I am getting quite wound up now. 2 weeks to go, I know what is going to happen as lets face it - it's the same as before but I won't be in for so long. I find the whole thing totally dehumanising and like being wheeled around in an abattoir.
I think that the worry is whether they'll find anything and what will happen then. It's not something that is cured and it can go one of a couple of ways. The ideal of course is to go onto maintenance - when will that start and finish? If it is bad news then is it something more drastic?
I don't want to wake up with the 4 weeks off work bit again but if that is what it has to be then that is that.
As I've said before the problem is recurrence and that is the worry, they can scrape away, treat and monitor but there is always the possibility that you've got an aggressive little disease and all it wants to do is get you!
That is enough for tonight. I can't imagine I'll be fun to be with for the next couple of weeks, I really notice how scared I feel. I am pretty frightened and I didn't have time to think on the other ones. This time I do and I've known for a long time that I'd have to do this.
No doubt I'll be moaning on about this in the next few weeks so forgive me for that - I keep hearing "Its got to be done" but most people who say it to me don't have to have it done to them.
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