For someone who wasn't blogging a lot...

I seem to have been going at it a fair bit.  That's probably because there is a lot happening again in my life.  All of it good - well I think that all of it is good not everyone else does unfortunately but there you go, I can't please everyone all the time and today doesn't look to be your day either :-)

I really am in a strange place though but not in my old bad way where I'd be all gripped in angst and pent up and worried and not breathing properly and all that.  It's actually quite funny - well it is to me - that I don't tend to get like that at all these days.  It infuriates the hell out of other people but - well - that's other people right?  

The last two posts talk about someone who helped me "get it" and I owe them a huge favour, without doubt my life turned around and some massive decisions were made and also some crashing realisations were endured - it is no fun when your dreams crash to the ground around you but in the end, they were only dreams after all said and done.  Then there's some of the other realities and things like job, career and what did I really want to do and yet it is pretty obvious that in many ways I knew deep down inside what I had to do but I buried it, gave it no room and it ate away at me like a poison like Gollum and The Ring from Lord of the Rings, these things burned away inside me and halted me being - me.  

What I found was that the guy that used to read books like they were going out of fashion hadn't picked up a book in anger in years apart from research books - all the history books, fiction Science fiction etc were just left on the shelf.  My music - I haven't touched my piano, keyboard, guitars etc for years.  My golf clubs lay decaying in the garage.  My painting equipment sits gathering dust too.  All of the things I used to do and enjoy I stopped doing.  They no longer interested me and one by one the brain turned those avenues of entertainment and escape off for me and over a long time I became very inward looking very introverted and whilst I had small flashes of brilliance  I was dogged with dark and black dreams and nightmares, Depression and a self loathing you can hardly believe.

So I've come out of the other end of that and had help from friends both new and old and here I am, on the edge of a new set of adventures and I'm happy again, enthusiastic and have a can do attitude again.  I don't mind doing things that I'd sneer at in the past.  I find things now that I can take in my stride but only months ago would wind me up terribly and make me angry and then I'd get angry with myself.  Generally I can keep all that in check now.

I'm going to go up and see my mum later this week - that will be a nice break for me - I could do with a short change of scenery to just check things out and it will be nice to get away for a few days before all hell breaks loose when I get back.  Interestingly - the bank still hasn't managed to talk to me and its been over a week now :-)  Am I annoyed?  Nope - actually I find it quite amusing and will have a little gentle leg pulling should they ever get back to me.  

So there we go, I reckon I'll have a lot to say soon.  I've been writing lots of stuff off blog and with so much going on in my life I've been needing to keep separate piles of notes so I can share it.  I've found myself getting stuck into creative writing again and my poetry is coming along nicely (in private) too.  I just need to get my artistic temperament  back and away I'll go.