Cancer seems a long way away to me

Although I know I must have a scope coming pretty soon, it does seem to have been a long time ago that it was right there at the front of my mind and yet of course it wasn't that long ago I was in Hospital for an operation that once again proved that all was clear.  

How quickly the memory fades but also since I've emptied my mind of all that baggage it doesn't dwell in my mind anymore which is great and I don't miss it I can tell you.  I think the human mind is pretty good at suppressing bad stuff and also it dims the pain and the anguish and all the other bad stuff that happened around that time.  

I am so glad that I finally sorted my head and my body and my life out you know?  It's not as if Bladder Cancer was a catalyst for this - or was it?  I think it was a contributory factor and just added more weight to the arguments.  I've mentioned that I was already well on the way to divorce when I got ill and all that happened was that it delayed things and the problem was on surviving that the rebuilding I was trying to do was forever pushing the rock up the hill.  

Sometimes it feels like I'm in the Matrix the stuff that goes on these days and how I wish I'd been in the mental state I'm in now ten years or more back maybe, just maybe, I could have controlled all this better.  

I used to think about Bladder Cancer all the time and now I'm actually not thinking about it apart from coming here to the blog and if anyone asks me how I am.  It's all good as I tell anyone enquiring about me.  

So a long way off way off, way over there in the past and let's hope it stays that way.   Did it make me a stronger person?  No it didn't it changed me without doubt but I don't think I'm stronger than I was but perhaps even more so recently, life has changed significantly and that's great.  I'm really looking forward to getting moving on a new business and a new place to live and a new life and just being free to go and be me and not the person I've been until recently.

I like that everything these days can be looked upon as interesting, enjoyable even - so chores that I didn't really like can become something that you can get on with and just enjoy doing them.  Bizarre huh?  Sure is but that's the thing, live for the moment, enjoy it, experience it.  Today I had to go to the Post Office and it started raining - no worries wait - stops raining go.  Walking back a murmuration of Starlings convulsing in the sky above me, a lady parking her car and a smile her way, a lady walking her dog and a man both able to say hello and good afternoon to.  I felt great when I got back indoors.  Nothing happened (or did it).  I just enjoyed the wander up to the Post Office and back and the job got done no worries no panic no stress.  I got my prescription at the chemist and whilst the lady is a bit of a pain it wasn't a problem - I see the Doc wants to see me to once more take my blood pressure.  At least it isn't a blood test although I'd normally have one for Christmas.  It will be interesting to see what my BP is like these days now I'm that much lighter and fitter.  

So it all seems a long way off in a land far far away now thank goodness.  The trick today and going forward is to keep well, eat properly and try and stay as healthy as possible.  The one thing I certainly don't want is to go back to those dark places and I'm doing everything I can not to believe me. :-)