I really just want to go and have a really good cry somewhere and let it all out. I have been feeling this for a long time and I am thinking it is a release of some sort, I just want to get id of all the stuff that has built up and let it go and move on.
I think I have done it professionally - although I have a morbid interest in seeing my previous lot get fried at some time in the future.
This feeling though is different. I'm not a particularly emotional sort - my profile confirms that I am bit clinical and a bit of an "ice man" but right now, and for a few weeks, I feel the need for a complete release. The trouble is that I think it is going to be like a dam bursting and that I am going to completely crack up.
I don't particularly want to do this alone but I don't know who I should inflict it on either if you get my meaning? It is the most peculiar feeling - it is something that I can feel and am controlling. It is brimming under the surface but at the moment it gets to no more than a wet eye as I think about it.
Part of the healing process? Massive relief? Whatever it is, it needs to get out. I just need to understand what it is and to let it release without damaging me or those around me.
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I've been dealing with bladder cancer for 4 years. Found out on a visit by myself to the urologist. Had tumor removed, came back 2 years later had it removed again then 4 more came bace 6 months later. Been clean the last 1 1/2 years Always thought I could control any emotion or situation. Prided myself on that. Turns out I could not control my thoughts in every situation. Took me over a year to get my head right. Still have thoughts but time allowed me to cope with that part. My wife was my biggest support and helped keep me sane. Never thought of her as being strong minded. Turns out she is stronger than me in some situations. Don't want to think what it would have been like without her. I don't think you can control the feelings, but it helped to take a few pills the doctor perscribed they helped with that. Keep going straigth ahead. Plan for tomorrow. Allow yourself to feel or do whatever you need to do. In the end its about coping with it and continuing to function. Thats harder to do at first.
Hi Anthony thanks for your very useful comments and I've gone on to expand on this as I think I have thought it through a bit more. My wife has been great as well. I've not had a recurrence and all has appeared to have gone well with my treatment, the set back I had were more around work and the way people treat you - I never thought I'd find prejudice the way I did. Anyway, thanks for adding your comments once again.
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