Phew what a bloody roller coaster ride today has been. Could it be that simple that it is just that July holds bad memories for me and it's at the back of my mind? Maybe it could indeed be that. My friend who also had cancer at the same time as me tells me that he too isn't in a good place at the moment. We both recall the warm weather and the operations we had. We were lucky that we had each other to talk to during the recovery periods and we spent ages meeting up and having lunch and comparing notes.
I still feel I've never really let it all out after that. I've never actually grieved for myself if that is at all possible or meaningful? Maybe it's all locked up and needs purging at some point in time. I've never really had a massive celebration either - remember saying how much I appreciated actually making 50 years old at my party as I didn't think I'd see past it at my 49th :-)
Would be nice to draw a line in the ground now and step over it and everything nasty in the past was erased and I could go and get on with my new life. Would like to be that brave to throw off the old and just get on with the new. Brave new world often felt that it would come down to something like that and in many ways it may just clear down the past.
It would be nice if you could do what you do with a computer and clean out the cache - scrub out the 6/7 years and move on, nothing to see here, move along now come on.
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