It Feels Different This Morning

It does feel very different to me this morning - it is real today.  Not that it wasn't yesterday but now that more of my friends know it sort of makes it feel a lot sadder today.  These are friends we've known since school days and it was of course a lot of my friends so that was OK - I guess we all "take sides" in these things.  We've been away together and had lots of laughs and scrapes and that sort of crept into my thinking because we had all been buying our houses at the same time, working on them (as the electrician in the group I was in some demand), we'd all had kids around the same time.  4 of us there last night were best man at the others wedding (I'll let you figure it out!).   So in many ways these guys are almost family to me and it was important that I finally told them all - one did know because of business and other reasons and because he too had gone through a divorce so I was able to talk to him.

So in many ways it was a milestone in my journey as now they know and I've just got to get around to telling a number of other people what is going on.  In many ways it isn't important but of course, addresses and stuff like that will change.  No use worrying about that directly and it might even work that I pick up each on its own merits.  

Christmas will be an interesting time I have no doubt.  Hopefully we can enjoy it as much as we can but it could be muted as I imagine I will be making my own way over to the house and back on the day :-) Interesting.

It certainly does feel strange this morning though.  I'm not unhappy - just thoughtful I suppose.  I feel for Mrs. F. still though and I have to remind myself that I can't fix this or her and no matter what I do I can't make her feel any better much as I would like to.  Even in my wildest dreams I can't see getting back together being anything else other than an absolute disaster because all of this, what's happening now would be hanging like the Sword of Damocles over us.  It could be used like a cosh to constantly reinforce a position and blackmail the other - no that won't work.

Oh well - I'm sure this will pass soon and I just need to get on with some more work to take my mind off of it.