After a Long Battle

I'm not sure what to make of phrases like:

"After a long battle"
"Faced bravely"
"Short and bravely fought battle"

And so on. Sure, these are on epitaphs but it made me wonder if you'd ever get anything other than that. I can't imagine anyone with cancer has any option other than to fight it. It isn't like a cold or flu where you can lie around and just recover. Generally Cancer requires radical things to happen, radical surgery, toxic chemicals shoved into you and things that you really don't want to know about I'm sure.

So I think everyone fights a battle. There are the physical battles - dealing with the pain, the surgery, the chemo or immunotherapy and all that is associated with the actual treatment including the tests and the diagnosis. In these cases people do things to you and you suffer. You battle with the results.

Battling may also mean you taking a stance and doing something for yourself. Otherwise you feel pretty helpless. There's got to be something you can do to improve your chances (yes I know not in all cases) but there are physical ways you can help yourself. Looking after yourself better, proper food - a balanced diet, physical exercise, these sorts of things give you the best opportunity of overcoming the physical problems and to some extent the mental problems too.

The brain I find is the most difficult area to work on as it can help or hinder progress. You do a lot of battling with your brain. It would be great if you could just focus on getting well again and positive thinking and to a point it is generally like that but it also has a negative side too. The dark thoughts and the working out of odds and so on. I think that I've been reasonably lucky in having a positive attitude. I look at what happened as the biggest wake up call possible. I'm also certain that I am probably the only person who doesn't think it is as serious as it is.

Cancer is with you all the time when youve got it - barely a day will go past when I don't think about it, get worried about something or the other. Again the brain plays tricks along the lines of if you recover from this then they'll get you with something else. Hardly rational thought but the sort of stuff you have to deal with. Every ache and pain is some other cancer coming to get you as well - less so now but early on it felt like my number was up and I was going to be "got" one way or another.

So is it a battle? Is it a fight? Of course it is - cancer works on a lot of levels and you can't let it get to you physically or mentally. I'm a firm believer in doing everything I can to support the work of my specialist and the larger team that have spent so much time getting me back to where I am today. Keeping fit, thinking fit and giving yourself the best chance are your part of the deal. No one else can do it for you. Cancer isn't something you get rid of in a few days - the fallout can last years and you are always being tested and checked so you could almost say it lasts long enough to be a war.

I'm not certain I'd like the words used at anytime to do with me. Bravery, battles, fights. When you see the words printed it reminds me of defeat. I mean does nobody win out of this? Doesn't it mean you lost if words are used like this (I don't think it does just being provocative).

I'm not sure whether I've come to a conclusion on this or not. I'd not like to be remembered as battling, fighting, brave or any similar thing. I'd far rather be remembered for something else - although to be honest I haven't got a clue what exactly that would be :-)

Anyway, have a think about those words, perhaps they are printed for the living and not for the person who died?