Feeling Sick - In The Pit

It has been a funny old day today.  I feel a little sick in the pit of my stomach because it's just having to deal with mixed emotions.  Flocky came up with some good questions this morning - testers to see if it's really what I want - to separate from Mrs. F.  The thing is that actually, it is and the questions helped and I reckon that the weekend wasn't great for a number of things - it was destabilising and of course it is bound to be.  It's getting near Christmas and I'm the bogey man screwing it up this year for everyone.  Mrs. F. looks sadder and more upset than I've seen her for a while and there's an air of depression hanging over the place.  It's a shame but there you go that's just the way it is.

I'm in two minds what to do about things and I'm thinking now that I need to do a burst of work to get the eBay thing as finished as I can and then call it a day - I really need to get on with arranging Christmas and lord alone knows what else.  I have to Sort out the business too now I've chosen the logo (or almost chosen it).

Sometime I have to laugh at the predicament I am in.  I suppose I've accepted that it's going to happen and I'm trying like mad to be "the good guy" and to make it hurt as little as possible and yet I'm probably making things worse by being the good caring guys.  I suppose if I was an nasty piece of work or was aggressive or something it might be easier?  Mind you I can't be like that - it isn't in my nature.

There are so many hard decisions to make and take, so much that I take for granted and so many things that need to be sorted out but I can't do them yet until I know what is going to happen - I don't even know if I am going to be in this house come Christmas - such is the uncertainty at the moment :-) it makes it difficult planning anything.  I'm sure that this knot in my stomach is a little of everything.  It's the loss of one way of life and the certain realisation that things are going to change forever and it also seems to me to be a burning of bridges as well in that there will be some people I just wont see again (or not much) after I've moved.  That's a little sad I guess but there was always going  to be collateral damage done.

I'm again desperately worried that people tomorrow (for I am out at a big gig) may mention what is happening to my father-in-law who is due to be there.  He still hasn't been told what is going on.  It's a real muddle and not of my making.  Again - it's a cause for concern and one that I need to make sure those around me don't say anything about.

No doubt things will feel better in the morning but for now I'll just have to run with this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.