Further Stages of Kübler-Ross Cycle

The normal state is steady

Then comes:

• Shock - Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news
• Denial - Trying to avoid the inevitable, disbelief
• Anger - frustration and an outpouring of pent up emotions
• Bargaining - Seeking (in vain) for a way out of this
• Testing - trying out different scenarios and solutions
• Acceptance - finally finding a way forward and eventually back to a steady stage again.

This can be applied to not only grief stricken people (loss of a loved one for example) but also to those who are diagnosed terminally ill, it can equally apply and be used for change in a business context - someone losing their job or their job changing. I think it applies equally well to being diagnosed with a disease like Cancer too. If you read this blog you'll know that I am newly diagnosed and under the first set of treatments. I think that I have come through shock and denial although I'm not sure that denial lasted long enough or whether I had enough time to do that. Anger - well yes but not a long period of this, I have more trouble in small things making me angry (looks like a bit of denial there doesn't it? :-) ). I'm not sure if bargaining comes out of this as it is out of my hands to some extent. I have to do what is right and my Specialist advises me and I take their advice and keep my side of any treatment regime. Testing - this blog is a way of testing and people like my guardian angel drop the odd note back to me to tell me what they read that I said and how they read it (if that makes sense - they may see a hidden meaning or signal and let me know). Acceptance. I am definitely not there yet but I think that you may have to accept a number of different things here:

• Accept you have Cancer
• Accept what that means to you and your life
• Accept what that means to your family and friends
• Accept the treatment and the various routes that it could take (good and bad) - this will take some time I think.
• Accept that inevitably you will have this for the rest of your life or be watched over (in and out of Hospitals with things stuck in you) for the rest of your life. I haven't quite got the measure of that yet
• Accept that it isn't a short term fix and you will have to adjust your life etc to live with it
• Accept that it just may kill you - got to get to grips with that - I saw the demons when I was diagnosed and I don't want to go there again.
• Accept that I may not be able to tell some of the people who are nearest and dearest to me my darkest fears and worries as I'll probably hurt them more than any benefit I'll get for off loading those. I'm not sure what I'll do about that. The blog can only go so far, the dark places are very dark indeed and perhaps a trained counsellor or a support group although I don't feel the need for that yet.

So a lot to do before you get there but I do think that I am making progress, that I am working my way through but more than all of that and importantly, I feel that I do know that I am going through these phases and I have enough people around me to help me if I get in trouble with any of them.