You are not taking this seriously

That is and at the same time isn't true.

Only recently have I taken the disease I had seriously and I have a defence mechanism built up around me that takes away a lot of the things you may (if you have never had this) THINK about cancer. Thinking is not the same as KNOWING and here then lies the perception that perhaps I am not taking it seriously.

I have of necessity had to look early on at the worst side and taken a fully pessimistic view based on the facts and also taking the view that I was always going to get the bad news. In early days that was a realistic way to deal with it. then came the reassuring other people because it isn't just you who gets this. Much as I like to think I am my own person, many other peoples lives are lined to mine and they suffer to so you build a crust around this and they need (and so do you) a certain "attitude" to what you have.

Now I think back to this and it only slowly sinks in just how near this has all been. I take it seriously but life shouldn't be all serious now should it. If you can't have a laugh or do a good turn then you really don't deserve it!