It's Painful Sometimes

Poor Mrs. F. is so upset that she can hardly speak about splitting up and we had to talk about money today as I'll need some to move out but as I assured her, I shouldn't need to spend it all and should start to be self-sufficient in about 6 months.  Emotion and Logic really aren't great partners to have side by side when discussing such matters.  It soon becomes an illogical ill thought through thing and I have to just bring it back to level and calm it down.

Oh my though she looks so hurt and vulnerable and I feel so bad about this and yet when I reflect - I really have to go as I want to remain sane and it really wasn't doing me any good at all.  Some of the "practicalities" aren't real considerations.  Like getting rid of stuff for the sake of it.  I'm decluttering as I've got loads of stuff that is just gathering dust.   Mrs. F. is almost considering a House Clearance and I've just had to rein that back as it isn't a thought through proposition.  I know we have a load of clutter but it isn't logical - "what about you piano?" well what about it - it isn't doing any harm where it has sat for years?  

She's gone out thank goodness it was such hard work trying to sort things out this morning and you can see despair and helplessness and "I won't be able to cope" stuff but she's probably stronger than me in that respect!  

I suppose I should have expected this but she has to go through these stages I guess and only then can she come out the other end - I hope stronger and I hope she regains her self esteem and finds someone.  It is all pretty upsetting and I do feel for her and it does upset me - of course it does - whatever may be happening now it wasn't always like this there were some great times but right now - how can that ever be?  Why am I asking you ? :-)  I doubt you'd be in a better position than me to understand it.  In many ways I wished it would be over pretty soon so we can both get on with life.  She is finding it a strain being under the same roof and also she doesn't like the idea of me moving out and pretty much realises that it does mean to a high level of certainty that that is it.  She knows that I've sort of made my mind up and that this is a step for her to come to terms with it.  Now she IS talking about selling the house.  

It's going to be one of those weekends.  Roll on Monday when she is back at work - not a nice thing to say is it?  The trouble is that the atmosphere isn't great and whilst we are talking it is in staccato phrases.