Thank you Mark Twain. Absolutely right - changing me has been a bloody nightmare and the biggest problem I've got now is I have no concentration and have to force myself to stop dreaming and just get on and so some work. Easier said than done as opposed to antidisestablishmentarianism which is of course easy to do than say :-)
Freeing up my whole personality has taken such hard work to do, I can't believe how difficult it is and of course it is difficult because it flies in the face of who and what I am. I have to say that I feel alive and feel a little better about myself - I'm working hard on beginning to like myself. All of that is the upside, feeling good, great in fact. But trying at the moment to sit down in this stifling hot oppressive humid heat is hard enough work as it is without my head not wanting to conform and do what I want it to do.
I suppose I've just got to plug away at this and just get myself into some sort of discipline to achieve the tasks I've set myself. I've probably been working so hard at being the new me that this lot can all go to hell in a handcart :-) But I need to do my tasks as well. Maybe tomorrow I can just get a good day at it. Such a hard thing to do though.
Maybe I should see if I can call a cease fire between my brain and my heart? That might work! :-)
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