Does my bum look big in this?

Theatre Gowns. Why?

Your arse ALWAYS hangs out the back of them no matter what you do. Invariably the cords to do the gown up with are broken or otherwise knotted. The cords are round the back making it impossible to do up anyway unless you do it up at the front and then try and get you arms in the holes! Those who can do them up are hideously deformed or are contortionists.

If you do manage to do them up there are always gaps where your arse hangs out.

It says all over the gown "For Hospital Use Only" For the life of me I have absolutely no idea what on this planet you could possibly do with one other than use it in Hospital, you wouldn't be seen dead in one and frankly and rightly the Style Police would arrest you and lock you away for life just for wearing one. Then there are the DVT Stockings - vitally necessary but again, no fashion statement there :-) The whole thing looks like some bizarre secret ritual and it is played out every day in Hospitals around the world. Not content with having to go through the psyching your self up for the process, the trauma of going into hospital etc, when you are there they ridicule you by making you dress up like a clown :-)