Well I suppose that I knew deep down inside that I wasn't going to get "satisfaction" from those whom I firmly believe to be dishonorable people. I am SO glad my parents brought me up to be like this - even though it has caused me so much grief these past few months - we should be fighting our corners and "doing the right thing". I doubt my health has been too good doing it right or not though.
The TV finally gave up the ghost today and so we had to go and buy a new one. Interesting argument - I wanted the 40000"Plasma with remote operated by a car battery and the rest didn't! Ended up with an LCD 32" TV which is actually rather nice. You may have to watch it from the next village to appreciate it but nice any way!
Chicago went away - damn shame I could have done with the impetus to shock me out of my current doldrums existence. The ex-employer not responding by the deadline - "priceless" or is that an advert??
So - my best guess is that my ex employer types are going to liquidate. I am going to over compensate, my friends are going to come and help me and finally I will get out of the "death spiral" I feel I am in at the moment. I think too much about what people think of me - I criticise myself for being selfish and yet I tend to be the least selfish person I know sometimes. Other times I am the total opposite. I feel in and out of control all the time and yet, inside, I am in control. If I rationalise, then I know that in most cases I am right. Cancer has introduced an element of self doubt in everything I do now that was never there before, a paranoia if you will that everyone is out to get me or that things are being done to hurt me or my family.
Well - looking at this post alone - it is time to "give it a rest" - Surely life isn't' really this deep and perhaps only 99% of the people are out to get me? :-) It will all be OK in the morning!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment