also off in reality. We are just waiting for either an email or a phone call and so I'm trying to consider what is my best use of this time. I have accounts that I can do, I have some chores that I can attend to and I suppose I need to consider what I should do if we don't get funding, which is, I am afraid looking more likely. Of course we wont give up entirely but neither will we chase things that may not realistically be likely to happen either - no matter how good an idea it is. I just need to think things through and to set out what I actually want and what I actually need for my future. Maybe some more thoughts on that as I think them through.
Things are back to normal at the moment this morning and I'm feeling glad to be back on familiar territory and whilst this diet is a little bland it does at least show some great results already and for that reason alone I'm sticking with it and I just hope that over the fullness of time it gets me back to a good weight. It would be nice to be a stone or more lighter than I am now - 2 stone lighter would be good too. However, that's speculation at the moment. Continued dieting and taking the cheat day once a week will show results in the tape and scales.
I'm around about 16 1/2 stone and perhaps a little lower than that but these things aren't (and don't need to be) pin point accurate. If it is a pound either way I'm sure it doesn't matter it is the overall effect I'm after. I'm not going to worry about the odd pound but the odd stone - now there's a different thing.
This week ahead is interesting, my business partner is off until Wednesday evening so I am also off in reality. We are just waiting for either an email or a phone call and so I'm trying to consider what is my best use of this time. I have accounts that I can do, I have some chores that I can attend to and I suppose I need to consider what I should do if we don't get funding, which is, I am afraid looking more likely. Of course we wont give up entirely but neither will we chase things that may not realistically be likely to happen either - no matter how good an idea it is. I just need to think things through and to set out what I actually want and what I actually need for my future. Maybe some more thoughts on that as I think them through.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Don't Cheat on Cheat Day
So I'm not - have already had sugary and sweet things, have bought a bag of Liquorice and a bag of Wine Gums and I am busily devouring them after having had a high protein breakfast. I feel like I'm force feeding myself and the sugar rush is pretty strange. I decided I'd get right into it with coffee and sweetener and milk, toast, butter and marmalade and now some sweets. Mrs. F. is going out later and so doughnuts and pastries are on the menu. I've some fruit nicely frozen to make some sorbets with later and at the same time I am trying to distract myself so as not to see the results of the F1 qualifying from Singapore - I have to wait until 1 pm for that.
I think they may have to peel be down from the walls after all these sweets. Actually it all tastes very strange indeed as I've had none of this all week and so going from relatively bland food (it isn't all that bad really) to this is an amazing shock to the system.
Oh well, it might be a terrible thing to have to eat all this high carbs, sickly sweet stuff all day but someone's got to do it! :-) Might as well be me.
I think they may have to peel be down from the walls after all these sweets. Actually it all tastes very strange indeed as I've had none of this all week and so going from relatively bland food (it isn't all that bad really) to this is an amazing shock to the system.
Oh well, it might be a terrible thing to have to eat all this high carbs, sickly sweet stuff all day but someone's got to do it! :-) Might as well be me.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Bit of a rest coming up
Yes, my business partner is off for a short while playing golf and we met up for a coffee this morning. Not a lot happening unfortunately - we just need to sit back and see what our emails bring us. It is always a bit of an anti-climax and things happen in waves. There's nothing for me to do but sit back and wait :-)
So I need to sort out what to do for 3 or 4 days and next week is actually pretty busy. I'm out three nights next week and I have my CT Scan which is uncharted territory for me on Friday - in fact this time next week it should (in theory) be all over! I have no idea when I'll get the results of that - I suppose not until July unless they find something...... which if they do I'll be called up I guess.
So - I've a few odds and ends to work on but perhaps I'll take some time off away from the PC and just relax a bit?
So I need to sort out what to do for 3 or 4 days and next week is actually pretty busy. I'm out three nights next week and I have my CT Scan which is uncharted territory for me on Friday - in fact this time next week it should (in theory) be all over! I have no idea when I'll get the results of that - I suppose not until July unless they find something...... which if they do I'll be called up I guess.
So - I've a few odds and ends to work on but perhaps I'll take some time off away from the PC and just relax a bit?
They grow up so quickly
So A asks me to choose which outfit she should wear and appears in a power dress grey skirt and jacket suit followed by a black trouser and jacket combo. I'm amazed at the transformation. Art students, by their nature, aren't suit people :-) She looked totally different and "all grown up". So I asked what is the occasion? She has an interview at one of the top galleries in the UK. So she has gone out and "invested" in these two suits - her own money - and is preparing herself for her interview next week.
I'm always impressed by her planning and attention to detail and we spent some time crafting her cover letter. It isn't even a permanent job and covers the summer but, she suggests that if she can get the job, do well etc. she will have it on her CV as a minimum and will be asking for any future opportunities to work there. I'm most impressed.
Also this morning was also most impressed to take in another notch on my waist line belt :-) That's impressive, that's two notches in two weeks. Long may that continue.
I'm always impressed by her planning and attention to detail and we spent some time crafting her cover letter. It isn't even a permanent job and covers the summer but, she suggests that if she can get the job, do well etc. she will have it on her CV as a minimum and will be asking for any future opportunities to work there. I'm most impressed.
Also this morning was also most impressed to take in another notch on my waist line belt :-) That's impressive, that's two notches in two weeks. Long may that continue.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
I'm quite impressed with this diet
I'm feeling good and I'm losing pounds and can see it and my belt is now fully in one notch (not pulling) so there's at least an inch of not more of my waistline, my face and neck look thinner and my stomach is shrinking nicely. I have to say that I'm impressed with the results of this almost counter intuitive diet. If anything I don't tend to eat enough in the evening but tonight I think I put that right by upping the number of legumes I normally have and that really seems to have removed the hunger pangs I was getting around about this time of night.
Amazingly I ate early around 6 pm but that's OK I think. I just maxed out with 15 oz of Red Kidney Beans and about 4 oz of Chick Peas to go with my chicken breast, Spinach and Tomatoes. I am looking forward to cheating on Saturday and this time I will go a bit crazy I think as I just fancy celebrating lasting this week and keeping away from booze and banished foods. Tomorrow I will once again raid the Freezer and set free some of my Stilton Cheese and perhaps on Saturday I'll make some of my banana ice cream with my juicer/blender. That has only had two uses this week which I'm disappointed with. I ran out of carrots earlier in the week and really I should have got off my arse and gone and got some more. Tomorrow looks to be a very nice day so perhaps I will go for a walk down to my local supermarket and have a bit of a spend up and also get myself some treats for Saturday.
I really ought to go see my doctor as well I suppose - I keep putting it off. I'll walk right past the place so maybe I could take my diary and call in for an appointment?
Work was slow today and I suppose if I did an hour over the whole day I did a lot. I hope that I'll be a little busier tomorrow but I doubt it! Perhaps a call with my business partner and that will do.
Anyway, happy with the diet, getting the hang of eating enough and roll on Saturday!
Amazingly I ate early around 6 pm but that's OK I think. I just maxed out with 15 oz of Red Kidney Beans and about 4 oz of Chick Peas to go with my chicken breast, Spinach and Tomatoes. I am looking forward to cheating on Saturday and this time I will go a bit crazy I think as I just fancy celebrating lasting this week and keeping away from booze and banished foods. Tomorrow I will once again raid the Freezer and set free some of my Stilton Cheese and perhaps on Saturday I'll make some of my banana ice cream with my juicer/blender. That has only had two uses this week which I'm disappointed with. I ran out of carrots earlier in the week and really I should have got off my arse and gone and got some more. Tomorrow looks to be a very nice day so perhaps I will go for a walk down to my local supermarket and have a bit of a spend up and also get myself some treats for Saturday.
I really ought to go see my doctor as well I suppose - I keep putting it off. I'll walk right past the place so maybe I could take my diary and call in for an appointment?
Work was slow today and I suppose if I did an hour over the whole day I did a lot. I hope that I'll be a little busier tomorrow but I doubt it! Perhaps a call with my business partner and that will do.
Anyway, happy with the diet, getting the hang of eating enough and roll on Saturday!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Considering what to do next
I'd probably say that the workload is diminishing by the day now. We are waiting on people getting back to us and there's not a lot we can do (apart from print the money maybe!) and so days have suddenly become long and every email arriving is pounced on as if something wonderful is going to happen. It isn't of course and the way things are going it is unlikely that the next 4 to 6 weeks will throw up anything new or exciting. So it gives me time to consider what I want to do next and that's proving a problem really. When you've been involved in something that has the potential to change so many people's lives and it remains unfulfilled anything else is a bit of a let down really. An anti climax and in a way I suppose it cannot be anything else. It was never going to fade away because we planned for a test point to be reached and we are coming up close to that and if things don't happen then the test point is proven and we take the next course of action in our plan.
What is "funny" is that there's some obvious disappointment in this but no real anger or resentment (apart from understanding some of the more inside working of the finance industry). There's not a feeling that we've been hard done by as in reality, if we have done this properly then those people who should be interested would have been but they are not. The economic, political and world climate just isn't here at the moment. We've either peaked too soon or not soon enough and perhaps we might be listened to later on?
There's a bit of a hole opening up as it is something I've done now for close to 2 years - I hadn't planned 2 years but there you go. You can't think about what to do next if you are working on what was in front of you so it can only happen now at this time. It's difficult to know where to start except that the holiday cleared my head and whilst I have some negative thoughts I'm in a better place than I was before going away - I did feel that we weren't doing enough but perception is very often much different to reality.
So, tomorrow I'll take a walk up to Costa for breakfast and meet with Flocky Bicep and we can have a chat about Lodge and so on and then also about life in general... I'm looking forward to that a lot. I hope he is :-) He will have me bending his ear for half a morning!!!!
What is "funny" is that there's some obvious disappointment in this but no real anger or resentment (apart from understanding some of the more inside working of the finance industry). There's not a feeling that we've been hard done by as in reality, if we have done this properly then those people who should be interested would have been but they are not. The economic, political and world climate just isn't here at the moment. We've either peaked too soon or not soon enough and perhaps we might be listened to later on?
There's a bit of a hole opening up as it is something I've done now for close to 2 years - I hadn't planned 2 years but there you go. You can't think about what to do next if you are working on what was in front of you so it can only happen now at this time. It's difficult to know where to start except that the holiday cleared my head and whilst I have some negative thoughts I'm in a better place than I was before going away - I did feel that we weren't doing enough but perception is very often much different to reality.
So, tomorrow I'll take a walk up to Costa for breakfast and meet with Flocky Bicep and we can have a chat about Lodge and so on and then also about life in general... I'm looking forward to that a lot. I hope he is :-) He will have me bending his ear for half a morning!!!!
A Bit of Respect Please
This goes out to the spammers and mindless morons (which by default means they will be unable to read and comprehend this) who post blatant adverts and links on my blog in the hope that it will increase their SEO and promote their web sites. If you are going to do it here are a few rules:
- Don't do it on a blog where I discuss my father's terminal illness
- Don't do it on a blog that discusses useful stuff for sufferers
- By all means comment on my flippant stuff and my trivia (it probably deserves that sort of attention)
- Any comment with a URL that I don't like will be deleted
- I review all comments - I report those that are inappropriate - I also put a small incantation learnt from a martial arts specialist in Nepal that will mean that in a month or two you'll be walking along the street and your arm or leg will drop off - you have been warned
So to remain safe - don't comment unless you have something meaningful to say, some question you would liked answered or something else useful to bring to the party.
But don't be disrespectful to my father or my family, you really really really don't want me to change from being the nice guy that I am, remember that the nice quiet ones are the ones to be worried about. As Wednesday Addams so eloquently puts it "Be afraid, be very afraid" :-)
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Update on the CT Scan
Due on 30th March at lunchtime so that was a bit quicker than I was lead to believe it would be. I've read the basic stuff it looks as if I'll be there for a few hours so MP3 and Kindle reader are up for an outing. I guess it will require gown and all that stuff so best take my sandals and sort that out.
I can't say I'm particularly looking forward to it but will just make the best of it. I can call the Doctors up afterwards and do my BP the week after as I wouldn't want to measure what my BP will be like leading up to it. Like all these things it will all be over and done with pretty quickly and so I'll just grin and bear it and can then move on. Of course there's always the worry that they'll find something :-( Anyway - I suppose that should be a reason to be thankful that they'll find something if I do have anything.
Anyway, at least it is only 10 days away so that's something. After sorting it out I went shopping but only got enough to stick in the bag I was carrying I could have got completely carried away with all the food that was there and the seafood was really tempting there was some nice Mackerel there but I resisted and only got some bits and pieces that I wanted to try out. Some Cod Roe, some Butter Beans and Haricots plus some Mushrooms, Fish Sticks and some Chinese Leaf - they also had Pak Choi but I thought I'd never get that home. I managed to find some Egg Whites in a carton too and got another 18 eggs. I get through 3 eggs a day at the moment and so thought I ought to use the Egg White and just one or two eggs with it. Not sure yet will try and resolve that. I took one look at the Turkey Bacon and decided against that :-) It was about £2.40 for 6 rashers :-( So I'll be making do with the nice stuff we froze at Christmas time which is very good quality. I was being suspicious of Bacon but I am now having it occasionally as it is allowed in the diet.
On the day of the CT Scan that is going to get hit as there is no eating for 4 hours and I'm going to be there at lunchtime. They will want to fill me up with water - well I'll already be full with the amounts I drink so I'd better moderate it that day. Hmmmm, at least I'll be ready to eat heartily when I've finished - I'll be able to have lunch and tea all at the same time!
I can't say I'm particularly looking forward to it but will just make the best of it. I can call the Doctors up afterwards and do my BP the week after as I wouldn't want to measure what my BP will be like leading up to it. Like all these things it will all be over and done with pretty quickly and so I'll just grin and bear it and can then move on. Of course there's always the worry that they'll find something :-( Anyway - I suppose that should be a reason to be thankful that they'll find something if I do have anything.
Anyway, at least it is only 10 days away so that's something. After sorting it out I went shopping but only got enough to stick in the bag I was carrying I could have got completely carried away with all the food that was there and the seafood was really tempting there was some nice Mackerel there but I resisted and only got some bits and pieces that I wanted to try out. Some Cod Roe, some Butter Beans and Haricots plus some Mushrooms, Fish Sticks and some Chinese Leaf - they also had Pak Choi but I thought I'd never get that home. I managed to find some Egg Whites in a carton too and got another 18 eggs. I get through 3 eggs a day at the moment and so thought I ought to use the Egg White and just one or two eggs with it. Not sure yet will try and resolve that. I took one look at the Turkey Bacon and decided against that :-) It was about £2.40 for 6 rashers :-( So I'll be making do with the nice stuff we froze at Christmas time which is very good quality. I was being suspicious of Bacon but I am now having it occasionally as it is allowed in the diet.
On the day of the CT Scan that is going to get hit as there is no eating for 4 hours and I'm going to be there at lunchtime. They will want to fill me up with water - well I'll already be full with the amounts I drink so I'd better moderate it that day. Hmmmm, at least I'll be ready to eat heartily when I've finished - I'll be able to have lunch and tea all at the same time!
Monday, March 19, 2012
CT Scan
"Hello, I've been told to call you to book a CT scan." "Ermm, do you have a form?" "Why yes I do." "Well, we are meant to have the form" "I see"
So I have decided that the very best thing I can do is actually go to the Radiology department tomorrow and take my diary and book this up. I can also chat to someone (and maybe see the Scanner). "They" (whoever they may be) say that if you are claustrophobic that it can be difficult, well maybe they'll let me have a peek and see it - I'm sure it should be OK, I've been inside a large X-Ray thing before so perhaps it is like that? Anyhow, at least they sounded OK about me turning up to make the appointment and also that I'm over 42 (I think) which means that I'm OK to have the scan without some sort of assessment being made.
Maybe whilst I am out I can pop into the shops and get some food for my diet. I'm being a bit demanding on what I'm able to eat so I can perhaps do a bit of shopping myself and so make the main shop a bit less arduous. The Supermarket is right next door to the Hospital so it shouldn't be a problem and a bit of exercise will go down well after breakfast.
So I have decided that the very best thing I can do is actually go to the Radiology department tomorrow and take my diary and book this up. I can also chat to someone (and maybe see the Scanner). "They" (whoever they may be) say that if you are claustrophobic that it can be difficult, well maybe they'll let me have a peek and see it - I'm sure it should be OK, I've been inside a large X-Ray thing before so perhaps it is like that? Anyhow, at least they sounded OK about me turning up to make the appointment and also that I'm over 42 (I think) which means that I'm OK to have the scan without some sort of assessment being made.
Maybe whilst I am out I can pop into the shops and get some food for my diet. I'm being a bit demanding on what I'm able to eat so I can perhaps do a bit of shopping myself and so make the main shop a bit less arduous. The Supermarket is right next door to the Hospital so it shouldn't be a problem and a bit of exercise will go down well after breakfast.
Very Quick
Traumatic but very quickly my friend died and it was a sad evening. I feel sorry for my friend who I go to the Jazz night with as this is both of his friends in a very short space of time :-( Parkinson's and now this Pancreatic and complications (Gall and Liver problems). It has been pretty quick I guess 2 weeks start to finish and I only saw him myself about 6 or 8 weeks ago I suppose. I only meet him 8 or 10 times a year but have done that regularly over 10 or more years I suppose.
So a sad day really but here's something interesting at the same time another friend of mine was posting that he had a 220 mile round trip to come to Bromley tonight. As things happened one of the Brethren stopped breathing and this chap stepped in and got his heart beating again sufficiently to get help there and that's just amazing so now he knows why he made the round trip - he did that to save a life. Fantastic job.
So a sad day really but here's something interesting at the same time another friend of mine was posting that he had a 220 mile round trip to come to Bromley tonight. As things happened one of the Brethren stopped breathing and this chap stepped in and got his heart beating again sufficiently to get help there and that's just amazing so now he knows why he made the round trip - he did that to save a life. Fantastic job.
Dad
Well dad is stable I guess you'd call it. He surprises me my being still very cheerful although he has his days - don't we all. He is still hanging on in there but quite weak and needs to take his time and get his breath and that's the thing - his mind isn't going but his body is and he knows it. I just heard that a friend of mine was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer whilst I was away he is in hospital and not so good. In and out of conciousness and not likely to last too long. It is a shame as he and I were only talking about Dad in January (or was it February) and he was complaining about a few minor ailments and bang, that's arrived and within weeks he is seriously ill.
In some ways I'm surprised my dad has made it this far, he wasn't expected to at all although his prognosis of 6 months to 4 years gives plenty of room for the health specialists. I'm planning to go up soon to see the folks, I ring everyday really just to make sure mum has somewhere to off load what she is going through. My brother isn't "good" at that sort of listening regime. I'm a lot better at hearing the words that he doesn't want to hear. I think that there's a lot to be said for looking after the carer a little more, they have to be there all the time and live with the consequences.
Anyway, he's as well as can be and still doing well despite what is actually happening to him.
In some ways I'm surprised my dad has made it this far, he wasn't expected to at all although his prognosis of 6 months to 4 years gives plenty of room for the health specialists. I'm planning to go up soon to see the folks, I ring everyday really just to make sure mum has somewhere to off load what she is going through. My brother isn't "good" at that sort of listening regime. I'm a lot better at hearing the words that he doesn't want to hear. I think that there's a lot to be said for looking after the carer a little more, they have to be there all the time and live with the consequences.
Anyway, he's as well as can be and still doing well despite what is actually happening to him.
New Week New Outlook
I've been in a funny old place since being diagnosed with Bladder Cancer way way back in July 2006. It really has completely thrown my life into a different place and all that period up until diagnosis of sacrifice at the altar of capitalism changed in a very swift way. The funniest thing was that I thought, back then, I had direction something that I'm not absolutely certain I had then or have now. Since diagnosis I've been struggling coming to terms with what it all means, how I've been affected, what I want to do and so on. It's a long old "mid life crisis" and for much of that time I've been trying to weigh it all up. I'm not saying that I've succeeded or that I'm anywhere nearer answering the questions I'm posing myself but that I'm now in a comfortable place with myself.
This morning, for once in a long time, I've sat down at my PC without the anxious drive to do something and by that I mean that I generally sit here and feel guilty if I'm not doing something constructive and yet, today, there is nothing to do - all my actions are done, my work here is finished and I'm waiting for someone to get back to me, a call to arrive and nothing else. The day is my own until something else happens. Close to 2 years work is now over and things will be what they will be, there is a plan and things will happen today and down the week but there is nothing I can physically do to make it happen it is out of my control.
What to do with the time now available? Well some tidying up and getting my desk cleaned up. Throw away all the old rubbish and recycle all the paper around here :-) I've some things to do in terms of sorting out accounts and also I have to update my diary with all my commitments in it. Arrange to go see my folks and generally start to consider what to do next in terms of a job, career or vocation.
Of course, that could be considered defeatist and I suppose in a way if you look at it without my knowledge of the situation it could be. In fact it is proper risk management in action as I can see the possibility of a train wreck in the distance and I'm mitigating it. It would be amusing to get to the end of the journey and find that we can proceed no further and not have a Plan B :-)
It is a beautiful sunny spring day outside and I'm feeling good and positive, I'm losing weight, I feel well and the holiday was the right thing to do to get my head back in the right place and to calm me down and level off the anxiety I was beginning to feel.
I have to also get in touch with my GP and get my BP reading done - maybe next week will be good for that with this amount of weight lost and also the pressures gone. Also need to call to arrange my CT Scan. Anyway, things have slowed right down now and hopefully that will allow me the time to reflect and consider my situation fully. I certainly hope so.
This morning, for once in a long time, I've sat down at my PC without the anxious drive to do something and by that I mean that I generally sit here and feel guilty if I'm not doing something constructive and yet, today, there is nothing to do - all my actions are done, my work here is finished and I'm waiting for someone to get back to me, a call to arrive and nothing else. The day is my own until something else happens. Close to 2 years work is now over and things will be what they will be, there is a plan and things will happen today and down the week but there is nothing I can physically do to make it happen it is out of my control.
What to do with the time now available? Well some tidying up and getting my desk cleaned up. Throw away all the old rubbish and recycle all the paper around here :-) I've some things to do in terms of sorting out accounts and also I have to update my diary with all my commitments in it. Arrange to go see my folks and generally start to consider what to do next in terms of a job, career or vocation.
Of course, that could be considered defeatist and I suppose in a way if you look at it without my knowledge of the situation it could be. In fact it is proper risk management in action as I can see the possibility of a train wreck in the distance and I'm mitigating it. It would be amusing to get to the end of the journey and find that we can proceed no further and not have a Plan B :-)
It is a beautiful sunny spring day outside and I'm feeling good and positive, I'm losing weight, I feel well and the holiday was the right thing to do to get my head back in the right place and to calm me down and level off the anxiety I was beginning to feel.
I have to also get in touch with my GP and get my BP reading done - maybe next week will be good for that with this amount of weight lost and also the pressures gone. Also need to call to arrange my CT Scan. Anyway, things have slowed right down now and hopefully that will allow me the time to reflect and consider my situation fully. I certainly hope so.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Back on the diet
I'm almost relieved to be back on the diet - I was quite uncomfortable last night with all the eating stuff you like and high carb content etc., but it needs to happen once a week and no doubt I will get my balance of being decadent once a week as time moves on.
I dug out my old egg steamer (poacher) from the back of one of the kitchen cupboards and used that this morning it works well. I'm using up the some of my pre-prepared frozen legumes. Chick Peas this morning and not too many of them as it says they should be used in moderation and so I will make sure I have a good few days gap in between using them again. I have some Avocados that must also be used in moderation, perhaps for lunch? Anyway, I can definitely feel the weight loss and more interestingly things like bending over to tie a shoe or pick something up are now much easier so I'm pleased about that.
I'm once again keeping away from TV and Radio and Internet news so as not to find out the F1 result - the replay show is on at 2pm. It is a bit of a nuisance that F1 has come off terrestrial TV and is now a "paid for" Satellite experience. I'm not sure that for the 40 hours of actual racing I want to pay out £360+ a year. In fact 10 of the races will be on terrestrial so it definitely doesn't make economic sense that would be around £30 a race :-) I think they have the highlights of every race plus the 10 live ones so I'll see how it can be scheduled.
I should have sat down and done some accounts this weekend and actually, frankly, I can't be arsed to do it :-) I know that sounds bad but occasionally you just need to have some "me" time. I'm beginning to consider my future options especially as we haven't had even a nibble from the investment community. People outside of that community cannot understand how our idea cannot be given some level of investment.
We are aware (and always were) that this was a possible outcome and have planned for it. The next step will be to approach Corporate companies who have money available and will venture with us. That changes the game a bit for us. In fact it changes it a lot but if that doesn't happen and we cannot Joint Venture either then we are sort of clutching at straws and will need to take a deep breath and close the business down. It will be a shame of course but that's what happens and great ideas and clever innovation do not always get recognised and realised. We would have done what we needed to bring the idea to life and have it investor ready. We might be able to "sell" the work we have done and the company name etc., to recover some costs but that's not immediately likely.
So I'm doing some thinking about what I'd like to do next if things don't work out the way I would like them to. There's plenty of things and opportunities out there and I could probably pursue a dream or perhaps change career or do something completely "out there" :-) I just need a lazy Sunday like today to do that....
I dug out my old egg steamer (poacher) from the back of one of the kitchen cupboards and used that this morning it works well. I'm using up the some of my pre-prepared frozen legumes. Chick Peas this morning and not too many of them as it says they should be used in moderation and so I will make sure I have a good few days gap in between using them again. I have some Avocados that must also be used in moderation, perhaps for lunch? Anyway, I can definitely feel the weight loss and more interestingly things like bending over to tie a shoe or pick something up are now much easier so I'm pleased about that.
I'm once again keeping away from TV and Radio and Internet news so as not to find out the F1 result - the replay show is on at 2pm. It is a bit of a nuisance that F1 has come off terrestrial TV and is now a "paid for" Satellite experience. I'm not sure that for the 40 hours of actual racing I want to pay out £360+ a year. In fact 10 of the races will be on terrestrial so it definitely doesn't make economic sense that would be around £30 a race :-) I think they have the highlights of every race plus the 10 live ones so I'll see how it can be scheduled.
I should have sat down and done some accounts this weekend and actually, frankly, I can't be arsed to do it :-) I know that sounds bad but occasionally you just need to have some "me" time. I'm beginning to consider my future options especially as we haven't had even a nibble from the investment community. People outside of that community cannot understand how our idea cannot be given some level of investment.
We are aware (and always were) that this was a possible outcome and have planned for it. The next step will be to approach Corporate companies who have money available and will venture with us. That changes the game a bit for us. In fact it changes it a lot but if that doesn't happen and we cannot Joint Venture either then we are sort of clutching at straws and will need to take a deep breath and close the business down. It will be a shame of course but that's what happens and great ideas and clever innovation do not always get recognised and realised. We would have done what we needed to bring the idea to life and have it investor ready. We might be able to "sell" the work we have done and the company name etc., to recover some costs but that's not immediately likely.
So I'm doing some thinking about what I'd like to do next if things don't work out the way I would like them to. There's plenty of things and opportunities out there and I could probably pursue a dream or perhaps change career or do something completely "out there" :-) I just need a lazy Sunday like today to do that....
Saturday, March 17, 2012
OK Enough Already
Managed to get into the swing on cheat day (or should that be reward day). Finally got stuck into and had some bread and some crumptes, cheese especially my Stilton and some cheese biscuits before heading off to town to have an Italian meal - some Seafood Ravioli and Tiramisu (sp) and a few Peroni beers so hopefully I've done what is needed I certainly fell full up and slightly uncomfortable. Hopefully this has spiked my carbs and will help next weeks low carbs do their job.
So off to bed now and back to the diet tomorrow - glad to see that a large bag of Spinach has turned up in the fridge - I love the stuff and it goes well with all meals.
So off to bed now and back to the diet tomorrow - glad to see that a large bag of Spinach has turned up in the fridge - I love the stuff and it goes well with all meals.
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