Yes Indeed

This was on Facebook today and I thought - yes - exactly that's it, that describes how I feel about things at the moment.  It matters not that the opened door also got closed because there is another one somewhere and I just haven't identified it yet :-)

The turnabout in my life has been pretty major in the past 4 or 5 months and this is just one of those changes in thought process that I think is part of it.  For me, I have the time - or will have soon - where I can take stock, build my new business and just get things moving again.  It's like getting your life back again and I'm a pretty lucky guy in that I already got it back once when I survived cancer.  So now I've got the opportunity of doing something with my life and I don't think it needs to be earth shattering stuff nor does it need to be anything like making a huge impact in the world.  I reckon if I continue to be the much nicer guy I am now and living my life the way I want to then perhaps that will be enough for me.

I'm pretty contented with my lot these days.  I'd liked to have my life go in a slightly different direction without doubt there was a direction that would have been just wonderful but it didn't happen and whilst it took me a long while to understand what was going on, I couldn't change what that was or how it turned out as it wasn't in my power, influence or any other control - it was just the way it was going to be.  But even so, I'm happy and whilst you can look back and say "what if" that isn't actually going to get you anywhere.  I prefer to look back and break into a big smile say "what a ride!".  Hunter S Thompson wasn't it? Said "Buy the ticket, take the ride!"  Too bloody right Hunter - spot on.  

Sometimes you don't realise that you come out a better person from some of these experiences.  It's all Karma I suppose and you steer a course through life and things happen to you seemingly randomly I always thought and yet things have happened to me this year that almost can't be explained any other way.  I look back on these past 5 months and marvel at the whole transformation of the wreck that I was to who I am now.  

My whole outlook these days is one of quiet optimism.  I know there are going to be some challenges ahead but that's OK.  I have an easy life here even now and that will change a bit but nothing is insurmountable, nothing is impossible (apart from unsubscribing from Readers Digest of course!).  Whilst I have some trepidation about just keeping up with the chores of the house I know that I can do it but I just need to work it out, that's all. 

I remember thinking to myself earlier about the differences between me this time last year and me now.  It's totally the opposite - diametrically different and it shows - or it does to me.  I'm not sure if it is that visible on the outside - I think I always was a bit crazy on the outside.  People who don't know me think that I am quiet and introverted and my friends wish I was.  Actually I am an introvert but these days I actually think that I may be getting over that because I've nothing to fear from talking to people and interacting with them.  I have nothing to "worry" about anymore.  All the stuff I piled onto myself a year ago isn't there.  None of the health freakiness.  I'm 3 and 1/2 stone lighter, I breathe without labouring (stress) I don't have the worry, the panic attacks, the same level of claustrophobia I used to have.  I feel good about myself, I am free of all the self doubts and hang ups I had and I no longer have the fears of the past and the future to worry me either.

It was one hell of a ride though to get here.  Things just need to keep moving in the same direction and this bursting out of the grey place I was in is great.   I often now just get pleasure from walking to the shops and back.  How great is that?  Simple things can be very pleasurable.  Mundane tasks done well can have a level of accomplishment in them.   A few coffees and a chat are moments to enjoy and treasure.  It's just an attitude thing and there's no need to get upset or bothered.  I notice in the Post Office for example queuing up isn't annoying like it used to be.  Things will get done they will take the pace that they take, it isn't any use wishing that the person in front was a little faster or could find their card quickly - it doesn't matter.  It shouldn't get you upset - who gets annoyed them or you?  Who is doing the annoying?  You are - to yourself.  How crazy is that?  I look at most things like that now - it isn't any use getting all het up and annoying yourself as most of this stuff is out of your control anyway. :-)