No - Actually I Don't Have The Problem

I find it quite interesting that I'm expected to be all cut up about what's happening to me.  I'm sad, of course I am because it is the end of an era but this is the 'new me' I'm finally feeling very good at last.  I've felt bad about myself for years and it's been (not all of course) down to the way I've been treated here.  For years and years it's been chipping away at me and that's one of the things I just wont miss - no way.

The problem has always been that gradually over a period of time it's been an erosion of confidence and a loss of doing anything together anymore.   It doesn't happen overnight it's happened over 15 years or more I think.  Many things we used to do together don't happen or even exist anymore.  Gradually we lost meeting up with our friends and going out and it's almost like joining a monastic order - in more ways than one! :-)

So to me, it's like being let out of prison, it's casting off all the negativity that's existed in my life.  It's not as if all this not going out and not doing things meant we spent more time together either, the opposite is the true level.  

So that's the bottom line, I'm going out on Parole now and I get set free sometime in the next few years.  I get to be free and many people don't quite get it.  I suppose if they have a good marriage for them you could imagine it would be a shock to them if it happened to them.

I have some minor worries - but they aren't going to upset me or give me any problems and I have to look forward to these challenges.  Fending for myself, making sure I manage the house for example, making sure my business makes enough cash to clothe and feed me.  I feel that I should take a good few months to think things through before taking any next steps.  

I do feel sorry about the situation but not for myself, for Mrs. F. who really is suffering and I don't like to see that.  If I was allowed to wish for something it would be that she quickly gets over this and can move on with her life.  I'd like her to learn something from this.  She knows what is wrong and whilst it hurt like hell to tell her she just needs to move on and perhaps can rebuild and find someone - that would be nice - I'd like her to be happy and not to dwell and be as upset as she is now.