I managed to get the appointment over about an hour earlier than I planned which means I can eat and have a drink before treatment - I was begining to sweat on that one!
I have to stop drinking at 12. Eating - I suppose I could do that anytime but not sure if I could eat and not have a drink afterwards!
I'm going to be half way through the treatment after today. That really is a useful marker in these things. Some have said that the treatment is horrible and yet I can say that you really do put up with a lot if your health and indeed your life depends on it.
Anyway, must go and get ready now.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Busy Busy
Phew
I worked all day today - I have so much on this coming week that I don't know quite what to do first. Treatment tomorrow and I'm preparing myself for a bad one like last week. The trouble was that it took me out for most of Tuesday and I could do with doing some work on Tuesday- I have a load of targets to meet as three jobs are all going on at the same time.
These are jobs that need to be done and the end dates are this week and next week - of course that coincides with the new job's demands too.
Should be a fun week capped off by a blood test on Friday - I don't need that - well I suppose I do - or the Doc wouldn't have asked but it just wrecks another half a day.
I worked all day today - I have so much on this coming week that I don't know quite what to do first. Treatment tomorrow and I'm preparing myself for a bad one like last week. The trouble was that it took me out for most of Tuesday and I could do with doing some work on Tuesday- I have a load of targets to meet as three jobs are all going on at the same time.
These are jobs that need to be done and the end dates are this week and next week - of course that coincides with the new job's demands too.
Should be a fun week capped off by a blood test on Friday - I don't need that - well I suppose I do - or the Doc wouldn't have asked but it just wrecks another half a day.
That was good
Friday was an interesting day - I had my first Regional Director's Meeting - Mmm. Had the launch party very nice, good food and a lovely Hotel. Went over to see some old friends on the way home and now safely back - we drove through some pretty atrocious conditions. I think it was quite a turning point in the business - it has gone from an idea to a working service and now needs to be built as a business. No one person can do everything that is needed and so we need to lean on each other a bit. It should be fun.
Lots of things to do and little time to do them (as always).
US Grand Prix tomorrow so will sit back and watch that in the evening and get myself ready for Monday again. It comes around really quickly but I am so busy that the days are flying. Anyway that will be 1/2 way through which is a blessing. I also have the week from hell as all three jobs I am working on are claiming my time.
It was great to see my chums and their little daughter - about 8 weeks old and son about 3 1/2. I haven't seen them for a number of years and certainly not since I got the diagnosis.
Lots of things to do and little time to do them (as always).
US Grand Prix tomorrow so will sit back and watch that in the evening and get myself ready for Monday again. It comes around really quickly but I am so busy that the days are flying. Anyway that will be 1/2 way through which is a blessing. I also have the week from hell as all three jobs I am working on are claiming my time.
It was great to see my chums and their little daughter - about 8 weeks old and son about 3 1/2. I haven't seen them for a number of years and certainly not since I got the diagnosis.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Well today is the big day
We launch the service or rather we launch the business I think is more the case.
Lots to do and some heavy work this afternoon at the first Regional Director's Conference.
I can see I will be having some fun as we thrash out our strategy for the next three months.
C and I are going and we will pop into some friends who don't live too far away from where we are going. Hopefully it will be a nice few days.
Lots to do and some heavy work this afternoon at the first Regional Director's Conference.
I can see I will be having some fun as we thrash out our strategy for the next three months.
C and I are going and we will pop into some friends who don't live too far away from where we are going. Hopefully it will be a nice few days.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
So what about my health?
Well I am feeling very well if slightly over weight - I'm not actually overweight it is just that I haven't lost any these past two weeks and tomorrow with the launch party I'm not likely too either! The BCG has made me think twice about exercising too soon after it and frankly I didn't feel like it at all on Tuesday or Wednesday. I think that it was quite a shock to the system this week. Even so though I am feeling remarkably well and I think the job also has a big factor in these things. You feel valued and you have something to do.
I've got the new tablet PC all sorted out - what a beauty it is as well, handwriting recognition so I can use it like a note pad. I just need to get up to speed with that of course as it recognises most of my writing but it is speed and accuracy that I want so I can use it to take notes in meetings. I can type faster than I can write into it at the moment.
That was a bit of a digression from the subject wasn't it :-)
Anyway, feeling great and despite the pummeling I took on Monday and Tuesday - I'm OK. Next Monday - half way through the treatment. That is important to me as it will mean that it is all down hill from there.
I've got the new tablet PC all sorted out - what a beauty it is as well, handwriting recognition so I can use it like a note pad. I just need to get up to speed with that of course as it recognises most of my writing but it is speed and accuracy that I want so I can use it to take notes in meetings. I can type faster than I can write into it at the moment.
That was a bit of a digression from the subject wasn't it :-)
Anyway, feeling great and despite the pummeling I took on Monday and Tuesday - I'm OK. Next Monday - half way through the treatment. That is important to me as it will mean that it is all down hill from there.
Oh No
Next week is absolutely crammed full of stuff. I have a few other projects on the go and - typical - they have now turned urgent just as I am trying to get the new job on the go. What a nuisance. Oh well I am seeing the guys tomorrow - they will have to do without seeing me face to face next week and rely on me being on the phone.
All good fun. The trouble also is I need to get my blood done so that is hours out of my schedule too. Damn and blast.
All good fun. The trouble also is I need to get my blood done so that is hours out of my schedule too. Damn and blast.
Overcame that problem
And I managed to get a good night's sleep at last. Perhaps too charged up about the job? Who knows.
At least I am ready for today - I have a shed load to do before going to the launch party tomorrow.
At least I am ready for today - I have a shed load to do before going to the launch party tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Sleep - and the lack of it
I have no idea what is going on but I am still feeling really perky and feel as if I could go for another 24 hours. I am bgining to wonder if it is some sort of side effect or is caused by the very long time that I rest after the treatment. I tend to sleep for about 14 or more hours across Monday and Tuesday.
I really do want to get some sleep tonight and it appears to be as far away as ever.
Ho hum.
I really do want to get some sleep tonight and it appears to be as far away as ever.
Ho hum.
Ooh Nice New Shiny PC
I decided that to do this new job properly I ought to have a new PC. Well, I got a tablet PC, one you can write on with a special pen and that does handwriting recognition. That is great. I also was surprised to get a digital TV set up with it.
It is all shiny and new and taking ages to configure properly. The amazing thing is that this is probably the smallest PC I have ever owned yet it is more powerful than my other two combined!
Amazing
It is all shiny and new and taking ages to configure properly. The amazing thing is that this is probably the smallest PC I have ever owned yet it is more powerful than my other two combined!
Amazing
That's your insurance buggered too
Apparently - cannot cover me for bladder cancer or anything relating to it nor will it cover the rest of the household if they are affected by that either. In other words if something happens to me, they are not covered if it relates to the BC!
I thought that might happen.
I thought that might happen.
Second Tuesday Night in a row
No sleep - not a wink. Last week I thought it must be adrenaline what with starting the job, needing to be up early and all that but not, last night I was wide awake all night. I finally got a few hours between 6 and 8 and I'm not particularly tired now.
I wonder if it the side effects of the treatment? Last week I probably only slept a few hours from Tuesday through to Thursday. I'll keep my eye on that as I don't feel particularly tired and perhaps my immune system is up at peak? who knows.
I wonder if it the side effects of the treatment? Last week I probably only slept a few hours from Tuesday through to Thursday. I'll keep my eye on that as I don't feel particularly tired and perhaps my immune system is up at peak? who knows.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
What is all that about
Sometimes you wonder. Can I make a meeting tomorrow. Well given about a few hours notice no not really. E-mail is no substitute for picking up the phone and talking.
It does drive me barmy that it is treated as if it is a done deal. If I e-mailed it will happen.
Many years ago I got all the way to my office - 75 miles away to be confronted with an e-mail sent on a Friday night to attend a meeting at 9 on the Monday in London. Which was pretty rich as I read the e-mail at 8 and was at least 2 hours drive from London. My subordinate learnt a few new words when I phoned him.
It looks like I might have to do some education here.
It does drive me barmy that it is treated as if it is a done deal. If I e-mailed it will happen.
Many years ago I got all the way to my office - 75 miles away to be confronted with an e-mail sent on a Friday night to attend a meeting at 9 on the Monday in London. Which was pretty rich as I read the e-mail at 8 and was at least 2 hours drive from London. My subordinate learnt a few new words when I phoned him.
It looks like I might have to do some education here.
Still not quite right
I do tend to forget this - even now after what? Close to a year of having this.
These treatments aren't like taking an Aspirin - this is something beyond most people's comprehension (thank goodness) including my own most of the time. I have to remind myself that drastic diseases need drastic actions. So having side effects and all that go with the territory and I don't know why I expect that it will be plain sailing or easy or something like that.
I still haven't got it into my head some of the fundamental stuff. It is perhaps the way I have approached it and tackled it that does this.
Anyway, I'm OK now yet still a little bit aching and stinging but I can feel it improving. I haven't had any tablets today to control it - perhaps I should have?
I'm hoping that I will feel a lot better tomorrow as I have a lot to get through.
These treatments aren't like taking an Aspirin - this is something beyond most people's comprehension (thank goodness) including my own most of the time. I have to remind myself that drastic diseases need drastic actions. So having side effects and all that go with the territory and I don't know why I expect that it will be plain sailing or easy or something like that.
I still haven't got it into my head some of the fundamental stuff. It is perhaps the way I have approached it and tackled it that does this.
Anyway, I'm OK now yet still a little bit aching and stinging but I can feel it improving. I haven't had any tablets today to control it - perhaps I should have?
I'm hoping that I will feel a lot better tomorrow as I have a lot to get through.
24 Hours later
And things are just slowly settling back to normal. It can really beat you up and every now and then you get a little stinger to remind you about things.
I don't recall this before but I've certainly had all of the side effects they suggested I would this time.
A friend phoned up last night and once I answered thought better of it and will phone tonight - you just can't tell how you will react with this stuff. I certainly sounded quite rough last night though.
I don't recall this before but I've certainly had all of the side effects they suggested I would this time.
A friend phoned up last night and once I answered thought better of it and will phone tonight - you just can't tell how you will react with this stuff. I certainly sounded quite rough last night though.
That was challenging
Not painful but challenging. I'm only just about coming out of the aching and drained feeling I had last night.
It feels like Ive been punched around the stomach and lower back and my legs and shoulders ache - not a lot but enough to notice, I had the slightly feverish "flu like" symptoms last night and on top of that there was only a little blood this time but plenty of ooze (shall we call it) which is the bladder lining. The problem - as you may imagine - is that passing anything like that out of where you normally only pass liquids does lead to a few tears in your eyes as it does tend to sting. Hence drink lots of fluids to help get the stuff out as fast as possible. I took my tablets anyway and have also learnt not to go to the toilet too often as that really doesn't help either.
Sleep and rest are the only way to get through this so I've probably slept for 14 hours but do feel better for that. Through all of this you have to tell yourself that you are now a 1/3 of the way through the treatment and next week you will be 1/2 way through. Only 4 to go and I get the Summer off!
It feels like Ive been punched around the stomach and lower back and my legs and shoulders ache - not a lot but enough to notice, I had the slightly feverish "flu like" symptoms last night and on top of that there was only a little blood this time but plenty of ooze (shall we call it) which is the bladder lining. The problem - as you may imagine - is that passing anything like that out of where you normally only pass liquids does lead to a few tears in your eyes as it does tend to sting. Hence drink lots of fluids to help get the stuff out as fast as possible. I took my tablets anyway and have also learnt not to go to the toilet too often as that really doesn't help either.
Sleep and rest are the only way to get through this so I've probably slept for 14 hours but do feel better for that. Through all of this you have to tell yourself that you are now a 1/3 of the way through the treatment and next week you will be 1/2 way through. Only 4 to go and I get the Summer off!
Monday, June 11, 2007
This Just Arrived - Cheek
The trouble is I recognise nearly all of them and already forgot who sent it to me!
PERKS OF BEING OVER 45
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, Did I wake you????
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 p.m. .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list .
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
PERKS OF BEING OVER 45
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, Did I wake you????
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 p.m. .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list .
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
A bit better than last week
Although it was 30 minutes late - I was lucky as I bumped into someone I knew who helped me pass the time.
Nowhere near as bad as last time thank goodness. Before I get into the next phase, I've just had my bit of toast and Ibuprofen and Paracetamol I thought I'd write down that it was much better this time.
Nowhere near as bad as last time thank goodness. Before I get into the next phase, I've just had my bit of toast and Ibuprofen and Paracetamol I thought I'd write down that it was much better this time.
Treatment #2
I've just seen the time and this morning has been really busy and time has marched on. I need to go and have an early lunch and have my last drink before the treatment.
Back to my rituals and setting things out and I should be a little better prepared this week.
Back to my rituals and setting things out and I should be a little better prepared this week.
And now for something completely different
Tomorrow will be interesting as I work out how to balance the work I have to do with the new job, with the consultancy I am doing and with some other work that just doesn't seem to want to go away!
The treatment will mean that I will be a third of the way through after this next one. I have to watch out for this one as the last time the second one was like getting hit by a truck and then the truck reversed over me. I hope to be ready for it this time.
It will be interesting to see quite how I am going to fit all of this in.
The treatment will mean that I will be a third of the way through after this next one. I have to watch out for this one as the last time the second one was like getting hit by a truck and then the truck reversed over me. I hope to be ready for it this time.
It will be interesting to see quite how I am going to fit all of this in.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Slept Well
I needed to as I'd had little in the way of decent sleep all week. This coming week is going to be going at a frenetic pace as I get up to speed with the new job and work out how to re-schedule the stuff that I also need to be doing.
The great thing is that I'm in the early stages of building a business and it is really exciting. The bad thing is that all else goes haywire whilst you are doing it.
The great thing is that I'm in the early stages of building a business and it is really exciting. The bad thing is that all else goes haywire whilst you are doing it.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Knackered
Off to bed - the week is catching up on me and I am as tired as you like. I even slept through half of the Canadian Grand Prix qualifying - unheard of.
A little bit concerning
I have a copy of the letter that went to my Doctor from my Consultant. It says a different thing to what I was told!
I was told precancerous and yet the "small area shows CIS" sort of shook me a bit. I thought that precancerous was non malignant where CIS was pretty damn nasty really.
I don't think it is anything to worry too much about as - let's face it - there was more CIS than anything else around last time.
So - I might just seek a clarification of the point in the letter just to make sure that what we spoke about and what the letter actually says are one and the same thing.
Today was great - lots of interest and pleasure that I was back to being in a situation where control was the watch word.
I was told precancerous and yet the "small area shows CIS" sort of shook me a bit. I thought that precancerous was non malignant where CIS was pretty damn nasty really.
I don't think it is anything to worry too much about as - let's face it - there was more CIS than anything else around last time.
So - I might just seek a clarification of the point in the letter just to make sure that what we spoke about and what the letter actually says are one and the same thing.
Today was great - lots of interest and pleasure that I was back to being in a situation where control was the watch word.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Been a test of stamina
This past three days I have been driving a lot, in and out of meetings and - living out of a suitcase.
I remembered to take my tablets though but the diet sort of went all over the place. Those cooked breakfasts were hard to resist - so I didn't resist - oh and black pudding as well this morning.
I've been feeling the effects of the treatment all week so far. Not massively painful, an occasional twang of discomfort or a sting and I don't remember being quite so stinging last time. The worst of this is you just get over the last one and it is time for the next one.
It is a crazy day tomorrow, my Lodge is meeting and it is the most important day of the year as the new Master goes into the Chair. So we get lots of guests and more members than normal. This is one of the largest meetings I can remember of recent years. I hope that it will be good but I have lots of work this evening to make sure it runs properly.
I remembered to take my tablets though but the diet sort of went all over the place. Those cooked breakfasts were hard to resist - so I didn't resist - oh and black pudding as well this morning.
I've been feeling the effects of the treatment all week so far. Not massively painful, an occasional twang of discomfort or a sting and I don't remember being quite so stinging last time. The worst of this is you just get over the last one and it is time for the next one.
It is a crazy day tomorrow, my Lodge is meeting and it is the most important day of the year as the new Master goes into the Chair. So we get lots of guests and more members than normal. This is one of the largest meetings I can remember of recent years. I hope that it will be good but I have lots of work this evening to make sure it runs properly.
Hello Blog - I missed you
My my - withdrawal symptoms :-)
Not really - had the most intensive three days you can imagine. Really enthusiastic about this job though. I shall be getting stuck into this when I get past treatment 2.
Right must go and catch up on the 250+ e-mails...
Not really - had the most intensive three days you can imagine. Really enthusiastic about this job though. I shall be getting stuck into this when I get past treatment 2.
Right must go and catch up on the 250+ e-mails...
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Taking it easy
It was Lad's night out tonight and we all took it pretty easy on the drinks front. I've to drive a fair way tomorrow and we all decided on the better part of valour - boy are we getting old :-)
It was so funny tonight as we worked out some of the worst jokes we had ever heard. The best ones are of course, politically incorrect and perhaps the stupidest ones too.
I daren't even tell you some of the remarks I got about my treatment. I had to dry the tears on some of the comments. Your friends tell it as it is and there are no pretences. I like that. I reckon only they could get away with such insensitive stuff. I'm glad they treat me like that and I'm glad that we are all enjoying the relief of my condition.
It was so funny tonight as we worked out some of the worst jokes we had ever heard. The best ones are of course, politically incorrect and perhaps the stupidest ones too.
I daren't even tell you some of the remarks I got about my treatment. I had to dry the tears on some of the comments. Your friends tell it as it is and there are no pretences. I like that. I reckon only they could get away with such insensitive stuff. I'm glad they treat me like that and I'm glad that we are all enjoying the relief of my condition.
Defeating the object
I was chatting to someone who told me that now I was on Statins (Cholesterol reducing) that I could have butter and cheese and so on.
I've consciously given those sorts of things up or reduced them to very low and my cholesterol is fine anyway.
It seemed a strange thing to say but I can see why you'd think like that.
I've consciously given those sorts of things up or reduced them to very low and my cholesterol is fine anyway.
It seemed a strange thing to say but I can see why you'd think like that.
A Hard Pill to Swallow
But it could do some serious damage if you threw it at someone
I saw this and burst out laughing - I could have done with one of those last night :-)
Getting Ready for work again
I've got out of the habit of work. It has been 6 months since I last worked "hard" for a living and so tomorrow will be a rude one! I have to be up in North London by 5:30! So that is a 4:30 latest start. Luckily that is all the driving I am doing until Friday when I drive back around the M25 (London Orbital Motorway - or the largest car park in the world).
We will be travelling quite a distance going to Wales in the morning and then onwards up to Cheshire after that and then coming back down again.
It will be interesting to see the interactions between us as there are 4 of us starting - I've met one of them already and he is totally different to me.
It is induction training and that in itself will be interesting as I already have most of the stuff here and I already have a very good idea what needs to be done.
The only trouble at the moment - I can't get all the demo software to load on my PC. Possibly because of some of the more "interesting" software packages I have loaded from the last business.
We will be travelling quite a distance going to Wales in the morning and then onwards up to Cheshire after that and then coming back down again.
It will be interesting to see the interactions between us as there are 4 of us starting - I've met one of them already and he is totally different to me.
It is induction training and that in itself will be interesting as I already have most of the stuff here and I already have a very good idea what needs to be done.
The only trouble at the moment - I can't get all the demo software to load on my PC. Possibly because of some of the more "interesting" software packages I have loaded from the last business.
Slow Morning
There was blood and bits last night after I'd written the last blog. A bit surprising but then reading the notes again, the cumulative effect would make that happen. I was tired more than anything and my joints were aching and I'm still a bit sore too. I had to get up during the night but that was clear as it was again this morning. I haven't been drinking enough this morning I've noticed so I need to go and put that right.
I'll be ready for next week now then. I hadn't expected to get straight back into the routine but that was what it was like between 2 and 5 last time. I can only hope that I don't get worse than this next time as it was hard enough then.
1/6th of the way through the treatment. It is surprising how fast it will go.
I'm in readiness now to go away for a few days and start my new job. It should be interesting and challenging all at once. If this flies it will be better than any adrenaline ride. Mind you we have a few months to go before it does that.
I'll be ready for next week now then. I hadn't expected to get straight back into the routine but that was what it was like between 2 and 5 last time. I can only hope that I don't get worse than this next time as it was hard enough then.
1/6th of the way through the treatment. It is surprising how fast it will go.
I'm in readiness now to go away for a few days and start my new job. It should be interesting and challenging all at once. If this flies it will be better than any adrenaline ride. Mind you we have a few months to go before it does that.
Monday, June 04, 2007
It's surprising what you forget
I hadn't remembered quite how much this hits you. I've just had the blood and gore started and my muscles and some joints ache. I've just come into my office to tidy up before turning in for the night.
The cumulative effect obviously is working as I never had this on the first instillation last time.
It's not as bad as the second time, last time as I've taken the pills and been lying down not doing anything. Even so - it is strange how the brain blocks out quite how bad it was. Even when I go back and read my notes (which are remarkably accurate) I still didn't get the feelings coming through that I feel now.
Believe it or not - I am one of the lucky ones - I don't get the serious side effects. You could have kidded me!
The cumulative effect obviously is working as I never had this on the first instillation last time.
It's not as bad as the second time, last time as I've taken the pills and been lying down not doing anything. Even so - it is strange how the brain blocks out quite how bad it was. Even when I go back and read my notes (which are remarkably accurate) I still didn't get the feelings coming through that I feel now.
Believe it or not - I am one of the lucky ones - I don't get the serious side effects. You could have kidded me!
Sharp intake of breath
It was a bit ouch this time, a bit of a sting on the way in and you always get a sharp intake of breath as the catheter goes past your prostate.
I'm just coming up for the two hours and to take my mind off of wanting to dash to the toilet (which I do this time) - I decided to quickly jot something down on the blog - note to self - do not have soup with lunch next week!
Pressure is building up and the body wants this stuff out as fast as possible. Side effects - only a very slight aching in my joints - very slight. I think I had that first time only last time. I've taken my tablets and I'm getting ready for this next bit of the ride.
It was a bit sad today as the chap before me was on his "last chance" medication and if this didn't work then it would be radical surgery. Me - I'm pretty lucky and this is treatment worked last time lets make sure and repeat it.
Excellent - I've used up the time and can dash off to the toilet now :-) Bye
I'm just coming up for the two hours and to take my mind off of wanting to dash to the toilet (which I do this time) - I decided to quickly jot something down on the blog - note to self - do not have soup with lunch next week!
Pressure is building up and the body wants this stuff out as fast as possible. Side effects - only a very slight aching in my joints - very slight. I think I had that first time only last time. I've taken my tablets and I'm getting ready for this next bit of the ride.
It was a bit sad today as the chap before me was on his "last chance" medication and if this didn't work then it would be radical surgery. Me - I'm pretty lucky and this is treatment worked last time lets make sure and repeat it.
Excellent - I've used up the time and can dash off to the toilet now :-) Bye
Next step
Shower complete, pills by side of bed, notepad by side of bed, medicine notes by appointment card, just the minor things left to complete before I get on my way.
Now to get the old sheets and stuff together and makes sure I have enough cleaning agents around as well and I'm ready. I'm a bit too early so need to push back this little routine by perhaps 30 minutes next time.
Now to get the old sheets and stuff together and makes sure I have enough cleaning agents around as well and I'm ready. I'm a bit too early so need to push back this little routine by perhaps 30 minutes next time.
That's Lunch and the last drink for 3 hours
Water heater is on - ready for a shower, appointment stuff is ready - stress balls (I really should call them something different) are ready and I've just got to get myself chilled out for getting this done.
The next step is to get myself ready, set up all my pills, bed covers and stuff so that I only have to get home, do my turning, and that is me settled in for the day. Water jug, notebook, book to read and bleach ready. Other than that there isn't much that you can do really.
The next step is to get myself ready, set up all my pills, bed covers and stuff so that I only have to get home, do my turning, and that is me settled in for the day. Water jug, notebook, book to read and bleach ready. Other than that there isn't much that you can do really.
Back on the treatment
Only a short time to go now - I'm OK about it today. I didn't like the idea yesterday but today - different attitude and I'm just getting myself ready to get back into the routine.
I need to get myself a note book so I can keep track of timings, fluid intake, symptoms and so on. I've got my last one here. It starts at treatment two as the first treatment was a non event really.
I have the treatment at 2 pm which means I cannot drink after 12. I tend to eat early so allowing me to have a drink by 12 and then have a shower and get changed into some casual clothes. My wife drops me off at the Hospital and then struggles to find a place to park so she normally ends up double parked somewhere. As I have to be treated within a certain time period, I am normally pretty much on time and so I can be in and out in 5 to 10 minutes and then can be driven straight home.
The BCG has to be inside you for 2 hours. The first hour you turn and do 15 minutes on each side to make sure all areas have been covered. After 2 hours you can dispose of it. Lots of Bleach needed and then I go to bed - it is probably the best thing as I drug myself up after the turning and then there isn't a lot to do afterwards. I found getting up and moving around made me feel far worse. In that 2nd hour I also drink up to three pints of water or juice to help with the washing out process.
After I have slept for a while I might go downstairs and eat. Again, plenty of liquid to ensure that you wash out your bladder. After 6 hours they reckon that the BCG is out completely. I continue with the bleach on Monday night up to 11 pm.
SO - it will soon be time to get ready and go through my little rituals. I'll let you know how I get on.
I need to get myself a note book so I can keep track of timings, fluid intake, symptoms and so on. I've got my last one here. It starts at treatment two as the first treatment was a non event really.
I have the treatment at 2 pm which means I cannot drink after 12. I tend to eat early so allowing me to have a drink by 12 and then have a shower and get changed into some casual clothes. My wife drops me off at the Hospital and then struggles to find a place to park so she normally ends up double parked somewhere. As I have to be treated within a certain time period, I am normally pretty much on time and so I can be in and out in 5 to 10 minutes and then can be driven straight home.
The BCG has to be inside you for 2 hours. The first hour you turn and do 15 minutes on each side to make sure all areas have been covered. After 2 hours you can dispose of it. Lots of Bleach needed and then I go to bed - it is probably the best thing as I drug myself up after the turning and then there isn't a lot to do afterwards. I found getting up and moving around made me feel far worse. In that 2nd hour I also drink up to three pints of water or juice to help with the washing out process.
After I have slept for a while I might go downstairs and eat. Again, plenty of liquid to ensure that you wash out your bladder. After 6 hours they reckon that the BCG is out completely. I continue with the bleach on Monday night up to 11 pm.
SO - it will soon be time to get ready and go through my little rituals. I'll let you know how I get on.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Now I'm not so sure
It is Sunday evening and some of the bravado has gone and I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow.
I've had a good afternoon, sat in the garden, it's been warm and sunny and I've had a few beers. Now, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow - who would be? The planes have been whizzing overhead from the Air Show and all in all it has been a relaxing day but with too much time to sit and think!
The old reality check has kicked in and - all the brave face stuff can be put aside. It was last November and December when I had the last lot and - come to think of it - the days were quite pleasant and mild but the after affects were pretty serious.
I was saying earlier that I can handle this next lot better - and I'm sure I can. I have a better attitude and outlook this time, and I'm sure that is right. Fitter and healthier too. The upshot is that this stuff is pretty harsh and whilst it is better than Chemo it really does beat you up.
Knock the brave bit on the head for a while - this is not going to be a thing that you'd want to do willingly. Sure it cures you but it does feel like you turn up for a beating sometimes - if you get my meaning. Who would want to voluntarily go and get their "equipment" kicked in once a week for 6 weeks?
Anyway, I'm allowed to be a bit tentative as it is me who is going to go through the treatment. As I said earlier - I'm more prepared for it this time - but I'm also more respectful of it too.
No doubt tomorrow will bring some more thoughts and ideas.
I've had a good afternoon, sat in the garden, it's been warm and sunny and I've had a few beers. Now, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow - who would be? The planes have been whizzing overhead from the Air Show and all in all it has been a relaxing day but with too much time to sit and think!
The old reality check has kicked in and - all the brave face stuff can be put aside. It was last November and December when I had the last lot and - come to think of it - the days were quite pleasant and mild but the after affects were pretty serious.
I was saying earlier that I can handle this next lot better - and I'm sure I can. I have a better attitude and outlook this time, and I'm sure that is right. Fitter and healthier too. The upshot is that this stuff is pretty harsh and whilst it is better than Chemo it really does beat you up.
Knock the brave bit on the head for a while - this is not going to be a thing that you'd want to do willingly. Sure it cures you but it does feel like you turn up for a beating sometimes - if you get my meaning. Who would want to voluntarily go and get their "equipment" kicked in once a week for 6 weeks?
Anyway, I'm allowed to be a bit tentative as it is me who is going to go through the treatment. As I said earlier - I'm more prepared for it this time - but I'm also more respectful of it too.
No doubt tomorrow will bring some more thoughts and ideas.
Knowing what to expect
I actually find that OK now. After I had the hypnotherapy I have a different attitude to this. I know that it isn't going to be pleasant but at the same time, look how different it is to the last time. This is going to help me get rid of this and there is no letting up on what is to be done.
The last time I had CIS - which is Grade III - serious stuff indeed. It is a very aggressive form of cancer! So given that - and the BCG wiped that out, then this lot of treatment is going to reinforce that. Some may question why you need it but this lot of treatment is working on stripping the bladder lining and growing a new one, this time without the malignant cells and without any other malignancy or premalignancy in there.
I'm fitter both physically and mentally than I was 5/6 months ago and so I am hoping to be able to cope better with this. Last time I didn't drive for 6 weeks. I'm not looking forward to the blood and gore bits (who is) but that means that the BCG is doing its job.
The last time I had CIS - which is Grade III - serious stuff indeed. It is a very aggressive form of cancer! So given that - and the BCG wiped that out, then this lot of treatment is going to reinforce that. Some may question why you need it but this lot of treatment is working on stripping the bladder lining and growing a new one, this time without the malignant cells and without any other malignancy or premalignancy in there.
I'm fitter both physically and mentally than I was 5/6 months ago and so I am hoping to be able to cope better with this. Last time I didn't drive for 6 weeks. I'm not looking forward to the blood and gore bits (who is) but that means that the BCG is doing its job.
Getting back to a work routine
Is going to be difficult as I start whilst having the treatment so I am going to have to work around that and to be able to produce the right sorts of results.
My induction training starts on Wednesday but first we are off to a Partner Presentation at the Millennium Stadium in Wales (nice). Then off to Shrewsbury and then onto Warrington to do the induction training.
I'm going to have to play Tuesdays by ear as they'd like me to be at the Reading Office. I'm not sure that I'll really be able to do that as the morning after is when you either get up and feel OK or you lie in a heap. I've a feeling that this time I'll get the next level of side effects. They say that the effects are cumulative - I expect that the first one will be OK and it will be the 2nd one again that flattens me. We shall see, it starts tomorrow. As usual the work I was expected to do last week hasn't arrived and somehow I will need to fit that in as well. I'm not too worried about that, I can sort that out and I can invoice for it so it will keep money turning over in the business until the money flows from the work I am doing now.
So this coming week it isn't going to be too much like work but the week after, once I have had my induction training I'll need to get back to the disciplines of getting up at a certain time and structuring my working day. It should be a bit of a laugh at least.
My induction training starts on Wednesday but first we are off to a Partner Presentation at the Millennium Stadium in Wales (nice). Then off to Shrewsbury and then onto Warrington to do the induction training.
I'm going to have to play Tuesdays by ear as they'd like me to be at the Reading Office. I'm not sure that I'll really be able to do that as the morning after is when you either get up and feel OK or you lie in a heap. I've a feeling that this time I'll get the next level of side effects. They say that the effects are cumulative - I expect that the first one will be OK and it will be the 2nd one again that flattens me. We shall see, it starts tomorrow. As usual the work I was expected to do last week hasn't arrived and somehow I will need to fit that in as well. I'm not too worried about that, I can sort that out and I can invoice for it so it will keep money turning over in the business until the money flows from the work I am doing now.
So this coming week it isn't going to be too much like work but the week after, once I have had my induction training I'll need to get back to the disciplines of getting up at a certain time and structuring my working day. It should be a bit of a laugh at least.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
That was a good day out
I dropped the family off at the coast and went and did a couple of hours work then picked them up again and then we went to one of these large designer outlets and spent some hard earned on some clothes for the cruise. We needed some jackets that convert from being fleece lined and waterproof to just waterproof. They are nice I have to say, warm as you like. That should keep off the sea breezes and enable us to get on to the glaciers and be ready for wind, sun, wet, cold etc.
A very nice day and next time - perhaps they'll remember to take some sun cream! It was also nice to take the Jag out for a decent run! Poor old car hasn't had a long run since January went I went to get my redundancy notice!
A very nice day and next time - perhaps they'll remember to take some sun cream! It was also nice to take the Jag out for a decent run! Poor old car hasn't had a long run since January went I went to get my redundancy notice!
Sun is shining
A nice day out there - we are off to the coast and I'm off to see the new boss. We might as well combine the two as he lives near the sea.
Over the last few days I've noticed that it has been a turning point in my outlook and the whole family. Everyone seems to be just that little bit happier. Great - long may that continue.
Over the last few days I've noticed that it has been a turning point in my outlook and the whole family. Everyone seems to be just that little bit happier. Great - long may that continue.
Friday, June 01, 2007
By Heck
I've lost some weight! You only notice when you get to do things like put a suit, shirt and tie on.
I am in a notch on my formal belt and that is comfortable - my trousers are almost too big now. Shirt - no problem doing the collar up this time - I could even get my finger between the collar and my skin - and my waistcoat was loose and my jacket feels big as well. Now I only wore these a month ago and they were tight as you like then so I reckon that I've lost at least 1/2" round my neck and an 1" or more perhaps around my waist. The Doc said he thought I looked a lot fitter and had lost some weight. A quick glance at my chart shows that I've lost about 2.5 Kg in the month which is about 5 1/2 Lb.
Excellent. I am pleased about that - you don't notice when you wear casual clothes as they are baggy anyway, stick on a suit and tie and suddenly you are pulling your belt in and all sorts.
I appear to have lost the flabby areas around my waist, around my neck and just below my arms. Well that was an unexpected surprise - I am pleased.
I am in a notch on my formal belt and that is comfortable - my trousers are almost too big now. Shirt - no problem doing the collar up this time - I could even get my finger between the collar and my skin - and my waistcoat was loose and my jacket feels big as well. Now I only wore these a month ago and they were tight as you like then so I reckon that I've lost at least 1/2" round my neck and an 1" or more perhaps around my waist. The Doc said he thought I looked a lot fitter and had lost some weight. A quick glance at my chart shows that I've lost about 2.5 Kg in the month which is about 5 1/2 Lb.
Excellent. I am pleased about that - you don't notice when you wear casual clothes as they are baggy anyway, stick on a suit and tie and suddenly you are pulling your belt in and all sorts.
I appear to have lost the flabby areas around my waist, around my neck and just below my arms. Well that was an unexpected surprise - I am pleased.
Another meeting this afternoon
I am going to our Provincial Meeting for the Royal Arch or Chapter this afternoon. I'm getting promoted and so will be part of the meeting but I won't be actually doing anything like carrying a sword or anything like that so I can relax and enjoy myself.
Tomorrow I have to drive down to the coast to meet the new boss so I'll be taking it easy tonight.
Tomorrow I have to drive down to the coast to meet the new boss so I'll be taking it easy tonight.
Melancholy
The strangest feelings overnight and this morning. I'm not downright sad and I'm not unhappy either. I just feel slightly sad, as if I am leaving somewhere and knowing that perhaps I won't be back there again. It really is quite peculiar.
Perhaps it is apprehension for the job and what I'll have to do? Maybe it is because I've now drawn a line under all that has gone before? Perhaps revealing who I am on the blog? It is bound to be something deep in my subconscious and it was as if a switch had been clicked it was that sudden. Maybe the next step in medication and realising that I'm on these pills for life. Perhaps it is the utter relief that all of the worries are now in the past, the cancer's gone, the insurance is settled and I'm employed again?
I've heard of the "wave of relief" perhaps this is what it is. The bad times are gone and in a strange way you kind of miss them being there. The realisation that the things that were constantly on your mind no longer need to be there. The acceptance that these things played on your mind far more than you thought they did. The pressure and stress you heap on yourself are also there and the person you portray to the outside world is no longer false - you can stop being the actor and be really cheerful now.
Well that is deep and meaningful enough for a Friday I think.
Perhaps it is apprehension for the job and what I'll have to do? Maybe it is because I've now drawn a line under all that has gone before? Perhaps revealing who I am on the blog? It is bound to be something deep in my subconscious and it was as if a switch had been clicked it was that sudden. Maybe the next step in medication and realising that I'm on these pills for life. Perhaps it is the utter relief that all of the worries are now in the past, the cancer's gone, the insurance is settled and I'm employed again?
I've heard of the "wave of relief" perhaps this is what it is. The bad times are gone and in a strange way you kind of miss them being there. The realisation that the things that were constantly on your mind no longer need to be there. The acceptance that these things played on your mind far more than you thought they did. The pressure and stress you heap on yourself are also there and the person you portray to the outside world is no longer false - you can stop being the actor and be really cheerful now.
Well that is deep and meaningful enough for a Friday I think.
Profile Information
I've published my profile "about me" information now. You can see that off to the right hand side of the blog.
I decided that I wouldn't do that originally in case something prejudiced the goings on with the insurance and of course the employment situation. As you may realise, there was a lot of doubt about that and if somehow things hadn't worked out then perhaps I'd have needed to work on that without the blog being part of the complication. I also felt that I didn't want everyone to know until I had told them myself. With the job front there may have been cause for some sort of tribunal and again I didn't want anything messing that up either.
So now - you know who I am and thanks to everyone who assisted me keeping it that way.
I decided that I wouldn't do that originally in case something prejudiced the goings on with the insurance and of course the employment situation. As you may realise, there was a lot of doubt about that and if somehow things hadn't worked out then perhaps I'd have needed to work on that without the blog being part of the complication. I also felt that I didn't want everyone to know until I had told them myself. With the job front there may have been cause for some sort of tribunal and again I didn't want anything messing that up either.
So now - you know who I am and thanks to everyone who assisted me keeping it that way.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
A bit disappointed really
It is soon to be my 50th Birthday and we are having a bash or a party. My relatives are coming but not my parents (they don't like that sort of thing - it is a bit far and we will do something else) but my brother and his family (I only have 1 brother) isn't making the journey down. OK they will be down a week or two before and bring my parents for a nice meal.
I do feel a bit disappointed though that some of my cousins are coming from a lot further to the party and my kid brother isn't.
I do feel a bit disappointed though that some of my cousins are coming from a lot further to the party and my kid brother isn't.
The excitement is building
This new venture is beginning to get more and more interesting. I'm actually going to go and see the head man on Saturday and drive down to meet him. There is work that I need to do on the Project Management side that no one else ought to be doing as we get ready for launch.
How exciting is this? Well I think it has the potential of Google or Skype or PayPal perhaps. This is the only working system I have seen that doesn't cost the earth and that businesses can subscribe to without breaking the bank. I can't say more for the moment until after next week but the market is global - the trouble is controlling the growth rather than anything else. Get the growth right and it is years ahead of anything else out in the market.
How exciting is this? Well I think it has the potential of Google or Skype or PayPal perhaps. This is the only working system I have seen that doesn't cost the earth and that businesses can subscribe to without breaking the bank. I can't say more for the moment until after next week but the market is global - the trouble is controlling the growth rather than anything else. Get the growth right and it is years ahead of anything else out in the market.
Bit of a dilemma
I need to get some travel insurance and then thought well I ought to mention that I have bladder cancer and - well - actually I don't have it at the moment and I'm under treatment so that it doesn't come back. But it could do, so where does that leave me? It is all a bit strange isn't it. Also, even if I should get the symptoms again whilst we are away - there is little that anyone can do and it isn't something that you get sudden relapses or anything else strange happen to you. As I said before - you wouldn't even know unless I told you.
So I shall have some fun asking the insurance companies what (if any) changes they need to make to my policy.
Some will, I have no doubt whack their fees up and I'm sure that the more notable ones will hardly need to bother.
Watch this space.
So I shall have some fun asking the insurance companies what (if any) changes they need to make to my policy.
Some will, I have no doubt whack their fees up and I'm sure that the more notable ones will hardly need to bother.
Watch this space.
Preventative Medicine
The meeting with the Doc went well. We were both pleased about the results of the biopsies and also the Blood Pressure readings and the weight loss.
He is a bit concerned over the damage to my Kidneys (not much not significant) and also that some of the readings are getting towards the wrong end of where they should be etc. Most stuff is normal and also pre-diabetic stuff is backed away from those figures. There may still be a glucose intolerance but for the moment the figures do not show that.
Upshot is that there are more tablets - great - I hate any medicines - long story I will share with you one day. Anyway, I have to have these Statins for cholesterol and the like - even though my readings are good and within guidelines he would like to get them to really good.
My Blood Pressure tablets stay as they are and so that is under control - I am glad about that.
He wants me to have aspirin but is writing to my Consultant to make sure that it will not affect what she is doing - he doesn't want something with the potential side effects of aspirin (bleeding) to mess up the work done so far.
Oh and a blood test in a month and then give him a call. At least it isn't a fasting blood test this time. Doesn't matter I still don't like them. Nor did I like the "keep monitoring your reaction" over the next few months.
The biggest upset of the lot? I can no longer have Grapefruit juice or the Grapefuit fruit. That is one of my favourite things. Edited - I said fruit and I meant Grapefruit oops - one missing word and it means something entirely different!
He is a bit concerned over the damage to my Kidneys (not much not significant) and also that some of the readings are getting towards the wrong end of where they should be etc. Most stuff is normal and also pre-diabetic stuff is backed away from those figures. There may still be a glucose intolerance but for the moment the figures do not show that.
Upshot is that there are more tablets - great - I hate any medicines - long story I will share with you one day. Anyway, I have to have these Statins for cholesterol and the like - even though my readings are good and within guidelines he would like to get them to really good.
My Blood Pressure tablets stay as they are and so that is under control - I am glad about that.
He wants me to have aspirin but is writing to my Consultant to make sure that it will not affect what she is doing - he doesn't want something with the potential side effects of aspirin (bleeding) to mess up the work done so far.
Oh and a blood test in a month and then give him a call. At least it isn't a fasting blood test this time. Doesn't matter I still don't like them. Nor did I like the "keep monitoring your reaction" over the next few months.
The biggest upset of the lot? I can no longer have Grapefruit juice or the Grapefuit fruit. That is one of my favourite things. Edited - I said fruit and I meant Grapefruit oops - one missing word and it means something entirely different!
The post arrived
And the cheques were there today. I joked with the wife saying that - that's the sort of money you'd expect if I'd have died. Mmm, she wasn't overly impressed with that sort of humour. Perhaps I should be Darth Vader - I mean I've always been on the Dark Side?
Right - I must away loads to do, little time to achieve it in and let's hope the Doctor is gentle with me today. I certainly don't want to be doing with anymore blood tests and all that malarkey for a while at least.
Right - I must away loads to do, little time to achieve it in and let's hope the Doctor is gentle with me today. I certainly don't want to be doing with anymore blood tests and all that malarkey for a while at least.
Back to see the Doc today
Hopefully it will be for a chat and where do we go next. Problems are that I am out tomorrow and next week treatment starts, job starts and so on. I need to chat to him about things like frequency of BP readings and on lifestyle changes made and continuing those on.
I am hoping I just get a "go away" for 3 months :-) We will see I have to go later this morning.
I am hoping I just get a "go away" for 3 months :-) We will see I have to go later this morning.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Change - Life's only constant
I find myself today breaking free of the routine of the last 10 months and having to restyle my life around work, keeping fit, home and hobbies. My exercise routine needs to be changed to be at a different time of day rather than anything else.
I could indulge myself with 30 or 40 minutes of exercising, then relax and then go and have a shower and easily I'd have eaten up 2 hours of my day. Leisurely breakfasts and not really having to rush and tear about, eating meals at set times, watching the same shows at the same time each day - routine.
I've got to get out of that routine and change. I take my blood pressure every morning and evening and I won't be able to do that so I think I ought to change that to weekly now. I'm seeing the Doctor later this week and I hope that he will agree. I have 6 weeks or more BP readings and everything looks reasonably steady although I think he wants my BP to be a little lower still. The upcoming treatment will mean that we may have to hold fire on that.
Again, the treatment will necessitate a certain amount of routine. The Mondays are always a series of routines and rituals.
It is going to be interesting moving away from the comfort of routine to the organised chaos that is to come in this job. Like many things - humans aren't great at changing especially where that change takes you out of your comfort zone and somewhere a little beyond.
I could indulge myself with 30 or 40 minutes of exercising, then relax and then go and have a shower and easily I'd have eaten up 2 hours of my day. Leisurely breakfasts and not really having to rush and tear about, eating meals at set times, watching the same shows at the same time each day - routine.
I've got to get out of that routine and change. I take my blood pressure every morning and evening and I won't be able to do that so I think I ought to change that to weekly now. I'm seeing the Doctor later this week and I hope that he will agree. I have 6 weeks or more BP readings and everything looks reasonably steady although I think he wants my BP to be a little lower still. The upcoming treatment will mean that we may have to hold fire on that.
Again, the treatment will necessitate a certain amount of routine. The Mondays are always a series of routines and rituals.
It is going to be interesting moving away from the comfort of routine to the organised chaos that is to come in this job. Like many things - humans aren't great at changing especially where that change takes you out of your comfort zone and somewhere a little beyond.
Vacation / Holiday
Well I went and booked it this morning.
A family holiday and an unusual one. Off on a cruise to see the Faroe Islands, Iceland and Norway. I have always fancied Norway and when the girls thought that Iceland would be cool (I had to get that one in somewhere) we found this cruise that takes in both.
I've never been on a cruise before but it looks to be really interesting. We leave after my party and we arrive back before the next party - most of my friends are either 50 or 60 this year!
I am looking forward to getting away so much.
A family holiday and an unusual one. Off on a cruise to see the Faroe Islands, Iceland and Norway. I have always fancied Norway and when the girls thought that Iceland would be cool (I had to get that one in somewhere) we found this cruise that takes in both.
I've never been on a cruise before but it looks to be really interesting. We leave after my party and we arrive back before the next party - most of my friends are either 50 or 60 this year!
I am looking forward to getting away so much.
Insurance clarity
I ought to make it clear about the Insurance. It is something I took out myself against getting a critical illness and not something attached to the NHS or anything like that. It was a conscious decision to cover the family should anything happen to me. The facts are these days, as I suppose I have just proved, that you are more likely to survive a critical illness than in the past and that an ordinary life insurance wouldn't do anyone any good if I survived.
So the way we set this up was to have individual Critical Illness covers (husband and wife) and also life insurances first death paid out the other. This covers all that stuff. We haven't had medical insurance since I worked as an employee back in the early 90s. I was just about to get Medical Insurance when I was diagnosed - how ironic is that :-) However, I probably wouldn't have got seen or operated on so quick anyway.
So - Having said all that - it means that the house can be paid off and that I can go and do this new riskier venture (if I don't do it now and take a risk - then what I've learnt about myself in the past 9 months would be betrayed) and more than that - it is going to help get family life stable again. By that I mean, the knock you take as an individual is bigger than you think. Your confidence and your self belief are rock bottom, you don't feel good about yourself or your body, you know there is something wrong with you, you can't see it and it can kill you. Disturbing. Now imagine what it does to your family - whether they can take in the enormity of it or not?
The family gets whacked sideways as well and whilst money isn't the answer it will enable me to do a few things like have a really good family holiday - it may be one of the last together as the oldest is 17 now anyway. It means that I don't need to worry that I lost my job and I don't need to worry about paying the bills if I did lose my job. It means that we can have a party (my 50th coming soon) and not to worry about the little add-ons that will make it memorable. It's a security blanket because it isn't over yet but from now on, no one needs to worry about the expense of being ill, getting treated and wondering where the next penny is going to come from.
When I said it was a weight off my mind - perhaps you can see that it steadies the ship, it removes uncertainty and it allows us to remove pressures of the mortgage - once that is gone, the house is ours. It means that I don't need that mundane "steady" job I can go for the excitement and risk of this new one. If that falls apart, I can say I gave it my best shot and then return to what I am doing now and it would allow me to setup a business that I would want to run not the one I run at the moment if that happened as well if I wanted.
University beckons for the oldest - that is no longer a worry financially.
Anyway - you get the picture - it isn't Rockefeller money nor is it enough that I don't have to work and it certainly wouldn't work as a Pension but it just eases everything.
Whilst I never really wanted the thing to have paid out at all - I am glad that we went down the route of taking it out.
So the way we set this up was to have individual Critical Illness covers (husband and wife) and also life insurances first death paid out the other. This covers all that stuff. We haven't had medical insurance since I worked as an employee back in the early 90s. I was just about to get Medical Insurance when I was diagnosed - how ironic is that :-) However, I probably wouldn't have got seen or operated on so quick anyway.
So - Having said all that - it means that the house can be paid off and that I can go and do this new riskier venture (if I don't do it now and take a risk - then what I've learnt about myself in the past 9 months would be betrayed) and more than that - it is going to help get family life stable again. By that I mean, the knock you take as an individual is bigger than you think. Your confidence and your self belief are rock bottom, you don't feel good about yourself or your body, you know there is something wrong with you, you can't see it and it can kill you. Disturbing. Now imagine what it does to your family - whether they can take in the enormity of it or not?
The family gets whacked sideways as well and whilst money isn't the answer it will enable me to do a few things like have a really good family holiday - it may be one of the last together as the oldest is 17 now anyway. It means that I don't need to worry that I lost my job and I don't need to worry about paying the bills if I did lose my job. It means that we can have a party (my 50th coming soon) and not to worry about the little add-ons that will make it memorable. It's a security blanket because it isn't over yet but from now on, no one needs to worry about the expense of being ill, getting treated and wondering where the next penny is going to come from.
When I said it was a weight off my mind - perhaps you can see that it steadies the ship, it removes uncertainty and it allows us to remove pressures of the mortgage - once that is gone, the house is ours. It means that I don't need that mundane "steady" job I can go for the excitement and risk of this new one. If that falls apart, I can say I gave it my best shot and then return to what I am doing now and it would allow me to setup a business that I would want to run not the one I run at the moment if that happened as well if I wanted.
University beckons for the oldest - that is no longer a worry financially.
Anyway - you get the picture - it isn't Rockefeller money nor is it enough that I don't have to work and it certainly wouldn't work as a Pension but it just eases everything.
Whilst I never really wanted the thing to have paid out at all - I am glad that we went down the route of taking it out.
Getting away from the subject of the blog
Will happen. I just realised this as I was on another forum specifically about Bladder Cancer - The Bladder Cancer Web Cafe which is a great site - there is a link on the right hand side of this blog.
I've arrived at that part of the journey now where, I'm beginning to get my life back and I'm beginning to see that I can control how much I should be concentrating on each aspect. Sure, the weight of the disease was lifted - what - two weeks ago today and then the insurance finally stated that I did meet the requirements and we were never certain we would. You see CIS (Carcinoma in Situ) is written out in the policy - even though it is pretty nasty in bladder cancer terms as it happens. What was in was that there was a malignant tumour. So that is a weight off my shoulders and then, almost at the same time, I've got the job. The job really was reliant on the insurance money though as I do need to finance my entry into the business.
So three things all happening together and I can make plans, work around treatments and know that I can finally begin to get my life back.
That is why, for the first time in 10 months that I can actually start to think about other things and fill this blog with the ordinary things that are happening which should instill to anyone who has just been diagnosed that things do improve and that you do come out of the dark places and back into the light and that you can hope for better days than you have now.
Hope - if you have just been diagnosed - things do get better - it is time and how you and your head deal with it.
I've arrived at that part of the journey now where, I'm beginning to get my life back and I'm beginning to see that I can control how much I should be concentrating on each aspect. Sure, the weight of the disease was lifted - what - two weeks ago today and then the insurance finally stated that I did meet the requirements and we were never certain we would. You see CIS (Carcinoma in Situ) is written out in the policy - even though it is pretty nasty in bladder cancer terms as it happens. What was in was that there was a malignant tumour. So that is a weight off my shoulders and then, almost at the same time, I've got the job. The job really was reliant on the insurance money though as I do need to finance my entry into the business.
So three things all happening together and I can make plans, work around treatments and know that I can finally begin to get my life back.
That is why, for the first time in 10 months that I can actually start to think about other things and fill this blog with the ordinary things that are happening which should instill to anyone who has just been diagnosed that things do improve and that you do come out of the dark places and back into the light and that you can hope for better days than you have now.
Hope - if you have just been diagnosed - things do get better - it is time and how you and your head deal with it.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Don't you hate it when
Your browser crashes just after you filled in page 4 of 5 of the details you need to book your holiday? What a pain. Not only does it crash but it loses all the other sites you are connected to. Thanks Microsoft IE7 no wonder i normally use Opera Browser.
It is a flaming nuisance as I have now spent another 20 minutes getting through all the pages and re-entering the data again.
Technology can sometimes drive you mad.
It is a flaming nuisance as I have now spent another 20 minutes getting through all the pages and re-entering the data again.
Technology can sometimes drive you mad.
A half reasonable result today
We managed to clear out huge tracks of the office rubbish and my desk certainly looks more organised. There is still a way to go as there are 5 or 6 projects that are awaiting something being done on each. These are in neat piles now. I am being far more ruthless than I ever thought I would be. My engineering magazines (had them for more than ten years) my PC magazines (at least 10 years as well) have all been dumped. All the old instruction books and old software also need to go - no one wants them anymore and they will not run on today's machines anyway.
All my old Open University notes, files, tutorials, assignments and also my Maths Foundation stuff are also in the recycling bin. You just keep so much stuff that is of no use to anyone anymore. I did find tow or three sheets that I did keep but they are relevant to something I am doing now. The rest has gone to three large sacks for recycling.
Finally I also cleared out my Computer Case. I keep spares - Operating Systems, Modems, Network cards etc. I've thrown away stuff that will never get used again and boxed up some stuff that I may need. But again, I've been ruthless with that - I mean - who uses a modem anymore and 3 1/2" disks - what are they??
I've seen the holiday I want to go on and the family have given "outline consent" so I think I'll go for that tomorrow. If it is available (and the first one wasn't) we can go just after my 50th Birthday party and go on a cruise. Anyway, more when I know about that. I've often fancied trying one out and this looks just the tonic and takes in a bit for everyone. At least that is the plan.
The job starts next week and I'm getting myself frantically up to speed on that. I'm certain that I can bring some really good values to the business and that I can help in a number of positive ways. To that end I have got some added responsibility already which I picked up details of today.
All my old Open University notes, files, tutorials, assignments and also my Maths Foundation stuff are also in the recycling bin. You just keep so much stuff that is of no use to anyone anymore. I did find tow or three sheets that I did keep but they are relevant to something I am doing now. The rest has gone to three large sacks for recycling.
Finally I also cleared out my Computer Case. I keep spares - Operating Systems, Modems, Network cards etc. I've thrown away stuff that will never get used again and boxed up some stuff that I may need. But again, I've been ruthless with that - I mean - who uses a modem anymore and 3 1/2" disks - what are they??
I've seen the holiday I want to go on and the family have given "outline consent" so I think I'll go for that tomorrow. If it is available (and the first one wasn't) we can go just after my 50th Birthday party and go on a cruise. Anyway, more when I know about that. I've often fancied trying one out and this looks just the tonic and takes in a bit for everyone. At least that is the plan.
The job starts next week and I'm getting myself frantically up to speed on that. I'm certain that I can bring some really good values to the business and that I can help in a number of positive ways. To that end I have got some added responsibility already which I picked up details of today.
Operation Organise
Is under way.
My office now needs to be turned back into an office. Papers need to be filed. Stuff that has been accumulating here for weeks, needs to be put away. Files need to be put back where they came from, equipment needs to be placed in more useful locations and so on.
My office comprises these days of just two PCs, two laser printers, a large ink-jet printer, TV, drawing board, trolley, two desks and a lot of filing cabinets and cupboards.
Neatly (in some cases) and rather more collapsed heaps (in others) papers, folders, magazines, software disks and other such detritus are each calling out for attention.
I need to get organised as soon as possible so that I can get ready to work out how I am going to now run three assignments at once and have my treatment. It should be a fun ride.
My office now needs to be turned back into an office. Papers need to be filed. Stuff that has been accumulating here for weeks, needs to be put away. Files need to be put back where they came from, equipment needs to be placed in more useful locations and so on.
My office comprises these days of just two PCs, two laser printers, a large ink-jet printer, TV, drawing board, trolley, two desks and a lot of filing cabinets and cupboards.
Neatly (in some cases) and rather more collapsed heaps (in others) papers, folders, magazines, software disks and other such detritus are each calling out for attention.
I need to get organised as soon as possible so that I can get ready to work out how I am going to now run three assignments at once and have my treatment. It should be a fun ride.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Another sort of planning
Deciding what to do next, how to celebrate being here at all. How to return to what is now how we view normality. Normal will now include treatment, review, continuing life style changes, pills for the rest of my life and dealing with the shock and the aftermath of the experience.
The new job is - the more I look at it - quite a change for me. It has all the normal things I do know about, including managing partners and general management. What is different is how bleeding edge this is and what it will mean once it is up and running. I'm glad that I've decided to do this as I need the change and the challenge. More than that it is a symbol of the changes that have happened to me in the past few months.
Then there is planning to make sure that I ensure the family are provided for. That mortgage can go for a start.
Finally - a holiday - something special, something different and something that will allow a celebration and some luxury and something that we wouldn't normally do.
The new job is - the more I look at it - quite a change for me. It has all the normal things I do know about, including managing partners and general management. What is different is how bleeding edge this is and what it will mean once it is up and running. I'm glad that I've decided to do this as I need the change and the challenge. More than that it is a symbol of the changes that have happened to me in the past few months.
Then there is planning to make sure that I ensure the family are provided for. That mortgage can go for a start.
Finally - a holiday - something special, something different and something that will allow a celebration and some luxury and something that we wouldn't normally do.
Intensive Day
I've been working out my strategy for this new job and thinking through how I should approach and manage this. It is quite an exciting prospect I have to say. It will be hard work I am certain and I am sure that I will be able to bring some useful experiences to the job.
I'm going to give this a rest now as I haven't worked out how I am going to fit all the other stuff in at the same time :-) A nice problem to have I suppose.
And of course; this time next week I'll be recovering from my first BCG treatment. A day later I'll be off to Wales and Cheshire for my training. That should be interesting. That week will be absolutely manic as I have a meeting on the Saturday morning, no doubt people will be trying to get me and I just won't be around. I imagine that it will be quite a shock to many when I am not there to sort them out.
I'm going to give this a rest now as I haven't worked out how I am going to fit all the other stuff in at the same time :-) A nice problem to have I suppose.
And of course; this time next week I'll be recovering from my first BCG treatment. A day later I'll be off to Wales and Cheshire for my training. That should be interesting. That week will be absolutely manic as I have a meeting on the Saturday morning, no doubt people will be trying to get me and I just won't be around. I imagine that it will be quite a shock to many when I am not there to sort them out.
Dull day
It was pretty awful but at least everyone seemed much better today. I watched my F1 race it was OK. Not much of anything to speak of, barely any incidents and not a lot of thrills and spills, glad I didn't go down to see it.
I've been working on my contract for this new job - phew - what a lot of clauses and a lot of changes I want. It still surprises me to this day that people don't read these things properly. I was interested that someone has obviously added a clause as all the number sequencing was out so all the cross references were wrong.
I was talking to a friend the other day and I did a contract review for him. When he brought up one of my queries the chap said that they had never had anyone query it before but when they read it - it was obvious that there was an issue.
Let's hope I haven't gone overboard with it. Lots more to do tomorrow as I need to work out a strategy for covering my time over the next few weeks - all hell will break loose!
I've been working on my contract for this new job - phew - what a lot of clauses and a lot of changes I want. It still surprises me to this day that people don't read these things properly. I was interested that someone has obviously added a clause as all the number sequencing was out so all the cross references were wrong.
I was talking to a friend the other day and I did a contract review for him. When he brought up one of my queries the chap said that they had never had anyone query it before but when they read it - it was obvious that there was an issue.
Let's hope I haven't gone overboard with it. Lots more to do tomorrow as I need to work out a strategy for covering my time over the next few weeks - all hell will break loose!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
All surfacing this morning
Slowly but surely all are struggling out of their beds and feeling better all around - good.
It is a miserable bank holiday weekend it is raining and grey - mind you there is plenty to do and I have lots of things to sort out with work, leisure, treatment, hobbies and so on. Now I just need to work out how to fit everything in. This is a better headache than having nothing to do but now the worries of insurance and stage of my recovery are out of the way I should be able to shake off the apathy of the past and move forward, better to have too much to do than too little - the devil makes hands etc....
It is a miserable bank holiday weekend it is raining and grey - mind you there is plenty to do and I have lots of things to sort out with work, leisure, treatment, hobbies and so on. Now I just need to work out how to fit everything in. This is a better headache than having nothing to do but now the worries of insurance and stage of my recovery are out of the way I should be able to shake off the apathy of the past and move forward, better to have too much to do than too little - the devil makes hands etc....
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Monaco
My favourite Grand Prix? Maybe. Well last year I reckoned I might get to this one. Obviously that wasn't meant to be. Perhaps next year. I need to get to one of them soon as I haven't been for years and years. I'm a bit of a petrol head and loved my trip to Brands Hatch years ago to the see The European Grand Prix (I think) if not it was the British one.
Noisy as you like and I just had a fabulous day. Watching from the TV is fine but Monte Carlo is a great place to visit and people watch anyway and with a Grand Prix it would be a great fun weekend.
It has been a strange day. Oldest is OK - she went shopping, youngest has recovered but wife not been seen all day - too tired. So the house has been remarkably quiet. All seem to be recovering though.
Noisy as you like and I just had a fabulous day. Watching from the TV is fine but Monte Carlo is a great place to visit and people watch anyway and with a Grand Prix it would be a great fun weekend.
It has been a strange day. Oldest is OK - she went shopping, youngest has recovered but wife not been seen all day - too tired. So the house has been remarkably quiet. All seem to be recovering though.
It looks like
I'm the only one fully fit and healthy this weekend. Wife lying down in a darkened room with headache from hell, Oldest daughter suffering post exam relief and hay fever, youngest with a sniffy cold.
I'm feeling quite good about things at the moment. I have to go and see the Doc sometime next week to get sorted on BP tablets. Hopefully he will have the results from the Hospital and realise that on Monday week I start the BCG treatments. That will screw any blood results badly as the BCG whips you blood into a frenzy and gets your immune system able to repel speeding bullets, see through people's clothing and all other stuff that Clark Kent can do! It is pretty cool stuff :-)
I'm feeling quite good about things at the moment. I have to go and see the Doc sometime next week to get sorted on BP tablets. Hopefully he will have the results from the Hospital and realise that on Monday week I start the BCG treatments. That will screw any blood results badly as the BCG whips you blood into a frenzy and gets your immune system able to repel speeding bullets, see through people's clothing and all other stuff that Clark Kent can do! It is pretty cool stuff :-)
Friday, May 25, 2007
Calm Down
I have calmed down now. It really has been a pleasing week all things considered. I met up with some very good buddies tonight and we had a curry and a few beers (as you do).
We are still quite a way off the anniversary of my original symptoms but as someone commented tonight - it had been a pretty bad year up until this week. I managed to catch every bit of bad luck going. Well, let us all hope that things get better from now on!
A long weekend off and then I need to hit next week running. Lots to do and fit in. Life is going to get hectic and exciting all in one go.
We are still quite a way off the anniversary of my original symptoms but as someone commented tonight - it had been a pretty bad year up until this week. I managed to catch every bit of bad luck going. Well, let us all hope that things get better from now on!
A long weekend off and then I need to hit next week running. Lots to do and fit in. Life is going to get hectic and exciting all in one go.
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Got the job, got the job, got the job,
Got the jo - ob, got the job,
Got the job, got the job, got the job,
Got the job, got the jo - ob
Yippee, yee-haa, great, stupendous, brill, fantastic, superb, wonderful (NO I am not using AWESOME) Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and so on.
Adjectives to the power of 10!!!
By the way - I am reasonably pleased with myself.
At last a chance to go for it without let or hindrance....
Sorry - how very un British of me, Ahem.
Well I got the job -
......................Obviously.....................
YEAH!
Got the jo - ob, got the job,
Got the job, got the job, got the job,
Got the job, got the jo - ob
Yippee, yee-haa, great, stupendous, brill, fantastic, superb, wonderful (NO I am not using AWESOME) Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and so on.
Adjectives to the power of 10!!!
By the way - I am reasonably pleased with myself.
At last a chance to go for it without let or hindrance....
Sorry - how very un British of me, Ahem.
Well I got the job -
......................Obviously.....................
YEAH!
Pulling stuff apart
Nothing I like better than doing that. Some of the contractual stuff just doesn't figure - I think someone has had a go at a few of the clauses and one of them means absolutely nothing. I think someone has edited it and not re-read it.
Like many documents of this nature it is written by someone with knowledge of the law but not real knowledge of the job and so it doesn't really fit. Then, when someone queries it, a non knowledgeable person adjusts it which can result in hilarious consequences. Some of these include, in this case, terminating the contract for cause, without cause, with one week or perhaps one month and given due notice or not as the case may be? So someone hasn't looked at a previous clause before adding or amending another one. It should make for an interesting discussion later today.
Oh yes and there are some other anal bits in it too.
Like many documents of this nature it is written by someone with knowledge of the law but not real knowledge of the job and so it doesn't really fit. Then, when someone queries it, a non knowledgeable person adjusts it which can result in hilarious consequences. Some of these include, in this case, terminating the contract for cause, without cause, with one week or perhaps one month and given due notice or not as the case may be? So someone hasn't looked at a previous clause before adding or amending another one. It should make for an interesting discussion later today.
Oh yes and there are some other anal bits in it too.
Up and about early
I'm going to get involved in the teleconferences today and then meet the CEO and talk turkey on the job and the opportunity.
I'm going to give myself the summer to get this done and if it isn't to be then I am going to set myself a new direction and follow that. The pressure is off and I really needed that. It isn't about the money, it is about what I want to do now and the money supports me whilst I come to that decision, plan and go down that route.
The strange thing about cancer is that it changes you in more ways than one and it does mean that you question things. The meeting I had yesterday was very much one of those meetings I'd rather never have for the rest of my life. Why it couldn't be done over the phone or to have been resolved by now, I don't know.
So - there we are - an interesting day ahead, a Bank Holiday weekend (with forecast rain - typical) and perhaps a new start next week or the week after that - who knows.
I'm going to give myself the summer to get this done and if it isn't to be then I am going to set myself a new direction and follow that. The pressure is off and I really needed that. It isn't about the money, it is about what I want to do now and the money supports me whilst I come to that decision, plan and go down that route.
The strange thing about cancer is that it changes you in more ways than one and it does mean that you question things. The meeting I had yesterday was very much one of those meetings I'd rather never have for the rest of my life. Why it couldn't be done over the phone or to have been resolved by now, I don't know.
So - there we are - an interesting day ahead, a Bank Holiday weekend (with forecast rain - typical) and perhaps a new start next week or the week after that - who knows.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I must be pretty slow
It is taking an age to sink in still.
I was up in London today and at Kings Cross Station - it was fun to see over near to platform 10 there is a sign showing platform 9 3/4 with a trolley embedded into the wall - nice one Harry! That has nothing to do with this blog I just thought I'd stick that sort of comment randomly in here!
I have to say that Critical Illness Insurance is one of my better decisions. I don't make many of those so I'll claim that one.
I think I will sleep on this now and see what pops into my brain tomorrow
I was up in London today and at Kings Cross Station - it was fun to see over near to platform 10 there is a sign showing platform 9 3/4 with a trolley embedded into the wall - nice one Harry! That has nothing to do with this blog I just thought I'd stick that sort of comment randomly in here!
I have to say that Critical Illness Insurance is one of my better decisions. I don't make many of those so I'll claim that one.
I think I will sleep on this now and see what pops into my brain tomorrow
Pinch pinch pinch
No it won't go in that the prognosis is good, I have a job and the insurance has paid out.
The trouble with playing everything in a pessimistic way is that the delight (perhaps the wrong word) that I should feel I don't.
However the more I have thought about it, the more I am pleased that I can support my family now. I was really worried that maybe I couldn't do that 6 months ago.
I'm allowing myself a little
yippee
The trouble with playing everything in a pessimistic way is that the delight (perhaps the wrong word) that I should feel I don't.
However the more I have thought about it, the more I am pleased that I can support my family now. I was really worried that maybe I couldn't do that 6 months ago.
I'm allowing myself a little
yippee
Serious
I don't think I realised how seriously ill I was until perhaps last September when my Consultant explained in more detail what I had, why I needed to go back into Hospital again and how near we were to having something even more serious on our hands - like radical surgery. Even then, for me, these things didn't sink in that much. Even now I am still prone to forget to be careful or dismiss it. I often get told that I shouldn't trivialise my condition but I perhaps deal with it in that way to keep my control on things.
I looked at bladder cancer as something like appendicitis, you have it, they whip it out and give you antibiotics, follow up a couple of times and discharge you. Of course it isn't like that at all. Bladder Cancer just comes back and can keep coming back and that is why it is so well followed up and why you go on a rigorous regime.
So today, I pulled out the details from my Insurance Policy:
Cancer - is described and the description given fits what I had to start with a malignant tumour
What has been bringing things home to roost for me are that the policy covers:
I looked at bladder cancer as something like appendicitis, you have it, they whip it out and give you antibiotics, follow up a couple of times and discharge you. Of course it isn't like that at all. Bladder Cancer just comes back and can keep coming back and that is why it is so well followed up and why you go on a rigorous regime.
So today, I pulled out the details from my Insurance Policy:
Cancer - is described and the description given fits what I had to start with a malignant tumour
What has been bringing things home to roost for me are that the policy covers:
- Coronary Artery By-Pass Surgery
- Heart Attack
- Kidney Failure
- Major Organ Transplant
- Multiple Sclerosis
- Permanent total disability
- AIDS/HIV
- Alzheimer's before age of 65
- Angioplasty
- Aorta Graft Surgery
- Aplastic Anaemia
- Bacterial Meningitis
- Benign Brain Tumour
- Blindness
- Coma
- CJD
- Deafness (full)
- Heart Valve Replacement or Repair
- Liver Failure
- Loss of independent Existence
- Loss of Speech
- Motor Neurone Disease
- Paralysis. Paraplegia
- Parkinson's Disease before age 65
- Terminal Illness
- Third Degree Burns
- Permanent Total Disability (Can no longer work)
There are some conditions attached to those but good grief - I wouldn't like to have any of those and yet I am lumped together in the same category - yeeks. Perhaps now I'll respect what I have a bit more?
Good things tend to happen to me in May
But only in May - the new job last year and this, the news on my cancer free condition and this morning, and I am still staggering around on this one. The Insurance phoned and they will pay out.
I don't know what I feel but the predominant feeling has to be one of relief. It has taken 7 1/2 months to get this far and I suppose that now we are finally going to get that paid out I can relax even more and concentrate fully on my new job, getting fit and staying well.
I am glad now that I took out this insurance - but then hindsight always has been one of my strongest character traits :-)
PHEW!
I don't know what I feel but the predominant feeling has to be one of relief. It has taken 7 1/2 months to get this far and I suppose that now we are finally going to get that paid out I can relax even more and concentrate fully on my new job, getting fit and staying well.
I am glad now that I took out this insurance - but then hindsight always has been one of my strongest character traits :-)
PHEW!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The Job
Well it looks like I will take the slightly riskier job. Nothing ventured and all that. I've seen the people, I've partly seen the service, the numbers look good and if it takes off it will be great. If it doesn't, well at least I will have given it my best shot!
They seem cool about the fact that I am not going to be able to do too much with the treatments but I can still work online and use a phone except for Monday afternoons and evenings when frankly I won't want to do too much except lying around.
So - on Friday the CEO is coming here on his way through and we will talk turkey. Early in June I'll be off and about on a training session and the launch party is in mid June.
They seem cool about the fact that I am not going to be able to do too much with the treatments but I can still work online and use a phone except for Monday afternoons and evenings when frankly I won't want to do too much except lying around.
So - on Friday the CEO is coming here on his way through and we will talk turkey. Early in June I'll be off and about on a training session and the launch party is in mid June.
Oh dear oh dear
I have just been out with a friend and I feel absolutely dreadful - I managed to squeeze down a fruit juice followed by a beer but when I had the second beer I thought that I might see it again :-( SO I quit and came home - I think I will now go and have a lie down.
I know - you have no sympathy for me whatsoever and I should know better but exceptional circumstances!
Right where is the hangover pack.....
I know - you have no sympathy for me whatsoever and I should know better but exceptional circumstances!
Right where is the hangover pack.....
Slow Old Day
Oh dear - well I haven't done that sort of drinking for a while and I ought not to do that for some time again either :-)
I have a feeling today is going to go very slowly for me. I also do not expect to get a lot done
I have a feeling today is going to go very slowly for me. I also do not expect to get a lot done
Ouch
Only myself to blame. Good friends or not - too much drink gives you a headache no matter what you do.
It also makes you sentimental and write drivel. Must make a note not to drink as much next time.
As with all notes offering this sort of advice - they mysteriously disappear when you need them! Along with socks, IOUs and other important material - these things must inherit a life of their own. You never do find them.
OUCH
I have no sympathy for myself - who would have thought celebrating my improved condition would give me such a headache :-)
It also makes you sentimental and write drivel. Must make a note not to drink as much next time.
As with all notes offering this sort of advice - they mysteriously disappear when you need them! Along with socks, IOUs and other important material - these things must inherit a life of their own. You never do find them.
OUCH
I have no sympathy for myself - who would have thought celebrating my improved condition would give me such a headache :-)
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The previous blog
That is how a blog should be - totally spontaneous and not worrying about grammar and syntax!
I am just amazed that I survived and so thankful for the support I have received from my friends.
Cancer beats your friends up more than you would believe. I don't like the idea that I've hurt other people though :-(
I am just amazed that I survived and so thankful for the support I have received from my friends.
Cancer beats your friends up more than you would believe. I don't like the idea that I've hurt other people though :-(
A Tribute to my school friends
Tonight I went out with my old school buddies.
We have known each other since we were 10 years old!
Tonight we celebrated - my recovery and our friendship.
How I value that friendship - how I value the spark to write this blog.
How I now value each magic moment and how my life has a new focus.
What value can you put on those who will tell you that you are being an "arse" speaking out of the same place or just missing the whole point?
Thank God for all my friends - how have they helped me through this?
Friends - YES - friends - they will help you through the path you have to travel. Tell them to tell you exactly what they see and exactly what you should do. You don't have to agree with them too :-)
Believe me - your friends will be there for you. You are also forgiven if you are not there for them - whilst they are there for you?
We have known each other since we were 10 years old!
Tonight we celebrated - my recovery and our friendship.
How I value that friendship - how I value the spark to write this blog.
How I now value each magic moment and how my life has a new focus.
What value can you put on those who will tell you that you are being an "arse" speaking out of the same place or just missing the whole point?
Thank God for all my friends - how have they helped me through this?
Friends - YES - friends - they will help you through the path you have to travel. Tell them to tell you exactly what they see and exactly what you should do. You don't have to agree with them too :-)
Believe me - your friends will be there for you. You are also forgiven if you are not there for them - whilst they are there for you?
What am I worried about
I am a bit of a big head sometimes and I am the worst (as this blog proves) of being MR POSITIVE! Yet today, I went to this meeting and frankly no one else was in my league - I wiped the floor with most of them.
It is to do with my personality type and also my "inner" self belief but this stuff was so easy today and it must be my experience when compared against the others which makes me ask the right questions.
Anyway - it went really well today - should I take a chance? Well, after having survived this last ten months what do you think?
What have I got to lose?
It is to do with my personality type and also my "inner" self belief but this stuff was so easy today and it must be my experience when compared against the others which makes me ask the right questions.
Anyway - it went really well today - should I take a chance? Well, after having survived this last ten months what do you think?
What have I got to lose?
Slight doubts
About my fitness and stamina to get back to work and do what may be needed on this particular opportunity. There is a lot of organising (no problems that is what I do) but also a fair amount of travelling about too. The 4 meetings a day culture are fine but the area to be covered is massive and on some of the most congested roads on the planet.
The first 3 months are the hardest in terms of throughput and workload, the next three months in terms of being on the road, after 6 months things look a little easier.
Whilst I am far fitter than I was ten months ago, I'm not certain that I have had to sustain the sort of effort I will need in this job.
The first 3 months are the hardest in terms of throughput and workload, the next three months in terms of being on the road, after 6 months things look a little easier.
Whilst I am far fitter than I was ten months ago, I'm not certain that I have had to sustain the sort of effort I will need in this job.
Interesting day to come
I'll be off to London to work through this job opportunity or perhaps it would be better phrased as a business opportunity really.
The business case and the technology all appear to be in order, there are a few anomalies in the basic costing model to be reviewed and some questions about the company structuring that need to be ironed out but in general terms this thing could fly. It will be my luck that it is about to fly when I'm having my treatment.
Mind you, I'm no longer that worried about that sort of thing as frankly not a lot matters these days or perhaps things have a different level of importance and a different value structure.
The business case and the technology all appear to be in order, there are a few anomalies in the basic costing model to be reviewed and some questions about the company structuring that need to be ironed out but in general terms this thing could fly. It will be my luck that it is about to fly when I'm having my treatment.
Mind you, I'm no longer that worried about that sort of thing as frankly not a lot matters these days or perhaps things have a different level of importance and a different value structure.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Two weeks today
And the BCG starts again. It isn't so bad this time - I know what to expect and I know how to deal with the side effects and this time we are starting with a downgraded staging. Knowing what it did to the CIS, it should really work to keep it away this time.
At least I'll be clear of the treatments before my birthday party - not unfortunately on my birthday but there you go. I'll then have the summer off to at last get some holiday time in.
I'm still concerned that this job - the risky one - will really need full time attention for the first three months and I may not be able to give it that - 6 weeks at three days a week and needing some holidays too. I'll be seeing them tomorrow and will see what comes of that meeting.
At least I'll be clear of the treatments before my birthday party - not unfortunately on my birthday but there you go. I'll then have the summer off to at last get some holiday time in.
I'm still concerned that this job - the risky one - will really need full time attention for the first three months and I may not be able to give it that - 6 weeks at three days a week and needing some holidays too. I'll be seeing them tomorrow and will see what comes of that meeting.
Not enough hours in the day
There certainly aren't enough hours left in the day this coming week now. I have just updated my calendar and apart from Monday - every day looks like I am out. I have some work for Thursday which will lead to a few more days worth I'm sure. I have another meeting in London on Tuesday, I'm out Tuesday night and Wednesday lunch time and it also looks like I'm out Friday night too!
I've called off a few things that I need to do and yet this week is now busy as you like. I've also got a major piece of work I should have finished but haven't had a clear run at that I must fit in somehow. I need to plan that later today.
And - yes it is late, It is 1 in the morning and somehow I have got to get to sleep. I have even started drinking decaf coffee so that I can but for some reason - I'm still awake and firing on most cylinders!
I'm hoping that this week sees the end of some outstanding issues and that I can draw a line under that as well. If that is the case then I can move on with my mind focusing on what it needs to do and not to be worried about any outstanding issues. By later this week that will either have resolved itself or will have thrown up some other problems. The insurance claim is I believe borderline and so that is the problem. It is one of those things you don't even want to think about and another thing that is on your mind and given that it has taken since October to get to this point you can probably see the concerns. I think that the forms sat in the "system" for much of that time and I've said it before, that had my family been facing some sort of crisis or had I been terminally ill then it would be difficult to explain why it had taken 7 months to process the paperwork. As it is, I don't think the Insurance Company could have done much more and I wasn't in a mind to push them.
Anyway - this week will mark that milestone.
I've called off a few things that I need to do and yet this week is now busy as you like. I've also got a major piece of work I should have finished but haven't had a clear run at that I must fit in somehow. I need to plan that later today.
And - yes it is late, It is 1 in the morning and somehow I have got to get to sleep. I have even started drinking decaf coffee so that I can but for some reason - I'm still awake and firing on most cylinders!
I'm hoping that this week sees the end of some outstanding issues and that I can draw a line under that as well. If that is the case then I can move on with my mind focusing on what it needs to do and not to be worried about any outstanding issues. By later this week that will either have resolved itself or will have thrown up some other problems. The insurance claim is I believe borderline and so that is the problem. It is one of those things you don't even want to think about and another thing that is on your mind and given that it has taken since October to get to this point you can probably see the concerns. I think that the forms sat in the "system" for much of that time and I've said it before, that had my family been facing some sort of crisis or had I been terminally ill then it would be difficult to explain why it had taken 7 months to process the paperwork. As it is, I don't think the Insurance Company could have done much more and I wasn't in a mind to push them.
Anyway - this week will mark that milestone.
Sunday - a lazy day
Well after being out 6 days on the trot it needed to be a lazy day. There was some motor sport on in the afternoon so I sat and watched that.
It is pretty late now though I got sucked into watching an interesting documentary about Jimi Hendrix. It was particularly interesting and had some clips I hadn't seen before.
I thought about the blog yesterday about the guilt feelings and, then thought that 4 of us - that is friends and people I know got cancer last year and all 4 of us got through it. The other 3 don't have it anymore and I don't but of course need to keep up the treatment to ensure that it stays that way.
I am getting a little concerned about these jobs opportunities. I have two and possibly three in the pipeline and each has a different merit to them and each would provide me with a different challenge. Not one of them is the same! So trying to compare one against the other is almost impossible.
One is a big gamble, another quite a safe option although a lot of travel is involved and the other one is a bit more corporate.
I go and see about one of them on Tuesday, I spoke to the guy yesterday about the other one and I have a "holding pattern" e-mail about the third - decision this week or next week.
I wonder quite what I will decide. My heart tells me that the gamble would be the one to go for but I'm not sure I am fit enough to do it. The second job is right up my street and I know my way around the territory and the products etc. It could well be the right choice. Trouble is it starts in July and goes for 6 weeks. First job is five years at least but need to prove your worth in three months or you are out. The third one is full time 6 months or more.
I'm no gambler yet something says go for it. Interesting.
It is pretty late now though I got sucked into watching an interesting documentary about Jimi Hendrix. It was particularly interesting and had some clips I hadn't seen before.
I thought about the blog yesterday about the guilt feelings and, then thought that 4 of us - that is friends and people I know got cancer last year and all 4 of us got through it. The other 3 don't have it anymore and I don't but of course need to keep up the treatment to ensure that it stays that way.
I am getting a little concerned about these jobs opportunities. I have two and possibly three in the pipeline and each has a different merit to them and each would provide me with a different challenge. Not one of them is the same! So trying to compare one against the other is almost impossible.
One is a big gamble, another quite a safe option although a lot of travel is involved and the other one is a bit more corporate.
I go and see about one of them on Tuesday, I spoke to the guy yesterday about the other one and I have a "holding pattern" e-mail about the third - decision this week or next week.
I wonder quite what I will decide. My heart tells me that the gamble would be the one to go for but I'm not sure I am fit enough to do it. The second job is right up my street and I know my way around the territory and the products etc. It could well be the right choice. Trouble is it starts in July and goes for 6 weeks. First job is five years at least but need to prove your worth in three months or you are out. The third one is full time 6 months or more.
I'm no gambler yet something says go for it. Interesting.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Two more meetings left
Lodge meetings that is, one in June and one in July and then we can have a break until September or October. It is all great fun but towards the end of the season and this last week in particular it was getting a bit much as you tend to have a diary full of meetings, preparing for meetings, rehearsals and visiting.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
The guilt of survival
OK - I know I am going to get beaten up about this but can you believe that I now have a guilt feeling about being in the position I am in? I know, how ridiculous after all the whinging I went on about wanting to be there for my family. I got my life back on Tuesday! In the US, a correspondent of mine got the opposite. I feel quite wretched about that until I look at my children's faces and gaze out at my world again. So why even so do I feel like this?
I think that it is because I have met with people who have more advanced problems than I do (mainly online) that I feel this way. Why? Well my diagnosis has made my potential outcome a lot better than theirs. I'm in all probability going to make it, some of the people I have met haven't and will not. I cannot understand why I should be singled out to survive and they didn't - I KNOW - It is a stupid way to think about it. I can't help feeling that - and it is a strange thing - that I shouldn't have survived really. I imagine it is the same with the survivors of a ship wreck or plane crash - how did I survive and how did I come through this and everyone either side of me didn't.
I just feel sad that some of the suffers, diagnosed when I was, haven't made it or probably wont make it. Stupid as it may seem - you now look at your own survival as cheating everyone else. You get a kindred bond with those fellow sufferers you meet online but - and I've said this before - generally those you meet online are more seriously affected and need to share their problems.
I do look on myself as very fortunate and I'll be doing everything possible to keep this well and this healthy. I owe it to myself, my family both here and wider and to my friends who have proved their worth many times over. I have friends who are outspoken (cringingly so) and some who don't express themselves well and some who we just nod and we know what we mean.
It isn't the "Stockholm Syndrome" but there must be a technical term for this - I cheated this but I'm sorry because not everyone else did!
I think that it is because I have met with people who have more advanced problems than I do (mainly online) that I feel this way. Why? Well my diagnosis has made my potential outcome a lot better than theirs. I'm in all probability going to make it, some of the people I have met haven't and will not. I cannot understand why I should be singled out to survive and they didn't - I KNOW - It is a stupid way to think about it. I can't help feeling that - and it is a strange thing - that I shouldn't have survived really. I imagine it is the same with the survivors of a ship wreck or plane crash - how did I survive and how did I come through this and everyone either side of me didn't.
I just feel sad that some of the suffers, diagnosed when I was, haven't made it or probably wont make it. Stupid as it may seem - you now look at your own survival as cheating everyone else. You get a kindred bond with those fellow sufferers you meet online but - and I've said this before - generally those you meet online are more seriously affected and need to share their problems.
I do look on myself as very fortunate and I'll be doing everything possible to keep this well and this healthy. I owe it to myself, my family both here and wider and to my friends who have proved their worth many times over. I have friends who are outspoken (cringingly so) and some who don't express themselves well and some who we just nod and we know what we mean.
It isn't the "Stockholm Syndrome" but there must be a technical term for this - I cheated this but I'm sorry because not everyone else did!
Getting ready to go out again
Since last Monday I have been out every evening. Tonight is the last night and so tomorrow I can get some rest. I'm back out again next Tuesday and it looks like Thursday as well. Just to make my life easier this afternoon, a number of people have pulled out and so it should be fun to find officers to do the jobs especially as one is the Master of the Lodge and now can't make it!
I've got some more decisions to make next week about career direction. I have a potential job I could start straight away and another that I could start in July - both are very interesting and I could fit both around my treatment. I'm not sure about holidays though. we all need a break and I'd rather we all go away than I get a job that would keep me extremely busy over the summer. In one way I need the challenge of the job but in another way, making sure that it is the right time is probably more important. It should be fun next week "doing the right thing"
I've got some more decisions to make next week about career direction. I have a potential job I could start straight away and another that I could start in July - both are very interesting and I could fit both around my treatment. I'm not sure about holidays though. we all need a break and I'd rather we all go away than I get a job that would keep me extremely busy over the summer. In one way I need the challenge of the job but in another way, making sure that it is the right time is probably more important. It should be fun next week "doing the right thing"
Keeping up the regime
It is too easy to drop your guard and go back to the old lifestyle just because of one bit of good news. I'm sure that my lifestyle changes have supported the work that the treatment gave and my new levels of fitness can only help when the treatment starts again in a few weeks time. It does knock you about a bit and it can leave you very tired and a little sore.
I think that because I am that much fitter and a lot of people have said that I "sound" so much better in myself that I can only improve my chances of this not coming back.
If I can manage to be clear at the next stage in October then the chances of recurrence get less. Each time you are clear thereafter the chances also decrease.
It is a nasty little cancer though as it can just keep coming back. If it does they can cut it out and stick you back on the roller Coaster again.
Where have I got to on the Roller Coaster? Probably just through the water splash - gone past the terrified stage and now in the exhilarated stage.
Much happier today about things.
I think that because I am that much fitter and a lot of people have said that I "sound" so much better in myself that I can only improve my chances of this not coming back.
If I can manage to be clear at the next stage in October then the chances of recurrence get less. Each time you are clear thereafter the chances also decrease.
It is a nasty little cancer though as it can just keep coming back. If it does they can cut it out and stick you back on the roller Coaster again.
Where have I got to on the Roller Coaster? Probably just through the water splash - gone past the terrified stage and now in the exhilarated stage.
Much happier today about things.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Embarrassing
I was at one of my Lodge meetings this evening and announced the good news and there was a round of applause when I said that I was, to all intents and purposes, cancer free.
That was a bit embarrassing to me but it did make me realise how many people are "fighting my corner". I feel a little weepy and humble tonight and I met loads of people that I know and their pleasure at my news was so spontaneous.
I am very pleased that so many people are also in my corner fighting with me.
That was a bit embarrassing to me but it did make me realise how many people are "fighting my corner". I feel a little weepy and humble tonight and I met loads of people that I know and their pleasure at my news was so spontaneous.
I am very pleased that so many people are also in my corner fighting with me.
At Long Last
My printing has arrived - the wrong address on it - no wonder they couldn't find me.
I now need to see if I can stuff 200 envelopes with personalised letters and documents so that we can get them posted tomorrow.
I now need to see if I can stuff 200 envelopes with personalised letters and documents so that we can get them posted tomorrow.
A WELL PLANNED LIFE????
Another from my Uncle - Nice one!
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire; My second marriage was to an actor; My third marriage was to a priest; And now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
"One for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to get ready,
And four to go!"
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire; My second marriage was to an actor; My third marriage was to a priest; And now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
"One for the money,
Two for the show,
Three to get ready,
And four to go!"
Senior Moments
I'm obliged to my Uncle for sending me this and some more:
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition? This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition? This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
It is a dilemma
I mean what do I have if there isn't any cancer left in my bladder? Believe it or not I'm still technically a bladder cancer patient and I'm still undergoing treatment but, if there isn't any cancer in there then it seems quite strange. I'm not cured, I just don't have cancer there inside me now.
It is a very strange feeling I have to say. There isn't anything there at the moment. Now those cells have got to start behaving themselves normally again and that is what the treatment should teach them to do.
It really is the most surreal thing, I can't quite work it out at all and I'm not slow but I just can't take it in that it has all but gone. I occasionally stop and think about it and give a smile and then move on. Writing this I still can't quite believe it.
It is a very strange feeling I have to say. There isn't anything there at the moment. Now those cells have got to start behaving themselves normally again and that is what the treatment should teach them to do.
It really is the most surreal thing, I can't quite work it out at all and I'm not slow but I just can't take it in that it has all but gone. I occasionally stop and think about it and give a smile and then move on. Writing this I still can't quite believe it.
A Bad Night's Sleep
I had a bad old night, woke at 2:30 and didn't get back to sleep until about 5 I guess. It was none of the usual brain stuff, worrying or thinking things through because - what is there to think through now?
I feel fine this morning though. Another one of my busy days due in no uncertain measure to this parcel being late. When that arrives I've got stacks of work to do that should have been done on Monday or Tuesday.
I'm out again tonight and tomorrow afternoon and evening and hopefully I can just relax on Sunday.
I feel fine this morning though. Another one of my busy days due in no uncertain measure to this parcel being late. When that arrives I've got stacks of work to do that should have been done on Monday or Tuesday.
I'm out again tonight and tomorrow afternoon and evening and hopefully I can just relax on Sunday.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Every Night This Week
I have been out every night this week so far and I'm out tomorrow and Saturday night. It has to be the busiest week of the year so far. I didn't plan to be this busy but one thing led to another and this was how it worked out.
Oh well, at least next week is looking less busy.
Oh well, at least next week is looking less busy.
TMS - Summer must be here
The first test match of the summer - at Lords (I was there last year!). Test Match Special is on and you can get it on the Internet from the BBC web site.
Blowers is on good form - very excited and already on the Cranes and Pigeons and Buses are all good fill in material between each ball.
It isn't quite the right weather - a bit warmer, a jug of Pimms and perhaps a few cold beers. Maybe I'll get to the Oval or Lords later this year.
For anyone not in the cricketing world I apologise for this particular blog as you probably haven't got a clue what I am talking about.
Also, how can we have invented a game that takes 5 days to play? Well imagine that the bar is open all day and that you can have a picnic, read your Newspaper and wander around and just spend a great day out in the sun (normally). They also do the best bacon rolls in the world at Lords!
Blowers is on good form - very excited and already on the Cranes and Pigeons and Buses are all good fill in material between each ball.
It isn't quite the right weather - a bit warmer, a jug of Pimms and perhaps a few cold beers. Maybe I'll get to the Oval or Lords later this year.
For anyone not in the cricketing world I apologise for this particular blog as you probably haven't got a clue what I am talking about.
Also, how can we have invented a game that takes 5 days to play? Well imagine that the bar is open all day and that you can have a picnic, read your Newspaper and wander around and just spend a great day out in the sun (normally). They also do the best bacon rolls in the world at Lords!
I must stop doing that
Telling a joke or a smart arse one-liner when people have a mouthful of drink!
The one-liner?
We were talking about someone we knew but we weren't sure how old he was and as the conversation was going around in a circle I suggested - as you do - that we cut the blokes head off and count the rings!
After avoiding getting covered in beer we did re-think my strategy as being pretty terminal for the guy we were talking about.
The one-liner?
We were talking about someone we knew but we weren't sure how old he was and as the conversation was going around in a circle I suggested - as you do - that we cut the blokes head off and count the rings!
After avoiding getting covered in beer we did re-think my strategy as being pretty terminal for the guy we were talking about.
The cumulative effect of knowing that you are getting better
It is a strange old thing. I'm obviously pleased that I'm clear for the moment, that the treatment will in all probability give me a clean bill of health within the next 5 months, who wouldn't be. The ten year long term follow up plan is great and if, as is often the case with bladder cancer it comes back, at least they can get it early and not as I started this journey - an early diagnosis but could be earlier :-)
Anyway, yes I'm really pleased about it and as every day has gone by, I'm a little more pleased about it and feel a little more confident in what I've been told and the odds have improved. Speaking of odds, because there was no recurrence in the last three months since treatment - the odds change. Finding two precancerous areas is better than finding CIS or a tumour there so my odds of recurrence have gone down as well which is good.
All these things are really positive - they all add up to the best news possible. It is just taking me a long time to get used to the news and the improved outlook and the optimism that must go with that.
Anyway, yes I'm really pleased about it and as every day has gone by, I'm a little more pleased about it and feel a little more confident in what I've been told and the odds have improved. Speaking of odds, because there was no recurrence in the last three months since treatment - the odds change. Finding two precancerous areas is better than finding CIS or a tumour there so my odds of recurrence have gone down as well which is good.
All these things are really positive - they all add up to the best news possible. It is just taking me a long time to get used to the news and the improved outlook and the optimism that must go with that.
The lost parcel
Which should have been with me on Monday has been found, in South London - hey couldn't find me as the house number was transposed and there isn't a house with that number in my street.
I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get the parcel and it contains all the stuff I should have posted on Monday. Blast - that means tomorrow I'll be busy as you like stuffing close to 200 envelopes and trying to get them all posted.
I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get the parcel and it contains all the stuff I should have posted on Monday. Blast - that means tomorrow I'll be busy as you like stuffing close to 200 envelopes and trying to get them all posted.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Well we had a few tonight
I met up with some friends and we discussed the news and all were happy and we had a few beers in celebration. I am feeling a bit better about things at the moment and whilst I'm still not dancing in the street I can see why my consultant was happy and why I should be :-)
I'm not really a miserable old wot-sit but I am quite measured in how I react to most things. This being one of them!
I'm not really a miserable old wot-sit but I am quite measured in how I react to most things. This being one of them!
Working without a watch
The battery died on my watch yesterday and I am finding it a strange experience not knowing the time and keeping on looking at my arm but there isn't a watch there!
The spare watch and my pocket watch have also stopped working so I need to buy three lots of batteries.
It has been a somewhat strange day all around and I've gradually been getting a bit more animated about things. I'm out again tonight - I'll actually end up being out every night this week now and I'm out on Saturday afternoon too.
Perhaps Saturday evening or Sunday we will get out the Champagne - there are a few in the fridge.
The spare watch and my pocket watch have also stopped working so I need to buy three lots of batteries.
It has been a somewhat strange day all around and I've gradually been getting a bit more animated about things. I'm out again tonight - I'll actually end up being out every night this week now and I'm out on Saturday afternoon too.
Perhaps Saturday evening or Sunday we will get out the Champagne - there are a few in the fridge.
End in sight
In more ways than one. It looks like - at last - the Insurance company has all the paperwork it requires to make a judgement on my case. I should hear in the next 5 to 7 days. Whatever way that goes will also define how I tackle the next decisions especially on the job front.
They called me today to let me know straightway that they had all that they now required. If they payout then it relieves a number of niggles and small worries and gives us breathing space as it isn't just about me although the decisions would affect what I had to do to run the home financially.
It has taken 7 months to get this far on the insurance claim. I'm not too bothered but if I was terminally ill or perhaps severely disabled with this I think I would be annoyed - it is one thing you really don't need to be thinking about at a time like that. It isn't the insurance companies hold up either. Finally today they got the last pieces of paper they needed. They had to phone up and get them but such is the chaos that is the NHS at the moment.
I've had the attitude on this that if they pay out it is a bonus and that I'm not expecting it to cover what I've had. I'll leave it there for the moment. It is one of those other things you have to deal with when you really didn't want to know.
What is interesting is to go back and read the early stuff from time of claim and some of the early material here and realise just how poorly I was last July/August. On reflection I am so much better than I was then, still (perhaps) a good few pounds heavier now than then, but I am really quite fit too with all this exercise and healthy eating stuff.
They called me today to let me know straightway that they had all that they now required. If they payout then it relieves a number of niggles and small worries and gives us breathing space as it isn't just about me although the decisions would affect what I had to do to run the home financially.
It has taken 7 months to get this far on the insurance claim. I'm not too bothered but if I was terminally ill or perhaps severely disabled with this I think I would be annoyed - it is one thing you really don't need to be thinking about at a time like that. It isn't the insurance companies hold up either. Finally today they got the last pieces of paper they needed. They had to phone up and get them but such is the chaos that is the NHS at the moment.
I've had the attitude on this that if they pay out it is a bonus and that I'm not expecting it to cover what I've had. I'll leave it there for the moment. It is one of those other things you have to deal with when you really didn't want to know.
What is interesting is to go back and read the early stuff from time of claim and some of the early material here and realise just how poorly I was last July/August. On reflection I am so much better than I was then, still (perhaps) a good few pounds heavier now than then, but I am really quite fit too with all this exercise and healthy eating stuff.
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