The Short Fuse

A bit early in the morning to be "Mr. Angry" but the slightest thing can set you off sometimes . Someone hasn't cleared their mess which has been lying around for a day or two, tripping over some discarded trainers left (aren't they always) in the middle of the hall and so on. Sometimes the smallest trigger and it's "all aimed at me". Well it probably isn't but it feels like it is sometimes.

It never gets to much as I can escape to my office and keep out of the way. It just amazes me that I get wound up by such trivial things. I'll be fine now for the rest of the day no doubt. I never used to be so easily "windupable". It obviously comes with the territory. I tend to hide my anger and disappear. Occasionally there will be a few words said.

I reckon I am no longer angry that I got Cancer or that it was me; that seemed to pass pretty quickly you have to accept that it is your lot. There is something more selfish in these little outbursts I find. It really isn't what I am like although I tend to have a sharp tongue at work and not suffer fools gladly.

Maybe it is only me who has changed and maybe only I find that I want (should) be treated differently? Perhaps there is a need to make the best use of my time remaining on the planet (you DO think this way even with a survivable one - I mean what happens if you don't respond to treatment?). I cannot see that those who do not have a life threatening disease can possibly see it that way. I think you do look differently, you've seen the place where you are heading, you firmly believe that you are going to get there a lot faster than you wanted to and your outlook has changed, those around you will not have the clarity of thinking nor will they be operating under the same rules and outlook as you.