What Happened There

I woke from a dream, alone in the house - or so it felt - I had heard people go out and for the first time in a very long time was having some very vivid dreams and suddenly Mrs. F. walked in "What are you doing here?" I asked her - she said "I live here!"  Pretty good by Mrs. F.'s standards - "Shouldn't you be at work?"  "Not on a Sunday!" :-)  Oh dear - now I haven't done that for a very long time.  Dementia?  Who knows with me - it was quite a shock but a nice one as I was tangled up with how could I get my car out of the drive with her car there :-)

Anyway - she then told me she was taking a day off on Friday and then going down to Hastings for the weekend to see her friend and then take some long walks and think things through and I'm glad she said that.  She was still visibly upset and so we had a little cuddle and just made sure each of us was OK.  Have to say I then went downstairs and had a bit of a cry because I hate to have ever thought I'd hurt someone as much as I can see she is hurt - no matter what has gone on I spent most of my life with her so I'm going have to realise it isn't going to be easy at all.  

I haven't felt this tearful or upset for a long time but I know what it is and I can deal with it, I just have to work through it and put it where it belongs and put that out of my mind - I knew what I was doing 3 months ago it is in fact.  Quarter of a year already.  Anyway, the good news is it is Sunday, Mrs. F. is actually going to get away and think things through and probably have a nice long chat with her friend down in Hastings who is pretty nice and a steady person so I hope she can help her.  I feel I should try and help sometimes but it doesn't always does it.  It's a hard line to walk down when you've fallen out of love with someone but you are still friends (or really want to be).  Treading on Eggshells is such an appropriate phrase in these situations.

Onwards and upwards though....